Darlene Gertsch

I could sing any number of high praises for Darlene, but I am going to keep this introduction short because you will know them all to be true by reading or listening to this interview. Meeting her was one of my greatest delights. She exudes kindness and joy and love in ways I have rarely, if ever before, encountered. Just being with her offered me very welcome encouragement and she will long remain a source of inspiration for me. I owe a big thank you to Susanne for connecting us together. Darlene's participation in this project is a gift to every single one of us. 

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Who are you and how would you describe yourself?

Well, I'm a citizen of the world. I've lived all over the world and I love culture; I love people. Sort of an amateur anthropologist because I'm so curious about people and love to connect and see how we're the same. No matter where I've been I can always find common threads - nice word for you. And, for the past many years, I would say I'm a teacher of personal growth and well-being. 

What matters to you?

For so many years it was all about children and family. And now, in my later years, it's still that connection of community, which I love so much, and the well-being of others. 

Where does your motivation come from? 

Well, I would have to say grief because it meant so much to me to have a family - I've brought forth five little boys and then I've lost two of them in the last 19 years. So, that's my motivation. It was how to live through that and how to find it as a source - a catalyst - for growth. So that's how Good Grief came into being. My motivation was to get well; to not stay stuck. I've known a lot of mothers who have lost children and they are stuck and devastated for the rest of their lives and I knew I could not do that. So, it was to get well and then realizing that a lot of people are trying to get well from many different sources of grief; trying to rise above it but not having tools and knowing how to do it. Because, typically, we're denying grief; we numb it; we medicate it; we (laughs) do everything we can to avoid it. And now it's really... grief is what motivates me. And I love good grief; I love sharing grief and finding the goodness in it. 

What do we mean to each other individual to individual?

I think we're moving toward global oneness, but before we can get to that, we have to be connected to our own source of well-being - whatever that means to each person - to the divine, to the Earth. And knowing that we're connected to ourselves, to the divine, to one another. And it really increases that sense of global community and oneness. 

What are your thoughts on when people's source of well-being is in contrast to the greater good?

Mmhmm. I can recognize it and call it paradise feigned. I think it's where a vast majority of our people live in that space - trying to cope, trying to be happy, trying to be well - without getting to the root of that which has caused us to be unwell. It is the human condition is to lose our well-being and it happens very early in life and we're always trying to find it again. We're seeking that paradise. But we get stuck and we find ways to cope that aren't necessarily really healthy - not for us, not for our families, not for out communities. 

What does community mean to you?

It's been a big learning; community's tough to define. And it's very difficult to build community. I think, for me, what it means is that we all find our humanity in one another. That we all suffer, we all have pain, we all have joy, we all want to be happy, we want to be well. And finding that sense in other people. When I hold my community groups here that's what people are really amazed to realize - is that they're not alone. Because we tend to feel very, very alone when we haven't worked with our issues of grief and loss. And to realize, Wow (laughs) everybody in this room feels like I do. Mmhmm. And that's very connecting; it's the beginning of our work. It's the beginning to be able to acknowledge that; 'cause what we don't acknowledge, we can't heal. 

Throughout my life I've participated in various small groups. And those can be inspiring and invigorating, but it seems that once we leave that setting and get back into the world, we often forget about the experiences we had there. How do we hold onto the lessons that we learn?

I think we need the tools. I think we need to accumulate tools. I go to the prison every week and have been doing this for many years. They've taken to calling me the Grief Sherpa. And so, it's true; I have a lot of tools; I have a lot to share. And I unload those tools week by week. But we need the tools; we need to know. That's why we're coping instead of actually doing anything about our loss and pain. We're coping, but we're not doing anything about the source of that. 

On the other side of the what matters to you question, what concerns you? 

What concerns me is the enormous pain in this world and the way it creates so much separation. And that's never gonna help. The more we divide and separate, the more pain we're in as a global community. And so, again, going back to finding our humanity and our connection to one another, our connection to source, our own true well-being as individuals then creates that opportunity to connect on deeper, deeper levels. And that's what's missing. 

There's a myriad of social injustices. What's your role, or one's role, in the fight against those?

Mmhmm. Well, I would say my work is not a fight against anything, but more a positive guidance towards that which brings us together. 

Sometimes people need a bit of an arm-twisting. So where do guidance toward and fight against meet?

You bet your boots (laughs). Well, I'm a great believer in honoring the fact that we're all on a continuum. I believe that every living being is engaged to become well; to be stewards of this Earth; to be in oneness. Usually what's going to catalyze a person to pay attention - to stop whatever they're doing in however whey they are coping - it takes, often, a really big, almost traumatic thing in some cases to make people stop and realize, Wow, whatever I'm doing is not working. And they call this hitting bottom. In our world of grief - I work with many, many addicts, too - it's just realizing, This isn't it; doesn't work; I'm not well; I'm not happy. My men end up at prison for a very good reason - that they've hit bottom in another way. And, unfortunately, that's what it takes. Because when most people think of grief, they'll say, I don't have any grief. You know? And we immediately... the subject is gone. Like right now. 'Cause just that word grief turns people off. They're gonna either change the subject, they're gonna run, or they're gonna say, What? What do you do? Grief? And they're on to something else. It's kind of a verboten word and it's verboten to go there. It's almost like, How dare (laughs) anybody want to take me out of my bubble? It's very interesting territory. But it speaks to those who are ready. There's a readiness and people know it. And they know when they're not.

Why do you suppose we have to work toward wellness? The way you speak about seems to imply that we're born unwell.

Not born unwell, no. No! But we are immediately born into a world where we are gonna be programmed and conditioned and imprinted. It happens to all of us. Mmhmm. And right from the beginning... I used to say by five years old we're really conditioned. We already have our map of the world and we know where we fit in. But now they're saying it's more like age two or three years old that we already have been so taken out, really, of our sort of pristine innocence. Yeah. And I believe that to be true. 

Do you have a name for why?

Mmhmm. I do. Paradise lost. Yeah. We're brought into human condition. And the human condition is that there's gonna be a lot of pain, separation, and suffering. And so it's almost like we really spend many years, if not most of our lives, really trying to heal that which occurred early in life to understand where negative beliefs came in. Negative beliefs such as unworthiness or lacking somewhere, not belonging, not being loved - these are really basic negative core beliefs that every single one of us have unless we're born a saint. Yeah. 

Do you have a sense of purpose?

Oh, absolutely. I stand squarely in my purpose. Yeah, I know what it is. And I already mentioned it; I'm a teacher of personal growth. I'm really patient with people; allowing them their journey through the growth process. But I also know when people are not ready. And so my patience goes a long, long way. But when I understand people are not ready to go any further I really get it and I honor it. They will be someday. And, by the way, that is an intuitive thing - you mentioned it - that we don't have to be moving toward well-being. It's an intuitive part of being in the human condition. We are seeking that well-being. And it may be in alcohol, it may be all the ways we become addicted and numbed out. And so, the intuitive thing is to get well. Mmhmm. And that's the continuum we're speaking of. 

What do you want more of in your life?

What do I want more in my life? Absolutely nothing (laughs). I'm just as well and happy as I can be; as I've ever been in my whole life. Yeah. It's too bad you have to get to 72 (laughs) to get that. Just more of all of it. 

Do you have anything you'd like to put out there?

Let's see if there's anything more that I haven't spoken to. Well, I haven't mentioned love. And I think that's certainly the key to everything I do in this world. And this journey to wellness and wholeness and well-being in the world is all about love. Eckhart Tolle says, All love is the love of self. And, for most of us, we think, Whoa, that really sounds selfish. And yet, it's not meant that way. But as we become centered in the love of who we are, it's really easy, as we do our inner work of healing, that that love energy goes out into the world and everyone is blessed by that. Everyone. When more and more of us are becoming the love that we are, we are creating that heaven on Earth - that global community where everybody thrives. We have quite a ways to go yet (laughs), but I'm there. That's my work. That's my joy. And I don't leave that space. And I see that in you, by the way, my dear. Being the love that you are. And it's not easy to be that in this world because many people don't understand it - what it is. But they will. They remember. 'Cause love, when it's met and felt, it remains. 

I could sing any number of high praises for Darlene, but I am going to keep this introduction short because you will know them all to be true by reading or listening to this interview. Meeting her was one of my greatest delights.

Carol Delmonico

As neighbors at Higher Ground and co-authors of the journal, Stoke Your Woke, Casey naturally connected me to Carol and Carol graciously accepted the invitation to participate here. She met me at the entrance to their community-focused neighborhood and walked me up the hill to her home. We sat across from each other in the sunlight and immediately dove into a deep and warm conversation. We spoke for close to an hour before we officially started the interview and that thing I couldn't name in the introduction to my interview with Josh came alive again during that time. Carol has beautiful words to describe whatever it is that settles into the conversation between one and another. She and I share a skepticism for the system and the way it demands our participation and it is likely the source of that doubt that is responsible for our pursuit of a different way of navigating through this life. We talked through some tough questions and shed some tears together. I didn't feel like a stranger when we first met and I certainly left feeling like a friend. Thank you, Carol, for being so real with me today. 

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Who are you and how would you describe yourself?

(Laughs) I love it 'cause that's exactly the kinds of questions I love to ask, too. I love the words of John O'Donohue about who I am. He describes it as, The soul is bigger than the body. So, I am a human body within a soul. And I like to think of the world that way - that, you know, we're all connected that way. So, I'm me, but I'm also not separate from you. So, I'm so many things. Like if I was just gonna identify who I am, I am lots of parts. And I'm healthiest when I'm not fully identified with any one part of myself. But I can be in the role, sort of like putting on clothes. You know, I have the role of a mother; I have a role of a partner; I have a role of community member; I love to dance; I love to laugh; I like to hula hoop; I love to ask questions; and I love to sit in small circles. So, I described myself as a cultural change agent when I was talking to the Source and I think it's that thing of, you know, I'm someone who really questions, in a deep way, the cultural norms and conditioning and I believe in possibility and that imagination, wonder, and possibility are really a big piece of the direction we can go to create a world that works for all. So, that's a part of me, too. 

What matters to you? Or what motivates you? 

Well, there's so much that matters to me. And I think the biggest thing, and I even question this, is every living thing matters to me and raising awareness and helping people wake up and grow up really matters to me because I see our world - you know, we're pretty anthropocentric - so what matters to me is helping people get out of seeing the world only through the lens of what it means to be human. So, reverence really matters to me; living every day, living into that word, having reverence for all of life supports me to have a different kind of a day. 

I think what motivates me is there is some part of me that believes in humankind and I've had enough experience - because of my job at the hospital, I ended up getting to have probably 3,000 different conversations - some coaching conversations and some just checking in for a health screening - recognizing that when we come together and talk about something and listen to something that's important to someone else, we can see beyond maybe all the labels; the way we label people and other people. So, what motivates me is seeing that I can fall in love with anybody when I hear their story. So, that motivates me to believe in humans. And if I can believe in humankind, then I believe we can create a world that works for all. 

What do we mean to each other individual to individual?

Wow, that's a big question (laughs). I love these questions! What do we mean to each other? Well, I guess, the first thing is I think we need each other and I think when we're in denial of that is when we get into the most trouble. Humans are wired for connection; humans are wired for touch. And we need each other, not just human to human, but we need trees, and we need water, and we need oxygen. You know? So, it's all connected. We need each other because in that connectivity is how we sustain life. We need each other because... one of the things I talk about when I'm talking about relationship with people is one plus one equals, really, three. I like to talk about the third thing. When you and I are sitting here in relationship to each other, we create a third thing, which is our relationship. And so it's not one plus one equals two, it's one plus one equals three. And we're always doing that - everywhere we go. So, it matters because, again, I don't ever see us as not being in relationship to something. And so, that matters to understand that. I think it matters to... life. Not sure if that made any sense (laughs). 

I am effected by others in a mega way. If a smile or a hello or a kind act isn't reciprocated, I'm wounded. Through these experiences, I'm building an idea of how we should be to each other. How do we turn this idea that kindness matters into a movement?

I totally heard what you said and I have that same experience often. Again, I think, for me, it goes back to this exploration of sort of both and. So, there's a lot of things, but one is that yes, we live in a world where sometimes someone doesn't look up and say hello or someone doesn't respond if I open a door or sometimes maybe I don't respond if I'm... so, a couple things occurred to me, but one is that the Cleveland Clinic came out with this really beautiful video on empathy. It's in a hospital or walking into a hospital and it just shows images of people moving and then it tells a little bit of a story of what's going on inside their head. So, like, this person is coming in because their wife is dying and this person, standing on the elevator, just had a miscarriage, and this father is going to see his baby for the first time. But it's that understanding and that thing about we aren't in line as a culture we don't really understand that if we're too lost in our interior life, then how is that being interpreted by people that come upon us? And when we're the person that's seeing it, we can't sometimes see that maybe they're really in pain and that's why they can't look up. We forget, right? There's that dance of the internal world and the external world and me and we. So that we're always connected, right? There's really not a separation between you and I sitting here. And if I can't articulate my internal life and say to you, I didn't look up and say hello because I'm grieving a conversation I had earlier about someone else, so I'm distracted and I'm not here in the moment. We haven't created a culture where there's that much honesty and vulnerability among strangers that we happenstance, so some of my own work on that is learning how to trust that, when I can turn it around healthily, is that person's doing the best they can in the moment. And more important to me is not to other them for not doing something, but to just hold the discomfort in myself that they didn't acknowledge me or they didn't acknowledge what I did. And how do I not make it about them? And how do I cultivate continuing to look up and smile and say hello and continuing to believe in human kindness and sharing? Yeah, how do I model how I want to be in the world and what I want to come back at me? And to recognize that I'm not going to be perfect at it. You know, just like that person that didn't say hello to me on the Butte the other day, I may be that person some day. It's rare for me to be that person (laughs), but I might be that person to somebody else some day and I might not even notice I'm being that person. Because I'm in so much pain, I'm not even paying attention to the fact that I haven't looked up or seen them or... right? So I think it's working on that sense of interior exterior, me and we, and the dance of holding and remembering that everybody, in their own way, has that going on, too. 

What does community mean to you?

Again, I love the question. The first thing that came to me is that community is any time I'm in relationship with any living thing. So, I can be in community - in fact, some of my favorite places of being in community are - when I'm walking through a ponderosa forest. So, in Shevlin Park or out at the Metolius, I feel like I belong to that greater community of trees. I sometimes say to people (laughs), I think I was a tree in my last life... It's so easy to feel a part of their community because, for me, they're just so relatable. I don't know... just energetic, I guess. But really, any time I'm in relationship with any other person, I'm in community. Whether it's a community of two or a community of three or a community of 500. I also see community as slightly different than tribe or the way we kind of articulate those things now. Community is inclusive; you don't have to be a certain way to be a part of community. You might have to be a certain way to be a part of a tribe of people now. And I'm not sure, but it's sort of how I see the way it's articulated or utilized now in our culture - the word tribe. Community, to me, is sort of like the villages in Europe where everybody gets to be themselves. There's going to be people that you might not really resonate with or might drive you absolutely crazy, but they're still a part of your community and there's a part of you that learns to love them even if you don't like them. So, community is learning how to be in the mix. You know, be a part of. Be connected to and an individual. And you don't have to be the same to belong to community. And that's sort of what Higher Ground has been about. And it's a learning. It's not how we've been conditioned - or not how I was conditioned - to see. You know, we other each other so much. We're othering all the time - separating ourselves - and so community is that larger picture of can I take the time to notice that I do that and can I shift into seeing this person as a human being? Again, sort of that same concept of sharing what we have together without having to be the same. 

On the other side of what matters to you, what concerns you?

Well, lots of things (laughs). Probably the biggest... oh, there's so many concerns. I think one of the biggest things that concerns me is that, again, our business-as-usual model; how we live, at least how I see it, is that we're so short-sighted. Like some of the indigenous cultures, I want us to think about seven generations beyond us. I'm concerned that we aren't looking far enough out. If we looked that far out, we would be living very differently now. I have really big concerns for the more-than-human world and the decimation of that. I even get a little teary about this. I worry about my children's future. An their children. Or the children of that generation - of your generation. Yeah. 

What is your role in the fight against social injustice? 

Oh, that's an easy question for me to answer. (Laughs) Thank you for giving me an easy one! Well, not so easy. Joanna Macy, and there's others, but they call this time we're in the Great Turning. And the other two ways that we could describe where we are right now, we're in the business-as-usual, which we just keep doing what we're doing or the Great Unraveling, which is sort of that hopelessness that the world is just going to fall apart and we're too overwhelmed by it. She describes three ways that we can participate and one is holding patterns. So, people that work towards holding onto what we have, like saving the trees or the whales or people doing holding, you know, abortion laws - things like that. So, there's that work. There's people that are creating new systems and new forms. And then, there's people that are consciousness changers - people that work on supporting consciousness change. And, so that's me. That's really where I fall. It's what my soul wants to do. It's the work of Stoke Your Woke. It's my coaching practice. Really trying to help people, again, wake up and grow up. And growing up - it's kind a confusing term. We consider ourselves as adults in age at, you know, 18 to 25. But our definition of what it means to be an adult, I believe, needs to be reworked. One of the ways Bill Plotkin describes it is, When you can take care of and believe in taking care of the more-than-human world, then you've reached an adult stage. So, when you see outside of your own self-interest, your own family unit interest, even your own extended family and friend unit -when you see beyond that, you're in an adult stage. So, I'm a consciousness changer; my own and trying to support other people when they're ready to begin to look at different perspectives and ways of feeling, seeing, being, sensing. 

What do you want more of in your life?

Wow, feel emotional again on that one. Well, I can't separate what I want from what I want for the world. I want us to share more. I want humans - all of us - to take a step back and be able to see the world through the eyes of something other than human, maybe. I'd like there to be less suffering in the world. Yeah. It's funny 'cause what I want more of is... I think more awareness around developing those things we talked about before you put the recorder on - you know, accumulating insight and wisdom and understanding and listening skills and for us to want to accumulate things that actually don't do damage to the world. 

Do you have anything else that you'd like to put out there?

I guess just I'd really love all humans to really dig deep and do their part - stop numbing yourself out; stop disconnecting; stop being a sheep. You're here now. I was listening to this thing with Marianne Williamson a while ago and I think it was with Jean Houston - I don't know if you know her, but she's been around along time; she's in her 80s; amazing woman - but she jokingly said to this audience of thousands of people, You aren't raising your hand to go to the bathroom if you're here now. If you're here now, you're here because you're capable and ready and you're here during this transformative time because you chose to come, so do your F-ing work. (Laughs) So, that's what I'd say to people. 

She met me at the entrance to their community-focused neighborhood and walked me up the hill to her home. We sat across from each other in the sunlight and immediately dove into a deep and warm conversation.

Lisa Cena

Darlene introduced me to Lisa. They crossed paths here and there and now Lisa's children participate in the art classes over at Base Camp, so they've gotten to know each other over the years. Lisa told me that just after she made a new commitment to participate more fully in community, Darlene reached out to her about this project. Funny how things happen like that, isn't it? Lisa and I had a lovely conversation in which we both expressed a desire for change and growth while recognizing and admitting not having all the answers. I believe there's a lot of power in admitting we don't know. I'd love to see us all coming together to support one another for the greater good and communicating and listening about how best to do that. Lisa left the impression on me that she really cares about our path forward and moving in that direction together. She was so obviously sincere and thoughtful and seemed quite comfortable in those characteristics. I can't help but assume she's like that all of the time. 

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Who are you and how would you describe yourself?

Hmmm. Who am I? I would say right now my primary role is a mom and a wife and a friend and community member. I'm also an occupational therapist; that's my career - doesn't necessarily define me, but it's part of who I am and how I interact with people. Yeah, causes me to pause and look at the whole person and their experience and their history, I think, when I meet them. So I don't think that'll ever go away. 

What matters to you or what motivates you?

It might sound a little bit trite, but trying to be as good of a person or better of a person than my kids think I am. So, trying to be a really good model right now for kindness to people; that's been my real big focus, I would say. I've been very intentional about that. 

What do we mean to each other - individual to individual - as we go about our daily routine? 

I think people can look at it both ways; you can choose to not mean anything to those around you and not pause to notice, I guess, or you can look at it as an opportunity for connection. I think that's where a divide can come. Especially in a place that is experiencing a big influx of lots of people at once. You definitely have a choice. That's a big question. 

Yeah. Where do you stand on that?

I am definitely on the connection piece right now. Whether it's taking my kids to the bottle drop shop so they can see all sides of Bend or if it's how I interact with people who are serving us in the community; whether it's at the grocery store or filling my tank up with gas or just pointing out when people are being kind. Yeah, I'm definitely looking more for connection. And at my work, especially, I treat people all day long who are from very diverse backgrounds; whether it's someone who is involved with rodeo or someone who's a gardener or just the whole diverse group of what brings us to Bend. So, I'm in a lucky place, I think, because I do step out of my normal circle of who I would interact with just walking my kids to school, being with the same parents in the same neighborhood and similar ideas. Versus work, where I'm treating people from all over Central Oregon, if not Eastern Oregon, so it helps with connection and understanding someone who might have different political views, but we're still experiencing the same desires to love and love other people. So that, to me, really fills me when I'm at work. I feel really lucky here. 

What do you think the source of your desire for that connection is? And what does community mean to you? 

I think the source of my desire for that is that it just feels good. I went through this period of a little bit of sadness a couple years ago because I was noticing that I would... I tend to walk everywhere; I don't like to drive very much... and I was noticing that I wasn't crossing paths with people that I recognized. Like, I could go a couple of days and not see a face that I knew. Whereas before, it was like I couldn't go to the grocery store without running into people everywhere. I just think some reflection on what that felt like - feeling a little bit... I wouldn't say lonely, but just noticing a difference and not feeling a community tie by not seeing the familiar faces. So maybe that's what has driven me to do that. And hearing a lot of negative thoughts about growth has made me want to be a little bit more proactive in my attempts for interactions and active listening. Yeah, trying to put out what I want to get back, I guess. 

My argument is that community is super important and that connection piece is vital, but how do you get people on board if they don't necessarily feel that way?

I think, regardless of what people say, we all need community. About 12 years ago, my husband and I did the Camino de Santiago, where you walk across Spain. It's 500 miles and there were definitely days where I was like, I want to be by myself. I don't want anyone around me. I just need quiet. And it was impossible. But by the end of the experience, I had this epiphany of like, You may feel like you need to be by yourself, but you can't exist by yourself. We have to have that community. And to have other people realize that - I don't know how you could do that. I've been enjoying the Bend Joy Project and seeing the signs for, you know, Practice kindness and all these what I would define as good values to keep us in that place. But I don't know if it has to be a life event or a health scare or what, but I think under it all, we all need community. 

What concerns you?

When you stop caring and noticing people. When I walk around and I see people looking down at their phones and not doing eye contact anymore. When I go overseas or go to a youth hostel and people aren't sitting across from each other and talking or being on a bus or a train and looking up and interacting. And it's more of an internal focus or a device focus. That's what kind of scares me at this point, I would say. I think that separates us. Even though people may say they're more connected with their social media stuff, we're kind of losing how to make a phone call or write a letter or talk or get to a deeper place than just a quick text that says, I'm fine - or whatever. I think that's probably what scares me the most...

I see the same thing underneath all of different social justice causes and it's a need for equality. So, if equality is the goal, why can't we just focus on that and come together? How do you feel about social injustice? What does it mean to you as a white woman, professional, mom? 

Well, it's interesting because my kids go to a great school that has a lot of funding and you like trip over parent volunteers in the hallway, so you can't really have two full-time working parents there. So that, right there, is a pretty big inequality. We were just talking about, a couple weeks ago, So our school raises a ton of money and is able to be really supported and there are other schools in the area that don't have that same support and why couldn't we just share some of that and spread that out? And the response that we heard was, Well, the money that we raise by our parents should be for the school. And I can see that, but then... I mean, it's an elementary school. So I feel like we're starting at a really young place of inequality. There is a section of town that has a lot more resources... so I just feel like you're set up to already have inequality from kindergarten. Versus when my daughter went to another school to do like a reading buddy program, they brought books over there and the kids didn't have as many books and the teachers said they don't even send home the Scholastic Guides where families can order books because they know the kids wouldn't be able to afford 'em. And so, that's starting at a young place. 

What I'm doing? I don't... I don't know how I'm fixing the problem except for maybe just talking about it, I guess. And taking my kids to all different places in the community. And when we see people who might be homeless we try and have food in our car to share or hand warmers or whatnot - just to try to put us on equal ground. That we're still human and we can have eye contact and... 

The other day I was walking my kids home from school and there was someone walking towards us and he asked me how to walk to La Pine. And we were on Portland [Ave]. And I said, You're walking to La Pine? And he said, Yeah. How do I get there? And he was walking the wrong way and it was 80 degrees outside and his backpack was like two feet taller than his head, his glasses were broken and askew. And I didn't know how to handle that and support that. So we paused and asked him how we could help him, turn him around, and get him to downtown and if I could get him something to eat. So, anyway, just little experiences like that where I'm still, I guess, just modeling how to help people around us and that there are people who aren't in our same situation. 

Do you have a sense of purpose?

I don't know. We all have to have purpose to get up out of bed in the morning and move forward. I don't know how I would define that. I would have to really think about that. 

What do you want more of in your life? 

I always want more nature - more outdoors. In the summertime, we try and spend as many nights as possible in a tent. Like, two years ago we realized we'd only slept in our house one weekend of the whole summer and we were in a tent every other (laughs), whether it was here or somewhere else. So, yeah, that really fills me. So I want more nature. I feel like I'm more grounded and I can be more peaceful in how I interact with my family and those around me. 

Do you have anything else you'd like to put out there?

Just that it's really important to put out what you want to get back from our community and we can all work together for that. 

Lisa told me that just after she made a new commitment to participate more fully in community, Darlene reached out to her about this project. Funny how things happen like that, isn't it? Lisa and I had a lovely conversation in which we both expressed a desire for change and growth while recognizing and admitting not having all the answers.

David Lutz

I met David through my partner as they often overlap in their work. David has been nothing but smiles and genuine friendliness every time I've seen him. He's a pleasure to be around because of his optimism and his seemingly effortless way of being present. He's one of the few people to recommend someone (Susanne) to this project without having already participated. And then, with a splash of irony, the person he recommended ended up recommending him. I am so glad for that because he has so much to offer anyone who will take the time to read or listen below. I enjoyed chatting with him and getting to know him on a deeper level and I look forward to our next encounter. 

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Who are you and how would you describe yourself?

That's a really great question. Just a fellow community member. Just a fellow human being - a fellow person really looking to discover myself and realize how I can contribute to humanity. I would describe myself as a person who loves service. I love serving people; I do it every single day. Whether it's from the children that we serve, pregnant women, or whatever; we just love serving people. One of my favorite quotes of all time is, Service is the price we pay for being and living on this Earth. So, I try to embody that every single day. 

Who am I? Quite literally, I'm a chiropractor. And it has so many different understandings and thoughts with it, but we come from the truest sense of... I look at myself as a person who elevates consciousness and improves the quality of someone's life on their path through life. Very different path than what chiropractic has allied around it. I'm so embodied in it and I'm so passionate about what it has to offer that it is who I am. Right? Like, some days I struggle with it to the mere fact of Should I have an identity outside of being a chiropractor? And, in reality, I don't think, other than being a husband, a man, fellow community member... I'm just really, really passionate about like, How do we move human beings through life and have them enjoy every single moment of it? There's so much suffering in this world. So much suffering with people that we see on every single day basis, whether it's from their life experiences or things that have happened to them or things that they've chose to do, but there's so much more to life, right? There's such beauty in life and how do we help people access that through every single moment? And our best way that we know is clearing out the channel through the nervous system, allowing the body to really express itself. Yeah, that's really who I am at the core. It's pretty much all I think about. Every single day of like, How do we keep this moving forward? Especially with us, How do we make sure that our children have an amazing world to live in? How do we make sure that children are expressing their full potential? It's tough to see children suffer. Right? These beautiful, pure little souls that have so much life and so much potential in life. And just want to help them reach that. It's really who I am and [where] my obsession lies (laughs) and what I think about every day. 

