Courtney Wright recommended Laura to participate here. We had some scheduling conflicts for some time, so we had been talking about meeting for quite a while before it actually happened and that had the effect of bringing some healthy anticipation into the mix. This was well worth the wait, though, as our time together ended up being a delight from start to finish. I got to briefly meet one of Laura's daughters and mingled with their dogs, Klondike and Aspen, who also make cameos in the audio. And we got acquainted over tea and snacks before diving into the conversation below.
This is the first interview that I conducted from start to finish with this new idea of not transcribing it word for word and I definitely felt more ease throughout it. What you'll see below are excerpts, but you can access the full interview through the audio link at the end of the conversation.
After we chatted, Laura took me over to the new Ruffwear co-working space called Embark (get it?) where she is the Co-working Community Manager and she gave me a sneak-peek into what looks like will surely be a lovely spot for whoever chooses to hang their hat over there. Hanging out with Laura was a total treat and I am happy to introduce her to you here.
LG: I am an evolving being in the middle of a journey creating and co-creating with other people. A learning, evolving being, who, it seems, needs a lot of practice with some of the lessons that I'm learning because they come back around a lot. I like to explore and get out and I like to be around other people who like to explore and get out. And try to understand what we're doing here and why we're doing it and hopefully trying our best to be our best.
I like to play outside and I like to spend a lot of time in nature. It's a great reminder that we are part of this planet. And I like to watch my dogs play because they're great reminders that there's a lot right here in this moment and to get out of my head and to be present. That's why I also like to do yoga and I like to camp and paddle and just find things that make me be where I am.
ACT: What concerns you? What is it about life and living together in community that breaks your heart, that you struggle with on a regular basis? And then, what motivates you to do something about it?
LG: Isolation. Communities can be designed to really isolate people. I have experienced that sense of isolation. So, I understand how that damaged me and how important it is for me to have a sense of belonging. And everyone needs a sense of belonging and a sense of meaning and purposefulness. And I see that all around, more and more and more. I think there's a lot of things that are causing it to increase - that sense of isolation.
I see people on their phones and all that stuff - and that's sort of a trite complaint. And I think there's a great asset to having this tool to connect us, but people are forgetting to really connect and be present with each other. And so it's exciting when there's these communities that are intentionally trying to form to get people to work together differently or to live together differently - co-housing and co-working. We need the individual courage to reach out and talk to the people around us. That sense of I can do this and I don't think a lot of people feel that way. They just forget.
ACT: Where did you get your feelings for community and why do we matter to each other?
LG: I think we have it when we're children. I think it's a biological thing and that we all have that need to feel like we're part of something larger than ourselves. And the way our societies and institutions are run and how we grow up and evolve into these school institutions that are very competitive and divisive, those things are kind of forgotten and we start putting up a lot more barrier and armor around people instead of realizing people need people.
We have it naturally wired in us and then it depends. I think a lot of people grow up with nicely, close-knit families and that meets that need. But a lot of people don't have that. So there's this separation that happens and this guardedness. It's in our media. It's what do you have? not who you are. What does your home look like? What do you dress like? We start to find things that separate us instead of all the things that connect us and that we have in common. And so empathy starts to go away and just a natural sense of compassion starts to go away. And then you have a culture that just doesn't function with the heart; it functions with the ego.
All of us need both that nature time and alone time and that self-introspective learning time, but we also need each other. There's a ton of research around the brain deteriorating when people are isolated and they don't have purpose and meaning. So, we need that. I think there's some need for cultural shifting where we are bowing our heads - our egos - beneath our hearts. We need to listen to compassion more and empathy and stop seeing all the things that separate us and reconnect to all the things that we all have in common.
ACT: What are your thoughts on the more extreme things of supreme intolerance or overt racism or sex trafficking? Why is this stuff so prevalent?
LG: I think that's back to the isolation. So, I think most of our social institutions are pretty broken. And we're all just going with the flow because we're all in the stream. And a few people are like, Wait a minute. This doesn't feel right. Let's try this differently. And sometimes it takes a while and then a few more people hear that and then a few more and a few more and things start to shift and change. We are such an interesting species and we're powerful creators and manifestors of things. We're not recognizing that either. We're not recognizing that we are powerful creators and that we co-create. So, when we send out something, the people around us are receiving that and sending it out. And we know this through quantum mechanics, that atoms go where our thoughts go. They flow. So, that sense of mindfulness and awareness - What am I thinking about? What am I saying? - what does that do and change? And we all have that power. There's a lot of people making cool changes in the world.
