Angela Reid

Erin recommended Angela to me and she had some very kind words to say about her as she did it, setting the tone for a lovely and comical email exchange as we set up a time and place for our meeting. It might have been the familiarity with which Erin presented her or some cosmic connection from another life, but I felt like Angela and I were old friends as soon as we met. We had a really lovely and warm conversation inside the At Liberty space in downtown Bend. It went in a different direction than most of these interviews go and Angela even interviewed me, which seemed to give her great delight. She’s got a rapturous laugh and a style of communicating which I found transferred very nicely to audio, so if you have the space for it, give this interview a listen. 

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Who are you and how would you describe yourself?

My name's Angel Reid. I am a writer. And an introvert (laughs). And a transplant from Seattle. And a mom and a wife and a daughter and a sister. And a dog owner. Newly a dog owner. We'll talk more about that. I have a lot of questions for you, as a dog owner. 

What matters to you? What pushes you?

Hmm. Yeah, we'll just start with the heavy stuff. Okay. Well, I think that things change as you get older. Obviously. It's funny, I used to notice that my dad was getting really sentimental as he aged and I would sort of laugh about that. And now I see it happening to me. It's hard to not tie this into your project, but definitely finding those connections between people - I think is really important for all of us. You know, going through my twenties and thirties, I was probably looking for the meaning of life. Now, I think I've kind of accepted there isn't really one except to maybe leave it better than we found it. Leave the people around us better than we found them. Maybe leave the planet better than we found it, although we're not doing so well there. Just try to leave everyone a little better than we found 'em. If possible.

What does community mean to you?

Yes. It's funny - I always practice stuff on my husband at dinner. Things I'm working on or thinking about or writing about. And so I posed this question to him the other day. What does community mean to you, honey? And he was caught a little off guard, but I think he answered with what most of us maybe first answer with, which is it's sort of geographical or accidental community. But I also have noticed that there are those accidental communities and those intentional communities that we gather around ourselves. I love the accidental ones. There's the dog park community, right? There's the parenting community. There's all my fellow families. And we gravitate to each other for certain things. My son's into karate now, so there's this whole karate community that I did not even know existed. And I love it. It's a beautiful thing. I had no idea. And then there's the more intentional communities where we sort of select our people. The people whose values we share or imagine that we share or want to share. And we try to surround ourselves with them more. Like this (gestures to the space). I used to feel more like an artist when I was younger than I do now. And so I think I'm trying to surround myself more with the artist community to maybe find that part of myself again. 

How does it impact you? Or feed you?

It is a reminder that we're not alone. Right? If we realize that we have more in common than we thought. I don't know if Erin told you about - probably the reason she thought of me for you to talk to - I had a project a couple years ago that was very simple. It was just a letter writing project. And so people were asked to write postcards to a stranger based on a theme. It was a little harder to execute than I thought it would be, so I still have lots of thoughts about this project and why it's not going on anymore and what I could have done differently. But the genesis of it was I was volunteering at Bethlehem Inn - homeless shelter - mostly to, I guess, explore this fear and confusion I had about homelessness and to get a little closer to it. And I'm glad I did because I think what I noticed that was surprising and more heart-breaking than I had expected was that it's not just - I know I'm going way down another path here, but I'll come back - it's not just the guy with the cardboard sign on the corner who might be homeless, but it might be a lot of people walking around right now who might not look homeless and don't want us to know they're homeless. It is so close to all of us, especially during a recession which is when I was doing this. It would be so easy for any of us to be homeless. You miss a mortgage payment or your spouse dies and you cannot pay your bills or something. We're all just one misfortune away from it. And I felt like I really wanted to help people see that we had more in common than we didn't instead of just seeing these divides. So, it's interesting. Communities are kind of tribes and that's good and bad. Right? If we feel like we only belong to one tribe and have nothing in common with other tribes, that part - that tension - is interesting to me. So I started this project to kind of help people see that we all had our stories. But I kind of like how you're doing this better (laughs). So I'm happy to pass the baton. 

What is your role in the fight against social justice? What are we to do about it?

I don't know. All I can imagine doing right now is listening and learning. And being prepared to be uncomfortable. Because I think there's a luxury in being white and upper middle class and we don't even have to imagine, maybe, what it might feel like to not be. I don't have the answer but I do get a little impatient with the social media activism, which doesn't seem to amount to much except talk. It's been very frustrating - again, I'm going down another path, probably, than you intended - but in the last couple of years with politics and what's going on in the world, it's hard to know how to be effective and sustain that level of passion and effectiveness over the long haul. But I do like that there are conversations, at least, happening. And I think we're all trying to at least be aware. I don't know. I think it starts with awareness. It starts with some openness to the possibility that we're doing it wrong. That some things might need to change that make us uncomfortable. But I don't know. I don't know. What's your answer? 

Well, my answer is that I don't think it makes any sense to accumulate wealth on any level. The things that I enjoy, typically, are things that don't cost much. I'm not upper middle class. I'm in a terrible financial situation because I spend most of my time making this project and asking questions and trying to figure out if I'm gonna be homeless and how people will perceive me in that light given that I ask this question all the time. The things that I enjoy about life are typically conversations and relationships. And it's hard for me to adopt an attitude of cheerfulness given the knowledge I have of how much shit is out there. And how many people are really suffering. Not just dealing with the inconvenience of having a scuff on their brand new shoes, but where they're getting food and water and healthcare and housing. So, my role is to talk about it, I think. My role is to make this project. My role is to encourage conversation and getting to know one another to the point, maybe, of cramming it down people's throat. I guess that's my role. But I'm fully aware that I have all of my own buttons and triggers and that I get frustrated in traffic or I get really angry at the neighbors when they don't pick up their dog poop. Or I have all my own social issues and it makes me upset and I wear all that stuff on my sleeve. I think we all have to do better, though. If there was less of a push towards accumulation, towards greed, towards contributing to designed obsolescence - I think there's a lot of things in this that I can talk on and on and on and on about, but I think they all fall under the same thing. And there's just a level of greed that, at some point, you're trying to have a little bit of a safety net and then, at some point, you've gone overboard. And I just don't know what the overboard is about. Or why to seek it. I'm happy with a second-hand vehicle. It's a dream to have a house that's under a thousand square feet. I just have different ideas. I don't want to make it sound like everybody should want those things, but I just don't have a lot of desires for a lot of expensive, fancy stuff. I don't know that that answers that question either, but I think that we owe it to each to try to be kind, to try to be understanding, to try to communicate. But this is an interview about you.

I know. You like how I keep doing that? That's my special gift. Yeah, I am conflicted about all that stuff because I like beautiful things. They don't have to be fancy things, but I do like art. But I married a very practical man who is good for me. That would be a funny interview if it were both of us. He'd be like, Really? His family's from New England and they had this piece of paper. I'm learning about New Englanders. Where are you from?

Maine. 

(Laughs) We still go to Maine every year. So they have this piece of paper on the fridge there and maybe we had it on our fridge for a while, too. You probably know the saying, Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without. I think about that a lot because that's not how I was brought up. But it's this little voice now in my head. You know, when you just get tired of something or it just isn't quite new and perfect anymore. But it still works. So, anyway, that's the angel or whatever on my other shoulder who keeps me balanced. I think that's wonderful - if you can ever expand your family in that way, pick someone who balances you out. It's really great. 

What do you wish for the future?

Oh gosh. I wish that my kids didn't have to fix all our problems. I feel like we are messing a lot of things up for them. I wish for things that won't happen - like technology would take a few steps backwards. Or that maybe it would take a few steps forwards and it would be more useful and not just a toy and a distraction. I think there's potential for it to help solve some big problems if we can use it right. It's hard to look at the future and not think about my kids. That's changed a lot of how I view the world - knowing that it's their world now more than mine. I hope that they feel empowered to make the world a better place, but they don't feel burdened at that task. I hope I have taught them well. We're still in it, so we're not done teaching. I hope people talk more. And listen more. And don't just Facebook more. You know? Simple things. A lot of big problems to solve, but I think there's also a lot little things in just how we go about our daily lives that could help. 

Well, you still have your life to live again. In theory. I don't know if that's a good thought or a scary thought, but there's a lot left for you to do. 

Yes, I'm not done. And, you know, the cool thing about getting older - it's not all bad - is that feeling a little bit more aware that we are all here temporarily is kind of interesting. It's kind of empowering. For me, anyway. I don't feel like, Ick, what's it all for? We're all gonna die. It's, Ick, we're not here very long. Let's see what we can do with this time. I think I've already gone through my mid-life crisis - I hope I'm done - where I was afraid of everything. Now I feel like there's really no point in being afraid of everything. Let's just do what we can. Not much time. You know?

Do you have any parting words?

I should have prepared this because I knew that you would ask that. I don't know. I think because I am more of a listener than a talker I'm uncomfortable delivering parting words (laughs) in a Here's my profound speech way. I think your project is really important and I want you to find an audience for it and I want it to grow. And I want it to go outside of Bend. That was also my hope for the project I was doing a couple years ago: I didn't want it to just be Bend. It's interesting because if I were to just sort of let it follow whatever path it wanted to take organically, it seemed to just move around on the west side of Bend. There's a lot of interest, anyway, in connection. And I wonder what that's all about. Is that just, I don't know. Is that charity that makes us want to reach out? Or is it loneliness? Or is it, I don't know. There are a lot of transplants in Bend - people from other places. And I think that maybe has something to do with it; we know that there's a world beyond our door and maybe we're eager to build a new community here because we're from someplace else. I don't know. I hope you won't give up. I hope you'll meet some interesting people. 

I certainly am meeting interesting people. 

Erin recommended Angela to me and she had some very kind words to say about her as she did it, setting the tone for a lovely and comical email exchange as we set up a time and place for our meeting.

Sarah Leaman

One of my friends (Hi, Maggie!) from back in New England reached out to me and Sarah to connect us because she knew we both lived in Bend. It took a few months to organize something, so I finally just asked Sarah if she would like to meet by participating in this project. And she was keen on it. Oddly enough, after we spent about an hour together, we realized we had run into each other not long ago on a dog walk, too. Small world. Sarah and I have mutual friends in the realm where outdoor education intersects with social work and counseling and she is currently working in that field as a crisis support specialist at Youth Villages.

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Who are you and how would you describe yourself?

This is a tough one. I've read the responses. It's weird to define... who am I? I am a person. I'm from New Jersey. I'm a sister and a daughter and a friend and a worker and an artist. And a photographer - picture taker (laughs). Adventure lover, traveler, movie goer, coffee drinker. I don't know - a lot of things, I guess. 

What matters to you?

What matters to me most is relationships. My family and my friends - making time for those things. I really love travel. Getting out there. Getting out of my comfort zone, as we say in outdoor education. It matters to me to always feel like I'm learning and that I'm still curious about stuff. I guess that, to me, is living. Being curious and loving people, loving yourself, trying to get better at things, being open, which gets harder, I think, the older you get. Trying to stay childlike. Trying to force myself to do things that are scary, like learning how to ski. All those kinds of things are what make up who we are. Oh! And really just making time for people, too. So, having family on the East Coast and I have friends all over the place - and just making priority to see people. I think I always try to keep in mind that everything is chaotic in reality and we don't know what's gonna happen to us even tomorrow or whenever, so trying to prioritize people and relationships and all that stuff. Seeing things. 

What gets in the way of what matters to you?

Money (laughs) can be a barrier to travel and stuff like that and being around my family as much as I would want to be. Sometimes living the life that I would want to live - sometimes, just because things like food can be expensive. I would say there's been points where time has been a barrier, but I don't feel like I'm in one of those phases just now. So, like feeling like I don't have the time. And then maybe just my own fears of things or anxieties get in the way of maybe doing something different, doing something new, meeting new people, having new experiences. 

What does community mean to you?

I think community is really hard. I think it can be really hard and also really enriching. And that's kind of what life is about. I think it's so easy for us to be disconnected from each other and isolated and all that kind of stuff. I think community is being around people - all kinds of people that are in your vicinity, whether it's like school or just the town you live in or the workplace. And then, I think, the biggest challenge is learning how to be around those people. And for some people it's gonna be really easy, but then other people - it's gonna be really, really tough and you're gonna have to make some choices about how to be around them. Family is an intense example of community. You're just kind of born into that and you have to learn how to live with it (laughs) and live with them. I think we kind of romanticize community sometimes or idealize it. But I think community's actually really hard. And I think it is about being around people that aren't like you and that you aren't gonna like all the time. But, that's okay. It's normal. 

What's the value in it to make it worth the struggle?

I think it can be character-building. You might learn how to interact with different people and learn about yourself - how you're affected by people, what makes you angry or happy or sad or disappointed, and then making decisions around, you know, Do I want to confront this person or do I not? If I don't, is that okay? Is it not okay? Do I need to be more assertive here? I think it definitely can build your character and can teach you how to be better. I think community can also be painful, too. That can be hard. If a relationship is broken or something and it's difficult to know how to navigate that. But, yeah, I think if you stick with it, I guess the benefit is you can have really deep relationships and people that have seen you go through stuff and they know you. I think being known is also very valuable. I know when I go back to the East Coast, there's lots of people that have known me for much longer. And, I mean, that's really valuable. And there's something that's really grounding about that and kind of sobering, too. And I think time heals things, as well. So you can go through some stuff with people but then later on it's over and it's okay and you learn something and now they know you (laughs) a little differently and you know them, too. Yeah, I think that's really valuable. 

Any thoughts on why people seem to be turning within as opposed to towards togetherness? 

It's weird nowadays. You can stay in touch with people and you can share like every day of your life with people if you want to, like through photos and all the social media stuff. So, in some sense, it's like there's almost a bigger emphasis in terms of community and sharing. But I think there's a superficial layer to that. So it can feel like it's community, but it doesn't mean that you're necessarily around people or even really know what's going on. I mean, you can post anything. You can post beautiful pictures all the time, but your life is falling apart. And that can feel lonely and isolating. So I think it's almost easier nowadays... or maybe we keep up face different than we used to. It used to be maybe you putting on a smile when you are around people and you look okay, but until someone actually talks to you, they don't really know what's going on. And nowadays we can do that in all kinds of ways (laughs). It's just kind of weird now because I think people are more isolated sometimes. You may be posting a photo every day on Instagram, but at the end of the day maybe still feel a little lonely because you didn't actually have a real conversation with someone. And that, I imagine, can be confusing. Especially if you're growing up in that kind of age, too, where you're not talking on the phone with people, not having as much of a human interaction maybe. When I was younger a lot of my friends were far away and I would have loved to have been able to connect with them instantly all the time through texting or through whatever, but I didn't have that, so we wrote letters. And as soon as email came out, I was like, Oh my gosh, this is crazy! I can just send this and my friend in New Mexico is gonna get it right away. So there's an aspect of the instant communication that's really cool, but then can be really damaging on the flip side when the negative stuff gets out to everybody. Or you're just kind of living a superficial lifestyle through it. I just thought of The Office (laughs). I love that show 'cause I think that's what community is. And it's so beautiful (laughs). That's more what it's about. So, yeah, if you're on your phone the whole time or you're choosing not to engage with the people around you, I think you're missing out on something. 