How did you come across being so service oriented?

I experienced a lot of lack-thereof service in my younger years. I mean, I'm still 27; I'm not old by any means. But I just did a lot of things and said a lot of things and participated in a very superficial life of consuming and wasn't the nicest human being in younger years of my life. I started my service through Catholicism. That was the path it led me down. And then I really took that and spun that and How can I do it a different way? What's maybe a little more congruent with who I am? Started with some service in undergrad; did some clean water action in undergrad. And then, when I got to chiropractic school, that was a really, really big eye-opener to me of like, How do I keep serving and serving and serving? So we were part of projects there; we went on mission trips; we did a lot of things that showed us the beauty of service. How much it filled me up to see other people smile. Right? And even going down the route of being in a service mindset of like, How do I serve somebody on the trail when I'm out hiking? You always get a smile when you give a high-five, right? I look at that as service. How can I improve this person's life just in a moment? High-five. Or a smile. Or a hello. Or whatever it may be. 'Cause in reality, that improves the quality of their life and it puts a smile on my face, too. And it really fills up my cup. 

What do we mean to each other on an individual basis? What does that person on the other end of that high-five mean to you? 

It just means love and connection. What do we mean to each other on an individual basis, like when we cross paths with people? I think it's just a part of our evolution as individuals, but as a part of an evolution of both who are interacting, as well as the evolution of humanity. What is the path that that person's on? What do they need to hear? Maybe you said something that really frustrated them or maybe you said something that really excited them. And it's just a co-evolution; you're crossing paths for a divine reason. I don't really believe in just chance, right? I believe in coincidence. I believe in like the true meaning of coincidence, which is like coincide-ence. You're coinciding on this beautiful journey of life and conscious evolution and spiritual evolution. And when you cross paths with somebody... I remember things that just random people say to me that I'm like... just those mind seeds that you chew on for days. And your like, Man, that guy just said that me? I can't believe he said that! And you think about it for the next few weeks and it evolves you, right? It's a part of your path. And in reality, even the instant of giving a high-five or saying hello on the trail... for instance with you, it really chews at you on the inside when somebody just flat-out ignores you. What is the universe trying to tell you? Right? I don't know. It's a part of your journey. It's something for you to figure out. But that's an evolution of who you are. Constant growth and constant expansion of who you define yourself as. 

When getting asked the question, Who am I?, I'm still really trying to figure out really Who am I? At the moment I really define myself as a chiropractor and community member and somebody who looks to improve the quality of people's lives, but I think Who am I? is a question for continuous evolution throughout our entire life, right? But, yeah, on an everyday basis, I think that we're a part of each other's lives to help every single human being evolve 'cause, if you think about this interaction, maybe, that we're having right now or an interaction that we have on the trail, how many more lives is that gonna affect down the line? You might never, ever cross paths with that person ever again, but if you made a positive glimpse into that person's life, changed the trajectory of their life, how many thousands of people is that gonna change? 

What does community mean to you?

I think community is really where our heart resides. We're such communal beings. If you look at it from a very primitive standpoint, we can't survive without human connection; it's literally not possible. And having a community that supports each other and community that uplifts each other... I look at community as creating a tribe around this conscious evolution. That's where my mind is always at, like, How do we evolve the consciousness? But it's around love, it's around service, it's around so much more than just the face-value of your physical interaction; it's creating this depth around the people that we interact with. It's really uplifting everybody to help out this entire city that affects the entire world. I think community is everything; I really do. Connection is... I love, I love connection and realizing from a primitive standpoint that we need connection. Creating a solid community of people - of your tribe - that really vibe with you and are really grounded in love and service is... I think it's everything.

On the flip slide of the what matters to you question, what concerns you?

There's quite a few things that concern me, but I think the biggest concern - one of my biggest life purposes, I'd say my life purpose - is to improve the lives of generations that are coming about. What concerns me is that the statistic is one in 48 children have autism. That concerns me. What's the fate of humanity when 1 in 2 have autism? Right? If we continue on the trajectory that we're on, by 2050, one in two children will be autistic. That concerns me. Where does it go? What's our world gonna look like? That wakes me up every day and gets me going. Yeah, it really, really concerns me. 

What's one role in the fight against social injustice? Not this particular social injustice or that particular social injustice, but social injustice.

I think it's just playing our individual part. Whether we subscribe to Black Lives Matter or whether we subscribe to Me Too or whatever it is that we really vibe with and that's our promotion. I think that it all just surrounds How do we contribute? And it's not just necessarily like What do we subscribe to? It's How do we show up every single day in every single moment? Right? Like, when no one's watching, how do you show up? You might just be walking down the trail by yourself, how do you show up as a friendly hello? You know? There's so many people that I've been excited to meet in my life and I've finally met them and I'm like, That's who you really are? That's a little disheartening to me. It's not about what we subscribe to and what we show up as... at an organizational level, I think it's really just how we show up every single day; I think that has more to do with creating more equality. One of my favorite quotes is, There's only two ways of living; a life based in love or a life based in fear. Social inequality comes from fear. Equality comes from love Living a life through love and loving on people if you've never met them or it's somebody you just meet on the trail, just loving on people and showing love, the impact that that can make is amazing. And really raising our future generations with that love-based mindset... it doesn't matter if somebody's completely different [than] you - you know, black, white, green, purple, gay, straight, bi-sexual, truck driver, chiropractor, dentist, whatever it is, man - we're all human beings trying to figure out who we are and how we can improve the lives of others. I really think that's the deepest core of it. Really basing our life in love and doing our best to let go of fear even though there's a lot of things that want to get us into that fear-based mindset. Just every single day showing up in love. 

Do you think there's enough people showing up in love every day to tip the scales in that direction? Is there a critical mass of love?

I think both are growing. I think if you look at or if you watch a show based in Medieval times, right, it's growing in love. The trajectory of the human race is growing towards love. The media and everything else surrounding that wants us to be based in fear. 'Cause fear is a super strong emotion and really gets us into our primitive brain and we lose all intellect. Being based in love, love allows us to have higher-level intellect. And I think there are enough people showing up in love. I don't think humanity's doomed, per se. More and more I see people show up in very loving ways. We're really moving towards that way. And I really do believe that the human race is evolving consciously and physically. The fastest growing population in our world are centenarians - people living to a hundred. Remember 10 years ago in snowboarding, a 1080 was a big thing. Now a triple backflip 1460 is the new thing, right? The human potential is evolving and I think it's evolving in the mindset of consciously toward love. So, I don't think we're past any barricade of falling back the opposite the way. 

There's a lot more people speaking the love language, but it's a quieter, softer language than the more obvious, more heard fear language? What's it gonna take to get the masses to act in love? 

When we have a political system, especially a leader, 'cause I think we can both agree... I think the majority of people in our country and world can see that the leader in our country comes from fear. Like, massive amounts of fear and not from love. When we have somebody who sits in a power place who comes from love, I think that's when we're really begin to see a shift. If somebody like Marianne Williamson ran for President or somebody like Oprah Winfrey - people who outwardly express things like love - I think that's when we'll begin to see a shift. And I think in our lifetime we'll see that shift. Our country elected a human being that is just the [epitome] of fear and hatred and disgust. I think he's operating from the best standpoint that he can, but when really have somebody who is the representation of our country and our world stand up there and speak about love from a genuine standpoint and acts out of love behind closed doors, I think that's when we'll really begin to see a shift. But there's so many factors to it, as well, in different areas. Maybe we'll get to in this conversation; maybe we'll talk at a different time. But I think if we see somebody who's in the limelight who has power and who has control speak from a place of love and act from a place of love, I think that's when we'll really see a shift. 

What do you want more of in your life? 

I feel pretty blessed with what I have right now. Just more connection. More community. More of this. Things that bring tears to my eyes, right, that get me passionate - can always use more of that in my life. I could use more people loving life and getting to witness that. Getting out of this realm of fear, which if you look at fear as the basis core, of people comparing themselves, and feeling not enough, and being scared of sharing who they are - if I can witness that more often... that's why I love hanging out with children because children are just This is who I am! I'm gonna run around and throw things and scream and have fun and say ridiculous things and just be who I am. Yeah, I could use more of that in my life. To see people just fully expressing who they are, right? Even if I don't agree with it, it still gets me excited. There's so many people that I've met that I'm like, I don't necessarily jive with them, but they're authentic and they're expressing themselves fully and I love that. Keep doing more of that. You're gonna change some lives that way. So, yeah, I could use more of that. 

Do you have anything that you want to close with?

I think something to close with is loving and respecting our fellow human beings. I feel myself so many times judge people. Like, Why did they do that? And then realizing... you get the glimpses of beyond that judgment. You figure out, you know, somebody lost their son a year ago to suicide and I'm like, Who was I to judge? Who was I to say I can't believe they did that? They're just operating from the best state that they can be. I think it's just not taking things so personally when you interact with people and just really loving people for who they are in that moment and doing our best to let go of judgment around why somebody showed up a certain way and just realizing that person's operating from their best capacity and what your job is to do is just shed a little bit more love and connection in their life. 

I met David through my partner as they often overlap in their work. David has been nothing but smiles and genuine friendliness every time I've seen him. He's a pleasure to be around because of his optimism and his seemingly effortless way of being present.

Jim Radloff

If seeing the Roman Collar inspires a reaction in you, I'd like to encourage you to put aside your initial response and read on. Josh introduced me to Jim by referring to him as "a terrific human who is constantly pushing on boundaries about what it means to be in community." I went into my meeting with Jim with an open mind and an open heart and left feeling handsomely rewarded. I mention this only because I spent a significant portion of my life involved in religion and have been deeply scarred by it. Many years ago, I decided to live my life away from the church, but I believe it is very important to allow others space for it. I try very hard to withhold my judgments around all things religious, but I'll admit that I often fail at that. So, I don't want to tell you what to do, but if you have any judgments of your own on this issue, please put them on hold and hear what Jim has to say. I know I was deeply moved and inspired by our conversation. And I'll even go so far as to say that I felt some healing take place in my heart as we talked. 

Before I started recording, Jim mentioned that he struggled to wear his collar during the peak of the sexual abuse within the Catholic church scandal because he felt unfairly judged. This opened the door to a conversation about all the judgments we make based on appearances and differences and how we would all be better served for not making them. I learned some lessons today. I hope that is evident here and I hope that Jim's participation and my making this public will help eliminate some judgmental tendencies for you, too.

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Who are you and how would you describe yourself?

Father Jim Radloff. I am a pastor at Holy Communion Church, which is celebrating four years in existence here in Bend, Oregon. 

What matters to you? What motivates you?

Every morning I get up and I say the same prayer; May everything I do begin with your inspiration, continue with your help, and reach perfection under your guidance. Amen. And so what motivates me every day is just my faith. And what my faith is is in a lord that just calls us to love God, neighbor, and self. And so, my work is very much just helping people to love. 

What do you think we mean to each other, individual to individual? 

My perspective on life always comes from being an extreme extrovert and so I'm energized by people. I don't operate well in a vacuum. So whenever I'm in the presence of another person, I gain so much from being in that presence of another person. And I love the variety of the people that I come in contact with every day. Because it just excites me. I always learn something or I come by with something. I did an emergency anointing on Friday afternoon. And here's a man in a life-threatening situation and so I'm going in thinking to myself, Well, I'm going to help him in his time of need. And, yet, I walked out of the hospital room gaining so much from the encounter because I lived by this mistaken philosophy that if I just find peace, then I will be better able to deal with everything else that's in my life. And he's just like, No, you've just got to find peace in the midst of living your life. And I like that instead of thinking I need the peace first... it's in the midst of life. So, I walked out of there with such a better attitude that day. Of somebody who was basically told that they almost died and still the future was unknown. 

What does community mean to you? 

Community, to me, is really celebrating a vast diversity of gifts. I don't believe everybody has all the gifts or everything that they need. I believe we were created as social beings, needing each other. I had a couple of friends who decided to go move off the grid. So they bought this old farm and they were going to be totally self-supporting, which was successful until she got pregnant with her first child. Then it was amazing how much they recognized they needed other people. And then when he needed supplies - amazing, he didn't make his own nails. I don't know what the problem was. It was just fun when they came and visited me recently in Bend. We had to go for sushi because they found living off the grid just didn't provide good sushi. We just laughed and we had a good time. It's nice to be self-supporting and independent, but there are such advantages to community. And, with me, being the extrovert that I am, I am so energized by others that those times when I'm feeling inadequate or I'm feeling down or I'm feeling that I'm just not able to make it on my own, I love that there's somebody around; somebody in the community that'll somehow just help build me back up again. So, I just think we're created as social beings; as that we need community. It's part of the main purpose of this church here, is giving people a place they can come to and get supported, encouraged, and helped. As Pope Francis put it, he said, Churches need to be seen as a field hospital to the wounded. And I prefer that than a bunch of like-minded people getting together and all professing the same belief in some cold doctrine. No, do we have a safe haven? A place where people can find joy or peace or a hug when they need it? And so, it's just creating community within the community, but then changing us in that encounter so that we go out and have that same effect in everybody we meet in the community. That if I leave here in a better mood, that's certainly going to contribute to a better response in the crazy traffic here in Bend, Oregon, than if I left here in a bad mood. 'Cause I'd respond differently to the constant long trains that go across Reed Market Rd. So, for me, community is just people sharing their diverse gifts, talents for the build up and the benefit of everybody else. 

Is there something that concerns you?

What's concerning me now is just how divisive people are tending to be in their differences. Instead of respecting that we're all different and there's no way there's going to be a uniformity of thought and beliefs ever and instead of just acknowledging and celebrating those differences, it's just frustrating how people make it personal. It's like, I don't like who you voted for for President, so I'm not gonna like you. Because there must be something wrong with you that you would vote that way. And it becomes a personal attack. And so, what breaks down the community is when there becomes this divisiveness. And it's even worse when there's this need that everybody needs to believe like I do and be in my camp or be a member of my church. I'm the only right church in town. So everybody else must be the wrong church. Instead of saying, No, the reason there are so many flavors of ice cream is because not everybody likes vanilla. There's so many different ways to celebrate life and celebrate faith and celebrate each other. And why do we have to say it's right or wrong or black and white or you or me and us against them? No, I don't like that divisiveness. I like a great discussion if we can keep it to the topic, but I want to continue to love the person. Even if I may be totally in disagreement with what they hold, I still like the dignity of the person. I have to uphold their dignity no matter what they stand for or where they're at. I don't want to make it personal. I'd much rather love them as a person and then I think we can have a better discussion. Than to just turn them off or turn them away. Well, that's certainly not going to move us forward together. So, I just don't like the divisiveness that seems to be out there. 

What's your role in the fight against social injustice? 

My role in the fight against injustice can be seen as my role as a pastor of a small church in Bend, Oregon. And you just look at the fruit of what I work to promote. So, in the injustice of an inequality of access to good food, I'm a very big encouragement to the people of Holy Communion Church to support The Giving Plate. And so, this past Saturday, we had a large number of volunteers over there. It's one thing to talk about the hungry, but other people can do the talking about and the theory and the minimum wage and everything else; I'm looking at the hungry and how can I help them have access to food? And especially, Giving Plate has the Kid's Korner. The children - I don't know what led to the situations that the family with which they're growing in right now. All I know is they're hungry; let's give them food. So when it comes to The Giving Plate... my whole thing with social injustice is, I can let other people theorize and have their great gatherings, protests, or whatever; everything that I promote here is just really hands-on. 

We feed the hungry with Giving Plate. We help provide the Pregnancy Resource Center... we're doing a baby bottle fundraiser right now and we just promoted an event at the Christian Life Center. It's just how can we help women who find themselves pregnant for whatever reason - I'm not gonna judge their age or how they do it - but how can we help them if they're gonna need prenatal vitamins, if they're gonna need regular ultrasounds? Again, it's the hands-on. 

When it came to the whole immigrant issue, people were like, Well, what are you gonna do as a church? We have illegal immigrants who belong to our church. And so I went to them and I said, How can I help you? Instead of taking a big political stand on what's right and what's wrong. How can I help you? And they're like, Well, we want to become legal. I said, Great! Let's figure out what to do. And so each of our immigrants now have a sponsor and we're helping them get through the whole legal system, including paying all the fees, to make 'em legal. They're carrying letters right now that if they're ever stopped, they can say, Hey, we're going through the process; we want to become legal. So, it's a hands-on. 

For three years in a row we've been the number one fund raisers for the Relay for Life. Cancer has touched too many people. And it's tragic. At the same time, let's do something about it. And I like walking around a track. 24 hours we have people walking around the track and we really promote the ceremony. We have luminary bags of loved ones who have died from cancer or loved ones who are struggling with cancer. It's just a real hands-on reminder. So when it comes to all these, I've never been the Let's theorize about this. I'm just like, Well, others can be gifted in doing that; what can I do to just do hands-on? How can I help people on an individual basis? 

We opened up the church before Christmas; it was a jingle event. We gave funny money to children so they can come in and buy Christmas gifts for their siblings and stuff. We have a storage unit and it's through The Giving Plate. Again, how can we help them when it comes to Christmas and stuff? So with this whole social justice issues, my main thing is encouraging the people here and it's seen in our church bulletin - our outreach ministry - we'll do the hands-on and others can worry about immigration or the hungry or housing or teen pregnancy or whatever; we're gonna just... if they're pregnant, we'll help 'em. 

Do you have a sense of purpose as an individual? 

The sense of purpose as an individual is something I preached on just a few weeks ago because I've bumped into too many people that don't seem to know what their purpose is. And so it's kinda funny because my purpose is to help people to find their purpose; that everybody has been created for a unique purpose. And too often, it's discouraging. I've had to do two funerals for suicides. Why? What led to them no longer feeling that they wanted to go on? I don't know. It could have been a whole number of things, but I look at the consequences evaluating their own lives and helping everybody to see No, everybody has a purpose. So, my purpose is really helping people to find that they do matter; they do have a purpose. It's kinda fun - in some ways I'm almost in career planning. The people come to me and what they're doing with their life is not fulfilling. And, yeah, you gotta put food on the table, especially if you have a family. Well, how can we find something that's more fulfilling? Or be fulfilled in the midst of still doing what you need to earn the money on the side? So it's just... my purpose is to help people to find their purpose. Because I do believe I have an important role and purpose in this community. And I can see it; in four years we have over 400 active members and a place of our own. And what I love, they're active members; they're excited, they're joyful, they're on fire, and they seem to be affecting others so that we have more and more people coming and finding a purpose. 

What do you want more of in your life? 

Boy, that's a really good question 'cause I can't think of anything off hand. I already have so much. I guess what I want more of in my life is for more to have a life like mine, where I'm surrounded by people who I know love me; I have people that I can love; I have something that I really get excited about waking up in the morning to do. I guess you could say that in a way it's a ministerial workaholic because it's hard to separate working hours from relaxation hours because it's just what I'm doing. So, what do I want more of? I guess I just want more life. As a two-time cancer survivor - and my brother died of cancer at 37 and my father died of cancer at 54 and my mother's struggling with a return of cancer - I guess I want more life out of my life. But it's really guided my perspective that I don't know when my life's gonna end, so I'm living my life as full as I can every moment. It's frustrating for some of my friends; they're a little frustrated when they're like, Can we go out for a drink? And I'm like, Umm, I have an opening in two weeks. And they're like, What?! Yeah, I love living life and I keep it very full. I'm up at 4am in the morning and I'll be going out and having a good time with some friends tonight. So, what do I want more of? Just life! 

Do you have anything else you want to put out there? 

I like what you are doing with this whole project. It'll be interesting to go and spend some time reading what others have had to say about community because we've got a lot of good things going for us in the community of Bend. It doesn't mean there aren't areas in need of improvement and I think this could really contribute to that. Just looking at the diversity of who you already have, it'll be interesting to see if there's a common thread that is shared by all of humanity and see what other people's goals, hopes, dreams, expectations, purpose is. So, I'm just honored to be invited to be part of this and looking forward to see where it goes in the future. 

If seeing the Roman Collar inspires a reaction in you, I'd like to encourage you to put aside your initial response and read on. I went into my meeting with Jim with an open mind and an open heart and left feeling handsomely rewarded.

Susanne Frilot

Susanne is a slight diversion from the usual method of meeting someone for this project. A mutual friend of ours, David Lutz, reached out to me and her and highly recommended that we connect. Shortly thereafter, she called me on the phone to suss out my ideas and goals with the project and then agreed to meet me at her home. I was struck by her enthusiasm and found it all too easy to smile with her as she so passionately spoke about things that matter to her. We had a very lovely and very warm visit and made plans to engage further about potential future partnerships. She definitely lives her role as connector. 

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Who are you and how would you describe yourself?

I guess I've been known as the connector. I have a wellness Meetup, so it's always my goal to try to connect people to what supports them in their efforts. It's usually in the health and wellness arena. And that could be anything; spiritually, emotionally, physically, nutritionally. So, what I typically do is bring in someone who speaks on a certain topic so that people are learning about maybe something they've never heard about before or something that they've never thought about. You know, you hear different things, but it's like, Oh, I heard it a different way. Now I've learned something new that I can actually apply in my life. But anyway, my hope is that it's gonna support that person in whatever it is that they do. If they're a chiropractor, they're an acupuncturist, they're an energy worker, yoga instructor - whatever it is that they do - my hope is that they get some sort of benefit from it. Not only the people that are listening, but that this person now will get a client from it. You know, that kind of thing. Yeah, I guess that's one of my things; I like to connect people. 

What matters to you? What motivates you?

Again, I go back to that does really speak to my heart if I can help someone in some way that two people benefit. You know, it's not just one person benefitting. It's a mutually satisfying and gratifying relationship - that really does float my boat, if you will. It just makes me feel good. I've seen that commercial where someone does something good for somebody else and someone witnesses it and then that person says, Oh, I gotta pass that on. So then they do a good deed for somebody. It's kinda that type of effect where, like I said, if I see something like that happen like, Wow, that really fed my soul! Good came of that relationship, that connection. 

Where does that come from for you? Have you always been that way?

Yeah, I would have to say it was childhood, because I remember my teacher saying, Susie wants to be a mommy. Susie always wants to help that person. And I guess I was always for the underdog. Like, if I saw someone being picked on, you know, kind of that bullying situation - that's something that's also kinda near and dear to my heart. So I would always kinda step forward. I'd be scared to death to stand up to that person, but I would do it because I felt that this person couldn't. So I think it did start from early on. And then later, as it's developed, I actually had a dating service in California. I would literally be at different networking meetings and if someone just stood out to me, let's say a man, in particular, 'cause I had my girlfriends that were single, I would say, Are you single? So it was just kind of in my heart to try to get these two people together. I didn't know if it was gonna work, but I just thought, I just see some qualities in this person that I think might be great qualities for my friend who is single and I think she's got amazing qualities. So I was making love connections, business connections. It was called Face To Face Connections. And I just kinda continued that, now kinda leaning towards the whole health and wellness arena - making those types of connections. But, believe me, I still do that kind of stuff, too, because I still have single friends that if I met someone that I thought, You know what, I think this person would be really great for that person. You never know, you know, that's up to the universe, but if I can be that little conduit, again, floats my boat - makes me feel really good (laughs). 

What do you think we mean to each other, individual to individual? 

(Sighs) Yeah, that's a tough one. I think people inherently want to connect, whatever that is. Whether it is emotionally connect, physically connect, help support each other's causes, support each other in whatever their endeavor is. I think people want connection. I guess that's my big word; it always resonates very much with me. 

What does community mean to you? 

Right. 'Cause I guess that's what I am doing, I am trying to create this community of people that again... to create these mutually beneficial relationships, as I said before. These groups that I'm bringing together, to find common interests... common ground. Hence that's why my Meetup is called Bend Wellness Community. You know, I want to bring like-minded people together and that everyone will benefit in some way from being together in these settings. 

It's the diversity and difference of opinion that enriches our lives and also pushes us away from these comfortable habits and helps us to think differently. So, where does all that fall into your definition of community and how do you perceive individual differences? 

Yeah, I see where you're... yeah. Believe me, not everyone buys in, if you will, to everyone's idea. Like, Well, what is this thing? Especially in the world of let's say energy work. Hence that's why I want to bring it to people - for them to say, Wow, I never thought of that. And they might see it as woo-woo. So I kind of want to open people's minds. I'll give you an example: like people that have a very religious or Christian belief, oh, they're not even supposed to look at energy work. That's the devil, you know - that kind of thing. So if I can maybe work it in such a way, again, to open their minds, for them to be open to taking a look at it, they can still say, No, that's not for me. But it might open the door. And I've heard some amazing stories of people just that way. Oooh, I was not supposed to look at that, but for whatever reason... it switched their whole way of thinking and being. So, I guess that's my hope - that people aren't so close-minded and that I can open their minds, their hearts to just taking a look at this. And also as far as the differences of opinion, what I've found - and this is on a little bit of a different track - so far I've found people to be at least pretty respectful in their differences. 'Cause I know not a lot of that is going on in the world. It's almost like people are shut down. If your opinion differs from my opinion, it's shut down. I personally haven't experienced that here in Bend. That's your opinion on it, this is my opinion - we can agree to disagree. That's a person I'd like to be. And I hope that I get the same respect if people don't agree with my opinion on something. So, yeah, that is important to me. 'Cause what I am seeing out there in people being shut down for their opinions, that just does not set well with me. 

Kind of on the other side of the coin of what matters to you, what concerns you? 

Yeah, a few things that are also near and dear to my heart other than the health and wellness, is probably the opioid addiction, which is kinda tied to suicide. My sister committed suicide and she was in that world, unfortunately. And so that is something that's near and dear to my heart, too. I haven't really looked into that yet or how can I support that or get involved. 'Cause sometimes I get this feeling, again, I'm just one little person, like, what can I do? But I know that there are organizations out there. They have the Walk Out of Darkness once a year here in Bend and I think it's held in many cities all over the United States - I don't know about the world - to bring awareness to suicide. That's something that has always come up for me. How do I get involved with something like that? How can I make a difference in something like that? 

And then I had also mentioned about bullying. I would love to maybe help kids - young kids - with their self-esteem, their self-confidence. 'Cause, to me, that is the root of it or one of the root causes... if they don't have confidence, they can't stick up for themselves if they are being bullied. And on the other side, the bully, what's going on in their lives? Are they being beaten themselves? Have they been bullied in their lives? So, again, what is their home environment looking like? I would like to work with both; not just the [bullied person] but the bully. Again, I think something in their lives maybe has made them act out in that way. So that's another thing that's kinda near and dear to my heart. But again, I go, Oh my gosh, how do I get started in that? And because I do have so many passions, I go, What do I need to focus on? And so I'm continually saying to god and the universe, Where am I truly called? How can I best use my gifts and talents to make a difference? 

Do you have a sense of purpose? 

Yes, I do, but I'm not exactly sure what that is and what it looks like. Hence, like I said, praying to god, How do I best use my gifts and talents for the benefit of others? Whether that's people or a cause or whatever. 'Cause I've said that to myself, I feel like I'm meant for greater things. And not coming from an ego perspective, but just I really want to make a difference. But exactly what that looks like, I don't know. And because, again, I do have such varied passions for kids or the wellness community or suicide prevention or whatever, it's almost like I feel sometimes I'm pulled in so many different directions. And if that happens, I don't think you can be good to any thing. So, I have to see what that looks like for me. But, I'd like to be a conduit, at least, to help bring awareness to that. So maybe I can't dive in fully into each one of those things, but maybe I could at least support it in some way. Like maybe I go on that Walk Out of Darkness and help spread the word on that event. And then maybe bring those people to another organization I deal with, Good Grief Guidance, 'cause those two are a good match for one another 'cause those people are grieving the loss of their loved one because of suicide. If I can bring them to Good Grief Guidance - again, a nice connection for them. Maybe they didn't know that that resource existed. So, going back to my purpose that I know is my common thread, if you will, is how can I connect people? So maybe I personally can't get involved with that, but, Oh I bet you this person or this organization would be a good fit for you, that you could collaborate together. That's my other big word, collaborate. 

