I've known Sheila casually for a couple of years now and several people have mentioned her name as a potential participant here, but nobody ever officially referred her until now. And I owe a big thank you to Jason Chinchen for finally being the responsible party. Sheila and I sat in her studio and chatted over a cup of matcha about many of the things on our minds. This interview is conversational and relaxed due to our already knowing one another and — spoiler alert — it doesn't offer much by way of figuring it all out or solving the world's problems, but it is yet another example of a couple of concerned individuals talking about what might be best. And I tend to think that the more we thoughtfully engage with one another, the better our chances will be of making some progress. Sheila's a dedicated and skilled painter who is making quite a name for herself, but I'd be willing to bet that her success is due just as much to her intention and heart as it is to her talent and work ethic.
SD: I would say I'm, first and foremost, a creative. I think most of my life is molded around that. I would describe myself as pretty goofy, actually, which I think is a surprise for a lot of people on the outside looking in. I would say I'm pretty passionate about the things I care about, so I can come across as pretty serious. And I am in certain ways, but I'm pretty goofy and fun-loving. I'm a painter, an artist, but I would say more broadly, a creative.
ACT: What concerns you about the state of the world and humanity? What affects you personally?
SD: So, this is a lot of what drives my art. I think about this a lot. It's hard not to get completely overwhelmed because there are so many concerns. I would say probably the biggest for me is environmental — climate change, disappearing of these wild places. That's a big reason why I'm in Bend. Wild places inform so much of who I am and I just can see them changing and disappearing. And hopefully not in an irreparable way, but sometimes it feels that way.
A few years ago with my art I was thinking, Painting is important; art is vital, but how can I contribute in an actual way? So I started a Conservation Series shortly after the election because I was just feeling distraught. There are people dedicating their lives and careers to figuring out these solutions, so I can fiscally donate a portion of my print sales to support these groups and organizations and people. I also started a Resistance Series, where I donate a portion of portrait sales to the ACLU because of course there are social justice atrocities and nightmares right now, too. But I think that environmental/climate change feels like we gotta act fast.
ACT: We can hope for a better future and change, but it's up to us to decide. Will we accept responsibility and take the necessary action to work toward a better future?
SD: I would highly recommend this podcast interview — it was on Rich Roll and he interviewed this guy Zach Bush, who's an MD but he's gotten really into regenerative farming practices and looking at how environmental problems are affecting human health. It's so dire right now. It depends on the day you ask me how I'm feeling about it, but I think there is opportunity in how close we are or how dire it is. There can be this radical transformation in those times. Whether that's through science — this lifting of consciousness... My most honest answer is I don't know, but I'm not hopeless about it. When I look at the younger generation of these young climate activists and stuff, I hold a lot of hope and inspiration in that. I'm not hopeless, but I think it's a very strange time to be living.
ACT: What do you other people mean to you? The people that you encounter in your daily routines and the people that are interested in your art and the people that you've never met but are aware of in Nepal, for example?
SD: Oh, gosh. Circling back to what I just stated, it's a really interesting and kind of hard time to exist within right now — I think people and those connections are what make it doable and beautiful and significant. I draw so much meaning through that and, again, a lot of my work is informed by that. Capturing both people I am intimately involved with — whether it's family, friends, close connections — but then also when I have the opportunity to paint strangers, I spend hours and hours with them. Even though I don't know them, it's almost forming some kind of connection. I think a lot of my work explores that shared humanity and what it is to be on this human journey.
I'll just say, I lost my dad. It's been a little over a month. I lost him rather unexpectedly. So it's been a brutal summer in many ways. In such a dark collective time, how people have shown up for my family and me has been amazing and so beautiful and it's just been this reminder that goodness is what is most true in the world and what comes through more than anything when all is said and done. And through this rather horrific experience of losing my dad, it's been a beautiful reminder of human connection and what that means.
ACT: Most, if not all, people I've ever spoken with place relationships as paramount to everything else. And I've defined community as those relationships with each other and the world we live in. So, according to my definition, everybody thinks community is the most important thing. With that said, why are we struggling so hard to show that? Why do have this President? Why are people still enslaved? Why is there racism? Why is there pay inequality? And homophobia? And sex-trafficking? Why are we destroying the planet? Why is there genocide? And rape? How do you make peace with that?
SD: I don't know how you reconcile that. One thing that was pretty illuminating for me — I think it was in Brené Brown's book Braving the Wilderness — and she said, People are hard to hate close up. I think we live in this time — I'm guilty of this, for sure — of thinking in terms of other. That I can't relate to this person because how could they have voted for Donald Trump? We have nothing in common. Time and time again — I'll still be a little horrified to find out that someone's voted for him — but we have this shard humanity. I don't know how to change it, but I think sometimes taking a different lens... we can find a shared humanity and it's especially import in people maybe we don't think we could find that. That's been something I've been trying to think about and observe within myself — What kind of wall am I maybe putting up without even realizing it? I don't know if it's just part of human existence since the beginning of time...? I don't know who said it, but every generation thinks there's will be the last. I don't know if it just comes with the territory.