What's your role in the fight against social injustice?

Oh my gosh. I don't know. I don't know that I do that much, to be honest. I mean, I'll have conversation with people, but again, I think it's hard to have conversations with people who don't understand what that is or even understand a need for something like that. 'Cause it's like you're speaking another language (laughs) and they might even get irritated immediately. I've always had jobs where I feel like I'm doing something good or something helpful for people, so I guess that's kind of where I see my work. So, when I go into the emergency department and I'm assessing a kid who is suicidal, there's a lot there in terms of trying to help the kid, trying to help the family, trying to connect them with resources, maybe doing some psychoeducation about trauma and how that affects kids and babies from a young age. So I guess I like to think in that job and maybe some other jobs that I've had, it's more of a focusing on one individual or one family and trying to help them. But I don't know if that's fighting injustice. I will say I'm terrible at being a part of political movements or going to a rally or something like that. I don't do those things. 

I think where I get stuck is I don't think my voice really matters (laughs) that much. Yes, I can call people and I've signed petitions, but I still feel like I don't have power. I don't have money. So, I don't know. That's a copout and I don't really know where to begin. But with some of this stuff, it's so big. The only thing I can think to do is just... yeah, if I have opportunities in my daily life to talk to someone or do something in that way. But otherwise it just feels like you can't touch it. It's so hard to even make changes in your own workplace (laughs) even at an employee level. Like, if you have a problem with something. Yeah, you can talk to HR, you can try to kick it up, but it just comes down to people in power doing something. So how do you reach the people in power? I think it's hard. I don't know. 

What do you wish for the future?

I think I would like to see people kind of turn off their phones. I'd like to see it flip the other way. I do wonder what the effects of that is gonna be on kids that are growing up in it. And I don't think I'd want my kids growing up with as much of that social media stuff. I have concerns (laughs) about the future with the new administration - what the damage is gonna be to some of the things that I think are important. I'd like to see our economy even out a little bit. I feel like it's almost impossible to do things that people once did or had - get a house, have cars, I don't know, be able to function a little more on a middle class salary. I feel like now you need a lot more money to feel comfortable or like you're not constantly paying off debt or paying your bills. I'd like to see the youth suicide rate go down in central Oregon. It's really high. We had like five youth suicides that I know of since I started working here. Which seems really high to me. And for myself, I'd love to have a house and have a family and all that. I'd love to design my own house, but I don't know (laughs). 

Regarding bullying and suicide among teens:

It feels like a different kind of climate now. We do have a very privileged man in power who is a bully. I can't help but think that that does affect the way that some of the white privileged kids that live in this community maybe treat other people. I wouldn't blame that solely, but that definitely came to mind. I don't really know much about how the schools are addressing it. I know that there's a big movement to try to address youth suicide in this community. I know when I interview kids, bullying comes up as one of the top things. How do you fix bullying? I think probably you build community (laughs) in your school. But easier said than done. But I don't know what the school's movement on that is and I don't know what their interventions are. I know when I worked in outdoor education there was some cool movements. There was one called Courage to Care and it was experiential based. There was one woman in Massachusetts and she just focused on building the community in her classroom for the first few months and just put tests aside. The kids were behinds on the tests at first but once they had built that community, all their scores went up to where they should be. It seems like right now they're trying to do some prevention in terms of flagging kids who seem like a risk. It's definitely on every school's radar. I hope they also are doing some other preventative things so that kids aren't just bullying each other. 

One of my dear friends (Hi, Maggie!) from back in New England reached out to me and Sarah to connect us because she knew we both lived in Bend. It took a few months to organize something, so I finally just asked Sarah if she would like to meet by participating in this project.

Danielle Mercurio

I met Danielle at an Opportunity Knocks event that Aly Waibel asked me to photograph. As the event was closing down, Aly began introducing me to some folks and Danielle was one of them. I recently interviewed her partner, Eric, too. We tossed around the idea of doing a joint interview, but separating them proved to be easier to schedule. I am not a relationship expert, but these two seem to have a really great thing going on. They are both full of genuine love and it shows on their faces and it comes out through their thoughtful words. I left both of them with a strong feeling of connection and the excitement that comes when you've made new friends. 

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Who are you and how would you describe yourself?

My name is Danielle and, by profession, I am a holistic life coach. And I am really passionate about empowering people to really connect with our highest self and really manifest the life that they want to be living. I went through this life-coaching process seven or eight years ago. It was a self-discovery process where you really connect with yourself and we had to name our authentic self. And I named myself Love. So that's really how I would describe myself is love. I try to spread love to other people, and to myself, and really just help people... I guess it's loving themself. And really spreading the love throughout humanity. I really believe we are spiritual beings having a human experience. So, we're these beings of light. The best way to describe it would be a light being of love that I'm radiating out to the world. That's my goal at least; I don't know if I achieve it every day, but that's what my goal is. 

What brought you down that path?

I was raised Catholic and I remember in high school feeling that it wasn't - something just felt really off for me. It didn't feel like a good fit. And so I felt like I was just looking for something. I started traveling a lot after high school. I moved to Europe - moved to Belgium and lived there for a few years - and I realized not everybody was really religious. I was living in the Bible Belt in Texas and thought everybody went to church every Sunday and had to go to church on Wednesdays and did this and that. Traveling the world opened my mind and made me realize, Oh, you don't have to do all this. And organized religion just didn't feel like it was a good fit for me. So I was seeking something inside of me that felt - there just felt like there was a void. And I was trying to fill that void. So I started meditating in my early 20s and I started doing yoga and that really opened up the whole world for me of the spiritual growth. And then in my late 20s, I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. I had opened up this world to this new spiritual path: meditating and stillness and trying to find the happiness within and realizing how much more I needed to love myself - the importance of that. So I started this coaching process because I wanted to find clarity in what I wanted to do with my life - what my purpose was. So, I found the clarity after a year of coaching. I realized that I wanted to empower others to find that within themselves. Because there are so many distractions in this world. And there are so many people looking for things and we fill it with either substances or TV or social media or anything outside of us. And we're looking for this happiness or this peace that we want and it's all inside of us. Even though I don't feel that every day, I know it's in there. And I know it's something we have to feel inside of ourselves and connect to that part of us and that higher part of ourself. So, to me, love is all of that. That's really what it's all about is loving yourself, loving other people. Because we're all connected, we're all one; we're one with the Earth, we're one with each other. To me, that's what this whole journey's about - learning and feeling connected. 

What motivates you?

I think I can relate with both of those. When I see people who are really grieving and who are in pain and who are suffering - because we all do at some point in our life - I want to reach out and help those people. And that motivates me to get out of bed because I know that those people need other people. But those people that are out there and are living the life - they're connected to their authentic self and they're really the life that they want to be living and they're truly happy and feel really good about where they are and feel connected - that's really where I can draw my inspiration from because those people who have that energy, they're in the vortex. Their energy is really high and they're living that life - to me, that's motivating 'cause I know that I can do that and I want to be more like that. I know that they affect me and so when my energy's really high and I'm in that place, I know that I can affect those people who are suffering as well. 

I do see the importance of being sad or grieving and having the chaos because if we don't have that, we can't have the opposite. Right? We can't be grateful for that situation to get us to where we are. It is important to have that. But I think it's sad to see when people stay in that - stay in that struggling, that grievance - for too long. There is a time and a place for that and it's important to honor that place when you're there and to be there - to feel it - but I don't think we understand, especially in the western culture, how to release it. And the problem is we hold onto it and it comes out in forms of cancer or physical problems or it comes out and it just gets so much worse than it really has to be. It is good to have, but I think people need to learn how to deal with it when they're there so they can rise above. It's gonna be like this throughout our lives. That's part of it. It's part of life, it's a part of the journey. 

What does community mean to you?

That's an interesting question. I feel like the past few years since I moved here, I have been seeking more community. For me, it means support. It's love. You have people around you who are supporting you through the good and the bad and they're there to help you, encourage you, be there for you when you're down, but also celebrate with you when you're high to help you. I saw a documentary called Happy. They talk about who the happiest people in the world are and they're people in Denmark. And it's because they live in a small community and they have so much support. People helping each other raise their children and helping each other cook and they have this community. And people are happiest when they're in this community. So, to me, it's the support that you need. Like I said, I've been looking for it more the past few years since I moved here because I didn't know anyone when I moved here. But when I was in Texas, I have a huge community of people that - it's my family. I'm really close with my family and I feel like I've had that community for a while in the friends that I have. To moving here - not having that same support or just being further away from my support - community is really important, I think, to our happiness. 

Have you found community here?

I have. I'm still building it, but I feel like I have started to build it. My partner, Eric, and I are trying to build more and more of a community together. I feel like we have started it, but I feel like it's the beginning of the growth. 

What's one role in the fight against social injustice.

That's a good question. I think everyone needs to step up and figure out what it is that they believe in and step up and do something. Everyone's gonna have a different role. It depends on that person. I can't speak for someone else. For me, my role - I do a lot of meditation and I think it's important in my meditation to not only go within and be inside myself but to spread my energy and any thoughts, anything that's going on inside of me, out. So it may not be as active as someone else who's gonna go maybe protest or go do something else, but to me, it's sending that energy out as much as I can and trying to change any injustices. That's one way to describe it. I'm sure if I saw something first hand, I would take action right then. But, in a daily practice, I think just sending out energy to the world, trying to make that change is one little, small step I can do every day. 

Do you think we have a sense of responsibility to one another?

I think it's important for people to - that first step is to be self aware. And that personal growth is important so you're improving yourself, but the reason why you're doing that is so you can help other people and serve. You know, you go through your own transformation so you can help the other person, so you can be there for someone else. Because if you're in a really bad place, it's hard to serve other people. I think people have taken it to an extreme and they forget to move on to service and they just stay in this box of, Okay, I'm just gonna move up and this is all about me. And that's where we've gone wrong. It is important to improve yourself. But then, that's good, now we have to focus on other people, as well. We're all in this together. We are all one. I think it is unfortunate that people are selfish. Like I said, especially in this culture - in the western culture - and they want immediate gratification for themselves. We have these mirror neurons that, you know, whatever's happening in me is gonna affect you. If people would realize that, that we're so connected and it's not just about yourself... I don't know how to change it. I wish I did. I really wish I did. 

What do you wish for the future?

What do I wish for the future? (Sighs) Good question. I wish for people to learn how to grieve so they can release it fully and then they come - they're on the other side - and they're able to help somebody else who's going through it. So, it's gonna be a cycle of people that are suffering and then people who are not. I wish people would feel more connected to their higher self and to their source - whatever that looks like for them - to the Earth, to everything around us, so we can be there for each other more. So people aren't as selfish. It's really connection. And consciousness. I want to help raise consciousness in people so they can feel more connected. I feel like that's how people can feel more connected to each other. 

You have anything else you want to put out there?

I think it all begins with ourselves and in order to make any change in the world we need to be connected. I've talked a lot about connection and your higher self and I think one of the most important ways to get there is through meditation and sitting in silence and just being with yourself and feeling that connection with your higher self, with your source, with creator. And taking that time to spend with yourself. And don't forget to serve because that's a big part of it. Once you're connected, reach out to others and serve and give. So just take time to do that for yourself. 

I met Danielle at an Opportunity Knocks event that Aly Waibel asked me to photograph. As the event was closing down, Aly began introducing me to some folks and Danielle was one of them. I recently interviewed her partner, Eric, too.

Mindy Aisling

Because Erin is pumped about this project and wants to get some other people pumped out it, too, she introduced me to Mindy. And she did so with very high praise. I thoroughly enjoyed chatting with Mindy and I found it very difficult to not smile as she spoke because everything about her was smiling. If you have the space to do it, I highly recommending listening to this interview because so much of Mindy’s positivity comes through in how she speaks. Keep an eye out for Mindy and say hi when you do see her. I guarantee you’ll be better for it. And if you are in the market for a life coach, she might be the one for you. 

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Who are you and how would you describe yourself?

My name is Mindy Aisling. Professionally, my title is Community Relations Coordinator for downtown Bend. I would describe myself as passionate, vulnerable, excited. 

Where do you come from?

So, I am originally from Southern California. I grew up in a little town called Ojai, right outside of Santa Barbara. Then I kind of floated around a bit - I lived in Maui for a couple years. Went back to Southern California and San Diego for a little bit. I ended up in Bellingham, Washington, which I loved. And I was there for a really, really long time. And then I got engaged and my fiancee got a job on the Olympic Peninsula. He's a chemistry teacher. So we went and lived out there for a few years. We came here. We loved it. I have a son who - he's a freshman in high school right now - was going into junior high and I wanted to leave Port Angeles before that happened. So we relocated and we've been in Bend now for three years. I don't see myself ever leaving Bend. I love Bend. I love the Pacific Northwest in general. The culture is great here. But it's certainly nice to be on this side of the mountains and experiencing some more sun. So I would love to put my roots down and stay in Bend. 

What motivates you?

That's an interesting question because I notice that my natural state of being is excitement. Like, I wake up excited. And when there's times in my life that that's not happening, it's like a red flag. It's like, hey, wait a second. What's not in alignment in my life? And I would say that I'm excited about everything. My cup of coffee in the morning - I like to get my coffee and go stand on my porch for a couple minutes in my pajamas in the morning. I love the work that I do - all the work that I do. Even though I don't have a huge friend community here in Bend yet, I love people. I love doing things. There's very few things that I dread. You know, there was a time in my life when that wasn't the case. So maybe part of it is that I make wiser choices that are more in alignment with my values and choose jobs and places and people that are in alignment with my values and part of it is that I've gotten better at seeing the gifts quicker, right? I don't know if you know that quote - it's something like, Somebody once gave me a box of darkness and it took me a long time to realize that that, too, was a gift. And I love that theory, right, that everything's okay. And if I don't think it's okay, then it's my job to keep looking around to find out why this came into my life. So I think that helps me get over these situations that might be negative or dreadful - looking at it that way. And not, like we talked about earlier, in this painted cloud type of way, but really why is this in my life? How can this transform me even if it's something that I didn't want, I didn't expect? 