Do you attribute your care for others and passion for making connections to something? 

No, I don't think any one thing. I guess it seems like it's part of my being. I don't know why I feel, I don't know if I should use the word need to do that. I guess I could say need that, because again, it is fulfilling to me. I guess it was from a little girl. I think it's just who I am. It's just in my make up, if you will. It's just part of me. It's like I feel like I have to do it. But have to do it, It's more like I want to do it. You know?

What's behind social injustice? Why do you think we have this tendency to be against each other or to put each other down or create all this disparity? 

I know. I was gonna say good question, but it's a bad question (laughs). And do we say social justice or social injustice? That's a really hard one for me to really answer because... there's ways to go about doing it and, right now, I don't think many people are going about it the right way. It just seems so angry. What's the saying about bees? You get more bees with honey? Or flies... whatever the saying is. I think if people would be more respectful... 'cause I believe everyone has a right to their opinion. And if they see something that's unjust happening, they do have a right to stand up for it, but they could do it in a very respectful manner. If they're speaking out of anger, a lot of times people just shut down. If they haven't shut you down already, the person listening to that message shuts down. Like, I'm not even gonna listen to what you have to say because you just sound so angry and so... but if people just spoke more from their heart and come from a place of maybe love and kindness to that, I think people are more open to listening to it. And that's what I'd like to see. Be at least more open to hear their point of view and why they feel the way they feel about that situation, circumstance, injustice, but they need to then show that person - the one that listened to them - they need to pay them the same respect. Especially if it isn't something that they believe in or they still don't feel the same way about that. Everyone has a right to their opinion. 

What do you want more of in your life? 

I guess balance. It's so funny, my husband, he's always saying, So what time are you escaping today? He knows I'm gonna leave because I'm making connections; I'm going out there meeting people, just doing things. Pretty much Monday through Friday, that's what I'm doing; I'm out and about meeting people, making connections. But I do realize that I need down time for me to kind of regroup and to relax and reenergize so that I can go out there and do it all again. I just have to be mindful that... I always say, Family, friends, and then whatever I am working on. But sometimes I find that I don't live up to that and I'm always, Oh, what else can I do? What else can I do? And I have to be mindful that the most important things in our lives are our family, our friends. Throw health in there, but your own health because if you're not well, you can't be there for your family or friends. And I've seen that too often with friends that have developed cancer or things like that. Even though it's very exciting what I'm doing with all these different things, it can be stressful and stress is not good on the body. So that's why I go back to balance. I need to find that balance for going out and making a difference and living my purpose and just chill time. Just down time to take a walk because sometimes I find that my own health, like I said, I'm not looking at that because I've got all these other things. It's like, Oh my gosh, I didn't get my walk in today. Oh my gosh, I'm not eating properly. So, we do need to take care of ourselves so that we can be there for others. That analogy if a plane is going down, you're supposed to put your mask on yourself before you can help others. Because if you pass out, you're not gonna be good for any of the other people there. So, balance. Balance in my life is what comes up for me. 

Do you have anything else that you'd like to put out there? 

I think I pretty much covered it. It makes my heart happy to connect people with whatever that is that they need. And, again, collaborate. 'Cause it goes back to what you're saying about there's so many different groups that believe in their projects - whatever their project is or their cause or whatever - how do we bring those people together? And how do we collaborate so that we can serve the greater good - the larger community? If I can play a small role in that and bring people together in a very, again, respectful way, then I feel I'm serving my purpose. 

Susanne is a slight diversion from the usual method of meeting someone for this project. A mutual friend of ours, David Lutz, reached out to me and her and highly recommended that we connect. Shortly thereafter, she called me on the phone to suss out my ideas and goals with the project and then agreed to meet me at her home.

Casey Davis

Angela recommended Casey to me. She had very nice things to say about her and also sent me a link to this article that Casey wrote. It was pretty great to get a peek at who she was before meeting her. We were able to set up our meeting quickly and she invited me to come to her co-housing community. When I first arrived, Casey gave me a tour of the grounds and we chatted about any number of things. By the time we sat down for the interview, we had already developed a level of trust for each other and it made for an open and honest conversation. It is clear to me, and I am sure it will be to you, that Casey sincerely gives a damn about community. She brings a lot of heart and skill into her work and is an absolute pleasure to be around. Keep an eye out for her and her projects. Oh, and get this, right before we parted ways, Casey told me that she was one of Marlene's students when she was a child! With that connection in mind, I recommend revisiting that interview. 

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Who are you and how would you describe yourself?

Who am I? Yeah, this identity question is also interesting, right? 'Cause when we meet people we always, What do you do for a living? This is the question that always comes up. So, a title - this phase in my life, I'm a mom. That's definitely created who I am in in this phase. I'm a community builder; I like to bring people together. I'm a listener. A friend of mine uses the term cultural change agent. I like that one a lot. I'm an artist. I'm an activist. Oh, and I'm a designer - that's what I do for a living. An active community member; someone who cares about the place she lives. 

What matters to you? 

Really, creating community in its kind of richest form, where people are seen and heard and their opinions matter and there's not this power over and under structure where, you know, we see each other as equals and that one person's issue or challenge is my issue and challenge. And this interconnectivity, I think, is really a struggle in this modern life as we kind of are all focused on our direct family and our immediate needs and what we're doing today and checking off boxes in a list. But just really moving into more of a mindset and a mentality of community and that I'm affected by you and you're affected by me and my health and your health are intertwined and the health of the planet and the health of someone we don't know on the other side of town - that we're all connected. So, yeah, that matters to me. And it's coming out in a lot of the projects that I'm choosing to be a part of, I'm noticing. And it's hard for me, often, to choose what projects I want to be a part of 'cause, at this point and time, there's so many things going on and there's so many things being exposed that need attention. But yeah, picking and choosing things that really effect not just me but the legacy that I'm leaving for my child, to other children, and really seeing this community as all of us, not just me in existence with people around me.

Why do you think on an individual basis we mean something to each other? And what do you think it is that we mean?

It's kind of like what we were talking about; that whole idea of me going for a walk at Pilot Butte. I like to walk without earbuds. I like to hear birds and experience the diversity of people that walk up Pilot Butte and say hello. And know that maybe me saying hello to that person, maybe I'm the only person that interacted with them that day. And just that warmth and that smile that I offered them meant something to them. Living here in community, I know from my own experience, my neighbors have huge impact on me. And if I have an issue or something going on, I have people I can go to and have a system of support that isn't my immediate family, that isn't my even extended family, but it's my neighbors and my friends that hold me up when I need a little. And that gives me the strength and ability to ask for help if I need help, which I think is rare in the way that we come and go and interact with each other. There's something really special in living in community and co-housing and intentional communities. When you do have kind of a family of people that you know on a level that really do care about you just because they know you. I have a friend who's a therapist and she always says... and I believe this in myself, too... it's Once I know someone's story, I fall in love with them. It doesn't matter if we're of different political persuasions or different places in the world, once I know their story, I fall in love with them. Everything else kind of falls to the wayside. That ability to get to know people better, I think, is missing in this existence as we're busily checking boxes and filling our wallets and doing our thing, buying our things, and coming and going. So that idea of interdependence - interconnectivity - is kind of hard to explain to people because we don't live it in this culture. And until you kind of have some experience around it and feel it and feel how good it feels, it's kind of something that feels lost, but also something that people are really longing for... to know again. 

What does community mean to you having gone through periods without it? And where do individualism and greed fit in? 

A conversation that is coming up for me right now is kind of the idea of a shifting economy that isn't just looking through a financial lens. We're seeing a lot of these social good corporations rising up and this idea that people really are starting to look through the lens not only of financial, which is important - we need to still interact with the system we've created - but also look through the lens of altruism and the lens of sustainability equally. And so that whole greed and individualism and hoarding as humans, I don't think we're actually wired to do that, but we kind of lost our way. It's hard to let go of systems. And I think that individualism and greed system is holding on for dear life because there is an uprising and people are becoming interested. I believe. I'm hopeful. I'm an idealist. That's really, if we're gonna survive, the shift that needs to happen. 

As far as not living in community in the past, yeah, I've had times where I felt isolated and didn't have systems of support where I could go to someone and feel comfortable with them hearing my story and believing me and helping me. I grew up with a really athletic background; I was a college athlete. And there were times during that experience where I felt very isolated. Sports has that whole competitive versus collaborative - that kind of fits within that individualism and greed and competitive sphere. Whether it was my story or not, I didn't always feel supported... as an athlete you buck up and you just push through it and you'll be fine. So, a lot of numbing of emotional needs during that portion of my life. And so, yeah, coming and living in co-housing in a really collaborative environment feels really good to me. Not that I didn't have my teammates and we couldn't kind of just complain together, but that doesn't really feel like it's solving much and it's kind of a short-term emotional fix that doesn't really solve any (laughs) mental or mental health problems. 

What's the deal with social injustice and what can one do to combat that on a regular basis? 

Because I have a son - and a child in this community - I have a real concern for the well-being of children and thinking about raising kids in this community. These kids are all our kids. Instead of me just being the parent and the welfare of my child is the only thing that's important to me. Ensworth is the highest poverty school in the district. How can I be of service to those parents and those kids who are coming from different resources than I am - not better, not worse, but just different - and how can I support those kids in a way that they're getting their needs met? There's a lot of trauma that can come out of poverty. Knowing that by serving those kids as if they were my own and offering support to those parents who are struggling to make ends meet financially or dealing with other issues in their life that I'm serving my community and I'm helping those kids have a mentor or have an adult that really is there for them and cares for them. So, a group of us have been involved in volunteering at Ensworth since January. But just that mentality of Hey, I care about all the kids in my community and their well-being affects my child and my child's well-being affects them. Again, that whole interconnected piece. 

What's going to bring together the many individual causes dedicated to some form of equality? There's far more people interested in good than are interested in greed or individualism or for themselves or for this particular bad thing, but we're silenced by the division within those groups. What are your thoughts on that? 

Can I use this moment to do a little promo for a project I'm working on (laughs)? So, a neighbor and I - Carol Delmonico - we just self-published a interactive journal. I guess my answer to your question is we kind of need a shift in consciousness. Like, Yeah, I love puppies. I'm gonna give to puppies. But puppies really aren't... you know... that's just a tip of the iceberg. What's this underlying thing that causes us this like... Oh my gosh, this is unfair. This is not just. How did this system get into place? Really looking at cultural norms of how we got here and how these ways were created. So we created this interactive journal that puts forth 50 questions of our time. And really asks people to look at, in an active way, how we live our lives. Get a little more critical about the decisions that we make every day that might be oppressing other people. Not to sound redundant, but how is my privilege not allowing someone else to rise to their full potential? And I think that word privilege and access and things like that is in the forefront and for good reason, I think, right now because, myself included, I'm like, Oh, wow, some of these things that I've practiced in the past are keeping other people down and I don't want to do that anymore. I'm ready to look at these things. So this book covers topics of community, of legacy, of cultural norms, of belonging and inclusion. We the People is one of the categories. It can be used individually, but it really works the best when it's used in a group. You know, people can really, in a facilitated way where there's not a lot of cross dialogue, but really listening to how each person answers each question... it's been a huge eye-opener for me to be a part of it. She created the questions and then, because I have graphic design skills, she's like, I need to manifest this, can you help me? But it's been a really beautiful process of seeing what comes up for people. And sitting in a circle and like, Wow, I've never heard it like that. And I can do this on my own and be with my own thoughts, but to hear someone else from their perspective on the same question and the same topic... a lot of times the circles have very similar looking people in them... it's curious to hear something so different or so profound or so radically different. Like, Oh, wow, I can't take that on for my own but I'm curious about how they got to that place. So it has a potential to that third place that brings people together in a safe kind of container to start having real conversations about Why are we so divided? Why can't we sit in the same room with each other as people? Where did we lose that ability to see beyond political... you know, these walls we're putting up? It's called Stoke Your Woke. We're doing a couple different projects, Circle Sessions, we're calling them. There's some free ones happening at the library just to kind of create an inclusive place for people to do it. And then we're doing some at some different studios that'll be probably a sliding scale, facilitated. I'm excited just to have people that I don't know interact with it and see what comes up. The underlying, that shift of consciousness that isn't just about what I like, but it's like, Oh, this has an impact in other places, too. It kind of trickles down.

Do you have a sense of purpose?

Some days (laughs). When you say purpose, I think I'm starting to understand my strengths. I think for a long time I wanted to go and do certain things but realized I need other people to... I was very independent-minded and being here and understanding my strengths, saying Okay, if I'm gonna do this thing that I want to do, I need to do it in the way that my strengths allow me to present it to the world not how someone else... not the 1,2,3,4 checklist of how someone else has done it in the past. Yeah, I think, from a strengths perspective, I'm a peacemaker. I think I see the good in people. And if I use those two traits as my launching point, I think that is my purpose when I'm working in different projects. That's why I'm there; that's the gift that I bring. But, yeah, I think my purpose is bringing people together and creating environments and places where people can thrive and feel seen and heard and held. So, that community piece, and especially locally, since I was born and raised here, so I love this place dearly. And I think as it's grown, it's divided. And so my purpose here is to be a uniter again and speak to that in different places and create spaces where people of different backgrounds, socio- and economically is really the only, for the most part, difference we have here in Bend. And bringing groups together to see each other and realize that we live in the same community and we're affected by each other's wellbeing. 

What do you want more of in your life?

(Laughs) What do I want more of? I'm kind of working on (laughs)... well... I guess I'd like a little more clarity. I have a lot of ideas (laughs). I have a really active mind and I like to be involved in a lot of things and it gives me energy and it breaks me down at the same time, so I'm really working on being a little more clear about the amount of energy I can put into things and where I want that energy directed. So, I guess, I'll keep it at clarity (laughs). 

Do you have anything else to leave with? 

Oh wow. Yeah. I've spoken about this before, but I think one of the things - being a local, a native Bendite and still being able to call this place my home - one of the things I really am passionate about right now is really uniting Bend again. I was at Jackson's Corner on the East side having dinner with my family. And on Friday nights they usually have music and it's packed; I mean, it gets really busy. And so you end up sharing tables with people, which I kind of dig because I like to meet and talk to strangers and hear their stories and people like to tell me their stories. So, we asked to sit down by these two women. And she led with, Oh, how long have you lived in Bend? And I said I was born and raised here. And she's like, Oh, we've lived here for 25 years, so you remember when it was one Bend? And it struck me and I said, Yeah, I do. And as Bend's grown, I've been okay with it because it's provided enough opportunity for me on an individual level, but I think, at that moment, I realized that there was a lot of grieving that was happening for me about the growth of Bend and exactly what she was talking about; this division that's happened both physically - you know, the parkway going in and 3rd Street cause a real divide physically of the city - but just this emotional divide, too, that we really... well, some believe one side's better than the other and one side deserves things that the other side isn't ready for and just this kind of overarching mentality that keeps one side very different than the other and disconnected. So those are conversations that I'm really interested in having on a local level is How can we reconnect the city? Because there's people on the East side that love living on the East side and right now I'm one of them. I miss the West side; I grew up on the West side. And that was kind of Bend at the time when I was growing up. And I do grieve the loss of what I remember as the West side and the cohesive community that I grew up in there. But, yeah, again bringing people together so we can all see each other and realize that the welfare of everyone here effects all of us. So, I'll end it with that. 

Angela recommended Casey to me. She had very nice things to say about her and also sent me a link to this article that Casey wrote. It was pretty great to get a peek at who she was before meeting her.

Alyson Brown

Shimiko introduced me to Alyson. I didn't know her, but I was familiar with her name as she has been following this project on Instagram since it's early days, coming to know about it after I featured her friend, Libby. She also knows a handful of other people I've interviewed, which seems to be a testament to the quality of this community. I met Alyson in her home and we got right to the interview. She wasn't feeling at the top of her health game on this particular morning, but she was gracious enough to keep our appointment and managed it just fine. It's obvious that her relationships and her work mean very much to her, as does her role as a mother.

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Who are you and how would you describe yourself?

I am Alyson Brown. I'm a mom, a wife, a Oregon transplant from Florida - I connect with that a lot. A flower lover, plant lover, animal lover. 

What matters to you? What motivates you?

I tend to stay really busy. I get bored easily, so a lot of my motivation comes from not wanting that boredom. I'm constantly thinking about something to do next. What's my next big project? I've gone through a couple different things in my lifetime and I think that having something creative really motivates me and something that's, I don't know, inspiring for me that other people also can resonate with is kind of cool. 

Do you have a sense of purpose?

I do. Lately, I've been tuned into the idea of having past lives. And I feel like this life, for me, is very... I'm meant to do something with flowers. I feel like I've always just kind of had this connection to them. And I think that definitely people have a set path on things that they can do. I mean, yeah, that path can change and it can vary from person to place to... yeah, I grew up in Florida and here, now, I'm in Central Oregon. And I hated the high desert when we first moved here; I was like, It's brown, it's dirty, it's dusty. I can't wear white ever! And now I've just embraced it and I love the desert. I love the sagebrush. I don't know, I feel like people definitely have a certain purpose to what they do - what their outcome is. 

Where do you suppose that comes from?

I think a lot of it has to do with people that you're around. I think that a lot of my soulful inspiration comes from a community of women that I had been involved with last year and just having more of a deeper spiritual connection with myself and with plants - something that I just never really would have thought about in the first place. But then, also kind of thinking back to childhood memories like running around my house and smelling orange blossoms or gardenias or something and it's just kind of this instinctual thing that... I don't really know where it comes from, but I think that it's kind of engrained in you. 

What does community mean to you?

Community is a group of people - like-minded people - that help each other and kind of build each other up. There's this community of women in Bend and community of artists in general that I don't really think that I have felt that anywhere else. And I think because it is a tight-knit in Bend... I mean, yeah, it's a bigger city, but because it is kind of small, people are able to connect with each other and build more of a community. Yeah, I just think that having a smaller knit in the community - it's helpful for me to want to build relationships and to evolve as who you are and who you want to see yourself as.

What do you think we mean to each other person to person within our different communities? 

Inspiration? Support, definitely. I think I wouldn't be where I was right now if it weren't for a community of friends that I have and people who have supported me in my life. I mean, my family, in particular. I definitely think that's important. 

What do you think about the people that make up your community that aren't like-minded and that don't share your value system? 

I don't know that I really think about that. That's something I definitely should think about more. I mean, everyone's entitled to their opinion. And, I mean, I'm sure not everybody's gonna like my style of design or not everybody's gonna like rose spray (laughs). You know, to each their own, I guess. And for the people who maybe aren't quite sure that they don't like it there's always the Hey, you want to check this out? kind of thing. I don't know. It's kind of a tough question. 

What do you think your role is in the fight against social injustice? 

I think a lot of the basis of social injustice is really unfair. I think that there's no reason that anyone should be treated differently for who they are and what they believe in and what clothes they wear, how they go about their life. And I think what I'm doing about it is teaching my kids the importance of treating everybody fairly and treating people how they want to be treated. I kind of look back to how my parents raised me and when I went out into the world, I represented my family and respect was a very, very important thing that I learned. You know, having respect for elders, having respect for just anybody, in general. I look back and I don't even really think that I noticed that there was a difference in color of skin until somebody pointed it out. And I just hope that my kids can learn that and kind of take that next step. I mean, I'm hoping that I'm taking that next step by telling them, We shouldn't treat anybody differently because they are gay, they are a different color of skin... that's my hope that by engraining it into the next generation that something's gotta give. It's sickening - some of the stuff that goes around. I don't know. I have a hard time with it. 

Do you find that other moms in your circle are trying to instill the same sense of moral and equality? 

I think so. Going back to the like-minded question from earlier, I try to surround myself with people who are good for me. Not to sound selfish about picking who my friends are, but I'm not gonna be around somebody who's negative. I can think of people in my past who are blatantly racist and they're not my friends anymore. It's a hard topic for me to get into with people, especially if it's something that... someone who was your friend and when you just don't see eye to eye, it's hard to really keep that relationship up. But as for my group of friends here, I feel like we're all kind of on the same level; we are actively trying to do things within our community; we are supportive of each other. I mean, I have all sorts of friends. As undiverse as Bend really is, I'm, I don't know, doing my part. 

It seems like a lot of people are doing their part, yet things are pretty messy. I wonder what's happening.

(Sighs) I mean, I could talk on and on about how I'm not fond of our governmental situation right now, but I think that, you know, that top level is what needs to change. I mean, there's so much that I just don't agree with that I just don't feel is right with how things are happening. I don't want to delve too much into my personal thoughts on that, but I just think that there's a lot that needs to change; there's a lot of people that need more educating on why this is not the right thing to do. Like why we should be treating people equally. I mean, we're all humans; we're all made up of the same stuff. It's... I don't know... it seems like a no-brainer, but yet it's just getting worse, I guess. 

What do you want more of in your life? 

My first instinct is to same time (laughs). Joy. I think about the days that just everything feels good. My grandmother's sick now and I just think about how I wish that I had more time with her. And, I guess, more time with family to just do things that are fun and exciting and... you know, get out there and travel or instead of sitting on the computer working, just throw it all away for the day and say, Let's go ride bikes! And, you know, maybe to say yes more to them - to my kids. Yeah, I think wanting more time is definitely applicable to a lot of things; like more time to get work done, more time to renovate the house, more time to plant in the garden, more time to be with my family, with my kids. Yeah, I feel like I could go on and on about things that I want more time to do (laughs). 

What do you wish for the future?

World peace. No. I guess just, I don't know, the future is so unsettling for me. Actually thinking about the things that are out of my control that might happen in the future, I wish that there was more that one little person with two hands could do. I guess that's part of the building community of people with both their hands to help and mouths to speak to do things. And I wish that our planet would be around for longer than it looks like it's going to be with all of the plastics and the things that we've just introduced into the world that are slowly killing it. I don't know, sometimes it makes me scared to think about when my kids are older. What's the situation gonna be like when I'm not here and dead and gone? Hopefully teaching them and instilling some of these ideas... be nice to other people... as simple as that sounds, I hope that that can help change things. Or saying something like, Don't leave the water on when you're brushing your teeth. I mean, they'll be in there with the water on! I'm like, What are you doing? You're out here - the water needs to be off! Just kind of trying to get some of these ideas into their heads. I don't know. I hope for the future that we can all figure out how to work together. It seems like there's so much potential for the better good if people could just work together to make it work. Be nice! 

Shimiko introduced me to Alyson. I didn't know her, but I was familiar with her name as she has been following this project on Instagram since it's early days, coming to know about it after I featured her friend, Libby.

Josh Hayden

When I met with Paul, he mentioned a men’s group that he belonged to. As this project seems to attract more women as participants, I jumped on the opportunity and asked Paul if there was anyone in that group that he would be willing to recommend. He said he already had a name in mind and then, a few days later, he passed along Josh’s information. Josh immediately accepted the invitation and invited me to join he and his family for dinner before even having met me. The timing for dinner didn’t line up, but Josh’s hospitality proved to remain rich throughout our conversation. Quite a lot of chatting, or maybe connecting is the better word, tends to happens before and after the official interview and I haven’t quite figured out a way to present that aspect to the world, but maybe that’s part of the future of this project. I can’t quite put a name to what happens when two strangers meet and immediately decide to be real and raw and honest with each other, but, whatever it is, it happened at Josh’s kitchen table. It felt very warm and restorative - the conversational equivalent to a homemade bowl of soup when you’re ill.

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Who are you and how would you describe yourself?

I'm Joshua Alan Hayden - Josh Hayden, for my friends. Describing myself, I was raised in Pasco, Washington, on a farm - on an apple orchard - by my parents, Denny and Kathy. And my dad's an apple orchardist; my mom is an educator. So, I loved my childhood. I had an amazing childhood, I feel, because I had all the space up on the farm. I had seasons all the time. I got to be outside and experience change in nature all the time. Lots of freedom. Built lots of forts; things like that. We had a very strong church community in the farm area where I grew up, so I felt like that was a big part of my identity. As a youth, especially, I got to go to church and had many more aunts and uncles, it felt like. So, I look back and I think I had an amazing childhood. So I'm living a lot of my life trying to recreate a utopian vision of what that was in some way for my children and for myself, I guess - for my life to be happy, to spread happiness. I've been given many gifts and I'm trying to find the process of giving some of those gifts back.

I'm a teacher. I've worked in Bend for about 11 years now. That is good and challenging work. Every day is a new adventure. And the kids are amazing. And the kids are challenging (laughs). And I'm married. I'm a family man. So, I've got Emma and Gina are my daughters and Tanya's my wife and we've lived in Bend for about 16 years. 

What matters to you?

So, it matters to me - maybe that's part of a Jesuit and Catholic education from the youth - is I feel like it's important to give back in some way. Again, I feel like an obligation. I feel like I'm an able-bodied person, able-minded, so I feel like for me to be who I am I need to be thankful for the gifts I was given. And the way that I can do that is to try to do things for others. And I don't know how successfully I do it all the time. I mean, sometimes I definitely get in my own way. So, service matters a lot. I feel like doing work that I care about matters a lot. I have an engineering degree. I got my bachelor's degree in mechanical engineering and I did that for a few years at different places in the area. And decided that wasn't quite satisfying a need yet, so I shifted careers pretty completely and got into education 'cause I was finding I liked working with people. I spent some time working at a church for a few years and, between then, doing some ministry work. Yeah, I just really felt more of a affinity to that and to more community building. I know I get in my own way a lot times in the community building so that's part of my continuing work - is (laughs) how am I encouraging people to come together and not causing people to be apart because of my big ideas or whatever kind of things. So, I guess that matters to me, too. Besides service, community does matter a lot to me. And family. Family matters a lot. All of Tanya's family are very close in this area. My family we spend a lot of time with, as well. Part of our family story is we have an extended family in many ways. We have some adopted part of our families and we have our biological families as well. All those things matter. 

What do we mean to each other?

I think we can mean a lot to each other. What I'm trying to work on with myself more lately is how am I more careful to each person? I mean that in terms of how am I actually getting out of my own head and trying to care about the needs of somebody else a little bit more? It does start with myself, but I spend a lot of time there, I think. But with my family - with Tanya and the girls - how do we take things a little more... not everything having to be scheduled, driven, and serious and everything, but how do we enjoy life a little bit more? How can we spread that out? How can we make our sphere a little bit bigger than that? My language within my different community areas kind of changes, but I think it's the same idea of love. So, caring for each other in terms of... I have a men's group that I've met up with for all the time I've been in Bend - 16 years - we meet at the D&D or other places around town 6:30 on Wednesday mornings and our term for us getting together is brothers, right? So, that's our term for love for each other. So that just means we listen to each other and we meet up with each other and we're regular about it. And when things go wrong, we try to be there. Sometimes we call it the brothership (laughs). But then in our church sphere, I guess we'd call beloved or loved - that's how we can be careful with one another is realizing the dignity of each person and being careful for them. In my school, when I work with my students, I don't use those terms. I use marvel. I use you're a marvel. Try to teach the kids all year long that they are marvels and have them repeat that and try to believe it because I think there's so many opposing messages that come at us. And then, with our family, the word is love and family. 

And I think all those things just have that idea of being careful and loving to each other. So, I think that's what matters the most. I mean, I guess, probably my selfish desire with that is that I want to be loved and I want to feel loved. But I also feel good when I am caring and loving towards other people, too. I feel like a better version of me. If I'm feeling selfish, absorbed, anxious, depressed - some of those things happen with me - then I feel like my heart's withered and this dried up little prune (laughs). And, at times, I can get the flow of water and other things through and I feel like my heart gets juicy and I can spread that care out a little bit more effectively to other people. And I feel in a community we can hold a space for each other to have all those times. My wife is there for me when I'm pretty withered feeling and she's also there for me when I can be juicy and spread it out. 

It seems that a strong sense of community comes along with religious affiliation. A good portion of the world isn't religious. What do you think community means on the grander scale? 