I think it's easier to really be our authentic, genuine selves and to call b.s. on stuff when we see it, but in a way that isn't antagonistic or threatening to somebody - through compassion. Because we've all been there. Yeah, I've been walking half-blindfolded most of my life. Maybe I'm waking up to some things, but there's some things I don't see. We're all in this together. So instead of this weird hierarchy, we all need to be in a circle, holding hands. It's not a pyramid; it's a circle. And we need to reach out and have compassion for ourselves and the people around us.
ACT: Where does accountability fit into this? Some people need to be challenged, right? You can't just go around sowing hate. Whether or not your'e capable of understanding it, that doesn't mean it should continue to happen.
LG: I think we give so much of our power away. And we give a lot of that away to people with a contrived sense of authority. It's doctors, counsellors - whatever the degree from whatever the school. We give our personal power to heal ourselves that way to other people, as well. And ultimately we have to fix ourselves. And while we're doing that, we're projecting a shit ton because that's what we do. We see things in other people that we don't like because it's inside of us and we need to fix it ourselves. And as a mother of daughters, oh my gosh, what mirrors they were.
So there's this thing that we need to fix ourselves, but then how do we stop these other people from doing stuff? It just wouldn't happen in a healthy culture. But in our culture where we're so separated, these things happen and people are alone and no one's reaching out. How we live would change that if we lived more collectively. Why does one person have so much material wealth and they're devoid of any sort of spiritual happiness and there are people outside their door that are begging for food? It's just such a bizarre reality, but we're co-creating in it. We're all accountable. We're all part of it, for sure.
ACT: When you're out and about do you give much mind to what other people mean to you? And where do you find empathy or compassion for the people that are doing things that really are bothering you?
LG: When I'm interacting with people I try to be in that moment with that person and see the people that I'm with. Yeah, people piss me off sometimes. It's all a story. If I start attaching emotion to an experience, then that's something that - get ready - I'm gonna have to hold onto that for a while. And that's what I'm learning about in my body and that's why I do yoga so much. There's emotional things that I hold on in my body that have tightened over the years that I need to take a beat and look at it and try to open up to that stuff. I'm becoming more aware of when someone starts to impact me or I'm not breathing much anymore. And I try to take an exhale and recognize this is about them and I have my own story that I'm putting on the situation because we all come with our own stories and backgrounds. But it takes a lot. Every day I start over again with that. I'm still learning that one.
ACT: It seems like integrity is for sale. That's what breaks my heart. And it's cheap, too - it's not even for a good price.
LG: There's a lot of people with really wonderful integrity. There's a lot of beautiful people. And I think we just, unfortunately, are focusing way too much energy and putting way too much of a spotlight and a microphone in front of those other people. Mostly, I feel like the world is full of really good people. And we need to refocus that intention there. Energy goes where the mind... you know, all that stuff. If we have an election coming up and we have a horrible person running for it and it's kind of a joke, but all we do is put that person's face on the front cover of everything... So, where are we putting our focus and intention right now? What people are we paying attention to and giving microphones to?
We have come so far and, yeah, there are so many things to fix still and new problems. But I think there's a lot more awareness. We're trending pretty good. I feel hopeful and I think it's important to stay focused on that. What is our intention? Where are our thoughts? What are we feeding? And what is this thought serving? Are we moving forward or are we just gonna stay in this place backwards? The people that are creatively making changes - those people are fun to be around 'cause they're really optimistic.
ACT: So where does optimism and positive thinking meet complacency and survival? How do you make them cooperate?
(Laura just laughs at me) It's gonna sound kind of woo-woo, but your energy attracts other energy. And that's a law of physics - the law of attraction. If I'm optimistic that's not complacency - I'm actively focusing on the things that make me happy, where I feel more fulfilled, where I can contribute, where there's a sense of meaning and purpose. It's being completely aware of what am I attracting energetically, what am I creating energetically, where am I?
ACT: Do you feel a sense of purpose?
Sometimes. Yeah, that's when I feel really good. I think it changes and shifts. I think my purpose is to wake up and be okay and be brave being myself fully and not wear any masks and stop censoring myself and kind of remember who I was when I was four years old and super powerful. My purpose is to get back to who I was when I was four, I think... but, you know, with maybe some more social filters thrown in. I try to see people as their childlike selves - their real selves without the layers in front of that. I think purposes shift through life, but ultimately just to be here and not feel like we're supposed to be. That's an interesting pressure. It's not as easy and free. The doing versus being thing.
ACT: What are you most looking forward to in the near future?
Connecting with more people. Meeting more great people in this community. Getting re-involved with community around me. There's a lot of awesome people doing a lot of awesome things. That's inspiring.