I would say that I've always been a seeker, like I was born a seeker. It's just part of who I am. And then, I didn't have a great childhood. And I actually didn't have a great first marriage. The beginning part on my own was, like, rough (laughs). And I remember just thinking that there's gotta be a better way, like this can't be it. Are you kidding me?Everybody's just living this life of feeling isolated and hardship and punch the clock and go to sleep, wake up... this can't be it. No. So I just really started searching for what was the bigger story out there. Right? It sounds worse than I mean it, but that just seemed like a shitty way to spend the rest of my existence. So if there wasn't something else, I was like, Go all the way or bust! (Laughs) Like I have to find this something else. I tried churches, I lived in an ashram in India for a summer, I went to psychics. I just tried to expose myself to anybody who said they had the answer. And then I just kind of came away from all those bits and pieces with my own way of being. I think I would say I still have a lot of questions, but not like back then. I feel more at peace. 

What does community mean to you? 

The first thing that came to my mind was community is something I have to be grateful for. And the reason why is I find a lot of joy in being in service to others. So, being a mom and a wife - I love cooking and cleaning and paying the bills. All that boring stuff has become kind of like this gift. I don't know how to describe it. Let me think about this more. I know it's service-based and I know that feeling I have for myself or my family - it's the same feeling I have in community. I know what it is - you allow me to show up. What a huge gift. Like, if you weren't there, who would be witnessing this? Without you, or you, or you, what am I? I'm not witnessed at all. I can't be heard. I can't be seen. Phew, tremendous gratitude. That's what I think community means to me. 

What's going on with the people that seem to totally disagree with that and seem to be consumed with greed? 

It's funny that you ask that question because in coaching I have clients come to me all the time and it's like, what's your goal? Oh, I want to make a lot of money. I want to make six figures working two days a week. You know? But it's like, okay, but what do you really want? And that's kind of what you're asking. When people are chasing all these things, whether it's so many likes, so many friends, so much money, I think that's a strategy not a need. And I think that the part that's missing, I would say, is vulnerability. Because if you can just focus out here on the strategies and be like, Oh yeah, well, I make good money and my business is really successful. That's happening all out here, right? If I have to go and open myself up and say, I need you here to witness me. And if you're not here, I don't feel like I can show up. That's vulnerable. And so I think we live in a culture where it's like, Oh, buy this pill to do this and take this course - Seven Secrets to Your Six-Figure Life - and it's all these solutions so that you don't ever have to be vulnerable, you don't ever have to really open yourself up, connect with people, and it's like, Great, I'll do that. Because people, I think they're missing the recipe that a meaningful life is created from hardship, sadness, struggle, joy, bliss, like the whole range of human experiences. But people think that they just want a happy life. I'll just not feel those things. I'll just take the pill. I'll take the course. I'll do this. And I don't know if this is true or not, but that's the answer that came to me when you said that. They're just trying to get the same things that I am, but they're taking a different path to it. (Laughs) I don't think it's the right path. I don't think it's gonna work! But that's my opinion, right? Who knows? Maybe it will work for some of those people. I don't think so. I think, as humans, what we really want is connection. We want to be seen. We want to be able to reveal ourselves. It's base level. 

What's one's responsibility in the fight against social injustice? 

I would say, first and foremost, it's how I act to those people around me. Sometimes I witness people or I hear stories of people who they might be adopting a child in Africa and protesting on the street about this, but they go home and they are condescending to their children or they yell at their wife or they yell at the people bagging their groceries. And it's like, wait, the way to change the world, in my opinion, is for me to be nice to every living thing right here. And then right here. And then right here. And if I got this, great! Then I can go to big stuff on the street. And I can go do big stuff in other countries. But if I don't have this first, this is the most important. Talking about red flags, those kind of things are red flags for me. If I notice myself getting annoyed by the traffic or if I notice myself getting mad at that person bagging my groceries, red flag - that's my wellness that's not doing good right now. That's a sign. And then I have to do whatever it takes to get that right - to be nice to these people. And that might mean that I can't be a thousand places, that I can't be calling my senators, and on the street. Because I need more self care so that I can be nice to these people. So I would say I believe the most important is right here and then it gets bigger and bigger and bigger. Yeah, and if you have the energy and the wellness to do advocating for what you're passionate about in the big realm of things, do it. Absolutely. But never at a cost to yourself or those around you.

What do you wish for the future?

This is an aside, but I am so passionate about future technology. I'm an NPR listener, too. And I was just listening to this podcast about the moral implications of AI and technology and just thinking about the fact that we could lose like 40% of our jobs to computers. And that means as a people, we'd have to find value other than in what we do, which is where we base all our value right now. That could be a complete collapse or a revolution. We're in such a fascinating time right now. I think that our growth is about to hit that part of the curve where it's really steep on the graph. And I honestly don't know what's gonna happen. Some things sometimes, they have to fall apart before something else is born. That's just how it works. I mean, the universe works that way. Everything moves, it changes form, it falls apart and totally becomes destructed and then it bursts out something else. Maybe that will happen. Maybe not. Maybe people will learn. I mean, I certainly hope that it's the easy route. Of course, everybody does. So on a big scope, I hope that people learn to love more and accept more and tolerate more. Right? All those things would be great. Care for the planet, care for each other. I also think it's actually okay if it has to all fall apart. And that doesn't mean that's the end of it. 

I would say, personally, like I said before, I would love to be a part of this community and a part of the story of the culture change here. I would also love to grow more plants and have more animals (laughs) and drink more tea and, you know, watch snow fall and all those wonderful things, too. I mean, as many moments as I can grab. An important part of my story that I'll mention is right before I moved here, maybe six months before I moved here, I was in a head-on car collision - where I was actually air-lifted, spent three months in a hospital room. But that experience, finding the gift in something that you definitely didn't want to happen, it gave me this ability to appreciate small things in a way that I never had before. So, I hope I have a lot of moments of small things, I guess. 

Do you have any parting words?

I guess talking about big things, I know I said this before, but I just say again, we're all so much more the same than we are different. That's the one thing I try to tell people, whether I'm on Facebook and their comments or, you know, we just had this women's march and people are like, That's horrible. That's wonderful. People are so vastly opinionated right now with everything. Which is great! That's passion and it's better to be passionate than apathetic. But sometimes I think people forget we're all the same tribe. Me, who will [shout] at the top of my lungs on my soapbox to fight for rights for people, and the person opposite of me, shouting the exact opposite things. Ultimately, we're both the same species, we're the same tribe, we're both human. And I think that gets forgotten a lot. 

Because Erin is pumped about this project and wants to get some other people pumped out it, too, she introduced me to Mindy. And she did so with very high praise. I thoroughly enjoyed chatting with Mindy and I found it very difficult to not smile as she spoke because everything about her was smiling.

Albert Wright

I met Albert at a recent Community Conversations meeting. I greatly appreciated what he brought to the table so I asked him if he’d be willing to participate in this project. He not only obliged but also offered to begin actively seeking out other folks to send my way. I look forward to seeing how that develops. Albert keeps it real. I love it when people keep it real. He shared a few stories of his life with me - and now with you - but I imagine there are so many more. I look forward to gleaning more wisdom from him. He says this about halfway through the interview, “But I know that if we were all the same color, we would pick out some difference and find a way.” And that simultaneously made me sad and gave me hope. We seem to be hard-wired to treat each other poorly. But there are folks all around us that don’t subscribe to that and Albert is a really good example for us to look to. 

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Who are you and how would you describe yourself?

Wow, you like to start with the tough questions, huh? I'm Albert Wright. I am the fifth of seven children. My father was a Baptist pastor with a master's degree in theology. My mom has a sixth-grade education and I'll tell you she was far more intelligent than my father. I am a compassionate, generous, giving individual that likes to seek the best out of mankind and other people. I enjoy inspiring and leading and watching people grow. And I'm a father of five daughters. 

What motivates you?

Well, what keeps me going now is much different than what kept me going when I was employed. What kept me going when I was employed was - ever since I was a very, very young man... I started work at eight or nine years old sweeping a parking lot at a little strip mall that had like four stores. I've never collected an unemployment check because I was always taught that you had to go earn it. So, I always had a work motivation and then, as I got older, most of the places that I worked for at some point asked me to assume some sort of management position. So then I had the confidence that maybe I might know a little bit about what I'm doing. And then the will to succeed has always driven me. It's just a matter of life - when it comes to work and jobs and things of that sort, there are different types. There are those people that have the ability to do beautiful artwork. Okay? So they're self-driven - to take what they see in their mind or a vision of what they see and transpose it onto a piece of paper. I don't have that ability. Okay. I was a good athlete; I wasn't a great athlete. Okay, it's not my ability. So, as I got further into my career with UPS, I knew how to motivate and get the most out of people by not necessarily directing them, but by asking them what they bring to the table. Where do you best fit in this organization? And how do you see yourself in this organization? So, success was through the people that I worked with - the teams that I had. And it really wasn't far because I usually had the best team. But I usually had the best team because of the way I chose to manage and treat them and use their skills. 

Now, I'm retired. What motivates me? Not having to be on anyone's time. Any place, any time, in any particular time, other than those things that we choose. Because I was a manager with worldwide responsibility, 24/7. So 24/7 worldwide means 24/7. So, being able to extract myself from that just was great relief. And I look for things around me that motivate me. And I'm easily... I'm looking for the best in people and situations, so I have a pretty positive outlook on what I'm doing and why I'm here. 

What does community mean to you?

Well, I think that there - again, large scale, small scale. Large scale: you know, this is Bend. This is 90, hundred thousand people, unfortunately the most of whom are in their own little worlds and have their own things to do or behind a cellphone or a PC or whatever the case may be. But that is a community. It may be a separated community, so to speak, that operates in little pods and circles of friends, but they are community. But then there's a community of... I was a board chair of an organization called The Family Connection Partnership in Georgia - statewide nonprofit. And there were a community of volunteers and people throughout the entire state whose entire focus were to build strategic plans to help change and impact each county in the state. So that was a community of people that had a purpose. So now you go from this big community to community of purpose. And then you get down to the community of the neighborhood. You can see those that say, Well, I live on the butte. I never say I live on the butte, you know? For the reason of some people just want to be associated with a neighborhood. It's not that I want to be associated with a  neighborhood - we ended up here at this particular house because the market was starting to turn, the builder needed to get out from under it and made us an offer that we would have been a fool to refuse, so it just made great sense. Community goes from tight-knit groups with a purpose all the way out to singularly taking care of one's self and one's business. But I do believe that that large community can project an image - a feeling - without necessarily feeling that that's actually happening. It happens because you partake in particular things and those begin to project an image of a large community without you not necessarily knowing what that projection is. 

What do you think one's role in community is given an assumption that connection is something we really need?

My father being a pastor - what he wanted to do and his lifelong dream was to build a church that offered childcare because so much of the income of the African American family would go to childcare - or substandard childcare - and he knew that by having a congregation he could offer high-quality childcare at a low cost and not be taxed. So, his vision, which he accomplished before he died, was to build that sanctuary and do that. So, that community ties in that it becomes supportive. But then again - my view - there's only a percentage of people within a community that are in that role. My father was in that role. And I was a part of that role because of my father. So then if you look at the religious community around Bend, different congregations take on different causes. For me personally, it means being respectful of everyone, okay? And being accepting and open and willing to share, willing to give - both in time and assets - if I truly believe that's gonna make life better for somebody else. 

What does it feel like to be part of such a minority in a place like Bend?

I have to take you back to March of 1975. I went to rent a place. I had just moved here. I had a good friend that lived here. I was the best man at he and his wife's wedding. Went in. New apartment - duplex complex. And I went in with my wife at the time, my best friend, and I and inquired about an apartment. The manager said, Who's gonna live here and how many? And I said, Me, my wife, and my 14-month-old daughter. And the manager said, Oh no, you kind of people - you're not living here because whenever your type of people show up, there's trouble. My wife burst out of the room at that time. I stayed there, I looked at him, and I said, Well, you can rent me the place today or I'll own it tomorrow. Because most everyone understands pure economics at the granular level. So, I rented the placed. That was the start. At the time I got to Bend, I believe there were five black people in Bend. We all knew each other. And it was, as far as I'm concerned, it was just a redneck cowboy town at that point. Yet, being young, you could find a group of friends who didn't care what color you were. And there was this fairly large group of people around the same age who were part of the change. They didn't care what color you were. 

But you have to understand, I've lived in Oregon, Iowa, New Jersey, L.A., Georgia, Louisiana - so I have lived in places where I am not such a minority and places where I am a minority - large minority - and I have found racism more prevalent in those places that actually have more people of color. Because, my opinion, that poses a threat. There are thousands, you know, I'll give you an example: our children would usually go to a school where there would be 20 children of color. And that's just separated by, you know, there a lot of socio-economic things that impact that and have impacted that. But when I moved to Atlanta, in our neighborhood there were 15 black families. And within the Atlanta metropolitan area, you find a huge black middle class. But when you leave the Atlanta metropolitan area, things changes pretty rapidly. It deteriorates. And then you go to Louisiana - it just was non-existent. You would think a state with as many people of color as Louisiana might have, you know, that you would see black wealth and prosperity. DIdn't see it. So then you go through the years from '75 - and I can give you blatant, blatant examples of racism in every place that I have every lived. Bend, today, I see more and more people of color every day. Makes me feel good. As I said, the police don't pull me over anymore to check out and see who I am. Every now and then there's just an incident that reminds me, you know, you're still a black man in a white society. 

How do you find the grace to forgive the personal atrocity but also the historical? 

I was sitting in on an interview with Andrew Young [and he] was asked that exact question. And his reply was they viewed those people - extreme racists - as being sick, just as if someone had cancer or some debilitating disease. That's how Andrew Young approached it. I approach it slightly differently in that if it presents itself, I'm going to address it and I'm going to address it head-on, at that moment, strong. I'm gonna come at ya. Maybe not violently, maybe verbally or otherwise, but I'm gonna come at ya. You're gonna know that I was there. But I'll give you an example (laughs). Years ago in Roseburg, I walked into a (laughs) bar/restaurant called - I still remember it and this is a long time ago, this is over 30 years ago, 35 years ago - it was called The Lariat Room. And we walked in and someone yelled from the back of the room, Get your black ass out of here! I was standing and I said, Throw me out. And then about five or six individuals stood up and I looked at my girlfriend and said, We gotta go. Okay, so you have to know where you are. That wasn't worth fighting for. It wasn't worth it. So, I do forgive people for their atrocities, yes. But I don't understand the ongoing proliferation of racism. I think we should be intelligent enough and far enough along to know that that process doesn't work. 