I have experienced in those kind of circles a lot of barriers, as well, within a religious... there's a lot of times too many rules and there's walls put up; people treating each other poorly in the name of those things. And I've had those experiences as well. And that is very divisive. But I think in terms of the broader scheme of that, what I love about a religious viewpoint, at least for me, is looking at the dignity of each person. In a Catholic lens we have the preferential option for the poor - to look for people that are downtrodden by our society and say these people need to be given dignity. They need to realize that they are also important, marvelous, amazing - that they are also loved. So, that's what I think the broader version is. Each person is... there's no throwaway people. My ideal society would not be one where we all practice the same religion. It would just be one where we are caring of each other and we take the time to say there's a person in our community - whether it's somebody who's normally part of our community and just is having a rough time or somebody that we notice is living out in the street - and say we need to invest a lot of energy. And it may take a lot of time and frustration, but let's take the time and do it. I don't always do that. I would like to be better at it. I think that's kind of what the ideal would be for me. 

In the seemingly growing realm of social injustice, is there something in there that concerns you most? 

I work with a lot of children, so I just see too many kids suffer. So, that really bothers me. And often times it's because their parents have needs not because they're bad people, just because they have needs that aren't being met and they need help and it just gets passed on. So, I just feel sad about that. The fact that stress and pain gets passed on to children - that's definitely bothersome to me. I don't know, we just have a long ways to go in social injustice, I feel. And Bend is (laughs) trying. Bend is growing. And Bend will hopefully become even more accepting. I don't think people necessarily have strong attitudes against equality or justice... 

Do you see any kind of beacon towards bringing together all the different and sometimes opposing factions of people fighting for a particular social justice? 

I think we feel, probably rightfully so, as people in many ways and definitely in our society, a huge time pressure. So, to me, there's always this idea of we've got to do all these things. And I think it's easy to put things on back burners. Because it feels like we have obligations for whatever it is; families, jobs, so many things - it's part of our society. But I think that we are more than adequate to solve our problems if we choose to make the time for it to happen. We have the ability to communicate. We have the mental capacity, the history - things like that. So, I'm optimistic that way. I just think it is making the choice of saying Let's just pause. Let's put some things on hold. Which is not practical in many ways for many people 'cause it feels like the world stops if we're not doing our routines or whatever things we're doing. For many of us. I mean, not all of us live in that time realm. But, I guess, being a guy with young kids and both working parents and things like that, it feels like that a lot to us. And it feels like that with a lot of my friends, too. We just feel like we can't add another thing. Like, that's it. There's too many other things - too many balls spinning. But it's the big, important ones that we think we should probably stop and grab the plate for a minute and say Okay, let's just all focus and hold this for a minute. 

Do you have a sense of purpose?

Yes, a changing sense of purpose. It has been working with children for quite a bit and teaching has felt like the right kind of fit for a long time, but I don't know if that's always going to be it. I like the idea of the sense of purpose of trying to build more community and connection and especially about the idea of building people's dignity and sense of feeling loved and connected. Maybe 'cause I disbelieved those things about myself so many times (laughs). But I feel like that's a purpose at times, for me, is to try to push that way. That's why I started teaching is I got joy from children, but I also feel like I could get in there and try to give kids a positive message about themselves. I think the same with my men's group. I think the same with our church group and things like that, as well. So, I don't know, I guess I'm saying I think my sense of purpose is not absolutely clear and I don't have a particular project or something completely concrete, but I feel like I'm working towards a direction (laughs). Not always well, but... 

What do you want more of in your life?

Creativity, self-expression. I tend to get stressed out a lot more by lists and productivity. I mean, I can do those things okay, but I just wish... I like reflection. I like connecting thoughts. And that I can communicate that to others a little bit effectively, too. I feel like I spend a lot of time just doing a lot of stuff. So, more space to be creative. So, in some ways I admire a lot of what you're doing because, in many ways, because it feels like you have a purpose and you're finding an expression there. I think that sounds great. And I try to do little things. I dabble. I write songs; I play them for my friends and my family sometimes. But, you know, I think there's a lot more inner life that can happen. 

Do you have anything else you want to put out there?

Yes (laughs). Very few answers about anything absolutely. I've also got to meet some great teachers in my time; they talk about pain that's not transformed is transmitted. So, I just hope that I am doing a decent job of transforming pain that comes in my life and not spreading it out to other people. And I just hope that we can find more ways to be transformative people. I believe, an optimistic thing, that out of hard times like this that we can have something beautiful grow. I've witnessed it many times in nature on our farm; after hard winters, we always have a bloom. There is a resurrection in some way that way. And even though it feels like sometimes it's winter right now, I feel like there's something beautiful that will bloom out. You can look at the MeToo movement - there's parts of that that are extremely beautiful expressions that are coming out in terms of justice. And the people that I work with all the time are talking about with education more restorative justice and having people taking accountability for their actions instead of alway just punishment. We are working on things like, How do you face the wrongs that you've done and try to make right by it? I feel like those are positive glimmers in these spheres that I'm in. I think good things will come. 

Paul Evers passed along Josh's information. Josh immediately accepted the invitation and invited me to join he and his family for dinner before even having met me. The timing for dinner didn't line up, but Josh's hospitality proved to remain rich throughout our conversation.

Moe Carrick

Erin facilitated my meeting Moe and warned me she might be very busy but encouraged  me to persist because my time with her would be "golden". Well, it is true that Moe is very busy, but she graciously made time for this interview and we set up a time to meet at her home. And Erin was correct in saying the time would be golden. Moe's husband, Jim, made me a cup of coffee and I acquainted myself to their sweet dog, Finn, while Moe took care of some last-minute business. Moe's got irons in many fires, but put everything on pause for our chat and was completely present. I was so impressed with her introspection and capacity for empathy. And I genuinely appreciated every moment with her. She gifted me with refreshing feelings of hope and inspiration and I can only hope that was reciprocal. 

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Who are you and how would you describe yourself?

Oh gosh, that's a great question. Well, my name's Moe Carrick and I am a mother and a wife and a daughter. And I would describe myself as those things, but I'm also a business owner, an entrepreneur; I'm a consultant; I'm an author; I'm a gardener; I'm a lover of nature and animals. 

What matters to you?

I think what matters to me the most, when I really boil it all down, is probably my role as mother. And as family member.  I would say that's sort of the core. Like, if I were to die tomorrow, if those relationships were (and are) healthy and true, I feel like that would be a life well lived. Beyond that, a lot of other things matter to me in terms of how we be as a society right now. And my particular passion in terms of the work that I do is about creating workplaces that are fit for human life because I think most aren't. So I'm really invested in trying to create more sustainable work organizations where the people in them can thrive and not be deadened. And, then, there's other things that matter to me, but I would say those are some of the main things. 

What are your thoughts on purpose and whether or not you have one?

I don't know. You know, I think it sort of comes back to - maybe this is just the stage of parenting I'm at - but I definitely feel like it has become very clear to me in the last few years that one of my primary reasons to exist is to raise the children that I have. I have three kids: they are 25-almost-26, 21, and 16, and a stepson who's 32. When I look at them, and I think about the contribution that they can and do make in their worlds, I feel like my work here is done. And I didn't know that was my purpose when I had children; I just sort of had children and, you know, that was that. So I feel like, at a very fundamental level, that the love of my children and the love of family is the main reason why any of us exist - it's to love and be in connection with other people. And I feel strongly that as a human being, I, like most of us, are wired for being seen and connecting. So, that's very central to me. And, I'm a believer and always have been in just really hard work and that we have to give back to the world. We can't just take; we have to actually give back. So I think part of why I exist, also, is the work that I do and the contributions that I make professionally, but also in my volunteer roles around trying to be a pair of hands that is helping to do the lifting of us as a human race and as a society. I feel like I have a purpose to do that. 

What do you think we mean to each other?

Well, I think we mean everything to each other. One of my mentors is Dr. Brené Brown, who I studied with - I'm certified in her approach. She's not the only who said this - lots of others have said it - but I really believe that Maslow had a lot that was right in his hierarchy of human needs, but he had one thing wrong and that was that the need for human connection isn't halfway up the pyramid; it's at the very bottom. And, so, I think part of why we exist as social beings the way we are is so that we can enliven and elevate and support each other to survive, but also to go beyond survival. And so I think we, in community and in our relationships that we have with each other - whether it's at work or in church or in home - we mean everything to each other. 

What does community mean to you and what kind of potential do you see in it?

I have a lot of hope about the potential for community, but I also think it's hard to be in community. There's a lot of complexity there, so I'll just rant some of it... First, for me, when we talk about community, we have to think about the different segments of community because, like, if you look even here in Bend, we aren't just one big community. We are multiplicities of communities that don't always cross over. And I've been thinking lately about an example about that because when my children were younger, a lot of my community was the other parents of their worlds. And there's a bit of a gap between my kids, so they were sort of two different sets of communities. And now that their almost grown - my daughter's still in high school - my friend network is not so much the parents of my children's friends; it's other people, professional affiliations, or volunteer opportunities that I do. And each of those sort of pods has it's own type of connection. And then when you start looking across some of the things that separate us sometimes - the classic isms - you know, whether it's hetero-sexism or racism, we begin to uncover other communities that I'm maybe, for example, not a part of. Like, what's the people of color community here? Or African-American or Hispanic or Native American? I know that those communities exist; I don't carry those identity cards in my back pocket, so I'm not necessarily part of those communities. So then, for me, as a white woman who's upper middle class, I think that I'm always aware of what I know and what I don't know about the community in which I'm living. One of my beliefs is that for community to really be a fabric of support for everybody, we have to really share the leadership of the activities that support community. And that's hard to do. And, speaking for my people, which are white women, I think we sometimes are over-focused on helping rather than sharing the leadership of community. So, I believe that when people come together to solve problems or to avert a crisis or to manage a crisis, we can do amazing things together. But I think there's an awful lot in our society that keeps us from coming together when it's not a crisis. For me, I've chosen to be engaged in the community through the kind of business I run, which is as a B Corp, and the kinds of time that I donate to volunteer activities, whether it's serving on boards or organizing TED or whatever; those are connected to my belief that as a member of the community, I also need to be a contributor to it. And not just for the work that I do that I get paid for, but also for the other kinds of things that people don't get paid for but that still matter. 

I've been thinking a lot about the divisions amongst all the individual campaigns for justice and the separation that seems to be causing. Are there any of these, in particular, that concern you? Or do you have thoughts on what is a white, upper-middle class woman's role in the fight against social injustice? 

Well (sighs), I agree with you that the... and I'm really shocked at how - and this feels like this almost happened in a very insidious way - we've become a very black and white society around how we see issues; where we've dumbed them down. And I don't know whether this is the media's fault or I don't know why this is necessarily, but I feel like it's more common now to have people on opposite sides of the fence resolute in their beliefs with no capacity to reach across and really understand the motivation of another. So, I think that's one issue. 

And the other issue is that, to me, the economic system is broken. You know, this is sort of hard for me to say because I am a business owner; I believe in the fair market and many of my clients are for-profit companies. But the system, and when I say the system I mean the global system - the environmental system and the system of communities, in particular,  between the western world and the rest of the world, but even within the western world here, even in our own community, we cannot have the profit line just go up and to the right every single month with quarter over quarter profits. It is unsustainable and the science has made that absolutely clear to all of us, whether it's between global warming or the economic disparity where people in Sub-Saharan Africa are denuding the forest because they can only burn with wood... it's obvious; we cannot continue to live this way. So, for me, there's so many things that then have to happen for us to change any one of these issues. And one of them is that I, as a wealthy, white woman, have to really look at what is enough. What is enough? For me to buy, for me to own, for me to drive? That's, I think, the first thing. I'm not doing as much, probably, as I want to be there. Jim and I were just talking about, Okay, what does it look like if we go down to one car? Which seems like a very First World problem, but it actually is a problem that we need to solve for. You know, we made some decisions about living here in this neighborhood that are connected to a belief that urbanization is important for us to think about. So, Do I need an acre suburban lot? Can I do this? There's decisions at every point that I face in my life that I need to do better at. But I also think I have - and we have - to challenge the economic modeling of business at its basis to say, What is the common good that we share responsibility for? And this is where our current political environment has become so terribly damaging for me in my mind because we've somehow lost sight of the fact that we must take care of each other. And that we must take care of the Earth. Otherwise, we will all parish. So, taking care of each other means everybody. And that's the part that I think we don't want to talk about. You know, and I include we as white women, we don't want to talk about it. So, what am I willing to lose? Or what am I willing to let go of in order to lift up another? Or to give space for another to try their opinions? 

I met a woman - this was a couple years ago - I was at a TED event and I met this woman who I'm embarrassed to say I don't remember her name, but she was speaking about solutions to poverty. And she was an African-American woman and she was talking about the solutions in her community that are coming from the community themselves. Which is, entrepreneurial solutions, gardening solutions, reduction in violence solutions that were generated truly - generated and tested - from the people in that community. Not from anybody coming in from outside. Not from the government. Not from the non-profit. Not from a white woman who has a big idea about what you should do. And I went up to her afterwards and I was in tears and I said, Thank you so much and you're absolutely right. My question to her was, What can I do to enable and activate what you need to do in your community? And she just looked back at me with tears in her eyes and said, Thank you for asking it that way. Because that's a really different way than to say, What can I do for you? Because none of us want anything done for us. The entitlement system or the privilege-based system that's about giving back or even philanthropy is pretty shallow. It doesn't actually solve root problems and root causes. So, I think we have to go deeper than that. But, you know, for me, first we have to be able to talk about it. And it's one of the reasons I'm involved in TED - because I really believe that TED and TEDx can raise the level of conversation about hard issues. And I've tried to, in my time there as the volunteer organizer, to push the envelope around what we do talk about it. So, in terms of your question, What do I care about? - I care about all of it. I'm particularly activated right now about gun violence, about men, and the high suicide and violence rates and drug-addiction rates that we're seeing in men. And I'm also particularly concerned about immigration. It doesn't mean I'm not concerned about all the other stuff, but, in particular, I'm concerned about those things. 

As a white man talking to a white woman, how do we even have the conversation without so much of the point being lost in the judgment of what we're saying?

I think it's such a good question and here's where I'm at with it: I think feminism, in my lifetime, has benefitted one group more than any other and that is my group - white women. And it hasn't solved all the problems. So, we don't still have fair and equitable wage, we don't have women equally represented in the top levels of organization life and politics. And, for me, a lot of the reasons why is because of some of the more complex issues that we haven't yet dealt with. Like, okay, if women are CEOs, who will take care of the children or the elderly? And what would that mean if men did that instead? And so we have more systemic issues to deal with. But I think while feminism has been benefitting and helping women, in my lifetime, we've seen this tremendous growth of women connecting with each other, elevating each other, having conversations - whether it's from book club to Muse or whatever - women are coming together; white women, in particular. Just if we start with that piece, there's a lot of work to do, I think, for us as white women to look at intersectionality more powerfully. What does the circle of women mean when we really meaningfully start talking to women of color or non-heteronormative women and really working across in those conversations. We're not doing that. We're not bravely doing that and that's an area I have a lot of passion in and am trying to push my female friends and colleagues to think differently. Because our own privilege and our own bias impacts our ability to do that and there's a lot of inculturation of women that still also both defends and protects men. And it's super confusing because we also have our own problems. You know, white women are inculturated to please and also support men as well as to mate with them. And so, it gets all messed up when we try to be in a power dynamic with them in partnership.

So, I think one answer for me is that white women, speaking for my people, we've got some work to do. I'm always reminded of how white women voted for Trump and that broke my heart. Because we had a really good and really capable female candidate and white women contributed in large numbers to electing our current president. And I just don't understand that and I want us to do better about that. And, for me, doing better means that we've got to not only be focusing on women advancing, but we also have to look at in that time that feminism has been resurgent here in our country and in the world, what has been happening to men? And I think what's been happening to men is not much. As society in the last 30 years has changed in so many ways, I don't think we as a society have spent time talking about What does it mean to be a man today? A white man or a man of color. What is masculinity? What about being a provider? What does that mean to men and women? What happens when that gets shared? A lot of women are primary in their incomes today and we don't talk about that. Or if men talk about it, they talk about it with shame. Like, Oh, I make less money than my spouse. When, really, that might be what's best for their family. Men who are stay-at-home dads feel like they don't have a network of people. So, what I see is that the dominant culture, or the white male culture, that we all live in has kind of perpetuated without introspection on it. And so rugged individualism and linear thinking and independent action and non-emotional, rational response and logic as the primary focus - those are attributes of white male culture that have affected all of us, but that culture, in my opinion, has disproportionately impacted white men in ways that we haven't looked at before. Now that doesn't also mean that white men have the vast majority of privilege and power in our system still. But when I look at the young men, they want intimate, emotional relationships with other men and they really struggle to find them. Because men aren't taught how to do that. Women are given much more room for emotional fluency at a young age. Men are taught to show no feelings, except anger. Women are told, Show any feeling, besides anger. So, what that brings me back to is as a white woman and as a mother, I feel like part of my obligation in the world, part of we as women ought to be doing, is to be supporting and activating men to talk with each other - with other men - about what it does mean to be a man today. To redefine new mechanism of masculinity. Just as women have been redefining mechanisms of femininity. I'm not saying we shouldn't also be talking together - I think we should be - but I think there's some work that happens in like groups. And so, it really enlivens me and I feel wonderful when I see men talking with other men. 

A couple months ago, I was at the coffee shop - out at Backporch - and I was sitting next to these two guys who were having a conversation. And I think they must have been from a church because they were taking about something - it might have been abortion or pro rights - but they were having this conversation and I could tell they weren't related; one was older, one was younger. One of them said something like, I disagree with you, I don't believe in that. And the other one, the young man, said, Well, I really want to hear more about how you see it, but I have to bring my blood pressure down a little bit because I'm reacting and I want to be more calm to hear you. And I was so struck. That's all I heard of the conversation, but I just wanted to cheer them on. These are two white guys sitting in a coffee shop, talking about what they're feeling about a hard issue and they're pushing through. I just think, as a society, we have failed to do that. And that we are continuing to message to men some really confusing messages like, Above all else, make a good living. But also, be a really good father and partner. Well, how do you do those two things? Because a lot of the men I know that are working in the corporate world, they actually don't know how to do both. And so they often acquiesce, especially if they're the only income in their family, and they become not a great father and not a great connector in community because they're too busy; they're working all the time, they're traveling all the time. So, we have to talk about that. And talk about the trade-offs and talk about the risks. 

And then, I guess, lastly, I would say that this is where the gun violence thing really, to me, it's like the epicenter of this. Because the majority of group shootings that have happened in the last 10 years are perpetrated by young, white men. Men just like you. And just like my sons. And these men are - now that some of the studies and data are coming out - they are mostly isolated. They're alone and they're hurting. And they're not getting the help or the support from any community before they turn to these acts of violence. Now, there's multiple issues there: the guns being available and all of that. But there's a more profound thing, which is what is happening to the little boy who has had his heart broken because he's being abused at home or because he had a girlfriend dump him or because he thinks he's gay or whatever the issue is. How is our society coming and helping him talk about that really hard emotional thing or trauma in a way that he can heal? And that he can be not marginalized and that he can get help without feeling that he's less of a man. So, that's what I mean (laughs). 

What do you want more of in your life? 

It's funny because my life is really good right now. I feel a lot of deep gratitude right now. In 2016, which is the year that I won the Woman of the Year award from the chamber, which was such an honor; I was really pleased to win that award. But that year was also really, really hard for me. My husband had been diagnosed with his second cancer and had to go through really awful chemotherapy and radiation regiment. My mother, who's in her 80s, had a surgery that required her to lose the use of her arms, and so she was looking at being disabled from being very independent. She lives here so I care for her. And my oldest son was struggling and in trouble and lost to us for a period of time. I remember thinking at that time that all I wanted more of was for my people to be okay. And while that was all going on, I still had to work full-time or even more to support the financial side of our world and to try to keep myself upright. So, today, now that there's more wellness in my immediately family by the grace of whatever higher power you believe in, I feel like what I want more of is, I suppose, I'm always hungry for time. You know, time to relax, time to be with people that I care about. And I'm at that age where, because I work for myself, retirement is sort of this far-off, distant thought - I don't know what retirement will be like for me. At the same time, I love the work that I do and I'm activated by the writing and thinking that I get to do in my professional space. And when I turned 50, I remember my mom said to me, Whatever you do, don't slow down your work in your 50s because that's when it all comes together. And you won't be invisible yet. Because by the time you get to be 60, as a woman, you're kind of invisible. So I feel like I'm sort of still riding that wave of staying, you know, if I'm gonna have an impact, if I'm gonna materialize some of the things I believe in, I still gotta work that hard. But, at the same time, that makes me feel tired and I sometimes think, Oh, I wish I played more. But, I like work, too, so I don't know that I necessarily crave that. Some of my most favorite moments are when I'm sitting with my kids and they're singing music or when I'm walking with my husband in the park and, you know, those are just, in my mind, the gift of those things is time to just be. So, if I were to say I wanted anything, it would probably be that. But, I think, at a really profound level right now I feel like more of nothing. I have everything that I need right now. I am very lucky. And very, very privileged. And so, from that place of privilege, I am driven to say, What am I doing with that? Because to me, none of us choose privilege; we just get it. We don't earn privilege; it just happens to us. And so, how will I use it with grace? And that's something I think about every day. 

Erin facilitated my meeting Moe and warned me she might be very busy but encouraged me to persist because my time with her would be "golden". Well, it is true that Moe is very busy, but she graciously made time for this interview and we set up a time to meet at her home.

Cate Hollister

Katie recommended Cate to me. In our initial correspondence, Cate warned me about the plastic cows, but I had forgotten that tidbit, so they came as a surprise when I saw them along her driveway. She was walking her four dogs when I arrived, which was just perfect because I brought my dog along. So, the first thing we did was take a walk to let the dogs acclimate to one another. And that set the tone for what would be a few hours of learning about each other. Cate made some cacao and we chatted and shared experiences and thoughts. She was up for it wholeheartedly. And I was up for it wholeheartedly. And when two people are equally up for it, a really beautiful energy settles. I got the sense that Cate is pretty much up for it, whatever that is, all of the time. 

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Who are you and how would you describe yourself?

I'm a lot of things that are indescribable (laughs). Well, my name of origin is Cate Hollister. I am from a long line of pioneers. Ha! To say the very least. And grew up on ranches and open space, natural living, organic, before it was organic or even that word existed. And we were totally sustainable on these ranches. And I grew up a really wild and free life. A lot of brothers, a lot of wild - a lot of wild (laughs). And I kind of came into this world with very few parameters, very few boundaries. Though, I did have a mother who had some pretty tight boundaries that I couldn't really respond to. But, for the most part, my life was a really wild and free life and I was free to do whatever I wanted to do. And lots of animals, lots of connection to nature; nature was the foundation for everything. Nature was the elixir, you know, of life. So I am a wild being in that sense. I like to know the rules so I can break them (laughs). In a way that works for everybody. 

But, anyway, who have I become since then? I'm a mystic, of sorts. I believe in a higher source and I respond to that. I flow with that. I believe life is about finding the wave and riding it. You know? And sometimes that wave takes you and it just pummels you and there's two or three sets behind that that you come up for air and it pummels you again. And I've learned to just relax when that wave pummels me because when I relax it lets go and I'm allowed to come up and breathe. But if I fight it and I struggle, then it holds me down longer. Yeah, so that's my perspective on life - is how to stay on the wave, how to stay with the flow. And create an energy-rich environment in my world all the time. Right? 

So, these dogs that are right here right now are all part of that (laughs) and they love the energy. They love being right here, as you can tell. So much our world is conditioned to be energy-neutral and we're comfortable there. Right? It doesn't ask much of us. It's safe. Quote/unquote safe. And energy-rich really challenges you; it pushes you to your edge. And if you can come out the other side of that, it just brings on more and more richness. I think I live every day and I'm like looking for the magic. You know? Where is the magic? This is the magic, right? And it's so fun when you're aware and conscious of looking for magic because it shows up everywhere. And what's life about but to live that magic? Yeah, I think that's a general idea of where I'm coming from.

 I've also been in my life a really disciplined athlete in every single sport you can imagine. I take sports and I refine, refine, refine - or I did - until there was perfection and until I was deemed worthy and proving myself in every possible way. I did 14 years of rowing crew and that allowed me to continue to prove myself in every way possible until I realized one day that I had done it all and there was no more proving needed. So now, living in Bend, I get to just enjoy these sports and just play. You know, I think playing is my source of energy. So people kind of think, Oh, you get to go to do that or get to go do this. You're so privileged. And it's like, no, it's necessary. Because I believe my interactions in the world - whoever I come in contact with - it is my responsibility as a human being to help them to raise their vibration. 'Cause if we can all raise our vibration together and live in this energy-rich life, then what would the world be? Taking people out of the unconscious of energy-neutral or energy-poor and bringing 'em into a conscious life - that is what we're here to do for each other. And they may not have a paycheck and that may not have a job title, but it's super important. It's probably the most important thing you can do. What you're doing here with these interviews is the most important thing you could do - is connecting to other human beings. Because that is what we all need. You know, we're in this desperate place. Our children are growing up with anxiety, isolation, depression. And that is because of lack of connection. So, how do we connect? And how do we go out and promote connection and make it a part of our lives? If we all did that, we wouldn't be in the situation that we're in. So that's what I'm passionate about.

What matters to you? What motivates you? Where does your spark come from?

My spark is just a part of who I am and I honor it and I recognize it and I feed it. I feed it with a healthy lifestyle. And I make sure to nurture myself so that I can nurture others. Probably some of my biggest topics - number one is how do we show up? Consistently. We all have emotions which are to be embraced. I mean, emotions are the whole reason we're here. And we label those emotions with our human nature, right? We think that anger or frustration or anxiety - it's all bad. We label that as bad, but that's part of the human condition. And if we can drop into those emotions and... I use this acronym, F.O.A.L. F is feel it. Just feel the emotion when you get it. Emotions can only last 60 to 90 seconds. So if we really just drop into them and just feel it, right? And then O is observe it. Kind of observe it from the outside because we're mostly external beings. If we can get out of our body and look at it from the outside, we can observe. And then A is just accept it. Allow it. We're so busy fighting against what we perceive as negative energies. But allow it, right? Integrate it as part of who you are. And then L is just love it. Love yourself. Love the emotion. And again, integrate it because it's part of who we are. So this fear of emotion and, you know, what you resist persists. So, if you allow it, it's allowed to just... you know, it just wants a little attention. 

So I really am interested in emotional intelligence. It's interesting, I grew up in a very academic world. Very academic. And ever since I was young I was like, What about emotional intelligence? Why doesn't anybody value that? 'Cause that's where my jam is - is emotional intelligence. This whole academic thing is important on a level, but if you don't have any emotional intelligence to go with that, then you're out of balance. So, for me, finding the balance is always... that's a part of also another thing that I'm really passionate about is how do we find our balance? And that's by having a really conscious perspective on how you approach the world and how you approach everything. Everything, right, is all about perspective. And if we have an energy-rich perspective on things and that all of this is happening for our benefit, for our learning, for our growing, then it's all awesome. Even if it seems, I mean, I've been through the craziest last three years and I'm like, This is great! My dad dies - I'm trustee of his estate, which I had no idea what I was doing. I went to India with nine students through a gap year program and led them through India for three months and had no idea what I was doing except I knew if I came from my heart, I would know. And that was incredibly challenging and yet incredibly... like the only way to get to the other side with this energy richness is to do the hard stuff. And to benefit as many humans as you can, which can get messy sometimes and then, if you're coming from your heart, everybody rises up out of it. That's again what it is - is how do we rise up and out of it together? Not one over the other. 