Sometimes I'm like, How are we still here?! But then in other ways, it does feel like we're progressing. That is an almost impossible thing to answer for me. I don't know. But I've just tried to look at my own biases and how I am maybe unknowingly at times adding to the divisiveness. I want your opinion on all of this.
ACT: What I have to say kind of comes out in these questions, but I'll say this. I think it's really cool that we've had these spokespeople — these models for change in individual areas. I'm definitely not trying to knock their efforts. But... it seems to me like we are missing a focus on the root of the issues. I don't know how much of this has to do with perspective or focus or the lens through which I am looking at the world. We can educate each other on many issues, both social and environmental, but it's unlikely that we can learn all the things. Even as I try very hard to educate myself and make the changes I can with my means, I am keenly aware that I am screwing things up every day in some way that I don't see. I'm looking for us to start getting to the root, where thoughtfulness or a consideration of what our actions might mean becomes more of the centerpiece of our life. Not so much whether I'm doing the right thing in one regard, but whether or not I'm trying to the right thing in all regards. Maybe that's overwhelming. Maybe that's why it hasn't caught on. Maybe we need to focus on the one thing so that we can feel as though we are making our little dent. I'm not sure what my greater concern is: the failing state of our environment and the inevitable destruction of our planet or the mistreatment of other human beings.
SD: In a way, I think it comes back to that human connection. And that is what is missing in a lot of this, right? That's probably the root of a lot of what's going wrong right now.
ACT: Do you have a sense of purpose? Or a compulsion that you have a hard time explaining?
SD: Yeah. Creativity and creating and making art is something... I have to do it. I just can't imagine not. It's like this thing in my body that has to get out. That's just something inherent in me. And it's how I make sense of the world. My voice is through my paintings. That piece is not even learned; it's just kind of in me. But I think where I've connected it with my value systems is deciding to use my art as activism, in a way — through the Conservation and Resistance series. The main purpose is creating, but it's with that focus on thinking of it on a more global scale. Yes, it's little. But how can my artwork have a wider-reaching impact than just a woman sitting alone in her studio, painting?
ACT: Do you have any closing thoughts?
SD: I could talk about this stuff all day. It's so bleak to talk about all this, but I think there's this movement of anti-intellectualism and this kind of embraced ignorance. But I think people get overwhelmed because there's so much. And it's easy to just binge on Netflix because I don't want to think about all this shit. But I think what's so important is — it doesn't have to be monetary — it's just find ways of human connection. What can you do... can you make eye contact with someone? Coming back to my dad, the overarching theme with him when people were writing us letters was that he valued human connection more than anyone I've met. I know that's a bold statement, but it's true. And people said that over and over and over. When my dad was talking to you, you were the only person in the universe. He was so engaged in that way. So, even if it's just that — to the gas attendant or the checkout clerk. Even if it's just allowing space for that. It's just important to not give up hope entirely. And there are things every day that can be contributing to a better place to be. I think the worst thing that could happen is because we feel so overwhelmed, we don't do anything.
ACT: I've got one more for you. There's a big emphasis on happiness and joy and fun. We have this idea that a smile on your face means that things are okay. But I'm more of the mind that we are all carrying smiles on our faces while we are burning alive. And I'm struggling with that in my life — to understand how much is enough. How much effort is enough? How much work is enough? How many questions are enough? How much thought is enough to put into my buying and spending habits? How much of my value system changes when I am personally affected by it? I struggle with this focus on fun and taking it easy and lightening up. I like to have fun. It's exhilarating to do the things that I enjoy. It does lighten my mood or distract me from the chaos, but I'm also aware that while I was doing that things have gotten worse.
SD: I don't know either. I grapple with that same thing. I'm gonna butcher another quote, but E.B. White said, Every morning I awake deciding to save the world or savor it. And it makes planning the day complicated. But if we don't take time to savor it, what is there to save? Not that savoring means this overconsumption. But I can relate to that sentiment of sometimes waking up and feeling the weight of everything so heavily that it's kind of like, What's the point of it all? And god, Bend, Oregon, is a bubble of alternate reality play time. There is a lot of incredible things happening here, but we live in an alternate universe here in that way. I partake in it! It's a big reason why I'm here. I love what this land has to offer... and I hate even saying those words. I guess I can just say I feel you and I think about those same things. I'm not that concerned with happiness. I think happiness can be surface level and I've always been a deep feeler in every direction. Sadness and grief — those don't scare me. There's so much to be sad about and grieving that I don't want that to be the framework of my existence here either. Hell, I don't know. I guess I can just say I struggle with that, too. I want kids or a child at some point, but that feels like the most selfish decision on the planet! You know? It's a weird time.