And then I come back to Bend after I retired - although, I was here every year. My wife had family here. And we had a friend of a friend close to 90 years old, maybe 92 years old. And he found out he was terminal - he was dying. And he invited me. He wanted to talk to me. And so I went over. He wanted me to see a video. And it was a video about a young caucasian boy who used to visit an old black man that most of the other people ostracized or wouldn't relate with. And eventually the old black man died and the caucasian boy wanted to be at the funeral and everyone acquiesced so that he could be at the funeral. And, basically, this 92-year-old man asked me for forgiveness. And he said he didn't know. He didn't understand. And that he knows it was wrong. And he hoped that I would forgive him. And I told him that god would be his judge, but that I forgave him. 

Do you have any idea where racism, but also hate for all differences, comes from?

Oh, that's (laughs) far deeper than I. But I know that if we were all the same color, we would pick out some difference (laughs) and find a way. I really don't know. I think that, psychologically, if you go back to early man, it was survival. I mean, there was a point where it was questionable as to whether the human race was going to survive because the mortality rate of infants was so high and the lifespans were so short. Which, by the way, is the reason some religions wanted to proliferate so quickly is because it was really, really touch and go for man. But I think that there's a struggle for survival - that I have to be on top. During those periods. And that need to feel that you're better, that you're on top, that you're in charge, means that somebody must be lesser in some dimension. And pick out that dimension and exploit it. But I'm not a psychologist. I haven't studied that; I have read books about early man and survival and early religion. But we will always find a reason to oppress someone for some reason. 

What is one's responsibility in the fight against social injustice? 

Again, everyone plays a different role, all the way from the activist to Dr. Martin Luther King - peaceful activist - to the Black Panthers who said no, who became a threat to America and who were murdered by authorities because of their thoughts without regard to the atrocities that they were suffering. The atrocities are real; people don't want to believe it. People think that because I'm a successful black man that the atrocities don't exist. You live in a world where gosh, it's gotta be a dream world. No, no, no, no, no - the atrocities still exist. They exist on a different level sometimes, yes. But they're still there. And the role in eliminating those for me - part of it is projecting an image and an attitude of, Yes, you can be successful. You don't have the right to give up. Giving up is the ultimate loss. Another part of that was doing volunteer work - working in schools in Georgia and seeing in the same school district - the Fulton County school district - the worst possible high school I could see and the best possible high school I've ever seen. Well, guess where the worst high school's located. In the black neighborhood. 

I used to eat at Taco Bell on occasion and I ordered the same thing at Taco Bell all the time - I had a number one with a lemonade, or in Georgia you'd have a number one with a tea because sweet tea was big in Georgia. In the black neighborhood, that number one cost me $1.70 more than it did in Alpharetta, Georgia - the white neighborhood. So, speaking out for some people. Yes, I've spoken on occasion at different events. Volunteering, for some people, works - does well. Writing, for some people, does well. Upsetting my friends on Facebook when they just repost things that are just absolutely false. I will just merely comment, This is bullshit. It's not true. Don't post it. Try to stay out of the argumentative phase. Just state what it is. And if you have facts to back it up, then go ahead and show me the facts to back it up. So, different people take different routes. 

My father had his way. I've had my way. Moving around the country, working in jobs, being the first black district manager. I was responsible for Louisiana and Mississippi and the UPS black employees looking up and saying, Are you kidding me? We actually have a black district manager? Developing and promoting the right people regardless of their race. But understand that when I got to Louisiana and Mississippi, 45% of the workforce was black, okay? 5% of the management was black. How's that happen? It doesn't. Being able to go in and develop and promote and give people opportunity that changes their lives, that offers their children to get a better education, to go to a better school, starts at the bottom and it moves on up. [That] was my responsibility because I was in business - large corporation. So after a few people were promoted in Louisiana that they didn't necessarily like, a group of managers got together and wrote a letter to corporate. And their letter to corporate basically said that they were being discriminated against and that the only people that had the opportunity to be promoted in Louisiana and Mississippi were either black or female. And they, I give them credit, they actually signed the letter and sent it to corporate. So, of course, corporate contacted me and we discussed it and I said, We'll have it taken care of. My H.R. manager who worked for me in the district at the time said, I got this. I got it. I got it. His name is Moises. And when we Moises says, I got it., he's got it. So we had a meeting and we brought in all of the managers and they sat in a meeting. And Moises gets up and he says, Some of you have decided to write a letter to corporate expressing the fact that the only people that had the chance to be promoted were either black or female and that you were being discriminated against. We had 36 delivery centers in the district, so then Moises put up an overhead that showed all 36 of the delivery centers and their performance over the last quarter. Then he went down to number 18 and he had a big, red line that went across at number 18. And he said, Do you notice something about this chart? Not one female and not one minority is below 18th. Everyone below 18 is a white male. So, if we're promoting the wrong people, why are there no females or minorities in the bottom half of the performance of this district? Pretty compelling. So, those people that we were capable of promoting and giving greater opportunity, then their children have the opportunity to go to better schools, to get a better education, have their education paid for, have better housing. Grass roots. Okay? Because I was in business for so long, that was my contribution and my way of helping to change the world. 

What do you wish for the future?

Well, big question because the world is in such turmoil. Our country's in such turmoil. I have my third grandchild coming in May and I worry for my grandchildren that are we gonna have a world that has food, water, you know? That they can inhabit. The great migration due to climate change has already started to happen. We deny, or some of us deny, our part in it. I admit, I have played a part in it. So, I carry part of that responsibility moving forward. Racism - they say things get better. Yes, they do. But they get better slowly. Very, very slow. I walked into a restaurant bar here in Bend - this has been just a few years ago - and the bar you could eat at. It was fairly open and there was a woman there - well, there were several people there and two women sitting together - and the moment I walked into the door - and I was with a white friend of mine - she grabbed her purse. And the good part about was he noticed and he looked at me and said, I don't necessarily get that same reaction when I just walk in with my white friends. And I said, No, people have preconceived ideas about who you are, what you are. So, I think that we are intelligent enough to understand that. One of the things that both frightens me and enlightens me is artificial intelligence. Now, you could build racism into artificial intelligence. Or you could just allow it to be what it is without regard. I pray that it's used in the right way, in the right manner. I don't necessarily have great confidence that it's gonna be used in the right manner because man, for the most part, has pretty much manipulated things for financial gain. So, wherever the greatest financial gain stands to happen is probably where you'll find the largest proliferation. 

Do you think it's possible for everybody that has a general sense of goodwill to bond together to be more unified in the fight against inequality? 

Well, I don't think individual efforts are going to be exhausted because we've seen tremendous change happen. I've seen tremendous change in my lifetime. But even with tremendous change, okay, on several big issues about equality amongst all of us regardless of race, religion, sexual orientation, or otherwise... I mean, I think back to when I was in high school, there are things that take place today and that are accepted today that there [is] no possible way they would have been accepted at that point. So, call that progress. Yes. But what I don't believe is that we will eliminate the aspect of racism, sexism, or otherwise from existence. And those who are racist, sexist, or otherwise will try to proliferate just as those that go to Black Lives Matter or any other type of meeting try to proliferate and grow their ideas and their feelings. So does the hate group. So, their existence will continue. To try to tie those groups together, there are issues. Religious issues, I think, are some of the largest. Well, I'll fall back on religion. My religion says this, this, this, this, this. Well then, if you're capable of making a religious decision based on a business transaction, I think we're headed down a very slippery slope. 

And we tend to gather with those we're comfortable with. And that are like thinkers. Which isn't necessarily bad because what happens is those groups, even though you or I or anyone else that they come in contact with may not go to the meetings and join the march or whatever the case may be, but at the same time, we don't discriminate. So, just by having that influence... as my parents always said, Whoever knocks on that front door is welcome. They have to come in and be respectful, okay, but whoever comes to that door is welcome. So, that's the way we raised our children. And that's what we believe. I do talk to the Jehovah's Witnesses that come to the door because I do have some religious background through my father. I purposely try to steer the conversation (laughs), okay? Yes, gay, lesbian - to issues that the church has problems with. Anyone can come to your door and tell you that Jesus was a great man and did great things. Hallelujah! That's good. So let's not tiptoe towards those issues which mean something to me. So, I will ask probing questions. Well, what do you believe about the gay community? What do you think about Buddhists? Do you think Buddhists get to go to heaven? What do you think about those people who are raised in countries that had never seen the Bible, never had the opportunity, who never heard of Jesus? Do they get to enter the gates of heaven? I like to get them to the point where they're uncomfortable or they have to address issues. And they're pretty good about it. I didn't see them for a while because they had brought a young mentee around and the way it was presented to me was, Can you afford to be wrong about this? And my answer was, Not any more than you can. My point there is, why don't you take an inward look and ask yourself exactly the same question. My friends will say, Why do you even talk to those people? Well, maybe I can cause them to expand their thinking just a little bit. Why should I let you in my house if you won't let a gay person in your church? I find it absolutely ridiculous. 

You have anything else you want to leave this with?

Umm, can we go off the record for a minute?

I met Albert at a recent Community Conversations meeting. I greatly appreciated what he brought to the table so I asked him if he'd be willing to participate in this project. He not only obliged but also offered to begin actively seeking out other folks to send my way.

Donna Burklo

A woman named Cheryl Parton reached out to me to discuss a potential collaboration. And then, after we met and chatted, she referred Donna to me. Donna saw herself more in the connecting role than in directly participating, but I twisted her arm and she graciously accepted. She’s a hard worker and full of dedication. And she’s so thoughtful. She reached out to me later in the day of our interview to ask me to include that she considers herself a friend. Here’s what she said, “My friendships are so important to me. I owe much of my recent state of calm and positiveness to a few very sweet, well-timed friendships.” It says quite a lot about a person when they want to give credit where it’s due. Imagine the community we could have if we all did that. 

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Who are you and how would you describe yourself?

Well, I am a mom and I am a sister and a daughter. I, for a profession right now, am a realtor and a development director and a writer. And I consider myself to be a creative and am noticing more and more the depth of being an empath and I'm working through some of that interesting news for myself at the moment. 

How would you describe the work you do at the Family Kitchen?

So, it's basically meant to be awareness and development work. Also program direction, so I've taken on a little bit more this past year in needing to do some more management kind of efforts - cost management and working with people that work here. I consider this to be the one and only place I could probably do development work. I could be convinced otherwise, but I so wholeheartedly believe in the mission and how this place operates that it's just real easy for me to get in front of anybody and tell them what we do and how we do it and be in a complete open book. I write grants. I do different events. And I manage people. And I manage costs. And, ideally, I do that in a 25-hour work week (laughs). 

What motivates you? 

It's fueled my fire for a variety of work - because I've done a variety of work in my life - and I think it's human potential. Knowing that everybody has a story and a worth and that we all walk the Earth given a starting space and that we all have the right to have the best life we can. I've worked with kids a lot over the years, as well. And I think coming from the assumption that they have a lot more to offer than people think maybe they do. I think that applies here, as well. Our diners have a lot more to offer than people probably think they do. And they're all from a much wider walk of life than anybody probably thinks that they are. I was eluding to that earlier - it's been on my mind a lot lately - just shattering assumptions that are inherently negative. Human nature is to make assumptions about people or events or situations and, unfortunately, all too often they're negative and they don't help people. So I think what motivates me is to just try and be an example - ideally, if I can keep at it - of how you can walk through life and not assume the worst first. 

What does community mean to you?

I've had a lot of great examples of community. I grew up in a very small town. Everybody knew each other. We knew our neighbors. I grew up in a church where - gosh, honestly - we all went through everything together. It was pretty neat. I would say that I had four or five sets of parents and could go to anybody at any time for anything. And still could - left that area a long time ago, but I and my son, for instance, know that we could go back there and be welcomed with open arms. So, I grew up in community. I think the difference here that I've noted is a little more fully involved from a wider aspect. I feel like in Bend I have experienced community in its best form and in its widest form. People caring about their surroundings, caring about each other, really having each other's backs. (Laughs) I don't want to over-glow, but it's really an awesome place that way. And I dove right in when I moved here being involved in community and I think that, of course, probably made a difference. Not everybody would see it that way if they hadn't done that right away. But it's knowing each other and knowing each other's faults and the common aspirations and working together towards the aspirations and building each other up, I think, is community. Having each other's backs - the simple form. It's a big deal.

Where do you think the compulsion for community comes from?

I do think that events and circumstances make a big difference in being open to community. Another word I've been working on for myself for a long time is vulnerability. That's a toughy - for me, at least. What I noticed was when the economic downturn happened here, I think we were all put in a spot where we were having to be more real with each other. There was the Bend where we were all running around happy and floating on air and thrilled to be in our new houses and thrilled to be out in nature and in our perfect schools and then we started hearing each other's stories as the downturn got worse and worse. People being willing to say, Yup, I just filed for bankruptcy. Or, Yup, I had to walk away from my house. I had never been around anything like that. My background was growing up in the Silicon Valley and rising up the latter and making tons of money and, you know, everything was always on the happy side from that perspective. So to be somewhere where that had been the look and know people who were really hitting rock bottom who had never hit rock bottom before and being one of those people and sharing those stories - I think that definitely strengthened the idea of community here quite a bit. And it made a difference in a lot of different ways. Obviously that side, but I think, too, that the nonprofits in town all had to kind of start unifying and finding where they were crossing paths and doing some consolidation. And I think that helped the overall look of the services provided to people in town, as well. And that's continued. I feel like we have a very solid group of nonprofits doing some really solid work these days, where there may have been a little too much overlap before. So that was another interesting way. And I think that built up the nonprofit community quite a bit, as well. 

What is one's role in the fight against inequality or social injustice? 

Yeah, what is one's role? I think to stop and take a breath and listen - ask questions and listen. Until you can do that you're not gonna hear the person's true life. And if you don't know their true story - their life, what they're working through, what's going on - I just don't know how anybody can make decisions about a person and think that's okay without having done those extra steps. So, on the basic level, it's ask before assuming. It's listen before action. And, I think, from there so much more good can happen, but it just doesn't happen often enough. I think that's where really each of us can just do a little bit better job. Here at Family Kitchen I had a fabulous teacher in a woman named Cindy Tidball who was the kitchen coordinator for eight years - just retired last year. When we were chatting about just what goes on here and the people that come here, she told me that she had come to referring to the folks who come here as diners because she was very tired of listening to people say, Oh, it's those homeless folks that you serve at the soup kitchen. Which, by the way, we do not like being called a soup kitchen. Ever so much more is served here than soup. And she went on to say that when you box somebody up like that, you know, and just say that everybody's homeless - which they aren't, I'd say probably 60% of the people who come here to eat are housed. They just can't make ends meet. So, if you're choosing the electric bill or the food bill and you can find a place to get the food... that's why we're here. She would tell every volunteer - she wasn't so much saying don't make assumptions at the time, but that's what really fell on me - but she was saying that the respect that's needed here is to not bundle people into a box that you don't know whether they belong in. That's resonated with me ever since. 