And that leads me to the other thing that I'm passionate about right now is this women's movement. Which is awesome, right? We've been in a patriarchal society. The matriarchal has forever been suppressed. Especially those of us who are mystics; we've had lifetimes where we've been tortured and we haven't been able to have our voice or speak. So now there's this whole MeToo movement and women are moving up and it's great. And, I see this at the expense of the masculine. If we would understand that we are a balance of the masculine and the feminine, we can't be stepping on anybody else. We have to rise up together. So I have such a compassion, especially growing up with the masculine and so many boys and men in my life, is how do we rise up together? As human beings. Not as men, not as women, but we're all a balance of the masculine and feminine. How do we get into that balance and rise up together and make a difference in the world? So, that's a big thing in my world right now. I'm really compassionate about men and how men are trying so hard to step out of what was the patriarchal society and they want to support women. And women need to step in and support men. So that we can all just enjoy this world together. And not at the expense of somebody else. 

What do you think we mean to each other? 

You know, connection is probably the most important thing. Without each other, we're isolated, depressed, anxious. We're lost. I started ecstatic dance probably six, eight months ago. It was so interesting because I had all this external freedom and I really exercised that and I never really paid attention to my internal freedom. And ecstatic danceunlocked that in so many ways. I'm serious, if the whole world could do ecstatic dance... let me tell you, I was like, Ecstatic dance? I am NOT doing that! No way. I'm like this athlete... And I'm telling you, this is one of the greatest sports of all time - is ecstatic dance. And it's about connecting with other humans. It's a total breakdown of all the rules we have about not connecting and giving each other space. And it's about just letting all of that drop. Connecting with other humans in a way that's non-judgmental and just about love and connecting. And when we get in that environment, it's amazing what lifts out of that. And how healthy the humans are that do this sport. I've had so many people go in there and they're like, I'm just not in the mood to do this. And they can't help but free their spirit - free their soul. And once you've freed your soul, there's no going backwards. You know? What I've realized, once you have a roadmap to energy-rich - just what I'm calling it right now - once you have a roadmap to really feeling connected to life and to all of us who... we are all one. We just have this polarity where we think we're separate. We think you're sitting there and I'm sitting here and that we aren't connected, but we are one person. Maybe not one person, but one energy, right? And so right now our energy is doing that like infinity thing - connecting. And every time you connect with a human, that's what's happening. I don't fix people anymore and I don't even suggest what might be best for them because I don't know, but I'm telling you ecstatic dance - and I never thought I'd say this - is probably one of the most  important things that we can do to teach us how to get out of our ego, out of our minds, and into our bodies and into our spirit and just conjure magic together. And it's not woo-woo; it's real. It's real and not real. So, essentially, what that has created for me is a roadmap. If I'm in that lower-vibrational state, you know, some kind of lower energy, I allow myself to be there because I have the roadmap out. I just play some music and I start dancing. It's so easy once you have that roadmap out, so you can just be wherever you need to be and accept that and then go, Okay, I'm done with that. 30, 60, 90 seconds, seriously. And then you go turn on the music and you dance around your house and your back up again. 

At first, I couldn't hold the vibration for long. I can hold it and then I go into energy neutral, which was fine. It's fine. You know, everything's fine (laughs). But I wasn't accepting of fine anymore. I had decided, especially when I moved to Bend, that I am only accepting of an extraordinary life. Period. So, every day I know I am here to live an extraordinary life. And I have a roadmap to that. And so, I can just play around in all of these other areas and I'm now holding that vibration because it doesn't take any energy to hold an energy-rich life. Because you're all of the sudden in that flow and the flow just holds itself - it doesn't take any energy. It takes a lot of energy to be energy- neutral or -poor because you're just struggling and you're resisting and it's persisting. So, it's finding what your jam is in life. What inspires you? What do you love? And that's not just a cliché. It is what do you love. Because that is what's gonna give you an energy-rich life. And if you can weave that into your life somehow, you can flow. 

What does community mean to you?

It is a really complex question. I first go to, What does community personally mean to me? And I'm out here on 20 acres and part of me is like, This is a place for community. And how do I weave in community - and maintain my privacy? There's this funny thing. I'm such a community person, but I also really value my privacy. And is that polarity? Hmm. I don't know. I don't know many people that would disagree with that. How do we live in community in a way that's energy rich for everybody? And what that means is everybody needs to be on board with doing their work. If we're all doing our work and doing our best - which, I really do believe we're all doing our best with the capacity that we have, right? There's nobody that's better than anybody else. There's nobody that's more evolved than anybody else. We're all on our own journeys. And we're all right where we should be, I believe. And we are doing our best. And what does that mean for community? It means the more that you do your own work, the more you can affect others. And again, then you can come from a perspective which is more accepting and more connecting of those that may be coming from a different place. 

Community is non-negotiable. We're on this planet to be in community. And I think that with the ego involved, there's this thing about humanity where everybody's striving to be more than somebody else and by putting someone down that somehow raises the other person. Which is not necessarily true. So, how can we live and let live and appreciate each other for the gifts that we each bring to the table? That's community - is everybody contributes. And I think that when we get to a place where everybody realizes their gifts... right now, we really recognize people if they have a monetary support system and they're paid for what they do, then they're valuable. One of the hardest questions for me is, What do you do? It's like, Well, how much time do you have (laughs)?  Because I do a lot, but is it valued by our society? Is it understood? Not necessarily. So when you're in community and if you're only valuing off of one system that we've put in place... it's just like our educational system that teaches to one... it's such a one-dimensional educational system that teaches to only one type of person. Then everything's skewed and everything's out of balance. So I think what community is to me is how do we be in balance together so that we can have a vibrant community? And everybody's in balance, everybody's contributing. I think that's the other thing that's super important in our world is when you're not contributing, you don't feel an investment and then you don't feel valuable and then you move into a place of I don't fit in and then isolation. So we all need to be contributing even though we think that might be hard. It's like, I don't want to contribute because that takes energy. But if you contribute in a way that your soul speaks to it, then you start to vibrate higher and higher. And you're like, I have purpose in this community! And so if we all find a sense of purpose within a community, then it can work. And if we find balance within ourselves, it can work. And I think we're moving towards that. I really do. 

I have a very optimistic outlook for where we're going. You know, it's pretty exciting. And it's intense. And it's okay. It's gonna have to get intense for people to wake up and start contributing in a little bit of a different way that's maybe more true to themselves as opposed to true to others. 

What concerns you about all the individual movements regarding social injustice as opposed to our being generally interested in equality?  

Well, what's interesting is I think by labeling anything, you're creating polarity. And you're creating separation. I really have never been able to tag on to anything trendy. I'm a vegetarian 95% of the time - I don't tell anybody. I just choose not to eat meat. I don't care. I'm a vegan most of the time - I don't tell anybody. It doesn't matter. You're just creating separation every time you label something. And I don't believe in labels. I understand MeToo. I understand Black Lives Matter. I understand We All Matter. And we're all on this planet and there is no separation. We are separating ourselves in this condition that we're in right now. And what I love about our situation right now - and I'm sorry, I have to be optimistic because I don't know any other way to be - because there's gifts in everything all the way down to Trump being president. It doesn't matter whether you believe in him being president or not, what he is doing - and I know the minute he became president, it was completely unbelievable to me and also it was like, Oh, this is life just showing us that this is an F-ing illusion. And if we can buy into that, if we really think this is real, what it's doing and what he's doing, which is so great - he's exactly where he should be and exactly what we need. Right? We couldn't have stood eight more years of status quo. Our world can't wait. So, Trump comes in - Trump can be anybody, whatever - he's the catalyst for raising up all this stuff that's been there. It's always been there. But it's been hidden and we haven't been able to see it. And I credit him for being the catalyst for bringing that stuff up. And now we can see it. And now it's making us squirm. 

I don't believe in privilege - a privileged way of thinking. We all can think however we want. And we all can have our own perspective. That doesn't take money. That doesn't take time. It takes perspective. And if we all could just wake up to us all being human beings on this planet - not even human beings; beings, sentient beings - everything that's alive on this Earth has an equal opportunity. And as humanity, we have a responsibility to taking care of this Earth and taking care of this planet, whatever that means. We're just getting so lost in the details. So lost and distracted in the stuff that doesn't matter. If we focused on the stuff that mattered, which is nature, which is our planet - which holds us and which we're totally disrespecting in general which then cuts our lives shorter and ends humanity, so I don't really understand that - to me, you just take it down to the most simplistic form, which is how do we keep this planet alive and not get distracted by gossip and ego and all that shit that just keeps us separate from connecting. I think connecting is just so painful for some people. You look at this planet and the beauty around you and the beings and the animals and everything and I know that my heart can't handle if anything happens to them. If anything happens to other humans, it's because of our neglect. Because of our short-sightedness and our unconsciousness. 

I'm not quite sure where that question was, but I just know that where we're at right now is because of separation. Is because we're not looking at this as we are all equal. And we are all on this planet together and we need to support the existence of everything on this planet. Because that's what carries us forward as a species. So, what's happening right now is totally necessary. It's waking people up. And, honestly, it's about waking people up and however you have to do that. Sometimes it takes what's happening right now to wake people up. If we were in a sleep like we have been for eons, we can't make a change. We kind of have to blow this shit up. Just got to Blow It Up. So that we wake up and go, Whoa! Okay, I'm awake now and I don't like what I see. And I'm gonna make a difference. And so you've got movements. You've got people all of the sudden waking up and, you know, my kids actually understand what the political system is now. They understand who's in office. They understand what's going on. And it kinda took that drama to wake them up. But then they're like, Hey, wait, we don't like this. And then they find their power. They're like, Wait, I have power to change this. And we all have that power, but we forget. So, every day, we choose our lives. And we can choose, as an individual, as a consciousness, we can choose how we want to move forward. And how we want our world to be. And it's not just a few 1% that's controlling this world. Even though it may appear that way. We have the power. And if we connect and come together, move out of our separateness and into our connection, everybody will feel part of this. And, you know, then you got it. Simple as that (laughs). 

What do you wish for the future?

(Sigh) You know, I wish for the future what I feel that we're moving towards right now, which is people are just popping up - they're just waking up. And I wish for us all to wake up and realize we're connected and that we can't live on this planet unless we're working together and we're connected and we have a common interest of creating a better place for everybody on the planet. Not just for a few. 

It's so interesting. I've traveled so much in my life and I've never understood borders. It doesn't make sense. I was just in Southeast Asia - Laos, Cambodia, Vietnam, Thailand - I'm like, This feels really similar to me, the energy here. But it's like, Oh, but it's a different country. But it's like, No, it's not. One of the biggest things about travel is just to realize what a cohesive world we're living in. We're all the same. We all want the same things. We all want joy. We all want just to feel content in our lives. And that's what I wish for the world. I've been wearing peace signs and peace sign earrings, peace sign belt buckles since I was five or younger and I've always been about peace. How can we bring peace to the world? It means including everybody. And honoring everybody. And when you travel you just find the love in everybody. I go to India - it's my most favorite place because I drop in there and I'm home. And it's chaos and it's crazy and I'm home. And I've figured out just for myself how to be home wherever I am. How to find that centeredness and groundedness, no matter what situation and wherever I am. And we can all find that. And if we can find that balance and centeredness within ourselves and be connected to ourselves, then we can be connected to others and realize there is no winning anything. There's no competition for who's coming out ahead here. 'Cause in the end, we all end up in the same place. 

Katie recommended Cate to me. In our initial correspondence, Cate warned me about the plastic cows, but I had forgotten that tidbit, so they came as a surprise when I saw them along her driveway. She was walking her four dogs when I arrived, which was just perfect because I brought my dog along.

Paul Evers

Angela put me in touch with Paul. He tried to get out of the interview by immediately referring me to his wife, but I twisted his arm. I make a point to not do much research on folks before I meet with them as I prefer the genuine nature of meeting someone face to face. My only point of reference for Paul was an image that Angela sent to me as Paul (spoiler alert!) dressed as Santa Claus, so I was surprised when Paul answered the door as a much younger man than I imagined. We exchanged a few emails before meeting and even spoke on the phone and his kindness in every interaction really made me excited to meet him. We sat over coffee in his living room and chatted about many things before we got into the particulars of the interview and it was during that time that I understood his genuine, kind nature and the sincerity in his interest and care for others. We ended our time together with a hug. That’s how nearly every one of these interviews ends. And isn’t that remarkable? Strangers meet and talk for an hour or so and then embrace before parting ways. That exchange staying with both parties for as long as we let it - shaping the day and, hopefully, the more distant future.  

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Who are you and how would you describe yourself?

That's a great question. That's pretty poignant, right off the bat. Can I expand on that or do you want a quick answer? There was an allegory once of this woman who died and went to heaven and god asked her, Who are you? And she said, Well, I'm Mary Smith. And he said, No, I didn't ask you what your name was; I asked who you were. Well, I'm a wife and a mother of four children. No, I didn't ask you about your relationships or your family; I asked who you were. Well, you know, I've been a secretary for 37 years. I didn't ask you what you did; I asked you who you were. And that is the simplest and the most challenging question that I have pondered in my life. So, who am I? My background has been creative services branding for clients. And we would always say, You need to understand who you are so we need to come up with a simple statement: this is your purpose - reason for being - and then everything ladders up to that and that's why you make what you make and why you're building meaningful connections to consumers, blah blah blah. But to be able to do that for oneself - when we go through life and it's just this amalgamation of all these disparate things that somehow make up who we are... I don't really have a short answer for that. And I'm not sure a short answer captures it, in a way. 

I was born the youngest in a family of nine. So I was born into a tribe - into a community. My wife, Mary, and I were talking last night and I've really come to some clarity on the way I came into this world left an indelible imprint on me and set the trajectory for my 56 years on this planet. I was born into a tribe and I learned through just the natural way the family operated and worked that I was not that important. I am one of many. The other thing that I think left an indelible imprint on me is I was due in July and I was born in August; I was a month overdue. So when I came out of my mother's womb, I was covered in my own shit. And I, of course, I don't remember that - I am not conscious of it - but I think that left an imprint of humility on me. I was born covered in my own shit; they had to clean me up. And I'm the youngest of nine. And it just oriented me - I didn't come into this world beautiful and perfect and into a perfect environment. I came into it very imperfectly and, if you're looking at it through a certain lens, it was ugly, you know? So I think that that really defined me early on. 

I had been in the search for I'm gonna say maybe 15, 20 years for like, What is it that is my purpose in life? And I could tell you all the things that I cared about, all the things that I valued. But what is my purpose in life? And I attended this conference a year ago October - it was called Bonfire conference and it was for entrepreneurs and business leaders and visionaries. It was a great conference - a lot of great speakers, very benevolent people, inspiring. But at the end of the conference one of the organizers, Steve Barham, asked this question of the group and everybody was handed these pieces of cedar and a Sharpie marker and said, Write your purpose on this piece of cedar. And then it just kind of came to me in that moment and I'm super grateful for it. I have that piece of cedar sitting below my monitor as a constant reminder of what I'm all about because it really just spoke to me at that time and it has continued to resonate with me. And it was, Build meaningful relationships. That is what my sense of purpose is in the world. So, I'm a relationship person. I love people. I love getting to know people and building meaningful connections, not just superficial. Like when you go to an event - it's a party or a gathering or something like that - and the first thing people wonder is, What does he do? What do you do for a living? Isn't that a silly question? What you're asking is, What do you do to make money? And then you kind of size people up and decide who's the most important or who could you leverage to enhance your economic standing or viability or whatever it is. So, who am I? I would say I'm a person who has a passion for building meaningful relationships.

What motivates you? What is your purpose? 

One of the things that I'm aware of is that I'm an introvert. I don't appear that way to most of the people that I know. If I told them I was an introvert, that would surprise them. So, where I get my energy is often - or what motivates me is often - times it's about recharging my batteries in being isolated or alone or in a comfortable environment or turning things down. But what gets me excited about living in this world is really relationships that matter, that mean something, where you have a real connection - authentic and vulnerable and real. It's not just with people - I have some great friends. I love my time with my wife. We just bought a teardrop trailer and we're trying to get an understanding of how we're going to use it and spend time in it. Last Sunday, we made some homemade margaritas and we played cribbage in it. And just the time together was so fun and we laughed. Relationships is what motivates me but then I have to isolate and recharge my batteries and go back out. But I get excited about relationships. People that are willing to be themselves and be authentic is what I get excited about - when you can talk about real things. And then that extends to the environment, as well. Having a real, authentic, and raw experience in the undeveloped natural versus manmade - relationships with water, mountains, animals - connecting. 

What do we mean to each other? 

My perspective would be we're on a journey. Metaphorically, it's like the pioneers crossing - migrating into Oregon or something; we're all moving into this new, this ever-changing dynamic world out there. We were talking about technology and how that's changing the way we interact with the world. It's on a screen. But What do we mean to each other? suggests meaning and meaningfulness. We're partners on a journey. So, if we help each other, then there's meaning. If we're in it for ourselves, then we're not really connecting with others. But our meaningfulness to others or others to ourselves is diminished the more superficial we get. The more real we get, the more we're able to help each other. We understand that we are on a common journey together. Even though sometimes we think we're independent and moving off and blazing our own trail. 

What does community mean to you? 

Community, to me, is something that enables us to do something far greater than what we can do as individuals - isolated. For me, when you're in community and working with others, your life is enhanced significantly because you're learning from the perspectives of others and you're being challenged. There's accountability with community that helps us elevate. And we curate our own communities - and some choose to curate communities that reinforce their set of beliefs and I believe it's far more advantageous to curate communities that challenge you. So, I am part of dozens of communities. My family is a community. And isn't it beautiful when you love each other unconditionally, which is impossible really - we have a hard time getting rid of all conditions - but to have a persistent love and interest and care for each other that surpasses challenges or limitations that we all have - our own failings. And then I have a group of men that I've gotten together with for 25 years almost now. It ranges from 12 to 20. And we do things together and we're willing to be honest and open and vulnerable with each other - real. That's a community. What does it mean to me? Well, it's being able to be real and have people care about you, help you, but also challenge you. And you can create things together that's amazing.  And then there's the community of Bend and there might be a faith community. But if we're superficial about the way we engage with community... it's a pretty shallow game. It doesn't really mean much. 

What are your thoughts on social injustice. 

I think our culture is filled with prejudices. And we all develop prejudices. And when I think of social injustice I think of people who come into this world with a disadvantage of some sort that hampers their ability to have access to all the things that some of us who are privileged have access to. Social injustice is an interesting term. Social justice is a passion of mine and I think that I am concerned about perceived injustices. And I think we get caught up in arguments about What is justice? What's injustice? and we're blinded to some degree. Gender injustice, racial injustice, economic injustice. My prayer and my hope is that we all treat each other not as the same - we embrace and celebrate diversity, whatever that is. When we got off of our high horse and we understand that there's a thousand paths to the top of the mountain - not just one right way - that there's all, many different ways in which we can approach life and be good people and care about community and the environment and those things. That we all just treat each other with an equal level of respect and not fall prey to prejudices. I wouldn't be honest if I didn't say I don't have my prejudices. I have issues with people who are passionate supporters of Trump. Then I judge them. We tend to generalize and classify people. It concerns me, largely because technology and social media is just amplifying and strengthening sort of the disparity of thought and reinforcing belief systems that are bad, negative, and tear down communities. 

Where does greed come in? 

There are beautiful things that happen in really hard and bad times. I would say the community of Bend benefitted significantly from the Great Recession. In 2004 or 2005, the scale and the velocity and the intensity around real estate development and what was happening in our community, where we saw this shift and change over to greed and grabbing at money... people were just kinda getting drunk on fumes of money. It had a really negative impact - economic, the vibrancy of the economy here was unprecedented, yet our community was becoming less and less meaningful and rich and was more oriented towards the shallow pursuit of wealth. And when the recession hit, it was really hard on Bend. Deschutes County was the second hardest hit area in the country outside of Detroit. And there were real estate developers that decided to take their own lives. You know, a lot of stress. A lot of stress happens around money. Commitment and losing everything and I guess our identities are so strongly tied to that. 

But there was a maturation process that happened. Those that were purely interested in wealth and money, they evaporated or they left or they migrated away, and the town had to come together. I felt like before that, Bend was kind of like a teenager that hadn't fallen and gotten hurt yet or hadn't had a bad thing happen. And it's through those challenging times that there's kind of a solidification. I think what happens in those times is if you're gonna make it, you're gonna band together and we feel a sense of solidarity. What we're really getting out of that is a stronger sense of connection to others, right? We're helping each other. And then when we're economically fine and everything's cool, we get distracted or attracted and drawn over to this illusion of what we think we should be, which is to accumulate and amass and look better and buy a nicer house and have all these luxuries or things that are nice that, really, they don't add any value, but we believe they do add more value to your life. You know, being involved in a start-up, it's really hard. We have to work hard together. We're not making any money and we're living simply. There's a romanticism around that because we have to work together. If I look back on my 32-year marriage with my wife, we reflect romantically on Remember when I only made a thousand dollars a month and rent was 425 dollars and our first-born was... and we're expecting and I was unemployed and we weren't making any money and we had to figure out how to do it. It was this romantic vision because we... you take all this materialism and strip it away and what you have is really what's a more pure form of what life is all about and it's just really about people making meaningful connections and actually helping each other out. That brings about more prosperity, which is a more of a holistic sense of... I'm not just talking about financial, but emotional and mental and spiritual prosperity.  

If all the social interests are essentially competing against one another, what is the thing that will bring us together? 

Well, it worries me because fear's a powerful thing. I think fear drives all that stuff, right? We're afraid of illegal immigrants. We're afraid of LGBTQ community. We're afraid of all these things - they somehow pose a threat in our minds. And it's fear that drives prejudice. We don't understand it, so we're afraid of it. Or there's a moral fear of some sort. But spiritual leaders, church leaders, political leaders have been leveraging fear since the very beginning to, really, ultimately corral an audience behind them for power. The ultimate thing is to - what I aspire to do is to not judge and to respect and love every human as if they were already at the highest form of humanity. And to not be afraid. I have to challenge myself to do that. 

I was on the MAX in Portland about a month ago. I had to take it to go to a business meeting at Portland State. And I didn't know where to get off. I had to change MAX trains. I needed to give the people I was meeting with an ETA. I didn't know how long it would take to get to Portland State and I walked up and down the train car and I thought, Who am I gonna ask? Who am I gonna sit next to and ask? There's a pretty diverse collection of folks on the train, which is great, and I saw this man. He was Latino and tattoos all over his body and all over his face, his neck. He had words tattooed on his forehead and I didn't know what they meant. I would look at that person and say, Wow, you got a... that's a threatening figure right there. I don't know what's driving the desire to have your face all tattooed like that... I falsely equate that with anger, violence, you know, a disturbed state of being, whatever. These associations are preloaded and you associate with that person. And there were lots of other open seats and I thought, I'm gonna challenge myself to sit next to that person and ask that person. I want to stretch my understanding. I've never sat and had a conversation with somebody whose face was tattooed with sayings and words and images that look threatening. And so I sat down next to him. I'm a vulnerable white guy. I'm not the image of strength (laughs). I've only been in one fight - I was in 5th grade. I'm not a fighter. I don't know how to do that stuff. So I, in a very vulnerable state, sat next to him and I asked him when I could get off or what's the ETA to get to Portland State. And he opened his mouth and started speaking to me and it was a very kind voice. He wasn't assertive. He wasn't any of these things that I imagined he might be. And then he checked in with me half way there - he had expressed concern that he gave me the right information. He wanted to make sure that I was okay. You know, the antithesis of what you would expect. But to break down those prejudices and just treat somebody like a human being with respect and care and concern, that requires being able to deal with whatever these fears are that you're preloaded with and that you project onto populations without even knowing them or who they are or who they really are. There's a lot of competing causes and concerns and it seems like we want to isolate... but I think if we championed equal respect, then that's a blanket - equal respect for everybody, that's a blanket cause. I just wish that we would all, with regard to all those issues, we would just treat each other with respect as a fellow human being on this journey. We do need each other. Maybe we don't think we need each other, but I think - I believe - the community is greater if we all invited each other to be a part of each other's lives. We would all learn and I think enjoy life a lot more. If we get over those fears. 

What do you want more of in your life?

Quality time. Time well spent. Engaging with other people. Like this interview - I mean, this is during the workday and I'm like, I should be working. There's other things I need to be doing with that time. I feel a sense of obligation that somehow I'm obligated to others to a company... whatever it is. And I said, No, I'm going to carve that time out as time well spent in rich and meaningful conversation. So, its more of this. I got together with a guy that I've know for twenty-some-odd years last night and we we're talking about real stuff. You know, real stuff. Talking about masculinity and femininity and, you know, the pitfalls that men fall into in trying to create this bravado image. I love that. I could go on for a long time. Because that's adding real quality to life. 

You got anything else you want to put out there?

Well, maybe. I think we would all have a stronger community if we cared more about each other. Maybe not just respected each other but cared for each other. Want to help each other. In a way that's constructive. You know, not just enabling or reinforcing negative patterns or behaviors, but really caring for each other. In ways that don't just exclusively benefit you as the person. You know, we can be very manipulative with our social work and concern and care for others. What's your real motivation? It should be out of genuine interest in other people. Not about building up your own image equity as a good person or whatever it is. 

Angela got me in touch with Paul. He tried to get out of the interview by immediately referring me to his wife, but I twisted his arm. I make a point to not do much research on folks before I meet with them as I prefer the genuine nature of meeting someone face to face.

Kristy Starr

I came to know Kristy by way of Katy. And it just so happened that I heard some of Kristy's story on the Dog and Pony radio show on KPOV just before meeting her. I didn't know what she looked like, but as I made my way into the front door of her office, she was standing right there with a smile and an anticipatory look that likely matched mine. We sat and chatted for about an hour before the interview even started and chatted for another hour after it was done. Her warmth and enthusiasm are such wonderful traits as is her willingness to ask questions and listen and learn and share. I really enjoyed my time chatting with her. It's no wonder that she is finding success in her endeavors. 

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Who are you and how would you describe yourself?

I'm Kristy Starr and I would say I am a person who is passionate about helping others and, as I grow in my career and my future, hopefully I can bring other people along with my success. 

What matters to you? What motivates you?

I would have to say education. I personally don't do very well with reading or even like watching documentaries and stuff like that - that's not how I learn. So the way that I've learned to enrich my life is by talking to people who are specialists in their area. So like, for instance, somebody who is really good at marketing - I can talk with them and then I'm automatically getting a peer-reviewed system where I don't have to go and read about it, I can just learn about it from people. In all honesty, I don't have a TV... my entertainment is learning and it's almost through people. And so I've found myself building relationships and then it's kind of selfish in a way, 'cause I get to learn about everything. And I would say learning is huge for me, but I'm so tired of paying colleges to do that for me (laughs). And half the time I feel like I'd go to college and I was like, Why did I even come here? I'm learning so much more out in the field than I am in this darn college. 

What does community mean to you? 

Well, I think there's kind of a couple ways people utilize community. And I think that community can be more of a symbiotic relationship. It can be like I give back to the community and the community gives back to me. And I feel like you kind of develop your own community around yourself, in a way. Like, you build kind of a tribe. There's like a small version of a community, which is kind of like your own little tribe. And then the community as a whole - the culture and the systems that are in it, different things like that - I would say that's a different version of community. So, my definition of community would be surrounding myself with like-minded people that I make them better and they make me better. That would be a community I kind of am developing and feel like I'm a part of. 

Is community something you think is important? 

Yeah. I would say so. I mean, I feel like we're pack animals in a way. You know what I mean? We can't all be good at one thing. And in order to get better as a person and get better as a business owner and become better as a community, you have to work together. And, by doing so, you kind of come up with a group of people that you are like-minded, I think. Like here, our community is sports and outdoors and different things like that and everything's kind of user-friendly for that. Like, the mountain's here and different things like that. So the community aspect - I think you surround yourself with who you want to be surrounded with, I guess. And you choose your spot based on that. 

Is there something that concerns you? And what are you doing about it?

I think what concerns me is how greedy people are. The more of a taker you are the farther you get in the definition of success in society. And so it's like it's almost questioned if you're doing something that's beneficial for the community. It's like, why are you doing it? 'Cause we kind of just know if you're doing something not expecting something back, probably there's something wrong with you (laughs). I don't know. That's kind of interesting 'cause it seems like that's definitely something that's missing - is the whole caring for each other and not giving to take. And I feel like there's kind of like givers and takers in the world. And you kind of have to have both. That's a pretty big red flag is how many people are for profit and for stealing ideas and different things like that. It messes up the dynamic of bettering each other as humans in general. People will, if they're trying to make a difference in the world, a lot of the times it's for greed. 