It seems to me that there's a greater number of people who give a damn than those who don't, but they have a smaller voice. What's it going to take?

I'm gonna dip negative for a minute because I kind of have a theory on this and it relates to what you're saying. And that is that we are so in-tuned with slogans and catchphrases and we only read, you know, headlines - I'm oversimplifying - but I think that the folks that understand and are less vocal, it's so hard to put in a tidbit or in a catchy something-or-other all of what it is we're feeling and all of what it is we feel we know now that we're enlightened a little bit more or what have you. It's really easy to put the other stuff in marketable catchphrases. And if that's what's louder and it's quicker, I think that's the issue. So until we all can slow down a little bit and spend a little more time... and again, take the time and do the listening. 

I've used that same scenario on my faith belief. I'm a Christian, yet I'm faced with the fact that Christianity right now is, to the world, sort of the extremist Christianity that's easy to explain. You know, there's a Bible, you follow it, it's the truth, this is right, this is wrong. And that's what the world sees for the most part. The Christianity that I fully believe in is not a literal interpretation of the Bible. It is all people are equal. There's a god that has appeared to people in other religions that are all focused towards the same end result, which is to live together beautifully and lift each other up. But that is so much harder to explain (laughs). And so, therefore, there's a lot of progressive Christianity out there but they haven't found the catchphrases that can help people grasp onto it and say, Yeah, yeah, that's what I get! That's what I meant! I think that happens in most religions where there's an extremist, easy to say, black and white kind of stuff. When you start getting into the mushy grey areas, much harder to market it. We all want to belong to something. And that's a big part of what marketing does and advertising. We all want to belong to something so all of us that are out in the bubbling, slow boil that you spoke of - we don't know yet what to grab onto and say we belong to. 

I don't mean to over-harp on it, but it is this word that I've come to with assumptions. It's an actionable thing. If I can focus on at least being aware. If nothing else, if I can at least be aware of when I'm making an assumption about a person, I've at least slowed down enough to be aware of it. You know, what I do from there is the next step. Because then it is hard to choose. I've been in that boat where I just haven't done anything from the being an activist standpoint because it's mind-boggling - which path do I follow (laughs)? Where do I go? What meetings do I show up to? All of that stuff. But I know I can control at least my focus and if my focus can be on that - on stopping and paying attention and trying to shift some assumptions - that's something I can do and it does cross all of those things. It crosses every path of justice that there is if you think about it. 

What do you wish for the future?

So much (laughs). I wish so much for the future. I wish that everybody could see their value. I think there's nothing more heartbreaking than hearing of people giving up and feeling as though they don't have a place and they don't have a purpose and they don't have anything to offer. That's extremely hard. We've had so much of that in this town lately with kids and others committing suicide. There's just nothing worse. So, I hope for the future that because the world gets so much more open and more wide - that that will help folks to see that they have a place in it rather than feel like it's too big and too much. I hope that we can all listen to each other no matter what. I have a very hard time listening to people with whom I know I won't agree (laughs) with their view on things. But I'd sure love to work on being able to listen - even in that case. So I would hope for the future that we can listen and really hear each other and know that there's someplace that that opinion or idea is coming from that we can learn from. And that kids are valued. I think we've come a long way, but the viewpoint of even the youngest of kids, I think there's a lot to be learned from that brand new, wide-eyed, questioning, wondering standpoint that they offer. That's another big hope - is that we continue to listen to kids and their passions and what they're noticing. I think that's it.  

You have anything else you want to leave with? 

I see a lot of hope. I really do. People might assume that walking through the dining room here that... and it can, it can get really hard. I don't face it as much as our kitchen coordinators do. They're in the dining room for every meal. They get much more personal with the diners. But, I see a lot of hope in the way that interactions happen between our volunteers and the diners. I see a lot of hope, as you have said, in a lot more people caring, a lot more people stepping up. And I think it's very important to recognize the amount of hope that there is.

A woman named Cheryl Parton reached out to me to discuss a potential collaboration. And then, after we met and chatted, she referred Donna to me. Donna saw herself more in the connecting role than in directly participating, but I twisted her arm and she graciously accepted.

Amanda Conde

I met Amanda about a year ago at Good Dog, an off-leash dog area just outside of town. Our dogs were playing well together and that got us talking and then we found out we had photography in common and that turned us into casual friends. Then, sometime later, I interviewed and photographed her daughter Arden for this project. We’ve gotten to know each other in fits and spurts and eventually I asked her if she’d be willing to participate here. I haven’t interviewed too many folks that I’ve known beforehand, so it was interesting to feel a bit more relaxed in the processes. And interesting to do two interviews at the same kitchen table separated by many months. 

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Who are you and how would you describe yourself?

My name is Amanda Conde and I am a mom to two kids, a wife, an outdoor enthusiast, and photographer here in Bend looking for my next career path. 

What motivates you?

Well, obviously my kids - making sure they're leading a healthy and active life. Creating a secure and loving and safe family environment for them. Getting out in the outdoors motivates me a lot. Just knowing that life is short and I want to live each day to its fullest. 

I definitely believe that we're all connected - that there's a universal thread through the entire world. I feel a lot of empathy for the people who are suffering, especially in other parts of the world, with everything that's going on right now. And a big part of me thinks about that every day. Wondering what I can do and some days feeling helpless and somedays feeling empowered that if I could help one person, that's enough. But I think it's tragic that there's still war and still people out there who can't accept people for who they are. It just blows my mind that in this day and age that it still exists. 

What does community mean to you?

It can mean a lot of different things. It can mean a group of people that share an interest, whether it's in the yoga studio or a group of mountain bikers that enjoy the same activities and that enjoy each other. It can be your neighborhood community with people watching out for each other and sharing and caring and loving each other. And it can be on a larger scale in terms of the global community and what that means as well. 

I would say that it means that I know people in that community and understand what is going on with them. And, you know, on a daily basis how we're all living together and how we're reacting to each other and what that energy means in terms of connecting. Whether it's just a hello on the street or having coffee with a friend or knowing that someone is suffering and stopping by to say hello. That's community to me. 

What's your role in the fight against social injustice and what gives you hope as a mom?

I definitely believe I'm a role model to my kids. Keeping that conversation alive in our household - we talk about it a lot. My son, especially, is very interested in talking about it and debating it. I want him to be able to speak to both sides and not just read something off the internet and think, Oh, well, this is true. I believe it. I want to be able to have that conversation with both my kids and have them hear my husband and I having that conversation. And not just be apathetic to it all - to know that it's a concern and it exists and it needs to be talked about. 

What do you wish for the future?

I wish that borders didn't matter and that people took care of each other. I was just listening to NPR this morning about a water rights battle that's going on between Florida and Georgia and it just amazes me that we have these borders that we've created and that it's a state versus a state. Versus okay, there's people in both states that need water. Why is it a battle between these two state governments instead of people need water, what are we going to do about it? I just wish that we could all lay down our arms and decide what's going to be good for everybody as a whole and make it happen. 

Is that gonna happen? 

No. I think history is repeating itself as educated people say it will. I can't foresee that happening with human nature as it is. 

If you can't see that happening, then what do you wish for the future that you can see happening? 

I guess in terms of what I would like to foresee happen that is possible is for our country that people don't need to fret so much over getting an education financially. It's a shame that it's becoming an elitist advantage or privilege to go to college. And healthcare - I believe everyone should have affordable or free healthcare. And I believe that if you work hard you should be entitled to, at one point, retire without worrying like we all do. So, I guess maybe I'm a socialist at heart (laughs). 

What's keeping us down?

I don't think that we've been educated or shown a model of If you do this you will affect this change, so I think most of us feel pretty helpless. You know, if I take out an op-ed in the Bulletin, is it really gonna change anything? No. If I write my senator, is it gonna change anything? I don't feel like it's going to at this point, honestly. I guess if there were 20,000 of us ready to write our senator about something in that collective movement, I would feel perhaps that it would make a change. But I as an individual, changing that big system, I don't feel like that's something that I can do. 

At the beginning of December, I had had it with Trump and was like, Okay, I'm going to do something. Being that I'm a photographer, I was thinking of what I could do in terms of some kind of campaign to let people say, You suck and I am disgusted with you! I thought I could take pictures of people holding up a sign with what they would like to say to Trump if they could stand in front of him and say anything. You know, have an open studio somewhere where people could come write this and hold it up and get their photograph and post it on Twitter for all my five Twitter followers (laughs). And, you know, maybe it would grow, but then I think of all the energy that goes into something like that - is it really going to make a difference? 

You have anything else you'd like to put out there? Something you want to put on your sign? 

Oh gosh, in all my 51 years of wisdom? I just wish we could all be nice to each other. I don't know if people are angry and stressed out and are at that level where anything just... like they can snap and get pissed off. I am a cyclist and I had come up to a roundabout and apparently pissed off a road biker and he spit on the trunk of my car and I just was like, Okay, he doesn't know me. I'm a perfectly nice person. Why on Earth would you just not be able to forgive a slight to you? Everybody needs to be kind to each other and more forgiving and, yeah, just give each other a break.

I met Amanda about a year ago at Good Dog, an off-leash dog area just outside of town. Our dogs were playing well together and that got us talking and then we found out we had photography in common and that turned us into casual friends.

Eric Marley

I took some pictures at an Opportunity Knocks event several weeks ago and met Eric’s partner there. We exchanged information and made some plans to meet for this project, but it turned out that the timing was better to meet with Eric first, so here we are. Eric invited me to his tipi outside of Sisters, making this a first for the project. We sat sheltered in there, kept warm by a fire, while birds chirped a winter song and light rain drizzled down outside. His thoughtful and deliberate answers combined with our being in his element made for a truly powerful conversation. It is a lovely and rare occasion to meet a man who is capable and smart and powerful while simultaneously being humbly aware of his struggles and determined to do better.  

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Who are you and how would you describe yourself?

Well, I guess you'd call me a seeker and one who is interested in unearthing the beautiful aspects of humanity in myself and others. And I find the best tools to do that through ancient indigenous spirituality and practices. And so I deepen those in myself and anyone who wants to walk those paths. 

Where do you come from and what brings us to be sitting in a tipi together? 

I was raised in Salem. Moved to Bend in 2004. I loved it - been driving through this area for most of my life because we have a hunting cabin in Rome, Oregon, which is about four hours southeast of here. So I've been driving through Bend forever. I've always loved this climate. And I've never felt at home in a place more than Bend. I went through some big life changes in 2008. Had a big ol' house. I'd been reading some books on alternative ways of living and had been doing that for a number of years. Had become fascinated with Native American culture in the 1990s and so I had read a lot of books about that. And then when my spiritual path changed from Mormonism, it seemed a natural step to just get a tipi and go live on land. And so I had a friend that's a surgeon - I built a cabin for him on a couple hundred acres west of Sisters and I took him out to dinner one night (laughs) and said, Hey, can I put a tipi on your land? And he's like, Absolutely! So, I did. I lived in a tipi out there and I really loved it. And it's become my preferred mode of living. And so I want to either live in a tipi or I'd probably go to a yurt if necessary, but I'm hoping to keep it in the tipi. So, yeah, it's just a preferred mode of living now. 

What motivates you? 

I think this life is an absolute blast - in one way in particular and that is just this continued interaction between my own ego - the things I think I want - and the things that sustain me in a consciousness way. And I find that they're often at odds and sometimes they're not at odds. So that whole interplay between what is necessary to sustain my life and what is extra and why I think I want that - whatever that may be, like a mountain bike or a different car. What is it about our life in western culture that engages me so much and engages other people so much? And how can I release what doesn't need to be there and what's not helpful and embrace what is helpful? That's interesting to me. The nature of our life - of human life - is an exploration to me. It's like an experiment that will last as long as I am here. So I guess that's what keeps me going. A new day is gonna bring some new thing for me to kind of take a look at and do an experiment and see what part of my conscious self can engage that and what is more than necessary - and so much so that it becomes unhelpful. (Laughs) I don't know how you're gonna make that work in an article! 

What does community mean to you and how does that play into your quest?

I thought about that a lot. I lived on my own - the first round with the tipi was on my own pretty much. I think that that was necessary to an extent, but too much. Like so much in our lives, too much can be unhealthy. I've considered doing the hermit thing. Seriously. And just going out - way out - and living off the land, trying my hand at that. The whole nine yards. And I think that it's okay. I've come to appreciate that humans are generally social creatures. I do think that there's a pack mentality that's okay in most, or at least many, circumstances. I'm on my path. If it interests anyone, then they're welcome. And that's about it. I'm happy to have as many people around that are interested in consciousness and deepening their joy in a conscious way as I can handle. I think that we feed off one another in a good way - we can feed off one another in a good way. And I love it when one plus one equals three. When there's like an extra piece there that's deeper. And I think that's part of what it means to be human is finding those moments. It's interesting, I think, that in order to show up for humanity that way, I need to spend quite a bit of time in solitude. In order to be my authentic self, I have to be away from people in order to bring my best self to people and to interact in a good, conscious way. As we do our own work, the kinds of communities we establish will be what makes or breaks humanity - whether or not we survive. So doing our own work and then being willing to engage in community of other people who are doing their work - is whether we make it or not. 

What's your role as an individual in the combat of social injustice?

I do it in a couple different ways, I guess. I do my best to see it within myself. See what arises - what prejudices might arise. How I support a culture where that's endemic to it - it's an absolute part of it. The history of this nation is really built on social injustice. For all the rhetoric we get, the fact is that there were thriving cultures here that were starved or bulleted - just shot into submission. That has weighed heavily on me. I can't change the past. I can only change the way I interact with the results of it. This is part of the reason I live in a tipi. I don't see it as healthy for me, for my soul, to be tied to one place paying a mortgage for 30 years with a whole bunch of interest that will be spent on things I don't believe in. So I live the best I can. I can't change the past. And I've aligned myself with a family - a Native American group we call a tiyospaye, that's a Lakota word for a clan - and we do ceremony together. And I support my Native brothers and sisters in their struggles. And in so doing, I work on my own struggles. In ceremony and in Native American spiritual practices - in sun dance and in sweat lodges and in work parties around those things. That pretty much defines my year every year - the sun dance that happens in July. Our lives revolved around that ceremony with the Native people. That's part of it. I mean, I guess the biggest part is, again, see what I need and see what I want and make a choice. Sometimes it makes sense to get a new car and sometimes it makes sense to fix what I got and live in a more sustainable way.