And overpopulation is an issue. And I feel like the population growing gets us out of touch with each other. So the lack of communication with social media and the lack of human connection there is a little fearful for me. And I feel like we're almost like a profile now - not just a human. It's like whatever we put on the internet to show people what we want them to think we are. And so that, in a way, is a big red flag, too. So that's kind of a little scary, I guess. 

What is your role in the fight against social injustice?

I'm trying to design systems in my life to make it so, whatever business I'm successful in, I never get out of touch with others. And people who I want to stay in touch with. And I mean that kind of socio-economically, too. And then it's kind of one of those things that I always want to benefit good people. It doesn't matter how much money you make, it doesn't matter how much money you don't have. It doesn't matter if you're living in your camper or you're just living off the land. I just want to make sure I connect with everybody. And kind of find a web of people that are like that. And I think the way that I've made myself submerged in this town is I'm finding those people a lot easier. And I don't know why. I mean, I kind of know why. Most of the time, it seems like there's this community of people that I keep interacting with and finding and it's very rewarding to find like-minded people or people who have the same passions as I do. And the same respect for each other and maybe their community or maybe their family. Like, you can have different religious beliefs, but you still have a common core of, I don't want to hurt people and I don't want to steal from them and I don't want to do stuff like that. So, I'm always just trying to find this group of people. I would say having human connections with people kind of helps with that. Having conversation and getting to know people and helping each other kind of leads us all to some sort of success and I feel like it's, in a way, counteracting the greed part. And the way I've designed many of my future endeavors is to kind of make it so I never do get really, really rich and I never do get really, really poor and I just kind of help everyone around me and they help me. 

Where did the idea for Beers and Business Cards come from?

(Laughs) I wanted to get beers with friends and exchange business cards. And I just listened to the feedback around me and learned that there's a need for people who are collaborative, supportive of each other, building systems and relationships with other people that are like - I don't want to say like-minded again (laughs) - that think similar, I guess. And it seems like Beers and Business Cards just attracts a certain amount of a certain type of person. In the way that I advertise and the way that I set it up is that it attracts a certain type of person and those type of people are becoming more successful and those are the people that are investing in our community and helping to make good decisions and often can have a say somewhere - either in this town or in general. Like, wherever they go, they have a common core, kind of. 

My idea was that I wanted to get together with a group of friends and better their business while I got better and as my business got stronger, their business would get stronger. And so I was trying to build that network between us and then it turns out that it's a huge need. And they're all over. Like, everybody needs that. I don't know if there's not a platform for that, but I feel like there is now. Definitely the business just started and I just went with it and followed my gut. And it tends to just stay beneficial for everybody - if I keep protecting it and trying to connect with good people. And those are the people that come and so it just continues to get stronger and stronger. And the impact builds this community of people who are collaborative and they appreciate each other and they're willing to refer names and stuff. And then you build a friendship with these people. 

What do you wish for the future?

To be more in touch, I think. Because when you're more in touch with people, you respect their thoughts. You respect their beliefs. You're willing to talk with them versus at them. You know, sometimes you'll talk to someone and they have an agenda and they're just telling you what it is. And then there's people who you talk to and you're willing to learn from them and they're willing to learn from you. That's what I love. And the whole fracturing system that's kind of... we have like male/female, black/white, [conservative]/Democrat - it's so split. And I mean, financially, there's the rich and poor. There's such a polarized opposite going on. So I want to try and get to those people in the middle. They're not necessarily liberal or they're not conservative. It's just people who are open-minded and willing to learn from each other. And so, that's who I want to hang out with. That's what I love - getting to know people and learning from each other. 

What do you want more of in your life?

More of? Oh, man. Probably structure (laughs). Yeah, 'cause I don't have any. I would say it's gotten to the point where my life is kind of so off the beaten path that I kind of need to get tied back in. Because I lose touch with friends and lose touch with family 'cause my life is so kind of out there and I'm just going with the flow of things and trying to change a lot. But I need a little bit more structure. In my camper, you know, I don't have even a place to live all the time (laughs). I don't think I physically need a connection of any sort, but just to find where my passion is and ground myself and then kind of just grow from there before I just grow all willy-nilly like and not pay attention to where I'm going. 

Do you have anything else that you want to be put out there?

I don't know. It just seems like we all need to build each other up to get to where everybody has something later. So we don't have like the 1% have everything - that means socially, spiritually, economically - I don't want one group of people to have everything and then other people don't. And I think building each other up and finding people who are similar and building each other up financially, emotionally, spiritually - doing all that - can only benefit the future. Like, if everybody's selfish and they only think about themselves, then that's who ends up breeding and having kids and then they teach their kids that. I think a lot of us are kind of over the idea of being like, This is where I want to be. This is my American dream and I'm gonna get there any way I want. I personally am not interested in that. If I'm gonna make it, I want other people going with me. Especially family and friends and just good people that I find along the way. I don't mean financially successful either. I also mean they enjoy their life and they enjoy their job and they enjoy their family and they enjoy their house and doing things with an intention of being happy in the end, I guess. There's too many people that run around just doing the grind and they don't love themselves. They don't love where they are. They can't even enjoy the community they've developed. And so, I guess, my whole goal is just to avoid that. And just make it so everybody lives happily ever after (laughs). Even though that's not realistic. But unless we try, we'll never know. If people just sweep it under the rug and everybody's just doing what they're supposed to be doing, then if there's no shaking up the situation, there's no change. I feel like a lot of people are to the point where they don't want to do that anymore. And they want to not be stuck in the grind of what society tells them they should be. I think there's something beautiful about living outside the norm. And I think it's only beneficial for everybody. 

I came to know Kristy by way of Katy. And it just so happened that I heard some of Kristy's story on the Dog and Pony radio show on KPOV just before meeting her.

Katy Ipock

Mindy introduced me to Katy. They met at a Ladies' happy hour event and Katy had her cracking up. A friendship ensued and now here we are. I met Katy at her home and we chatted in her living room. Katy's a comedian but, fair warning, you'll have to make plans to see her live because she didn't tell any jokes during our interview. She's also a DJ, but you'll need to go to Maverick's to scratch that particular itch as we also didn't do any dancing. We did have a lovely conversation, which you can read and listen to below. She seems to be someone who says Yes! often. And she seems to hold space for our differences while focusing, instead, on what we have in common. Post-recording, Katy shared some material with me, but I'm yet to see her perform. Maybe I'll see you at her next gig? 

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Who are you and how would you describe yourself?

I am Katy Ipock. I am a comedian/producer and also a DJ at Maverick's Bar and Grill. I consider myself a very technical introvert in a sense that I don't get energy from hanging out with people; I get it from hanging out by myself. But a lot of people would be confused by that 'cause everything I do career-wise is very extroverted. I'm a wife. I'm a mom. I like to go find waterfalls in my spare time - I've seen 50 of them so far. And I'm kind of a nerd. I'm not your typical Bendite, for sure. I'm very much a meat eater. A little right leaning, but not enough to be creepy. My family's a lot of hunters. I've never once been on a paddle board. 

What matters to you? 

Bringing joy to other people I think is what does it. 'Cause everything I do kind of ends up coming from a point of making other people happy. The other night I was DJ at Maverick's and I was playing a song and everyone was line dancing and I started to cry really happy tears because I realized that I had created an environment for all these people to create a memory and have a really good time. And I think I get that same feeling from comedy. I don't chase the laughter just because I want validation, although that's why every comedian starts doing comedy. But I like the idea that I can get people to find joy and laughter in what they do.

I did public speaking in high school and my mother had always been on my case about how public speaking is a skill and if you don't use it, you're gonna lose it. I knew I was never gonna go into politics 'cause I don't have a clean enough mouth. And I was never gonna become a motivational speaker 'cause my life is not that motivating. It's very basic and I haven't dealt with that much adversity. Like, I'm not gonna be a motivational speaker. So I just kind of wrote all that off. And then I saw an advertisement for Bend Comedy's open mic and just decided to try it - kind of like an amusement park ride. Just see what it's like, have some fun, whatever. And then I booked two paid gigs off my first open mic and have been pretty much just saying nothing but yes to opportunities for the last two years. 

And then DJing, I danced at Maverick's for four or five years and then their DJ last year had decided that he was ready to do something else - and I don't blame him. I just went, Hey, by the way, I'd love a chance to talk about doing it. And the next week they were like, Hey, you're our DJ. You start tomorrow. So, that's how I started that. 

What do we mean to each other?

I think in the end, it's support. We're all some sort of support for each other. Whether it's a romantic relationship, a platonic relationship, a familial relationship, it's all about who makes you feel supported and loved and comforted. I think we all are each other's support structures. 

What does community mean to you?

I think there is very much something to the idea that you become who you're around. And your community really influences who you are. Community influences your life and the direction that it goes. Not in like a real judgy, like don't hang out with these people sort of way, but if you can find the people around you that emulate what you want from life and the vibe and the attitude, if you surround yourself with those people and create a community of those people around you, then you'll start feeling that vibe and going that direction. And I really enjoy the people that I'm surrounded with 'cause they're all motivated and striving for things and dreamers and creators and entrepreneurs. And so I'm getting that spark and that vibe and, you know, grasping for the hustle like everybody else. And I would hope that I provide the same thing to my community. Hoping to bring that positivity, that sense of humor, that wit, really inappropriate jokes (laughs) - hoping to kind of help other people live a more light-hearted life. I hope that's what I bring to my circle, at least. 

What do you think about our differences? 

I think differences are a beautiful thing. Especially once you start writing enough comedy, you start finding a sense of humor about everything and you start opening up your mind about things you might not have thought about before. So, I love differences. I love talking to people who have a difference of opinion and have a different sense of direction. And in terms of politics and racism, it's the one thing that I don't understand about quote/unquote the right. If we're all about freedom and wanting the government to stay out of our business, then the government should be staying out of everybody's business. You know, it doesn't matter to me who's marrying who - and it shouldn't. We should just love each other. And it's so sad to see people so focused on differences when that's what makes the human race wonderful. If everyone was the same exact person, life would be so boring. I always think about the movie The Incredibles - the kids' movie. And, of course, I think about it because it's one of my husband's favorites. But the villain at one point says, If everybody's a superhero, then nobody could be. That's so profound. But it's the same thing with differences. We have to have differences to have vibrance and color in our life and to experience new things. If everyone is the same person who has the same thought processes, then there would be no new experiences, no new conversations. As someone who used to be on a speech and debate team, I need people with other opinions so I have someone to debate with. Politely, of course. 

What is your role in the fight against social injustice? 

My first thought is always the Be the change you want to see in the world. If you want to see a more inclusive environment, then be a more inclusive person. And that includes people who have different opinions than yours. Even if those opinions might, in a sense, be exclusive. But showing them that love and that inclusivity and like, Yes, we have a difference of opinion, but you're still welcome here might help them see how that's modeled. I think it's so hard for everyone at this point to accept each other because everyone's so busy trying to change each other. So I'm very much a Be the change you want to see in the world. And then on a bigger kind of scale, speaking out is so important. The more voices you can have to a cause, the easier it is for everybody to listen. We can't just let other people fight the fight for us and us just hit Like on the picture. Marches, for anything - I know the March for Life is coming up - those only work if there's a ton of people there. So, you have to kind of get your hands where it can get dirty and put in the work, I guess. 

What is it that creates the disparities?

I have a very distinct theory about this and it's gonna be a little ranty. I blame it all on political science degrees. I think politics turned into a career and people started making money on running campaigns, then you had all these people and all these think tanks working on not how to get the right person elected, but how to get their person elected. And so you started seeing in politics more negative campaigns, you started seeing more personal campaigns, you started seeing more focus on the really divisive issues. And that's why both the democratic and republican party are so focused on their bases and they're not focused on the people in the middle. And as that divide has gotten wider between the republicans and the democrats, and as people have worked harder and harder to get their candidates elected - not caring about what it does to the social sphere - the more that's happened to politics, the more it's happened in real life. That's why people are so quick to judge each other because we are constantly - when we are selecting our leaders - that's what we're judging people on. We're not judging on their good character. We're not judging on their work ethic. We're not judging on how they're going to represent us, we're judging them on every mistake they've ever made and whether they 100% disagree with us. Long story short, I blame political science degrees.

What is it like to be a 3rd generation Bend resident?

I've basically watched this town grow as I have grown. And part of it is exciting. I remember even early '90s, a lot of people having to go to Portland just to do school shopping 'cause there weren't that many stores here. Not that Bend was that small in the '90s, but the cooler, richer kids would still want better stuff than we had at the mall. So some of it's exciting. You know, as a mom with a special needs child, it's nice to have the kind of medical interventions here that we wouldn't have if Bend was smaller. We would be going to Portland every week for occupational therapy and that kind of stuff. And that's here now. This will be sad, but it also means having to watch places that I loved in my childhood being torn down and created into other things. And that's not to say that it's good or bad, but it's just hard to watch your childhood get turned into other stuff. It's bittersweet. 

If my son ends up staying here, this town will be a better support for him than it would have been if it was smaller. But I also know that it will also come with the bigger, big city challenges. I remember being able to leave my bike in my front porch and run around with my friends in the neighborhood and there was no worry at all. And if our bike got stolen, it's 'cause it was the kid down the street and it was on his grass and so we could just pick it back up. Bend is different and a lot of it's good, but some of it's not so great. 

Have you felt criticized or judged or accepted with having a special needs son?

In terms of the school, the school district here is amazing. They have a program called Bridges and it's a classroom specifically designed for kids on the spectrum. And that's been fantastic. And that's something that probably wouldn't have been here if Bend was smaller. So, in terms of his education and supports for his therapies and teachers and doctors, that's fantastic. I feel like we struggle with the same thing any parent does in any city in the rest of the world. It's hard to take him to a grocery store because if he's going to have a meltdown, people don't understand and, unfortunately, when a child is acting up it's very easy for people to judge the parents and glare and roll their eyes. In that moment our son is physically feeling the pain of whatever he's going through, so we're focused on him. And we have people come tap us on the shoulders and tell us we need to take care of our kid or we need to take our kid outside or, you know, You just need to spank your kid more. (Laughs) We've had that stuff said to us. But I don't think that's different than any other community. We just, for the first time in a couple years, ate out as a family. And we hadn't done that in two years because the last time we did, we had to carry a kicking, screaming child out of Applebee's. That's embarrassing, that sucks, but we also don't want to be disruptive to other people who are trying to have a nice meal. So we put it off for two years and we just tried it again. And, luckily, we went to 9th Street Village. Nobody else was there. We played in the bus. It was perfect. It was great. It was fantastic. There's support groups here now for families like ours. There are a lot of supports here, which is fantastic. It's part of the reason why we don't leave - 'cause we have a support network and we have everything figured out here for him. But we still struggle with what I think every family struggles with. You know, the being glared at, the people not understanding. I think that's universal. 

What do you want more of in your life?

Adventure, which I'm working on. In the beginning, when you have a kid, you're kind of focused on your newborn for the longest time and then, when we got his diagnosis, I was going two or three weeks without leaving the house - just being with him all the time. And matching that with kind of a struggle with body image and body negativity, I had really kind of shut myself out from the world for the longest time. And just in the last two or three years, I've embraced body positivity - started doing more things. And so now I'm looking to engage in those experiences that I kept myself from: I'm going hiking, seeking waterfalls. My goal is to see every waterfall in Oregon. Whether that will happen, I don't know. Depending on your definition, there's somewhere between 1200 and 10,000 (laughs), so I'm not holding myself to a hard fast goal, but I'd like to see as many as I can. I love trying new things and new experiences and that helps as a comedian; you have to have new experiences so you have new things to write about - it's just the nature of what we do. But if there's anything I want more of in my life, it's just adventures. 

You have anything else you want to put out there?

If anyone ever wants to try stand up comedy, they should. I think anyone who even has an inkling should try it once. It is one of the greatest rollercoaster rides you will ever go on in your life. So, even if you just go up and tell a knock-knock joke, if you're interested, just do it. Super fun. Line dancing is not as nerdy as everyone thinks it is. Maverick's is not as country as everyone thinks it is, but it is country enough if you're into country. I know that's a weird mix, but it's totally true. And as a lifelong, true Bendite, to people who are just coming here - it is true, we are nicer here than you have experienced anywhere else, so help us keep it that way. And I would kind of like to apologize for any grief that you get. As locals, we've seen a lot of change. And we've experienced a lot of attitudes. And we've had developers come in... people came from out of town wanting the lifestyle we had here, but then wanting to changing to fit whatever. Anyway, I'm apologizing. If anyone gets grief, on behalf of other locals, I apologize for that grief. Just know that we are trying to adjust to the growth as much as our roads are (laughs).

Mindy introduced me to Katy. They met at a Ladies' happy hour event and Katy had her cracking up. A friendship ensued and now here we are. I met Katy at her home and we chatted in her living room.

Shimiko Montgomery

Donna introduced me to Shimiko. They know each other from crossing paths at Family Kitchen. Shimiko was all smiles and enthusiasm and sincerity. Hers is an absolutely contagious energy and one the world certainly needs more of. She managed to free up some time for me in her packed schedule and her newborn did us a favor by napping through our entire interview. Not feeling completely herself because of the lack of sleep that often accompanies a fresh baby, Shimiko tried to convince me to forget this interview ever happened, but I wasn't having it. She's got great things to say, as I am sure you'll agree. 

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Who are you and how would you describe yourself?

Oh my goodness. Who am I? Well, quite simply, I'm Shimiko Montgomery. I'm a mother of three - I think that's the main way to describe myself because I spend the vast majority of my time taking care of little children. I feel like I'm constantly changing, so it's hard to like, That's exactly who I am. And I also feel like I have hopes for who I am and I'm not nailing that every single day, so it's hard to be like, Yes, I'm definitely that. But I would describe myself as enthusiastic for life (laughs) and I think that kind of shapes everything that I do. I'm generally pretty curious and I want to know about people and what they're into and what's going on in our community. It's hard to describe yourself. Do people find this really easy? 

If you know who you are, I want to meet those people. I feel like I will never know who I am. I really enjoy the spontaneity of life. And I think I enjoy not knowing - always changing. That freedom of seeing where life takes me and who I become in each different situation in each different community. 

What matters to you? 

Personally, what matters to me most is family. But then I think of outside of just my family here, what matters to me most is that people are cared for. And I really think that's the bottom line. If you're gonna exist in this world, you need to know that you matter. That you're valued. That your needs are being met. I feel like there's so many people in this world that we can all sort of support one another. And so finding ways to do that in my life has been what matters to me most. 

What matters to me most is these relationships. It's making sure other people are cared for. I see so often there are groups around town that kind of are excluded or they're not quite valued for who they are or people make assumptions about them or these face-value judgments and that really gets under my skin because these are all people that are part of our community. I don't feel like we can be a whole community without getting to know each one of these people. When I think of downtown, where you have these teenagers - kids, really - who are sort of hanging around that walkway area and they hangout by Mirror Pond. You know there's people in our community that feel like those people need to go. And it's things like that that matter to me. Those are people. Those are kids. They have parents. They have hopes and dreams and lives that they want to live. And how can we bring them into the fold? How can we care for everybody in this community not just me and my neighbors and the people that I care about? How can everybody here live into the fullness of who they are? And how can we support that and encourage that? And those are the sort of things that matter to me and kind of shape the work that I do and how I spend my days and what I choose to spend my time on. 

What do we mean to each other?

I think ultimately everyone wants to belong. Everyone has something to contribute to that. So it's not just them personally, like they need to belong. Fulfilling that - everybody wants to feel like they're contributing. But then also I think, for me, I don't feel like our community is whole - I don't feel like our world is whole - unless every person is realized for who they are. When we were living in Bali, the expat community was constantly cracking me up because they weren't like accountants or store owners or doctors. They had found kind of their one little niche. One lady, all she did was design labyrinths. And then another lady, all she did was colon cleanses. You know what I mean? They found their passion. They were living it and they were living it the way that they wanted to live it. And I love that about Bali. And I think that's ultimately what I want to see here. That people are living into their fullest potential and who they feel like they were meant to be. We need to build on those connections. 

What does community mean to you?

It's a space for us to belong. There's so many different communities that I would say I'm a part of. You have the community at large and then I have my church community and then I have my community of mom friends. Of course, you have your virtual community of Facebook and people that you've known throughout your life. Community is just a space where I feel like I am a part of something. In a variety of different ways. You know, we're all multi-faceted like that. We're not just a resident or a home owner. I'm not just a Christian. I'm not just a mom. You know, I'm not just someone who's traveled to a variety of places. I'm all those people. And so to be a part of all these different communities and to belong to all those different communities kind of feeds my soul in variety of different ways. Community, for me, is everything.

As an islander, when I travel to all the different islands one of the common threads that I see is that all of these various cultures really value that sort of communal aspect. Everybody supports one another. If someone is in need of something, it's not like, Oh, that's too bad. It's, How do we come together and support that person? If you have a lot and they have a little, how do we find a way to share that? And your whole identity is wrapped up in this idea of community. I feel like America is very individualistic in that sense. It's a lot of I and Me and How do I get ahead? How does that benefit me? In island culture, it's a lot of We terminology, I feel. Working together and just kind of how they set up their life a lot of times. They live in village communities. They support each other in parenting. They support each other in just about any aspect of life that you can think of and I think that's carried on throughout my life. And every time I've lived here in the U.S., I'm always searching for that. How can I bring that community spirit to the U.S.? Our neighborhood is great. There's a lot of support here. And people are always wanting to reach out and make those connections. I definitely wish there was more of that. But it's really hard because it's set up like that in the Marshall Islands or in Saipan. I actually grew up in Pohnpei - it's just growing up in a community where after work you all gather together and you share meals together and your kids play together. I miss that aspect of island life.

What is one's role in the fight against social injustice? 

I feel like the tide is slowly turning in that sense where people want to learn more about what these injustices are and that gives me a lot of hope. I think our first role in it is to engage - is to actually see what's going on, recognize that these are big issues that communities are facing, that there are lives that are struggling and that they don't have to be struggling and seeing that. And then engaging with these issues - learning about them. When I get in a conversation with someone on any issue and they have no desire to educate themselves about it - that always baffles me. If you see an issue but you don't want to learn more about it, how can we make a difference in addressing this? So, once you engage, trying as much as possible to educate yourself in that area. The one that keeps coming to my mind is the issue of immigration. And the conversation of racism has been going on in this city for a few years thanks to the COCC and their season of nonviolence. They've been having these community conversations every year about racism and holding this book study that revolves around some sort of book about racism. So I've seen people engage in that topic. And people want to learn about it. But then there's still a lot of people who, frankly, don't want to educate themselves about it - about immigration or about gun violence. Or they're pulling information from just one source. And I think it's our task to hear as many stories as possible. To hear as many solutions as possible. To really get out there and do that hard work. And it is hard work and you see a lot of people putting in that time and effort and hopefully we can see more of that as time goes on. 

How has your experience been as a minority? 

This is probably the least diverse place I've ever lived in (laughs), so when I think of it in that terms, I'm always going, Gosh, I really, really wish Bend was more diverse! And there's been a few instances where I've walked out of the scenario going, There's no way for me to prove it, but I was clearly treated differently than the other people around me. And I cannot prove it and there's nothing I can do about it, but that feeling where the hair kind of sticks up on the back of your neck and you just don't feel that things are right and you're not being treated with the respect that other people are getting around you - those are all signs that people are singling you out for something. And the only thing I can determine in those scenarios [is] I'm the only non-white person here. But other than those small handful of situations in the five years that I've been here, I have found Bend to be incredibly inclusive and really seeking the diversity that I seek. Especially with those racism conversations and welcoming week and all the variety of churches that have committed themselves of having this talk of, How do we address immigration?  How do we make the Dreamers feel really welcome here? How do we address the policies that are in place so that they actually can live full lives like they should? Bend has been incredibly progressive in that sense. For being an incredibly non-diverse town, they are so progressive. I always find that to be kind of a paradox. It's been great. I don't really think about it unless I'm in a really weird situation. But then I travel to Portland, or my husband and I went to Vancouver maybe about a year ago, and I was like, Oh my goodness! (Laughs) You forget how white Bend is until you go to Vancouver or Portland or, yes, just anywhere different. (Laughs) If you travel outside of Central Oregon, it really becomes apparent. 

What do you want more of in your life?

Let me think. I am such an optimist and I can tend to find joy in just about anything. So I'm never thinking, Oooh, this is lacking - I feel like I need more of that. In just about any situation I'm like, This is awesome! Almost to a fault, I'm just enjoying those small things. I really can't think of anything that I need more of in my life. I'm really incredibly lucky. I have a job that's incredibly fulfilling. I have a really awesome husband. My kids are phenomenal. I have friends. I feel like the work that I do is making an impact. In my life personally... I think maybe a trip to New Zealand would be fitting if I could name one thing (laughs). 

When I think about it, I think that's also what drives my work a lot - that I am so incredibly lucky. Do you know what I mean? I have a husband that treats me incredibly well. Just spoils me and tells me I'm beautiful and that I'm doing great. I have kids that are awesome. I have support of friends. I have parents and in-laws that are supportive. I have a great family. Obviously, we own a home so we have a place to live. We're not financially stressed. These are all things when I think about how easy my life is. It's easy to be incredibly happy. There's so many people in this town that I come across that are in abusive relationships, that are in jobs where they feel stuck because they have to pay bills so they can't do the things that bring them life because they've got to keep their power on or they've got to keep their children fed. So that's always what really drives me because I want other people to have this. How do I help other people to have what I have because, to me, this is not fair. I do not know how the cards fell in this way that I ended up with such an amazing life. Do you know what I mean? Things could have fell a variety of different ways in the choices that I make. When I think back at the choices that I've made throughout my life I could have easily married someone who wasn't the right fit for me. And I could have easily made poor choices that would have gotten me in situations that didn't lead to Bend or being able to afford a home or getting an education that gave me a job that I love. Easily. So when I come across other people that are just struggling to get there, I want to find ways to eliminate those barriers so that they, too, can be living a life where they're loved and their needs are met. That's what I really hope for others. 

Do you have anything else you want to put out there?

One of the phrases that's been bouncing around in my brain probably for the last two years - and it gets me in so much trouble - but I learned the phrase YOLO and it probably came from the cartoon Trolls (laughs). You Only Live Once. And I feel like a lot of decisions I make on a daily basis revolve around that. One I come at a crossroads, the phrase YOLO comes up. You only live once. And I see so many people living a life of fear or a life of anxiety. And I get that because people are a lot of times stuck - they can't always live the life that they want to live because they have various obligations. But a lot of times it's fear - they don't want to step outside of those boundaries. If there's a phrase that I love that I want other people to join me in, it's YOLO (laughs). Get out there. You only live once.

Donna introduced me to Shimiko. They know each other from crossing paths at Family Kitchen. Shimiko was all smiles and enthusiasm and sincerity. Hers is an absolutely contagious energy and one the world certainly needs more of. She managed to free up some time for me in her packed schedule and her newborn did us a favor by napping through our entire interview.

Darlene Becker

Erin recommended Darlene to me. And, again, I am so glad she did. I find very few things more gratifying than meeting a stranger and then becoming acquainted and sharing stories and laughing (and sometimes crying) with them. That happens organically here and there, but I have the privilege of experiencing it quite often with this project. I don't take it for granted. In fact, I consider it my responsibility to reflect that connection so that you might get a sense of the power of open communication and listening and honoring vulnerability. I am sure we all do this with our friends and family, but it can be done more regularly with folks we just happen to meet, too. Here's another example of that. Darlene was immediately wonderful. Immediately present and raw. Immediately honest. I got the sense that she consistently brings a lot to whichever table she happens to be sitting at. I encourage you to look into this lovely space she has created in which people can play and experiment with creativity and laugh at themselves and loosen their inner child. 

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Who are you and how would you describe yourself?