What do you wish for the future?

Peace. Yeah. In a word, peace. And I don't mean that in some kind of a beauty contestant way. I mean real inner peace that will bring peace to community and peace to the world. I see what's happening in the world - the constant war. This nation's been at war the whole of its existence with very few exceptions. I see that as a result of inner turmoil, inner conflict. So doing my own work so that I can feel at peace and then doing what I can to bring that peace into the world - I think that's worthy work for the rest of my life. And it will probably take that long (laughs). I guess that it's. I want to see more peace in myself and others and in the world. 

Do you have anything else that you want to put out there?

To anyone who listens to this interview or reads your transcription, know that you are way more than you think. Know that you're loved in a deep way - in ways that we don't understand. And that whatever gifts you have, we need. So bring 'em. Bring your gifts. Go get 'em. Find 'em. Uncover 'em. Get away from distraction long enough to uncover your gifts and then bring those suckers into the world. 

I took some pictures at an Opportunity Knocks event several weeks ago and met Eric's partner there. We exchanged information and made some plans to meet for this project, but it turned out that the timing was better to meet with Eric first, so here we are.

Tor Hanson

You remember Megan, right? Well, Tor is her neighbor and she recommended we get together to chat. It took us several weeks to connect, but it was well worth the wait. Tor is a lovely human. He has a very gentle demeanor and such kind eyes and seems to share that with everyone he comes in contact with. Tor is a writer and a journalist and attributes much of his optimistic worldview to his curiosity. We sat in a research room that occasionally doubles as his office at the Deschutes Historical Museum, where Tor serves on the board. The catalogues that make up the background of his photo are archives of the Bend Bulletin, which he uses as reference material for his books.

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Who are you and how would you describe yourself?

Well, to some extent, today I find myself thinking that I'm an American with a Swedish ancestry. Very early on when I moved to the United States back in the '80s, I explained that I was a Swede living in America. But I think over the years I have really kind of adopted my new home country. I feel very much like I'm an American with a Swedish ancestry, which is something that I never thought that that was going to happen. But it did. I've lived here for 30 years. Even when I lived in Sweden, I traveled to the United States and to Bend on many, many occasions, so I knew Bend from my many travels here. And I always thought, You know, it would be fun to live in Bend. Which is really kind of strange - when you think about the United States, you think about New York or Los Angeles or Seattle or Portland, whatever. But I felt very much at home in Bend, Oregon. And that's really who I am. I really am a Bendite today, which is very fun.

Back in the early '80s, I was an exchange student in an immersion program down in San Diego. And what I call my American mom and dad - they were from Bend, Oregon. Then, when they decided to move back from San Diego up to Bend, I kept on following them. So I was introduced to Bend. I was in my early 20s and it was very cool to see this town and get to know this town. My American mom knew another couple that lived down the street and they had a daughter. So my American mom and my American mom's best friend fixed us up on a blind date and we eventually got married and here we are today. 

What does community mean to you based on your heritage and coming from a place where there's so much group support? 

I grew up in a big apartment building. There were 10 stories, there were four apartments on each story. There were three different... so the house was 10A, 10B, and 10C, so 40 families in each of those. I knew everybody in the area. What ends up being 120 families, I knew most of them because most of them had kids the same age as me. It's like that old saying, It takes a village. It basically took an apartment building to raise all these different kids. We were friends. And then, of course, all my friends - their parents were checking up on everybody else. And then, of course, in that area there were hundreds and hundreds of apartment buildings. You stretched out and kind of had different groups that you entertained and socialized with and so forth. And then as we grew up, we all went to the same schools. So we knew each other from school, we knew each other from home. And we knew parents, which was a very important part of it. So that community feel was very important in my upbringing - to know everybody.

So now I come to the United States. First of all, it's not quite that easy because in the United States, most people, at least on the west coast, live in single-family homes. Which means that instead of 180 families in one place, you have 180 families living on a much larger plot of land, let's put it like that. But I've always felt like I still carry that sense of community. I want to know who my neighbor is. I say hi every morning and try to kind of talk over the fence, so to say. Make connections. I know a lot of the neighbors in the area. Bend, when I started coming here, was only 8,000 people. So the groups, the people that I knew back then, was of course a higher percentage of Bend compared to today. I feel like I have a pretty good sense of the original... what Bendites used to be. Of course, back then, the town was really... I wouldn't say an island in itself, but it becomes an island in itself during the winter when you can't really move out of the area. I mean, if you want to go over the mountain you have to make sure that you're well-prepared to meet snow and ice and all that kind of stuff. It's a little bit easier during the summer because you can really kind of move around. But Bend is, in many senses, a little island. So, I think the community was stronger back when - back when I visited or when I moved here, back in the 1920s and '30s - it was really kind of much stronger than it is today when you have almost 90,000 people living here. But I still feel that there's still that core group of people still living in Bend. That core is still there, but it may not be as strong as it used to be. So, I think Scandinavian communities are stronger because we all live much closer to each other in the sense that we all live in apartment buildings and so forth. It wasn't until much, much later that single-family homes became popular. But in my hometown today, they keep on building apartment buildings like there's no tomorrow. The difference, I think, between a Scandinavian community and an American community is that the Scandinavian is much stronger in the sense that the people don't move around as much as in the United States. It's a huge difference between 8,000 in the beginning of the '80s to 89,000 in a, what is it, short [40] years. And I think that affects the community. 

Why do you find value in community?

By trade I'm a journalist. I'm a writer. I'm curious by nature and that kind of spilled over into becoming a journalist. I'm curious about what people are doing. What people are up to. What the thoughts are. Community is to learn to embrace your neighbors. Embrace the feelings and so forth. The community brings so much more into your own life because if you embrace the community, you get to learn the community, you get to know the people that live there. Again, it takes a village. It really takes a village to raise not only kids, but adults. I think that a community that is strong is also a community that is going to be able to go through what's going on around you - the politics, the outside events. If you have a strong community, I think that's so valuable. We don't all have to think the same way. That's actually a community that isn't functioning well. You have to have the diversity. You have to have people from all walks of life to come together in a community. And I think that's why I like Bend because it's a strong community and I think it has good diversity. Again, talking about the '80s Bend that I knew and the 2018 Bend that I know today, it's a huge difference when it comes to diversity. I think that's only going to help. 

You said you are curious by nature. Is it so simple as that? That you care about satisfying your own curiosity and your neighbor may not. Is it okay for that to be the end of that story? 

That's a good question. I think when you start talking to people... somebody said that it's always easier to talk about yourself than get to know other people. As a journalist or writer I always ask people what they think. What their story is. And I think - I'm hoping - that that curiosity kind of rubs off on other people. What we have been doing for the last 40-45 minutes is to get to know each other. And I think that's very important - getting to know each other. And hoping that other person that you're talking to - across the fence or in the grocery store or at work - that my curiosity will kind of rub off and people will say, Hey, I want to know my neighbor. I think you have to start somewhere. If everybody's kind of going in their own little world and thinking that My neighbors don't know me, I don't know my neighbors - maybe the fact that somebody else opens up will also open up on their part. I guess that's my off-the-cuff answer to that one. But I think if you ask, then somebody will answer. And if you can take those answers and learn something from it, then hopefully that will happen on the other person as well. They will learn about Sweden, Scandinavia - I mean, I always talk about my upbringing and my experiences and so forth. Megan, my next door neighbor, is from Boston and grew up there. And I want to know more about them. And hopefully Megan is kind of accepting some of my stories and thinking, Oh, that's cool!

Will the majority of people - who feel how you feel, who support community and say hi to their neighbors and are friendly in the grocery store - end up getting a louder voice than the minority voice? 

Back in Sweden, I think the last time there was an election, there was over 80% that voted. In the United States, you're very lucky if you can kind of move around 50%. And then rest of the 50% are the ones that either don't care or maybe they don't have the opportunity to be involved in it or they feel disenfranchised and so forth. So, I've always heard about this silent majority and that is something that really blows me away, comparing it to Europe. It seems like the minority is getting more attention because they are the ones that scream the loudest and really make noise for their specific program, for their specific way of thinking. While the other, the silent majority, is kind of saying, Ah, I don't worry about these guys. I'm steadfast in my way and I don't really care. I think a community has to have some kind of friction. Because if you don't have that friction, the different sides are not going to learn from each other. But, the minorities who are loud and the minorities who are quiet - that's what I'm worried about. That they don't hear each other. There are so many walls between the minorities who are loud and the minorities who are quiet. 

The American society is so polarized now. You're either on one side of the fence or the other side of the fence. And no one seems to be leaning over the fence and saying, Hey, I understand what you're talking about. Can you tell me more about it? The silent majority and the vocal minority - they don't seem to engage in communication anymore. I think that's so important. And, as a journalist, communication is my business. To communicate with people and get to know them and learn more about them and hopefully tell their story in a newspaper, in a book, in a magazine article. And people are saying, Oh yeah, I feel a connection with that person that I'm reading about right now. So much is now online and so much is so fleeting. You just kind of keep on going. You scroll over on your tablet or your phone or you click on another story - it's fleeting. I see that as a great loss for the American society - that we no longer seem to listen to each other. 

What do you wish for the future?

Picking up on the breadcrumbs that I've spread throughout this interview, I think community and communication is going to be so important in a polarized society. To communicate with your neighbors, your friends, and other communities - that's going to be very, very important for the future of the United States. I don't think we're going to civil war, but there's almost a feeling of militarism in this society. If you don't listen to me, I'm gonna take up a weapon and start shooting at people at random that I don't seem to like. So if my belief is that some groups of society are against me, I go out and shoot them. The same thing if the other group thinks I'm not their friend, I stand a chance of being hurt for expressing my opinions. If we can't solve that problem in the United States, then the United States is going to have a really hard time keeping on being the United States. 

Do you have anything else you want to put on the record?

It's scary thoughts, but I'm a positive person. I'm not a pessimist. I'm really hoping that the United States can get from where it is today to become something more united in the future. I really think community, states, country - we really have to start working on understanding each other and communicating with each other. Otherwise... no, I'm a positive person. I think it's gonna happen. 

My parents were very positive. It's in your upbringing. As a journalist, as a reporter, as a writer, you can't be too comfortable. If you're a good writer, a good journalist, you have to be a little bit uncomfortable. But you also have to be curious, you have to be positive. You have to open. You have to be positive. I think I get that from my parents. They were positive people. Both my brother and I are, I hope, positive people. To adopt and to listen, communicate. I think that's so important. 

Tor is the neighbor of a previous participant and she recommended we get together to chat. It took us several weeks to connect, but it was well worth the wait. Tor is a lovely human. He has a very gentle demeanor and such kind eyes and seems to share that with everyone he comes in contact with.

Kelly Thiel

A few weeks ago, I asked Charlie for a recommendation and he passed along his wife's information to me. That's high praise, right? I've only spent time individually with Charlie and Kelly, but the way they speak about one other leads me to believe that they have a very loving relationship. I met with Kelly at her co-working space on a quiet Sunday morning and something about being in a very productive space on a non-workday was simultaneously energizing and relaxing. And Kelly was an absolute pleasure to speak with. She's very thoughtful and so obviously full of kindness. 

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Who are you and how would you describe yourself?

You know, that's always kind of a tough one. Who am I? I'm a mother, wife, artist, business owner, dog-lover, plant-lover, snowboarder. Now I'm a West-Coaster. I did come from the east, but I feel like I fit in here so I'm a Pacific Northwest person now.

We were living in Charleston, South Carolina, which I absolutely adore - I still love it - but I found that people were much more prone to run in these cliques or families. You know, there's a lot of history there and if you didn't belong to those families, it was incredibly hard for you to break into that. But here I feel like everyone is so much more open. Think of Bend - I mean we're all transplants, right? So I feel like everybody is kind of creating their own community here in Bend. We're all here for the lifestyle, right? We're all here for the love. So I think that that is more welcoming than what we came from in Charleston. 

What matters to you? 

That is kind of a hard one, isn't it? I'll answer it on a personal level first. I will say that what matters to me is creating the life that I want. The balance that I want - like with work and my family. I'm basically looking for happiness, right? That's what motivates me. Yeah, my work, my family, nature, and success. I love achieving goals that I didn't think I could actually achieve. Bigger picture - I'm really upset about the state of our mental healthcare. I would love to see more time and energy and thought put into caring for one another in the mental health arena. This interview is coming on the heels of that suicide at Summit High and that kind of stuff devastates me. The mass-shootings really upset me - I feel like it's a mental health thing. And our homelessness - in Bend, but also everywhere - I feel like that contributes. So I would love to see people really taking more care of each other. And that can happen in a lot of different ways, but mental health right now is one thing that's bothering me. 

Were you raised in such a way that breeds empathy and compassion for others?

Okay, so, I was born and raised in the deep South - Georgia. My father was definitely not full of empathy (laughs). That was not him. But I would say that my mother had it. She was an artist, as well. I grew up working the land. You know, we had a garden. And doing crafts and doing creative things like that. But I think I saw it in her and I think I learned it from her. She always had this bond with older people that, as I became a little bit older, I really appreciated. I saw how gentle she was with the older folks and it really struck a chord in me. And when she passed away in 2008, I decided that I wanted to be more like her. I wanted to be more caring and more generous with things and time and love and make an effort to be more like her. 

What does community mean to you?

You know, I think it takes a village. Or a tribe. Or whatever you want to call it. But I feel like creating a small community in which you live is so important for support and happiness. And what we have done here in our studio - we've created this small but very open, very friendly community and I love coming to work every day. I love seeing these faces. And everybody's different and I love their different stories. And I feel like we appreciate each other and we do take care of each other. I feel like that is community in a nutshell. 

What do you think you can do as an individual to push community to grow in those uncomfortable ways?

Oh boy, you are trying to dig a little bit deeper, aren't you? I want to do some work with the education system here. Setting up scholarships or whatever, but I feel like there's a lot of folks here who are not getting the education that they need in Central Oregon - Bend even. So that's one way that my husband and I want to help out. And then I also want to move forward with artwork. I want to somehow incorporate my artwork with raising funds for... I have this idea that I want to do where I want girls to learn how to take care of themselves either through self-defense or just raising their self-esteem. I haven't figured out how I'm going to do this yet, but I feel like the two are going to come together. Because I'm passionate about females being able to stand up for themselves and be strong. That is something that is not always taught to young girls. And I have two daughters and, by golly, they're gonna know how to stand up for themselves when they get a little bit older. I think that is going to be a future project for me for social change that I really want to see - I really feel strongly about. 

As the mom of a couple of young daughters, what gives you hope in light of all the social injustice? 

When Trump came into office that was a big deal. That's part of why I want the girls to be able to stand up for themselves. And what gives me hope is that his term is going to come to an end before too long. But also, I loved the #MeToo campaign that went viral. I was happy to see women speaking up about that kind of thing. And that gives me hope. And already my girls have strong personalities and I feel like they are gonna stand up for themselves. Which is ultimately what every parent wants, right? They want to raise a strong child who can take care of themselves and give back to society. I feel like maybe we're headed in that direction. I don't know, we haven't hit the teenage years, though. So, we'll see. 

What do you wish for the future?

(Laughs) I'm not sure how I want to answer this one. I think that the future holds some technology changes, yes I do. Not necessarily like living on the moon - I have no interest in that. But I want the world to understand that we are all connected. And I want us to start doing a better job of taking care of Mother Earth. You know, our CO2 emissions are way high - so much higher than they used to be. And we need to reduce our waste and start recycling more. That is what I would love to see in our future. My husband went to Laos a couple of years ago and he said the pollution there was just horrific. Because they don't have clean water! And so they all drink water out of plastic bottles and then the plastic bottles just end up thrown in the river, thrown on the ground, or whatever. And that kind of story just kills me. And I know that's happening worldwide. I would love to see that cleaned up - Mother Earth. 

Why does a communal workspace matter to you? 

We have created our own little community here at The Wilds. We've been open for over two years now and I will say that this has been a game-changer as far as our life here in Bend. I've met people and I've had opportunities that I never would have had had we not opened this. This is, by far, better than working in my garage. I've developed relationships and friendships - my partner is probably one of my best friends. You know? Working here in a space like this allows for collaboration like nothing else I've ever seen. This is the first time I've actually ever worked in a co-working space and I'm totally hooked. If I ever left Bend or went on a trip or whatever and needed a place to work, I would find a co-working space. I think it's that important. 

A few weeks ago, I asked Charlie for a recommendation and he passed along his wife's information to me. That's high praise, right? I've only spent time individually with Charlie and Kelly, but the way they speak about one other leads me to believe that they have a very loving relationship.

Preston Callicott

The same person that introduced me to Ian introduced me to Preston. We exchanged a few emails before officially meeting, through which I learned that Preston is a very busy man with irons in many different fires. We sat on a couch behind his desk at Five Talent and chatted with the hum of a room full of people at work as our background noise. I left our interview with a lot to think about. I suppose I could summarize it by saying that I find it really interesting what stands out to each of us during the course of this life. Things, mostly of a social nature, being broken and the sadness I feel about that motivates me to try the best way I can to fix them or, at least, shine some light on them. I got the impression that for Preston the motivation is in the progress. He put it best by saying, "What pops me up out of bed is kicking the ball forward somewhere." Whether it's the problem or the cure that motivates us, I'm delighted to know that people are trying to make changes for the better. 

The topic of racism comes up later in this interview, but I want to make a note about it here. The fact is that it is rampant here in Bend, Oregon. And it is rampant across this nation. Beginning at very young ages, there is a very serious problem with bullying in our schools . I don't know whose failure that is, but it is time we all take responsibility for it. Just a couple days after this interview, Deshaun Adderley, a freshman at Summit High, committed suicide because of excessive racially-inspired bullying. Local media has been nearly silent on the matter, which only adds to the great injustice. This is something each of us can do something to change. Please do your part.

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Who are you and how would you describe yourself?

Preston Callicott and I'm a father struggling for time for my kids. How's that? An entrepreneur that likes spinning up things and the energy of start-ups. Creating things. 

I'd say my nature is to put all-in when I create something. Much like an artist who goes all-in to the art at the sacrifice of forgetting to eat, I feel the same way. My art is creating businesses. And I get lost in it because it's fun and it's overwhelming and then it's stressful and all that stuff. And then, at the end of the day, you can easily bleed the hours away from everyone else that wants the same kind of time that I want time with. So, it's always been a struggle to balance that. And actually, that was the reason for moving to Bend - to switch that whole mentality by dramatically changing my environment. Plus adding in cooking - to make me the meal man in the morning - so I'm there and I'm cooking. And at the end of the day - I bookend - and I'm there cooking dinner. I still insist on having all of us around the table. The draw for me is definitely ideation and creation. And then seeing it manifest in front of your eyes is so amazing. Putting people around you that really can manifest the ideas - that can be addictive. Seriously. Start-ups are my crack. And I fight that addiction every day. 

What matters to you?

Man, that's a huge question. What matters? That my son still hugs me at 16. That my kids won kids won state championships. That my family still is a family. And then the other things that matter is, you know, I believe in walking talks - if I'm going to complain about something, I better be doing something about it. This is the first place that I've lived anywhere longer than four years in my entire life and I'm going on 16 years here. So, this is my home. Everyone says, Where is your home town? It's here. This is it. And so, I'm invested, man. I'm big-time invested. Everything I felt that I should have been doing for all those other places I parked myself for very brief periods of time - there's no excuse - this is it. I need to be helping. So, that matters. 

What motivates you?

What pops me up out of bed is kicking the ball forward somewhere. Whether it's with the family or with the start-up or with the boards I'm on. Any kind of initiative I'm involved in is... passion to action is milliseconds, which is not necessarily a good thing 'cause (laughs) I can go all-in very quickly without assessing what that means to the other things I've also committed to. My superpower is figuring out how to get things done quickly. My kryptonite is not giving myself enough time to measure that against all the other things I'm committing to. They all get done 'cause I won't commit to something that I won't do. It just means the sacrifice is my time. And time is the most valuable thing I've got. Period. You know, of my personal stuff. And then family is next, and so the time I apply to my family - that's precious. 

What does community mean to you?

Well, for one thing, it sure as hell isn't a text message. It's communing - getting together on a common issue. Whether it's growing a town or taking care of homeless. Community is coming together physically to do something, solve something, create something. And, in this case, Bend the community is building Bend to be the best Bend can be without sacrificing everything we love. That means showing up and doing things. You know? Go out and clean the streets if it's dirty or whatever. 

How do you get people to pick up trash if they don't see trash as a bad thing?

I'm old enough to remember a campaign that you probably have heard of. Remember the story of when the environment was so bad in the '60s and '70s and then a commercial appeared in the early '70s with an Indian crying? A Native American standing around garbage? That was a tipping point. I remember driving in streets in the '70s and garbage was everywhere. I mean, people just threw things out... no one thought twice about that habit of... you're pulling up at an exit ramp and you just throw stuff out your window. And there would be piles of it! And, matter of fact, parts of the United States had trash cans at the off-ramps to throw your stuff in. That commercial and then the movement... and suddenly a few years later, you drive up and there's nothing. Or a lot less. It was some huge shift of reality for a lot of people. Someone who's above it all says, That's garbage. That's bad. And it suddenly pops in your head, Oh my god, it's there! And then once it's there, you can never shake it away. It's out of Pandora's box. A lot of the issues are like that. The #MeToo movement, right now - topical. We know it's there. We know it, but we don't pay any attention to it. And then someone says, That's bad. And suddenly it's everywhere. And now we're cleaning that garbage up. Getting people aware that some of the other garbage issues in Bend might be... how bad cars are in our growth. Adding 40,000 more people, you know, how many cars can this town take? There are other modes of getting around. Transportation's an issue. We can't solve it by putting more asphalt and turning into L.A. 

What about racism? That's had a movement attached to it for quite a long time, but we don't seem to be picking up that garbage very well. 

Well, partly that's because you have to have diversity to have racism in this town. I'm half Colombian, but my name isn't, so I hear a lot of things said - and I call them out on it - disparaging remarks about Hispanics, which I happen to be one. We have a very small section of our population here in Central Oregon that's any other color than white. It's not in our awareness much here. The news media cycles outside of us are making us aware to some point, but we don't see it here. And then when you visit Portland or San Francisco, you go (laughs), Oh yeah! This is what diversity looks like. So, you know, we suffer from a lack of diversity which makes us ill-prepared to deal with the issues here. Right now. And then, those confederate flags you talk about going through town seems to be garbage that's still in that blind spot and acceptable. It's because there's not anyone that that offends really complaining much about it. 

What is one's role in the fight against social injustice? 

The role in the sphere that I have any influence on, I guess, is the best way to put it. How I run a company or how I present myself in public. Do I stand by silently - which is not normally my trait - when someone says something that's deemed offensive or wrong in our ethical framework and moral justice? I believe in activism with justice. Do something about it. When those things happen, I spoke about the immigration issue when Trump was going to deport 11 million people. I was on a panel with a couple other folks. The brave folks were the ones that were there to speak on the issue who were the targets, you know, and they were exposing themselves, right? When something happens, just with the #MeToo movement, just put it out there. This is wrong. In social media - put it in your Facebook feed - this is wrong. Take a stand. People are so freaked out of being judged for any stand they take and that you'll lose friends or something like that. That's the biggest problem we have. I'm on some boards or in some discussions where they're frozen because they are afraid to make a move - people will be upset - well, anytime you take any stand on any thing, you just alienated someone. You just have to be able to be tough enough to take that and the criticism or whatever that happens. 

What do you wish for the future?

Personal future - to find a way to still have fun working and have a lot more time enjoying family. And they're heading off to college soon, so that means us going to them and still be a part of their lives. The future for Bend - I think Bend could be a shining example of doing things differently, you know? I like to take an audacious stance. Bend is the City of Innovation, which I asked the city to proclaim recently. That's a pretty audacious statement. Now we should follow through and prove it. Or the City of Diversity and then encourage diversity somehow. Or City of Inclusion, City of Invention, Education - whatever it is. This new campus has an opportunity to really do things differently. And they are. Becky Johnson is architecting a university that's among the first in 50 years - the first real university campus in 50 years in the United States. Everything else has been here forever. There's a chance to make this campus dramatically different and they are. To take Bend and say, If we're gonna put a street, what's the best street possible? Not just, What's the most economic? What's the best street possible? If we're gonna remove cars, what's the best transportation model. Gondolas (laughs)? Be brave and take a stab at trying. And if you fail, try again until you succeed. Civically, we hold our city to standards we don't even hold ourselves to. You cannot fail. You cannot try something and then fail at it. Well, then innovation has no room. Because then everyone is just going to the lowest risk possible - more asphalt. The same old kind of home. All that kind of stuff. We should be experimental all the time.

Do you have an encouragement to offer or a call to action of some kind?

Yeah, Bend is still a pretty small town, so people standing up have an oversized voice. Just by the lack of engagement by others. So you can have an impact on a city - on a city council, county, the state - just by being brave enough to gather together as a tribe and yell something. Right? And take action to it. Raise money around it. And make things happen. I'm encouraged by the youth now being woken up - thanks to a disaster in Washington - to problems they probably weren't paying attention to. And now that they're paying attention, realizing they could have an impact in so many ways. Congress is giving us opportunities to fix lots of things now - because they're breaking them. And they're rallying people who've never really been touched politically before, which is great. Go fight the machine! 

The same person that introduced me to Ian introduced me to Preston. We exchanged a few emails before officially meeting, through which I learned that Preston is a very busy man with irons in many different fires.

Ian Factor

Ian came to me as a referral from a referral, which makes for a great example of the thread of community. I tell everybody that this process takes about an hour, give or take, but chatting with Ian was to become the exception, as we talked for two hours in his studio before I even started recording. He mentioned Boston in his first few sentences and that led talking about Portland, Maine - where I come from - and that led to stories and stories and stories and many different layers of connecting. And that connection is what I'm advocating. It's what I think most of us are capable of experiencing on a regular basis. In it is the joy of being alive here and now with all these other folks. If you normally read these stories, I'd encourage you to listen to the audio of this interview as Ian and I talk about much more than I've transcribed below. 

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Who are you and how would you describe yourself?

Well, you need my name? (Laughs) Ian Factor - that's my real name. Factor is... it's interesting 'cause my dad was in the military. He retired a colonel, but he was a major in the army, so he was Major Factor. And then my mom's name is Binnie, but then people rush it and it sounds like Bene, so Bene-Factor. But yeah, it's a real name. I think the origin is Eastern European. I had never known and when I was living in Portland, Maine, I met a guy who was from Poland and he said it was a very common name in parts of Russian Poland. Way back when I guess some lineage goes back to that part of the world. So that's who I am. Born and raised on the East Coast. I talked about Boston... Maine, New York - Mom's from Long Island, Dad's from Boston. Totally weird opposites in a way. And my folks are complete opposites. They're like the perfect yin and yang scenario. Which either leads me to believe that I'm perfectly balanced or completely schizophrenic. There's a balance. My mom is completely external, emotional - more the yang side. Then my dad's internal, very sort of cerebral, quiet - the yin side. So I get aspects of both of them. I grew up - it sounds like cliché - but before I could even remember, painting and drawing. I hear stories from my mom about conversations with my nursery school teacher. The earliest story I hear is when I was supposed to be doing finger painting or whatever and I had done an entire family portrait of everybody in my family, the dog included. And we're all naked, I guess, except my mom 'cause I didn't know what nude women looked like at that time. But my nursery school teacher was pretty aware of, I guess, what I was doing was somewhat unique and not normal level of depiction of the human form at that age. She talked to my mom and my dad said, You might want to keep an eye on that because there's something unique going on. 