That's a big question. (Sighs) I am a mother, which is pretty important to me. I have a six year old son. Married to Eric - that's pretty important to me. I'm a daughter and actually I just lost my father about a week and a half ago, so that's pretty fresh to think about. My mom's still here. And a sister to an awesome sister and a new little niece. And I'm someone who cares a lot about everything. And I'm an artist and I see that come up in more of how I see the world. I love to make things and I love to do things that are really hard for some reason (laughs), which has brought me to Base Camp. This has been so much of who I am for the last couple years - trying to create this community art studio. That's, you know, so much more than a job. And I'm an art therapist, which is that passion that I bring to Base Camp of how I see the ability of art to change us and our world. I love to be outside - that's a huge part of who I am. I like to play outside. Those are some big pieces, I think, of what makes me me. 

What motivates you?

Working with people excites me. And I think what I've been able to figure out with sharing art with people - that excites me and I see them get excited and then I get excited. I like to help people, inspire people, and make people laugh and have fun. That really inspires me. My son inspires me (laughs) every day. Watching people learn and be excited about things excites me. Being active, being out, skiing, being out somewhere outside in the woods doing something and getting your heart rate up and being just alive in that environment really excites me. I worked for a long time as an art therapist in the woods and just that combination of the art and being creative and being in nature is just an awesome combination. 

What does community to mean to you?

Feeling a part of something. Feeling that sense of belonging and support - feeling like we can support each other and understand each other. Meeting people, bringing people together who wouldn't otherwise connect or meet and then building that shared understanding, I think that sense makes our world so much better. So, starting small and then growing that - that's what I want. I want to be in a community where there's acceptance and support and people can have fun and laugh together. That's the kind of place I want to be and I want to help create. 

What do we mean to each other and why is our connection important? 

Gosh, I don't know why! (Laughs) The more you meet people just kind of in random places and hear their stories, we're all so similar in what we... like everybody wants to be loved and have fun and be healthy and have a good life and provide for their children. You know, those commonalities. I've always seen people who don't have something, whether it's they don't have a home - which I know I was really struck by when I was a child. It felt wrong to me and I just felt like I wanted to do something about that. I've always gravitated towards working with children and teens who have had some bad experiences in their lives and sometimes act out and act horribly and wanting them to feel supported, as well, and that they're not bad people. I think about some students I've had in the past who, you know, they're problems in school - they've had horrible things happen - they just want to be loved. They just want to play. They just want to have fun. And they don't necessarily want to do bad things. I guess I just believe that everybody needs someone to believe in them. And I'm good at that (laughs). I'm a good champion for people, I think, and feel like I can bring that goodness out. I don't know. That grows. It starts in one place - with one connection, one person - and then it just kind of goes from there. So it helps everybody - helps the world we all live in. It feels daunting right now (laughs). It doesn't feel like a very friendly world in a lot of places in a lot ways, but I just - I don't know why - I just have always had that desire and that need. I guess we all want to feel like we have a purpose and we have something that we can offer and bring and I guess mine is that connection that I have with people. And I don't have it in a big sense. I'm very much like that one-on-one connection - that little kernel, the little seed that I hope grows. 

Where does social injustice come from? Why is it there? And what's our role in the fight against that?

I have no idea. You know, with the passing of my father there's so much - so many people say - you know, you hear all the time, Everything happens for a reason. Or a lot of religion talks about this better place. I can't imagine why sickness exists, why people treat people the way they do. I have no idea and I wish I knew. And it's just through those small, personal connections and interactions that there's goodness. And, gosh, I think I used to be a total optimist and maybe there's that little piece of me that's still there. I'm a cynical optimist - I don't know if you can be that (laughs) - but people frustrate me a lot and I can't imagine why people do the things that they do and why there's all the sickness. And even all the knowledge we have about things that actually aren't good for us and then a world where money drives - these big industries drive - what we are able to put in our bodies, our foods, our mattresses. It's ridiculous! Because we have so much knowledge going against all of that and it's extremely frustrating. I think you could get so bogged down with that. I think it's working with small children - man, that's refreshing because they don't know any of that, they don't care about any of that, and they just find joy in the smallest things and then they share that. And that fills me up, at least, to kind of keep going and hoping. I see these horrible movements and then you see these other movements that you're like, Okay, there's good people out there. I'm trying to do good things. I don't know. I just hope that - I don't know what I hope for - I think just that well, we could have a new administration. But I think it's so much bigger than that. It's awful how awful people are to each other. I don't know. 

What do you want more of in your life?

More fun, more travel. I used to travel a lot and, good and bad, this Base Camp Studio project has been great, but it also has left me with less money for those types of things that I like to do. I never had money as a goal, but the reality of that's the one thing that not having money keeps me from doing is traveling. And I want to travel with  my son. I want to take him everywhere. And he wants to go and do everything and he wants to go to Antarctica and I don't know that I want to go to Antarctica (laughs) but I want to be able to travel with him and have a lot of experiences around the world. And I want to be outside more and ski more and play more and ride my bike more and do all of that stuff more. 

What happens here at Basecamp?

We're a community art studio and, really, our goal is to help people use art and their creative expression to make connections, to build their own self-awareness, and also just to play and have fun and find a passion. I think we all need something that we're really excited about and, you know, art isn't that for everyone. Often times we look at art as you have to be really good at drawing or painting, which are not things I'm good at. And it took me a really long time to appreciate or accept that I was an artist because I didn't do those things. And I think just having a place where you can be creative and play with materials and the things that can happen through that I think is so important for our young children and for adults. So, that's what we do. We have programs for little ones and for elementary age and teens and adults, and want people to enjoy being creative and find something that they're excited about or even just connect with other people through the process. 

I find very few things more gratifying than meeting a stranger and then becoming acquainted and sharing stories and laughing (and sometimes crying) with them. That happens organically here and there, but I have the privilege of experiencing it quite often with this project. I don't take it for granted.

Katie Cavanaugh

I am so thankful to Danielle, who came through with another powerful recommendation. Katie had to cancel our first appointment due to illness and then we got some dates mixed up and then, on this day, a snow storm had come through and it was debatable whether or not my little car could make it down her road, but we finally made it happen. And what's interesting is that it felt like we were meant to meet today. We started the interview with a hug and chatted over a fresh cup of coffee and, within just seconds, Katie had made me feel very much at home. She and her husband Doug have created a very lovely space they call the Harmony House, which is home to drum circles and concerts and grief healing and Eric's tipi and many other powerful and lovely things, I am sure. She has a lovely and inspiring slogan, which I will try to remind myself of on a regular basis - "If you can envision it, you can create it."

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Who are you and how would you describe yourself?

I would say that I am a woman devoted to reaching out and fostering a sacred container of community in this place, Central Oregon. After many years in the corporate world and ten more years as a personal entrepreneurial coach, I kind of set that aside so that I could open up for the gathering of women - so I could really focus on that. I feel that I'm a medicine woman and a keeper of the wisdom. After 63 years walking on this planet, I feel that I can hold that sacredness. 

What matters most to you?

A ritual and practice of meditation is paramount in my life. But the spark of life for me is speaking into the world the connection between the mind, the emotion, and the choosing of how we show up in the world. And it feels to me that so many of the challenges and hardships in peoples' lives is those that are stuck in the pattern of the experiences of their life. And coming to a place of resolve in that and healing in that and then being able to choose how they show up in the world is magnificent work. It's ancient work. And it's all about all of us remembering. And so that's my passion in life is to help others remember. 

I think that a lot of hardships and challenges in the world in a life experience can be, if you're open to it, a place of recognition that it's really your teacher. And so, for me, second oldest of nine kids in a household where it was very difficult for my mom - she tried really hard but was in a lot of overwhelm. And so my self-ordained job was to step in in places where she needed a lot of help. That sort of moved me into a world of not connecting with myself but taking care of what was outside of me. In my early twenties I moved to Mount Shasta and lived there for seven years. It is a spiritual vortex. It is a magnificent place of healing and diving deep if one chooses. And had a beautiful teacher - a beautiful woman - her name was Christina Schnack, who really spoke into my life the sacred art of mastering change in my life. And what does that look like to bring our old patterns forward and be living triggered by our life experiences? And coming to a place of clarity and knowing. And so that was the beginning of that journey and that's been a lifelong quest. I truly believe it's not about arriving anywhere, but it's about being open to dive in and to look deeper. That started a real journey of deeper understanding for myself and seeking teachings and knowledge to help. And science around the mind and the emotion and releasing the patterns. That's been beautiful, beautiful work that's been my life's journey as an adult - is to tap into that.

What does community mean to you?

What a beautiful question. Let me just take you back to 16 years ago when my husband and I bought this property and built this home and built the beautiful studio slash logging shop - it's multi-dimensional. We sat here in this very room and discussed what it really meant to hold space in a sacred way and that we felt that we reclaimed this land and that we wanted to bring our hearts' meaning to it. So, we named this place the Harmony House. Our house concert series is the Harmony House concert series. The women that come on a monthly basis for women's sacred drum circle, they come to the sacred drum circle at the Harmony House. I've held many workshops. There's a sacred labyrinth here. When you come on the property - and I think you felt it - you know you arrived. It has that sense. At the end of a country lane with an 1100-acre ranch behind - we're just tucked into the woods here. And it's a place of healing and creativity. People come here to write songs and just be here and winter over in tipis. It's just been a beautiful experience to hold this place sacred as a container for the gathering. So we do ceremonies here - full moon, new moon, and then drum circles. The community of women is fairly far reaching - they come from Bend, Prineville, Madras, all around the Sisters/Redmond area. Women come once a month - 45,50 women is not a number that's unusual. Just to come to be in resonance with one another, to be in rhythm with the heartbeat of Mother Earth, to bring out the wildish and dance and drum and sing. It's a sacred time and it's powerful. And so the sense of community is this place, to me. 

What do you think we mean to each other?

I think that when we strip away all the busyness and can look into the eyes of who is before you, finding love - it's about love. Because in my world, it's either love or it's fear. And if I'm motivated by love, I show up in the world differently. If I'm motivated by fear, I'm reacting to the world, I'm coping with the world, I'm doing all of those things that don't express love.

What then do we do with the fact that there are so many of us in fear right now because of our race, our gender, our sexual orientation, or because of where we were born? 

Powerful question and I'm so glad you asked because the practices of coming to a place where we can access love means that we have to tend to our fear. And with every fear that's within the heart of man is a story that keeps the fear alive. So when we tend to that emotion that comes up - when we really tend to that, when we really take the time to understand that the mind clings to the stories and the stories cling to the emotion - that's what keeps it alive. It is a principle and a practice since Mount Shasta, when I stepped into the sacred art of mastering change, that I recognized that we could actually come to a place where we can choose love and let go of the fear. And it's a process. But we are in a time of awakening - deep awakening - and it's not gonna take everybody to wake up. There is a critical mass point where we come to a place where we move in this world in love. We get that sense of what Mother Theresa and Martin Luther King and so many others before us who made meaningful change in the world spoke from a place of love. So, it's proof that that is the energy that is so longing to be birthed and expanded in the now. 

What is one's individual role in the overall fight against social injustice?

For me personally, it's recognizing what's in that fight. Because I think that we're all here, truly, to remember. To remember what this culture has so forgotten.  Stemming from many, many, many generations before us that we're fighting amongst ourselves so we cease to really see the elephant in the room. And that's, I think, something that there is so much polarity and there's so much looking sideways - what we really need to do is be looking up. And to be moving in this collective we that says humanity forwarded by love and compassion for one another is what's gonna get us through this. 'Cause we are stuck in a world of not seeing through the quagmire of things that - to my way of thinking - don't really matter as much as it's an old history and it's an old story. And that's not to diminish that. It says - once again, my precepts are - tend to it. And it is not about what we fix outside of ourselves. It's always an inner-personal journey. It's always the work within. And if we are all doing that work and finding what forgiveness really means in the world, which is not to exonerate, pretend it didn't happen, shove it down, not look at it - that's not forgiveness. Forgiveness - the literal Greek translation of the word to forgive - is to let go. And I would ask you, To let go of what? And for me, to let go of the stories that keep the energy alive around the resentments and the hate and the bitterness and the division, the divisiveness of this country. If we look at it from a personal place and when we shift, we make a shift in the world - the world changes. And I believe that is true from my heart to yours. When I change me, my environment changes. And if we are all seeking that level and showing up in love, the world will be a different place. And again, it's not that the whole word has to do that. There is a critical mass. That light is gonna shift this thing in a big way. So I hold to the hope that my beliefs could possibly be true. I've seen it one by one in the women that I serve in the drum circle and private clients that come for energy work and for conversation - I see it. I see that expansive aha! moment when letting go after we've tended to the grief and the anger and all of those emotions that contract us. 'Cause what we need to do is expand. And that's from the lens of love and compassion and joy and peace and choosing how we show up in the world. 

What do you want more of in your life? 

Wow. That's such a deep question because I'm clicking through all of the grace and beauty and love and connection that's in my life and I feel like all of it continuing to expand this work of coming alongside others to help them heal, to help them take a heartfelt internal look and then make changes in their lives - I just want to continue to expand that opportunity and do all that I can in this community to foster that. 

I am so thankful to Danielle, who came through with another powerful recommendation. Katie had to cancel our first appointment due to illness and then we got some dates mixed up and then, on this day, a snow storm had come through and it was debatable whether or not my little car could make it down her road, but we finally made it happen.

Hillary Hurst

Danielle recommended Hillary to me. It turns out that Hillary presented at TEDx and they met because Danielle was assigned as her coach. What a lovely connection! In the company of her cats and dog, Hillary and I chatted at a little table in her living room where she does her readings. She spoke with passion and experience and confidence and I genuinely loved every second of it. She gifted me with many kind words and a stone and a hug and even some hope. I go into these meetings most often with very little information about each person but with an open mind and willingness to be pleasantly surprised and I continually am. I think the same would be true for all of us. Give it a try - I dare you.

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Who are you and how would you describe yourself?

Wow. Who am I? Such a provocative question, isn't it? I'm thinking about the bio that I had to do, but I think that I would describe myself as passionate, creative, intense, and a devotee. 

What matters to you? 

I've always been drawn to triangles and trinities and the way you find them in all cultures. I work a lot in various different metaphysical studies and the triangle's the strongest geometric base. And the triangle is a sacred symbol, too, like goals and visions. And my basic triad for what gets me and where I would say the triangular base of my life would be art, nature, and healing. And in those three dominions you would find all of my deepest passions and my deepest drives. 

Fundamentally, I see myself as an artist, which means I view the world in the template of the artist. And the artist, to me, is the one who graciously is able to express, if possible, the connection to the divine. Our process is a process that goes Wow, I'm inspired to do something to offer back to humanity something that's fully human and fully godlike. So, art embodies it all, right? To me, art means how you live your life, even. Not so much whether you do art or not. Now mind you I happen to do a variety of different realms of art. From performing arts to the hands-on arts. If I didn't have art I would have killed myself. There would be no purpose for me without seeing the world as an artist. Because the world, in the way that it's in, without the framework of beauty - the possibility of beauty as my template - it would be overwhelmingly difficult. So that's one piece. 

The next piece would be nature because I'm deeply connected to the natural world and the world of energy and how Mother Nature presents it all. And so that realm of having the opportunity to connect to spirit and to the energy of nature itself is another gift. Thank you Mother and Father for raising me in Oregon and hiking every weekend and camping  and being really in relationship to Earth in a way that, I think, is the foundation for a lot of my passion, too. Because I have a deep, deep connection to her and a deep sorrow of what we have done to her and are doing to her. So there's a devotion to nature and the natural world about, Wow, this is our home. Come on folks, we're killing it! 

And the last is healing, which is, to me, absolutely imperative. The route of waking up and realizing that this is a path of healing. This is a path of learning how to heal the Earth, heal each other, and start taking care of ourselves in a new way. And I see that, as I was talking earlier to you, in a global way of community and ceremony and drumming and all the human salves. Singing, drumming, story telling, and silence, which all cover the essential nature of human connectivity. 

This is my favorite story. In the olden days, when you were in despair or you were hurt, you would go to the medicine man or woman. And you were asked one or all of the four questions for your path. When is the last time you were singing? When was the last time you were dancing? When was the last time you were enchanted by a story? And, my favorite, When was the last time you were comforted by the deep territory of silence? So, to me, those were considered the salves. Those are the anointment for humanity. These are the things you need to do in order to be in fucking relation to anything. The song gives you the voice of yourself and when you sing together it releases oxytocin. It's one of the only things in which it literally elevates the vibration. The dance is accessing the rhythm of life. The story is the frailty and vulnerability of humanity. And the silence is connecting to Source. You think about modern day society, we're pretty far away from that. Except those people doing ceremony and practicing a certain level of bhakti or devotion to all connectedness. 

I would say that is my jam - those three things. And the avenue for connection happens to be grief for me. I happen to have a capacity to hold space for enormous grief. For the world. 

What does community mean to you?

It's a really good question because I've had to learn what it is by virtue of what it isn't. The aspect of community in my mind has always been the fairytale from fairytale stories. I was a child of the sixties. I protested. We lived in communes. I'm an Aquarian. I'm literally an elder of the new age - of the Aquarian age. So, how I see it, is the return to community is the return to a collective source, a shared resources, a realm of... like, you got a potluck - the classic thing in old lesbian culture is we'd have a potluck and everyone would bring something and there would be enough food for everyone and more. Why? Because when you share your resource it adds to what we have. Exactly the opposite of how we were raised in this culture. You own and you acquire. It's not a given. Sobonfu, my teacher, in her village - because hers was a true community - things were shared. I gave her a Hydroflask with her name on it and she goes, When I take it to the village, everybody borrows it. When I ask her, Who's your mother? She said, Which one? The idea of community is, to me, an anomaly. It's a fairytale. From what I understand of indigenous cultures, community has a lot to do with the recognition that we as a species, when we're in our little pods or hives, it is our responsibility, collectively, to take care of each other. Because when we all do that, not only do we thrive, but there's enough for everyone! So it goes completely against the community of what we have now, which is compartmentalized and separated. Where is our community? I grew up and the Stalls' and the Schultz' next door - I could go to both of those houses and borrow sugar and when my mother and father weren't around, we stayed at their houses. It was just a given. We ran around in packs in the neighborhood. We don't have that anymore. We don't have a sense of that interconnectivity. So community means for me an interconnectivity. And it means kind of a responsibility for something other than self. And I believe we're going to be called forth for that because of Mother's influenza and her illness. And the illness of the world. We'll literally be forced to deal with community 'cause that's how we learn - we learn through crisis. Especially Americans. It's the only country that has not gone through the devastations - except for the Civil War - of the way all other cultures have been going through. 

Where do you think this individualism and greed got its birth?

You really want to know my truth? From the moment we stole from the Natives. I think we are a culture based on unresolved grief. And unresolved grief is the inability to release the toxicity of a grief. And a grief is when a terrible thing happens to either an environment, the self, group - whatever. We came in here under the auspices of a free land. We stole from our people. We lied [to] them. We broke the promises. We brought in slavery. So the baseline of America is based on oppression, slavery, lies, broken promises. That's grief. So to declare constitutions - which is ridiculous! You listen to the fucking constitution - we do not live by the constitution. We never have. If we had, we would not be in the state we're in. So, I think it comes from way back then. I think it also comes from puritanicalism and it comes from extreme religiosity. The danes to say my religion is the way and your religion isn't. I'm a basist: one race, one religion: love. One race, human race. One religion: love. One planet: Earth! Home. Fuck the borders! What are our resources now? What do we have that we can support in each other and share? But this is, this concept is... not for the new age, I might add. Not for the younger generation. Not for the children being... no. Because we know that's the truth. So I hope to god I get to see it before I die and I think I probably won't. But I'm holding to it. I will live my life by a devotion towards the raising of the Divine Feminine, towards community, and towards global villages. It's imperative! It breaks my heart! That's how impassioned I am about it. That's what I mean by devotion. I've seen myself living in a pod in a community ever since I was 16 years old. And I thought it was about being a lesbian and we'd all go off as old lesbians together. No. It's not gonna be that. It's gonna be a community of people who are willing to live together with me doing my storytelling on Friday and cooking on Wednesday and taking off on the world, doing my conferences and trainings around the world and coming back to a community. That's what we need to be doing. And that means giving up our shit! Which, as Americans - big order! 

What is the individual's role in the reparations or in the fight against the variety of social injustices?

I think the individual role is, first and foremost, to do your fucking work. And what I mean by that is own what you come into the world with: own your shadow, own your family constellations and what that means and the impact on, own the expectations you have between your self and America. Own your shit! Clean up your side of the sidewalk. That's imperative. If I'm speaking about wanting to be in community, I better sure know what pushes my buttons and where that area's gonna bother me because it will. I'm a independent sort. I don't want to live in the same house with 10 people. I want my own little pod and then I want a big house that I can go to. Which I think is actually a suitable realm for some of us who need a certain independence or a certain solitude and what not. So, you need to know your own boundaries. And, to me, politics - I don't think politics are separate. What is the dictum you live by? Me - I wanna walk my walk, I wanna talk my talk. That is hard! If I speak about love, I want to practice love. If I'm gonna talk to you about vulnerability, I sure as hell better show you mine. My big thing is I don't ask patients and I don't ask people who come to see me to do something I have not done or tried. So yeah, it's our responsibility, again, the ability to respond not react, to take care of our business and know what it is. And also to be able to ask for help. To be able to realize we are a species - our one thing is connection. We all own that. That is inherent in us. That needs to be exercised. Which means we need to be vulnerable enough to say, I need your help. Or, Here, I'd like to help you. I'm hurting, I need help. I'm scared, I need help. I'm happy, let me help you. How do we learn how to, again, have an articulation around grief and a way in which we can support each other go through the difficulties of life? Instead of what's happening now where everybody gets more and more isolated, disconnected... with World Wide Web - the greatest disconnector that's ever been. Strangely enough, right? There I have access to everything in that little fucking thing in my hand - it disconnects me from people. I have to put that fucking phone down a few hours a day and remember...

How do we get people to understand that we matter to each other?

(Sigh) Well, we deal with our grief. We get real. See 'cause my belief is whenever I operate from my heart, whenever I access my heart - which now I have the great capacity to access universal heart, which isn't always fun - and once that happens, then anything goes. Anything can be shared. I've had to share horrible things and it's been met with great love and acceptance. Why? Because the bridge of the hearts happened. So how do we make it matter? We say, You matter to me. See because you matter to me as much as my deepest friend. I have to see every connection, whether it's the garbage man on the street or the person doing my whatever - everybody is, everybody is... How do we make it matter? Well if we don't, there's not a whole lot of other options but what's already happening which is a disillusion. We make it matter by saying, Hey, try something new. Or, Remember? Come to ceremony and remember what it's like to hold hands and sing a song together. Yeah, like Kumbaya, but try it anyway. Try doing a ceremony seasonally where you're casting away the things that are getting in the way of you planting seeds for the spring. That's what's been happening for centuries and centuries. Try coming to the giveaway ceremonies that Barb Largent and I do in Bend four times out of the year. Why? Because they're giveaways, they're not gonna hurt you, and you might be able to experience this thing we're calling connecting. Which is ancient, by the way. It's not new! That's what's so ironic. We have failed. We have forgotten. We're the land of the poppy fields. We're asleep with every possible distraction you can imagine. And I'm a good distractor. 

What do you want more of in your life?

Kisses and sex (laughs). You know, I'm a very fortunate being. I feel really blessed. I'm watching my life unfold now after many, many years of a lot of work unfold in a way that's really exciting. And I would say what I would want more is really this wonderful flow with the divine connection that's revealing this awesome experience of partial dreams coming true and partial embodiment of my greatest being. 'Cause really what I want more of, really what I want, is to be the fullest possible human being I can be. And to express that as richly and authentically and as passionately and joyfully as I can to the world. As much of myself in the minuscule amount that we know of ourselves be to give back to the world. And kisses. 'Cause I miss kisses. 

Do you have anything you'd like to add? 

For me, I think it's really simple and I think we complicate it. It's like the story of the eagle and the condor. You know the Mayan story that the eagle represents the mind and male and has been in rule - the mighty eagle. The story is the eagle's of the north and the condor's of the south - the warmth, the heat, the feminine. And when the eagle bows and releases it's feather, actually bows to the condor, that's when the revolution will be able to actually take fold. Which is that the man bows to the temple of the goddess. Returns to that recognition. It's not a gender thing. It's an energetic thing. The Divine Feminine is the co-creator of life. The idea of the emperor, the Divine Masculine, was to come in and be of great support and then pull back. Like the way Mother is with the ocean. And what happened was the energy of the Divine Masculine came in and got stuck and atrophied and that's gotta shift. We have to rebalance it and it has to be a bowing to the condor. And one of the spiritual activities during the eclipse was the Native tribes of the north came and bestowed the eagle feather to the condor of the south. We had something like 28 shamans there - all bringing blessings to a unified world of transformation in which the Divine Feminine, the condor, raises up the wings and says, It's time for a new alignment. It's time for a new paradigm. It's time for a new way of even dealing. We're no long in the echelon of the pyramid, we're in the spiral. The spiral is all-inclusive. And the council is a different kind of council. It comes from the wise times. Wow, I'm 64. That's fucking life experience that allows me to do this. I had the information when I was 16. I just wasn't using it very properly. I had wisdom as a young child, as most of us do - amazing wisdom - I just didn't have the experience. So, these things are what we've forgotten and these things need to be brought back. May I be able to sit on elder council. And support my beautiful sisters and brothers rising up and saying, What can I do to help you move forward and believe in something beyond this fucking myopic world that we live in called America? It's a mess at best. America is not first. It's not. It's the wrong venue. Wrong venue. America is in relation. We are a nation of the Earth. That's what I have to say. 

Danielle recommended Hillary to me. It turns out that Hillary presented at TEDx and they met because Danielle was assigned as her coach. What a lovely connection! In the company of her cats and dog, Hillary and I chatted at a little table in her living room where she does her readings.

Kevin Kraft

Danielle referred me to Kevin and I'm so glad she did. Kevin invited me to his home and we sat on his floor over a cup of tea and chatted about all sorts of things. I can honestly say I haven't encountered sound healing to this degree before or even thought about it much. One of things I really love about this project is that it exposes me to a variety of experiences I may not have had otherwise. And I imagine the same is true for you as the reader. I am certainly guilty of more than my fair share of judgments about things unknown and unfamiliar, but I am sure we would all be better off if we would let curiosity and potential learning replace those more critical and negative responses. Kevin was kind enough to give me a short sound session after our interview, which I found super interesting. You can see what services he offers and get in touch with him here. 

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Who are you and how would you describe yourself?

What a great question to jump through the gates with. Wow. I would actually call myself a cosmic anthropologist. I don't know if I made up that term - I sure like it a lot. It kinda combines my background of interest in international business - international travel - with my wellness efforts to understand who we are, why are we here, our brains and why do they think the way that they do, and how to help quiet them when they need quieting. And that search of just who we are and how we're similar and how we're different - especially on a global level, but on an individual level as well. To define cosmic anthropology for a second, cosmic - as we relate to the cosmos not just here on Earth. But anthropology - the study of humanity and where have we been, where are we now, where are we going, and how do we fit into this whole, crazy scheme of things. 

So how do you see yourself fitting in this crazy scheme of things?

I've been called a bridger before. I don't hear that term so much. But someone that understands the corporate world, someone that understands the responsibility of starting a business, failing with businesses, being successful, working with multi-billion dollar companies to small mom and pops and everywhere in between. It's that experience and that part of my life and the way that I was raised to also realizing that there's a connection to a lot more that survives beyond corporations and businesses and really gets into kinda the sweetness of life. And I feel I understand both worlds and I can jump between both worlds, so that role of a bridger has resonated with me. 

What came first? The business end or the cosmic end? 

You know, chicken or the egg? I think I felt much more comfortable expressing... you know being a responsible child and wanting to do well and study hard and get good grades and be on the path for having a good job, right? We all start off along that path. And I was fortunate to be able to start my own business and kinda created that opportunity that I could design my own life and my own time and how I spent that time. So, really, the business and success through business created some free time to explore other interests that I think were always there, especially my interest with connecting with people and languages and culture. But it wasn't really until an injury that got me into the world of yoga that got me into the world of yoga philosophy that got me into the world of spirituality and cosmic connections and things like that. 

What matters to you? 

It's understanding the authenticity of things. And, first and foremost, I find that through the language that we communicate with - the way that people speak to each other. In the world of small talk and defaulting to weather talk and really not forming a connection. Or speaking down to someone or gossiping or any interactions - even praising someone. It's like there are energetic trajectories to all of the words and language forms that we use and that's like the basis of how we communicate, which is the basis of community. So, yeah, how do we connect, how do we form authentic connections that talk about real things that [are] transparent, authentic, and non-harmful? And as that fits into forming community and forming relationships - for your family or romantically or business or anything. How does community form? What are the ingredients? And having just moved from Hawaii, coming to a place like Bend - going from a place of about a million people to a place of about 80,000 people - it's a much better microscope and example here in Bend of how people approach community. It fascinates me. 

What does community mean to you?

Great question. I think Hawaii really formed a desire to say Is this really the best form of community and is there something different, better? So, Hawaii - super magical place, I've got nothing but love for it, but it's extremely transient, right? Some of the highest cost of living, highest median home prices, food's 30% more than anywhere else. Some good friends that didn't prioritize income would have to leave. Really good people, in a place that's really magical in terms of growing your own food or doing anything outside or really being among people - you're not shelled up in the winter time - but people wouldn't latch onto a friendship because they knew you'd be leaving. 

I experienced that same thing in Japan. I was an outsider when I lived there. Ah, you're wonderful. You could be a great friend, but I know you're leaving in two years. I'm not going to invest in a relationship with you. That was never specifically said, but there was this undercurrent in Japan and also in Hawaii because, hey, people only invest in most relationships that they know they can immediately benefit from and be around for. I looked at the Pacific Northwest for sustainability, just the movements, kind of the general quality of life things: food is grown locally, people actively want to be part of a community and community efforts and growing food or supporting each other and doing less harmful activities because there's options here. 

So, I don't know if I'm good at it. I want to be good at it. It's something I wasn't raised with. It's a desire. I want to flex my community muscle and without having a lot of background in it, I'm hoping to learn as I go being in this new, small town. 

Do you have thoughts on the words responsibility and white privilege?

Mmmmmm. (Sigh) Yeah. Well, I love the word and the question about responsibility. I pose that question in some of my yoga classes and if you break it down, it means the ability to respond. And which, for most people, is a very different definition when you think of just the word responsibility. Responsibility - it's something I have to do. But breaking it down is the ability to respond. How can you be able to respond? Right? So you take away your stories, take away your blame, take away some filters, right? What is your authentic answer or authentic position? And often times that means no or no, thank you or this is not for me. But, as a culture, we want to protect ourselves, but we also want to protect the feelings of others so we end up saying something that we want the other person to hear or something that's neutral. And so, is that really able to respond? No, it's able to create a story to help someone feel a certain way or help yourself feel a certain way. And I think that's different for everyone. What enables you to be able to respond authentically and not have an agenda or to not harm? Sometimes it's just self-care - I need to take care of myself if I'm going to be able to respond to you or show up for you or this project or this job or whatever. 

In Hawaiian, there's a word - kuleana. It's a great word and it means responsibility and I think it's more closely related to that ability to respond than this is what I need to do. But it's a really wonderful word that's up there with aloha in terms of having much more oomf to it than just the word appears to have. 

White privilege, gosh. I've been fortunate to have been brought up in privilege. I recognize that and I'm super grateful. In terms of having lived in places like Japan and Costa Rica and even Hawaii, where whites were the minority and actually could feel what that meant. I definitely don't feel that here in Bend, being such a white place. And it was actually one of the reasons why I moved away from Colorado - the homogeny. Why do places like this lend itself to being so homogenous and are these changing and how are they changing? And then, in Japan, I was put on an immediate pedestal because I was white. It felt wrong. I was given gifts for no reason. I was being paid more. People just wanted to hang out because it was almost like a status symbol to be seen with a white person. This isn't right. And at the same time, they didn't really want to be friends because they knew I wasn't gonna be there very long. Right? So, what's authentic? What's okay with authentic? Is short-term friendships or superficial friendships - is there anything wrong with that? I don't know. I prefer the authentic, long-lasting, trust - hey let's support each other - but it's definitely a different way. In Hawaii, and especially with the history of how Hawaii was formed and the cost of living there, it was very easy to be put into a different category. I would just put it out there - there's issues, there's divisions, and there are tons of problems that come from that. So how can I be a part of that change? I feel like I'm sometimes discredited. Sometimes you need to go through a trauma or an experience in order to help raise that vibration. So, I'm still figuring out how where I'm coming from can help raise that vibration, just break down some of those divisions. 

What is your role in the fight against social injustice? 

I see my wellness activities are helping people find their authentic selves. What is their unique internal vibration? And I believe that when you strip off the stories and you work on your personal awareness practice and say, Oh my gosh, this is a story. This is a judgment. This is a prejudice. This is an inequality. Right? All of these things surface in practices of awareness. And there's so many different practices of awareness. And I think as a society we've gotten numb and we've gotten really comfortable with having big houses and fat bank accounts and new cars every three years or whatever that may be, that it really has enabled us to be numb to what it feels like to actually sit with a discomfort or a pain or a trauma. So, I'd say right now my role is to help people in their personal laboratory of awareness and, as a result, they'll see and feel what's going on inside of them in an individual experience - if it's an instance of inequality or greed or whatever that may be. There's no judgment good or bad, but as a society, if we recognize it without labeling it, a lot of it will just kind of right itself, at least to a certain degree. 

Can you talk a little about what you do specifically to help people or to facilitate wellness? 

I, for the last five years, have been very passionate about teaching sound yoga. And a lot of people ask What is sound yoga? A simple definition is using sound to achieve the benefits of yoga. So, if yoga's the alignment of mind, body, spirit or a connection with your higher self or source or the divine - whatever your definition is - using sound as a vehicle. Some people run to find that alignment. Some people find a religion. There's lots of different ways. There's many, many paths. Sound is something  that I have found super powerful. And there's something with sacred sounds - sounds that take us somewhere. And there's a science behind it. The instruments I use - the gongs, crystal bowls, harmonium, drums, rattles - they all scientifically show that they will lower the brain waves, slow down the brain waves. We all have the four main brain waves going on in any time, but these instruments will bring out the theta waves and the delta. So this basically allows us to quiet the mind. It kickstarts kinda the self-restoration process 'cause the body thinks it's going to sleep for eight or ten hours. So there's a release of all these positive hormones and restorative effects. But there's also this act of letting go. Just by being in a position for a few minutes, you just keep dropping deeper and you feel yourself releasing and letting go. It's amazing. We don't even know how much we're holding onto. Right? We constantly are locked in the jaws or in the shoulder and that's the norm, right? Constantly holding it. But what does it feel to really let that go. I heard under anesthesia, the stiffest person, you can totally take their leg behind their ear. There's not stiffness or inflexibility when you're in anesthesia (laughs). Which is pretty crazy, right? There's this mental component to the structure, the tightness that we hold onto. So by quieting the brain waves, doing some activities that lengthen the spine and relax through the muscles, we can let go of a lot. And when you begin to let go, a lot of things can surface in order to be let go. So, trauma, stories, experiences - when you have a practice of awareness, you can feel like Wow, this is really bothering me in my solar plexus. Why is there a pain in my solar plexus? Well, there's obviously a story or something connected with that. And as you can release, just like a layer of an onion, you can help discover yourself and where you've been and where you are and where you hope to go. 

That's kind of the physical science of it. But the mystical is when you have an intention or when you are having positive thoughts in that environment, what's the long-term effect? A lot of people believe in prayer, but no one really knows how prayer works, right? What's the tangible or real effects of prayer? Most people would think, There's something there. It's similar here. It's not necessarily a prayer or a prayer to a religion, but setting an intention or just your vibration, you can set that and you can almost entrain your body and your neural pathways to be a little bit different if you are stuck or if you are holding onto something. 

What do you wish for the future?

Oh, gosh. My simple wish would be that people would sing, dance, and laugh more. And I think that is some of the best medicine out there. And not dancing, singing, or laughing by themselves, but doing all of that in community. And I think, if you do that, or when we do that, the effects are going to be a lot smoother and long-lasting than other attempts. And not to say that other attempts are not needed. But I see my role - if I can help them sing, dance, laugh, and find silence, too (I would add that fourth one), I think there'll be subtle, but long-lasting changes.

Do you have anything else you'd like to add?

On that last question, too, and part of my vision - I'd like to just put it out there - is how do we do more things together? I think everything is moving into this movement of individuality, big homes, single car, less car-sharing, less food-growing together, less community meetings, activities. And there's a ton to do in this town. Bend is an amazing town. There's no shortage of activities to jump into. Which is wonderful, but there still feels to be kinda that separateness. So, how do we do more things together? How can neighborhoods be a living organism? Is that up to each house? I mean, there's always gonna be people that aren't interested in that, so how do you form smaller, more micro communities that then kinda ripple into that larger community, that ripple into the county, the state, the country? But I think it starts in neighborhoods and small towns. So, I'm putting it out there. How does that happen? How can we all just start doing things even if we don't want to? Because this is new for a lot of people. And it definitely seems like there's a desire to have this change but not enough of a desire to do the change on their own. So how do we kinda push people to do things that they may not necessarily feel an inclination towards? Like, neighborhood mandatory potlucks and trash clean-ups, you know? Things like that. 

Is there a sound you can make to close this interview?

Yeah, let me just say one quick thing about gongs. Gongs started popping up around the world three to five thousand years ago all over the place. All about the same time, which is pretty special. And they've always been associated with sacred events - ceremony, battles, births, deaths, rites of passage. So, for thousands of years the gong has been associated with this rite of passage or a ceremony and ceremonial closings. So, I'm just gonna do a single strike of a gong - this is a wind gong - and it will go for a couple minutes. Just ride it out, maybe close your eyes, take a deep breath along with it.

Danielle referred me to Kevin and I'm so glad she did. Kevin invited me to his home and we sat on his floor over a cup of tea and chatted about all sorts of things. I can honestly say I haven't encountered sound healing to this degree before or even thought about it much.

Bill Moseley

Mindy recommended Bill to me by saying, "What inspires me about Bill is that he is willing to say and do what he believes in regardless if it aligns with popular opinion. He is willing to spend time and energy to change Bend so that it is more in alignment with values he holds in high regard. He is able to do this with a balance of grace and assertiveness that is rarely mastered." And that says it quite nicely. While I don't know Bill as Mindy does, I was completely impressed by how matter-of-factly he says things like this, "I'm pretty compassionate and filled with endless hope and energy. It's a blessing." Bill has a level of self-awareness that we could all aspire to. And I think we are all much better off for having him as a community leader. 

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Who are you and how would you describe yourself?

I think that Who are you? is a complicated question. I could describe characteristics that are reflective of who I am, but I'm not - I guess at it's core, I'm not sure people know who they are. You can see your impact on the world. I can tell, for instance, that I'm decisive. But to actually know who I am, there's some people that would say, Can an eye see itself? Or, Can a knife cut itself? No, but you can observe the consequences of those particular things and get reflection from the world around you as to who or what you might be, but I think it's incredibly difficult for a person to be able to objectively see themselves. 

You know, the common party question is, So what do you do? My wife took me one of these mother-child gathering type things and they decided it would be a good idea to invite the husbands and I don't like going to social events like that (laughs). The husbands always ask each other, So what do you do? Or, Where do you work? So, someone asked me where I worked and, at the time, I was living in Portland and I said, I work between 5th and 6th and Market and Clay. (Laughs) And that's not at all what he intended but I really just didn't want to fish out the tired answer of, Well, this is my occupation. I'm not sure it properly defines people. 

How would you describe yourself?

I'm a person with a lot of passion. I care for other people deeply. I have a kind of almost an endless fount of resourcefulness and energy. Internally I can feel almost the energy of life, so to speak. Kind of that thing that keeps everybody alive and gives you hope again when things are at their worst, or whatever. I'm just kind of almost abundantly filled with that kind of energy. And I can kind of feel it pulse through me, so that makes me a very energetic person and a very resourceful person. I can be highly supportive of other people. My personal background is, you know, I had a lot of difficulties in my family and things when I was younger and come from a pretty modest means, overall. So I know what that's like and that also makes me want to pitch in for the underdog and drew me into politics and for some of the things I'm doing right now. I'm pretty compassionate and filled with endless hope and energy. It's a blessing. (Laughs) And I can't really say that it's anything that I ever developed or intentionally sought; it's just, you're born a particular way and you fulfill your design. 

What motivates you? 

There are certainly things that push people's buttons. And everybody has those things. When you're being annoyed by something, they typically are something that's revealing about yourself. Like there's some truth that you know and your own personal truth is being violated and it's highly irritating to you. So, I'm not really one to be, for the most part, driven by those irritations. If I experience an irritation or something that really kind of upsets me in some particular way, the one thing that I do know is that somewhere inside of me, whether I'm conscious to it or not, there is some truth that is speaking to me. It doesn't mean it's the only truth, but at least it's a truth that I know and can sense. There's something wrong with this situation that's in contrast with that. Or I have an expectation that the world is gonna be some way and I'm not accepting the way the world really is. And, in a more general sense, every day is a day, no matter what the situation, to be filled with gratitude. Just for the experience of being alive to experience simple things like the sun shining on your back or the pleasure of having kids or sometimes, quite frankly, even the difficult experiences where my buttons are being completely pushed and I'm just kind of overwhelmed by the situation and being disturbed is an opportunity and a challenge, really, to discover my own personal truth in the situation and to explore and find out who I am. In some ways even the difficult situations are like a little puzzle that was designed just for me to tell me how special I am in the world and who I really am. There's a lot of traditions that are like that. Nelson Mandela sat in his prison cell for, what was it, 27 years or something, and was filled with joy during that entire time or most of it - when he could remain aware. I think the inherent state of being is a sense of gratitude or well-being that the world is really a benevolent and good place overall, even when we can't always see it. And if you're not seeing it, then I would say, Oh, well, you're just a little bit lost in your expectations for the way the world should be. If you could let go of that a little bit, you would really see the true state of nature, which is that the world's really a grand place. 

Would you also attribute that to you are who you are born, as you referred to before, or is that something that you've practiced?

I think that that's true for all people. I think that people have different vantage points and lenses that they look at the world with. So, for me, it might be that I'm filled with kind of a vibrancy of life. For someone else, they might be deeply touched by their emotional experiences in the world and their personal relationships become very sentimental. Or there might be some other people that are just inherently curious about the world and there's this intellectual spark that just kind of arises within them. So I think people are born with kind of different little slices or prisms or views on reality that says, Oh, this is what's special. And for some people, it's the act of curiosity is just this wonder that might give them gratitude. And for me, it's a little bit different; it is the raw kind of aliveness that I'm filled with. But I think all people can experience that; most people do not, but everyone is able to. I don't mean to be evasive. 

I've studied various kinds of religious traditions. I happen to be Catholic and my spirituality's important to me. But there's actually a lot of commonality among the world's religions and this sense that the world is an inherently good place and they kind of take different avenues towards that same path. I think it really speaks to something that's common in human beings as well as the spiritual traditions are just pointing to kind of a commonness among all of humanity and the things that are good for people and the way that we can operate in the world. I've done a fair bit of study on that. There's different levels of awareness that people typically have and most of the world lives in a state of what I call unconscious incompetence, which is kind of not realizing that they're being terribly habitual and maybe suffering because they have expectations the world should be a certain way and it's not; it's very disturbing to them, but they don't realize it and so they keep applying the same kind of tool over and over and over again in a situation. For me, it might be I get angry and forceful. You keep applying it; you don't really realize that the problem is I'm using the same tool for every situation. At some point, you start to realize, and most people at mid-life will start to say, Well gosh, I'm not doing something right because there's a lot of suffering in here and it doesn't always have to be this way. And usually people in their forties will start to get a glimpse of that. And if you can confront that fear and let go of this self definition that you have that I am my anger or I am the person who knows everything or whatever your self identification is. If you can let go of some of that and stop relying so intensively on how you define yourself and your ego, you'll arrive at a point of conscious competence where you start to identify with more of your true nature. If you keep with that, you'll arrive at a point of unconscious competence. 

Not many people make it to that, but you can experience this. I have a friend who rides motorcycles - dirt bikes - and he's been doing it since he was like eight. And so you see him when he goes and rides a motorcycle - it terrifies me - and it's man and machine. He knows exactly how that motorcycle's gonna move and he doesn't give any thought to it whatsoever. And you can see people doing this in sports sometimes, too. The real experts at a sport or the people that are the highest performers, it's a thoughtless exercise because they are just one with that activity and they are expressing their talent. And people can do that with their basic goodness, too, but it takes a fair bit of observation to be able to do that. I can't say that I can do that all the time (laughs), certainly. Or even a majority. Gosh, if I could do it five percent of the time then I'm quite thankful. 

Given all that, what does community mean to you?

I think that people are inherently social creatures. We need one another. And we all have specialized talent. At a very personal level, people need love; kids, adults, spouses, neighbors. I guess I want, for myself, I want to contribute to that sense of community or wholeness for people. It is one of the reasons that I offer some of the service I have now. Some people say, you know, all those politicians... I don't know why they would say this on City Council you make $200 a month, but somehow you're in it for yourself. What exactly am I in for myself? (Laughs) It's not the pay; it costs me a lot more than $200 a month to be a councilor. And I don't have any business interests in town. I have my employees, but all my customers live someplace else, and so I really have nothing to gain from that kind of thing. You can't take campaign contributions for your own use; that's illegal. There's really no benefit there. It really is just kind of a love of your neighbor and a willing to give back. It's really, really easy for me, almost no matter who I bump into, and even if I strongly disagree with the person, I almost always can see a lovable person in somebody else. And whenever I can see the core of somebody else through their face or eyes or whatever it might be, it provokes a very strong giving response from myself, as well. And I automatically want to help them. When you come into contact with someone in a real way, there's almost just a basic human response to a desire to help that person out. I come from an incredibly humble background, but I've been given a lot in my life, too. I have four wonderful kids and a wife - I've been married for 21 years - and many business acquaintances and best friends. I've had this business for 20 years and at least four of the people I've worked with 15 years or longer - just my best friends in the world. My financial needs are satisfied. I get to explore my talents. So much has been given to me;  more than I have expected or dreamed possible. And that creates a duty inside of me also to give back to these other lovely people that I see around the world. I kind of see myself as a part of that fabric to pull people back together and to help them build things. 

What is one's role in the fight against social injustice? Do you have thoughts on the growing disparity between the haves and have-nots? And maybe some sort of explanation for the greed and also some sort of resolution? 

One of the biggest issues that I've taken on in the service that I've had on the City Council, for instance, is really the disparity between the east side of Bend and the west side of Bend. The incomes are literally double on the west side than they are on the east side. I actually happen to live pretty close to the river on the west side; it's where I moved to 20 years ago. At the same time, I can look at the way a lot of people live in our community and say, Oh, I was a kid just like that kid at one point. And I know just what it's like. When I was 10, I had a newspaper route and would do odd jobs around the community and I had to lend money to my parents so that we could afford things like rent and groceries and things. No, I have a great deal of empathy. I know exactly what that's like. And just because someone has been afforded privileges in life or whatever or however I got to this point doesn't take away the empathy or concern or compassion for situations like that. Yeah, I'm terribly concerned. The ability to be able to see the inherent goodness in people, too, makes you - it's really difficult to get hung up on the surface-level things of whether it's someone's race or their religion or even they're really angry at you right now, if you're a person who can actually see the goodness in a person a little bit behind that, it's kind of hard not to have compassion and empathy towards people. And so I use that as a resource. It doesn't mean that it has to be the typical types of social injustice; it could be that you're a lower middle income person where both parents are working and the kids are having to take care of themselves because everyone's pretty darn busy just trying to make ends meet and the cost of living is rising in Bend around you and you don't really understand why and it's a great deal of change and that's kind of alarming and my salary isn't rising as fast, and I'm a dad or a mom and it's really hard for me to make ends meet, and I'm really stressed and don't understand the change that's occurring to me. And that makes people frightened. So I can be quite empathetic to social justice issues like that. 

My brother is mentally ill and my wife's brother was schizophrenic and killed himself and that gives me another sense of compassion for people that they don't often see. A lot of times people will see me and say, Oh, he's a software CEO, what would he know? You should stop and question your judgment before or you should pull back a little bit until you know some of the scene. I tend to be a little bit conservative but I tell some of the people that I work with on the Council or other places, Oh, don't judge too quickly 'cause you might find me as an ally sometimes to help. 'Cause I am incredibly empathetic; I do know the pain and suffering in some of these situations. And I'm willing to give my time, which is one of my most precious resources. And I've done that consistently - different volunteer opportunities. No, I'm terribly concerned, actually, about it. My work even that I do here at the office - we're an IT company - but I've intentionally targeted our hires so that we could hire people that are starting in IT and perhaps develop their abilities so that they could realize potential in themselves that they didn't realize they maybe had. People who maybe weren't destined for an IT career, but maybe were kind of smart, they just weren't properly supported or educated or maybe some life circumstance - they were born into a situation that was too chaotic for them to really go get a four-year degree or whatever it might be. You know, we might be able to help someone like that and invest in a way and change the trajectory of their lives. And so we do that even at the organization. So, depending on how one's defines social justice, I'm actually quite concerned. 

I keep trying to think of how that gap is going to diminish and the only thing I can think of is that we just have to help each other.

Perhaps. I'm not sure. I'm a little alarmed at the state of our society right now. We're incredibly individualistic. It's very focused on the self instead of the community and I think that's harmful. We kind of have swung the pendulum from the great society - you know the World War II generation, where it was really all about community and they built great things for community - we've swung the pendulum so far to the individualistic side that it is just about me and what I want and my personal desires and I think that's unhealthy for society. The other part is many of our social institutions, and maybe it's a consequence of it, are kind of breaking down and they're not listening or they're not perceived to be listening. People scream at the City Council, What are you guys doing? How could you do this? All this kind of stuff. When things are happening to people that they don't understand, they become afraid. And when the overall system appears not to listen to them, whether that's true or not, when it doesn't seem to listen to them, then that fear turns into anger. That's what happened this election cycle. It's not the first time that that happened. That pendulum has actually been and that anger has been welling up and because it's not being met with actual change and solutions, it's getting bigger. And that's kind of scary, I think, for our country, for perhaps the globe, certainly even for our little town of Bend. That's kind of alarming. At some point, you wonder, Well, unquenched anger, where does lead to? It's not unheard of in a society to have a revolution. And we think our society is stable and I don't suggest that we're at that point now, but maybe we should start becoming concerned about the level of anger and disparity and that kind of... maybe before it gets too crazy, we should put on the brakes and become a little bit more civilly-minded. And it's been on both sides of it. Like, I described myself as being conservative, but the whole thing with Clinton years ago of impeaching him started swinging that pendulum and then you get Nancy Pelosi calling the President, George Bush at the time, stupid. It's just incredibly uncivil dialogue. If there's 250 million people that think one thing and 250 million think something else, we're probably not all idiots. There's probably just different perspective (laughs) and you know, that kind of thing. And we need to have that civility so we can have discourse and come to some kind of agreements and be committed to one another. It's alarming right now. I don't become discouraged on a personal level - I can still wake up and feel the sunshine - but I do worry about where things are heading for our country. It doesn't have to be this way. 

Well, what do you propose as a fix? What do you wish for the future?

Typically in a situation, I can play a role of fundamentally changing whatever it is. There's some people that can go into a situation and they're good at the incrementally building things. So this could be just a business problem or it could be my service on Council or whatever. For myself, the personal role that I can play, is that I can often times reset a system. And sometimes, to reset a system requires a certain amount of pressure. And sometimes you have to break the system down a little bit to say there is no incremental path from this point to where we need to go. We're going to have to reset a little bit and start to rebuild that structure. And so, my personal strategy often times is to expose the truth - at least as best I can see it, which isn't perfect, but to the best that I'm able to see it. I've gone to closed-door meetings and people are saying these things behind closed doors and I've seen those same people in public situations and they say these other set of things. There's a fair bit of deceit going on here and that's going to lead to problems. People get mad when I say that sort of thing and it does cause the system to break down and they start not trusting me; Can I tell you the secret things? And my position would be to say well, we just need to let the objective truth out if that's the way you feel. We need to have this out in the public so we can actually have dialogue about whatever the issue is. Then we can start to work with one another. If it's all hidden and apart, it's not gonna work. So I think, actually, a lot more candor about the that way people feel would be beneficial. Some of the issues are very sensitive, whether it's prejudices, whether it's about race or gender or whatever. There's a lot of prejudice out there, but not talking about these kinds of things will make it worse. People are going to have ideas that anger us or are offensive in some particular way, and we have got to be able to have dialogue or we will pull apart. People start saying things behind closed doors differently than they say things in the public and the chasm will get wider if we continue that trend. I think the disinfectant of truth... I actually work with the media a lot - I'l share information with them specifically for the purpose of you know, we just need to get it all out there. We should not be afraid of the truth. You might get people that are angry and that's okay; conflict is not something necessarily that's a horrible thing. It's just a normal part of life. People have different backgrounds and perspectives. We'll be better off if we just have an open, candid dialogue about the things that are going on. And so I think that's really a big part of it. 

For myself, I tend to be an instigator in those types of changes but I'm not always the guy who's gonna have every bit of the solution. Once we start getting the system of okay, we're starting to reset a little bit and we're moving forward in a better direction, for me, that's the part where I need to have personal awareness and say, Oh, I need to step back a little bit. There's probably some other leader in a situation like this that can take the pieces that I've been able to kind of break down a little bit and pull us back together as a group to paint a better picture forward. It was only possible because I was able to break down the system a little bit, but someone else can then take it the next step. So, in a generalized way, that's the role that I usually play. Let's reset. Let's find a better foundation. Let's figure out what's really going on here. And then maybe to hand the torch off to people who can say, Okay, well now we've got these pieces, now how do we put them back together again for a better solution in the end? 

Do you have anything else that you'd like to add?

I don't think so. I've been well-trained. At the City, that's the first thing they said, Whenever they ask you, "Do you have anything else to say?", you should say, "No!" (Laughs) You won't add anything else meaningful. 

When and where can people engage with the City Council?

The City Council in Bend is pretty open. If you want to meet with a city councilor, you can just email them. If somebody wants to speak with the City Council during the public comments, I actually find those some of the most moving ones; where the ordinary person, not the lobbyist, not the paid staffer, not the nonprofit executive director who always comes and talks to us, just the everyday kind of people who never talk to the Council, those are the stories that I like to hear. It tells me what the community's really thinking. But I respond almost to every single email that I receive from somebody and I get a lot. We do have councilor office hours - they can come and talk to us. I find that people's lives are pretty busy these days... so I actually try to get out and talk to people as much as I can. I'll go to retirement homes. If people have a book group or something that they want to invite me or another councilor to, they should invite us. We're kind of at the in-between size where it's not so big that the City Council is unreachable. You can bump into your city councilors anywhere, in the grocery store or any other place - it's only 90,000 people. It's incredibly open. That's a gift. I disagree with my fellow councilors sometimes, but I've complimented them all - every last one of them loves Bend. I just have no doubt about that at all even when I strongly disagree with them. And they're working just as hard as I am to do what they think is the right thing to do. 

How about the actual meetings?

Every first and third Wednesdays - 7 pm. We always start with the pledge of allegiance and then we take public comments. And you can speak for three minutes and say what's on your mind. It's at City Hall in downtown. 

Mindy recommended Bill to me by saying, "What inspires me about Bill is that he is willing to say and do what he believes in regardless if it aligns with popular opinion. He is willing to spend time and energy to change Bend so that it is more in alignment with values he holds in high regard.