Interestingly, they did. They kept an eye on it. They were aware of my tendencies towards visual expression and sort of early obsession with drawing and painting and things like that. So I was able to pursue that through their encouragement and orchestrating things like studying at the deCordova museum in Lincoln. As a child, I mean as a young, young kid - I must have been seven or eight - going to study sculpture and drawing at the deCordova - a sculpture museum and school in Lincoln, Mass. It's a beautiful place, really great - instrumental in my early training. And then also studying at Mass Art as a kid. I remember the first time I ever drew the nude I was about 10, I think, or 12. I signed up at Mass Art for life drawing. I didn't know, nor did my mom know,  what life drawing was. It was drawing from life, right? So I show up with my art supplies, I remember vividly like it was yesterday, I was the only kid, there were all these adults. And there was a model stand and I had my easel out - I was setting up all my stuff - and then these two people came out in robes and the director of this class was like, Okay, models posing. And the models got up on the stand and dropped their robes and I was like, Holy crap! (Laughs) You know? And it shocked me for about 40 seconds. And then I looked around and took very serious note of what everybody was doing. 'Cause at that age, maybe even now, we base a lot of our reactions on how people around us are reacting. I noticed that everybody was doing their thing, you know they were getting their supplies out, they were very focused, very serious, very professional. It was at that moment, at that young age, it was that quick, it was that abrupt and profound of a shift in my consciousness and my awareness of the importance and the beauty and the seriousness of the human figure - the human body. And it was at that point that I started pursuing figurative art. Then I studied at the museum school as a kid in high school - had a great art department in high school, even in middle school. And my mom and dad always allowed me and encouraged me to pursue that. So it was really fortunate. I have all these students now and know so many people now who were so, so discouraged as a kid in arts and it really shapes and forms who you are as a human being for the rest of your life. So I was fortunate. 

What does community mean to you?

Well, I have my ideal, you know, the dream of what the ultimate community would be like, I guess, on some level. On a base level, community is just people living together. Living amongst each other. But how those communities function and how they're formed and whether they're sort of healthy or destructive - that's a different kind of angle or a different type of nature or a different type of manifestation of the communal mind. One of the things that's sort of frightening to me right now about our state of the world - I mean it's probably never different, it's always like the world is crazy... it's been happening for thousands of years. It's not any different. You would hope that after millennia that we rise above that level, that base level that we were talking about, but I mean, that's community. Certain communities are just founded and based on violence. Some communities are based on the opposite. So, to me, community is nothing more than just a bunch of people living around each other, living amongst each other, and how that energy - the energy of the community... You look at it as a microcosmic and a macrocosmic vision in terms of well, it's no different than the cells in our body - one thing affects everything else and everything is affecting that one thing. It's back and forth. It's a very delicate, fragile ecosystem - the community - like our bodies. We have one thing that's off, like one little, weird thing or germ or whatever, and our whole body, our whole system goes haywire. It's a very, very, very delicate balance. And I think community's the same. They have the same dynamic as the function of our bodies - of our cells and our energetic systems and things like that. It's all the same. As a human being, as an individual, as an artist - whatever, however you want to label myself - my role as a member of this community is to do the best that I can. First and foremost, you've got to take care of yourself. That's why I think politicians are so strange because they all take about how it's for the people, for the community, but they themselves are sick. They're full of disease and mental and emotional and psychological things that I personally don't think are healthy in the individual and they're in the positions to lead and influence and control other people. It's cliché again, but community starts with the self. And you have to work on yourself. You have to build a strong and healthy mind and body and balanced communication and understanding of compassion, understanding of the differences of people and that those differences should generally be embraced. Unless somebody comes in and they just want to kill you. I don't necessarily think you want to embrace that. That's sort of a different level of the Buddhist or the Taoist thought. Yeah, you gotta take care of yourself and you should be responsible for your own shit. And responsible for own state of health, mentally and physically. And then you can start thinking about the community. But work on yourself first. And then family and community. Community is affected by only the individual. And that's why it's such a weird thing. When the communities are sick, then that just means that the individuals in that community are sick and one feeds the other. 

How can you help this community as an artist? Work on your art (laughs)! Work on your own stuff. Work on your mind. Work on your physical body. Get yourself healthy - mentally, physically, as much as you can. Develop a healthy studio practice. Feel strong in your practice, whether it's photography or writing, painting, real estate, I don't care what it is - what your medium is - but do it for the reasons that are healthy for you and that are building a strong and healthy balance between the mind and the body and your practice. And when you have that built up, then I think you can be the most beneficial to the community. Some people think it's selfish, but I learned from one of my kung fu masters a long time ago, truly selfish is not paying attention and taking care of yourself. Because then what you have is not healthy to give towards others. 

What motivates you? 

I think the thing that motivates me the most is... well, there are a number of things. Actually, as I get older and I experience more, I think my motivations shift and change a little bit. Or maybe I just get more clarification on what they are and other motivations drop away and the core motivations stay and then they become more apparent. The things that motivate me to get up out of bed are this sense that I'm not finished (laughs), you know? Like, there's still more stuff that I need to do. On the internal part, there's just a lot more that I want to personally experience. I get up and there's so much that I want to do. There's so much I want to experience. Why did I moved to Bend? Well, because it's absolutely beautiful, surrounded by incredible nature, etcetera, etcetera, and so I want to experience that nature and I want to hike and I want to snowboard in these beautiful areas that are peaceful and beautiful. And I want to experience the massive beauty of nature around here. That's a personal thing. I want to experience more interactions like this. Meet more people and have that kind of fulfillment of that connection. I think ultimately it's about learning and experiencing learning about myself. And I'm not done yet. There's still more that I need to learn about. So, there's that part. 

And then the other part, which is sort of again - that's the yin and the yang. There's the internal part, which goes back to why I make art - the need to express something. Why was language developed? Well, our visual art is a language - it's a visual language. It's to communicate. You know, you have a certain feeling about something. One has a certain impression or a certain emotion about something and you just have to - you want to - express yourself. Part of it is just the individual need to express oneself - to just get it out. And then the flip side - that's the internal part - the external part, the expressive aspect of that, is in a way, in essence, the communication part. Which is the connection part. I'm communicating with another human being whether it's through words or through my art, my images. And by communicating, then there's that connection. And that connection, to me, goes back to the full circle. That's the thing that gives me meaning. That's the purpose of being here - that connecting. Connecting to nature, connecting to another human being through another human being. So yeah, that's what moves me. Connecting on a very deep level and having these profound moments, having the beautiful, rare occasion of these moments of sort of connectedness or, even I would go so far as to say, the sublime experience. Those are powerful experiences. I sort of am after those. I search for those. And, you know, occasionally you get one. 

Why I teach... it's a complicated history and story of how I got into teaching. I started teaching really young - in my early 20's. What drove me to teach is a totally different conversation for another time, but what keeps me doing it? Because it's difficult. Teaching is hard. Very difficult. To teach positively, to teach correctly. To do it correctly, I think, it takes literally a lifetime of study. It takes a lifetime of commitment and practice and study and self-reflection. Too many teachers out there who are just like, Oh, I teach 'cause I got to make a living. That's bullshit. You shouldn't be teaching then. You should be doing something else. Because you're dealing with other human beings. Not only dealing with them, you're influencing them on some very, very, very, incredibly deep and everlasting way. Some of the most profound experiences I've ever had as a human being - life-changing experiences, good and bad - have been with teachers. And those things resonate. They last your whole life. They shape who you are for the rest of your life. I think that's a huge responsibility. It's really difficult. A lot of teachers don't really understand or they don't realize the severity of that. It's a hell of a lot of responsibility. And I've always been one to just make things really difficult for myself (laughs). I always choose the difficult path because it's a challenge. If you do the easy stuff all the time, then what are you gonna learn? It's nice to relax every once in a while and just have an easy time, an easy day, because you need to relax. The pursuits that I've followed and been driven to and drawn to my whole life are the challenging ones and teaching is really challenging. On the occasion where you have this breakthrough, it's just amazing. It gives me a sense of intense purpose of being here. It makes up for all the really difficult times in teaching. But it's that reward. In a moment I saw somebody shift in front of my eyes. It's really rewarding. That's what drives me to teach and to continue to make art. It's personally fulfilling. It gives me a sense of purpose and meaning in the moment of making, but also having the opportunity to be alive still and see people respond and react to my work in a positive way. That's really, incredibly fulfilling. 

What do we do about the seemingly endless list of negative human behavior?

It goes back to what I said earlier - one has to work on themselves first. We need to really meditate on this. Maybe I'm naive or maybe I don't get it, but working on the self, we try to live a healthy life and then we try to bring that towards others. We try to teach - influence in a positive way - other people to maybe live a healthy life and a happy life. It's a tough call. It's to be done not heavy-handedly, not in a forceful sort of dogmatic, standing on the street corner, evangelizing about Believe this or you'll fucking burn in hell. That's awful. I think that's the wrong way to do it. That's gonna drive people away. That type of approach will run the risk of becoming the opposite of what you're preaching about. I think that's the nature of the extremes. If you preach so heavily in one area, fanaticism, inevitably you will flip to the opposite. You will manifest as the opposite. That's nature. Night turns to day. Extreme hard becomes soft. That's Eastern philosophy, but that's a principle I believe in. That's a principle of nature. Things in their extreme turn to the opposite. That's the danger of these extremists. And then it turns into this whole idea of control. One of my thoughts is to let go of control, to let go of the idea that you think you can control other people or you think you should have to control. 

That's a different conversation, too, but that's a core challenge of being a teacher. At a beginning level, I always have this conversation with a young teacher. How do I control my class? Don't try to control them so much. Understand their natures and work with that. And then helping them find their nature, helping them realize their nature. Allowing them the freedom and encouraging them to pursue what their nature is. That's healthy. As an individual, you need to be able to let go of your own desires to control other people, your own desires to manipulate other people because you're insecure. This goes back to the whole sexual harassment thing - it's weakness. It's total weakness. It's insecurity. It's individuals who feel like they're so insecure in their lives that they have to manipulate other people. And they're gonna manipulate the weaker people or the people who are, in their eyes, easier to manipulate for whatever reason. Through money or physical power or religious dogma or political position. All of that crap. It's all manipulating. It's all trying to control somebody else. The things that I see as the most unhealthy attributes in individual, one-on-one relationships - husband and wife or intimate lovers with each other, even friends - where it starts to go really bad is where you're trying to control that other person. It's the beginning - right there. Tell you what to do and tell you how to be. I would love you more if you would just be like this. Or that craziness. 

I think everything has to fit into that realm of yes, there's an objective set of core principles that if you want to learn this, then you really must study that. How to have a more peaceful community and how do we cope with all this craziness that's going on? Understand these principles of communication and love and compassion for another human being. I don't know, some people may just not be born with that. Maybe they're just born with parts missing. They just don't have the wiring. When I was young and I was totally idealistic as a beginning instructor. I thought everybody could reach a certain level. If you practice hard enough, if you work hard enough, everybody can reach that certain level of whatever it is: painting, drawing, connection, movement, anything. There's the idea that it's five percent talent and ninety-five percent hard work. Maybe. And I believe in that because talent goes nowhere without the hard work, but you still have to have at least two or three or four or five percent of that core ability. I don't know what the answer is. You can learn a certain level of better understanding and deeper connection, but I think it comes from a deep desire for that. I think one needs to have the desire to improve. 

What do you wish for the future?

It's such a funny question. Because there's the cliché answer, Health, love, and happiness, and world peace. Right? Well, what's wrong with that? So, yeah (laughs). I would love to see a major shift. I don't know what it's going to take, probably some kind of alien invasion - like some massive shift in the fabric, the matrix of the human mind, the universal mind. I think there needs to be a massive shift in the matrix of the human consciousness. I don't know what that would take. I think it's beyond us. I think we can inspire it and maybe initiate it on some level. The level of intolerance and hate and violence is endlessly disturbing. It doesn't seem to be getting any better. Is it getting worse? I don't think so. I think it's just there are more people on the planet and different forms of communication to spread the stuff out there. Has it gotten much worse? No, we just have televisions and internet now and weapons of mass destruction, you know, not just swords. I think it's the same mentality. I think we haven't evolved at all. We've evolved on some level, maybe. Because we're able to communicate wirelessly, which blows my mind. It's technologically crazy if you think about what the cell phone does, it's out of control. But does it make us better human beings? No. So my wish would be that some massive shift in the sort of fabric of what's happening right now happens and there can be a little bit more harmony in communicating on more of a peaceful, compassionate, loving way. That'd be beautiful. So, I guess that would be my wish. Not too much to ask. And faster internet reception - (laughs) I want that, too!

On one hand, maybe it's going to take something much, much, much larger as individuals - what that is, I don't know. It's frightening to think about, right? It's completely terrifying to think about what's bigger? Some psychic, cosmic shift. A meteor strike that energetically shifts the entire mindset of the human race - (snaps) like that.  An alien intervention (laughs). I don't know. Some religious folks think of it as some kind of rebirth of whatever. Who knows? But, there's that on that massive scale. But the contradiction is what I was talking about earlier - it has to happen from the individual. Maybe all of this life is an illusion, right? If you think of it in terms of that side of the philosophical argument, it's illusionary. It's my mind. It's your mind. It's an image of our mind, so maybe it does start from the individual consciousness. The shift of your mind. Shift your consciousness and then everything else will shift. Everything else is nature - that's negative/positive. There's always gonna be shit and there's always gonna be roses. There's always gonna be beautiful things and awful things. I think that's just nature. I'm not hoping for perfect peace - that's illusionary, too. That's not a realistic wish. But we can just do what we can do. And hopefully get through it without too much pain (laughs). 

Ian came to me as a referral from a referral, which makes for a great example of the thread of community. I tell everybody that this process takes about an hour, give or take, but chatting with Ian was to become the exception, as we talked for two hours in his studio before I even started recording.

Erin Hansen

I reached my goal of making 50 stories this first year, so this interview with Erin marks the first of the next batch. I'm going to dig a bit deeper by asking more challenging questions in hopes of gaining more understanding about each of us. I came to know Erin through Megan, as they work together at the Waldorf School of Bend. We sat in a quiet and very lovely classroom in a couple of rocking chairs while piano music from a practicing student in another room faintly serenaded us. Erin is a force of good and kindness. Speaking with her was calming and somehow even reassuring. She has a wonderful passion for bringing people together through art and it was a delight to talk with her about it.

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Who are you and how would you describe yourself?

My name is Erin Hansen and I am the mother of two amazing boys. I'm married to a phenomenal man - partner, best friend. I would consider myself a community artist and activist with huge emphasis on community. 

What does community mean to you?

Community means bringing people together over an impulse, an idea, an inspiration. And building upon that. So, what can manifest out of a conversation, a project, a meeting, a talk, music, an interaction? You know, we all bring our own personalities to a group dynamic and we all leave, generally, with something much different than what we walked in with. And, to me, that's the power of community. You're transformed, whether you're conscious of it or not. Whenever people come together, there's always great opportunity for transformation. 

How does your draw towards community play into where you come from?

We've been a military family. My husband was in the military for 26 years, so we would moved every year and a half to two years. So, you essentially have to reinvent yourself every two years. And finding community wherever you land is real important just to integrate into where you're living. Within the military community, it's fairly easy because we're all transient. We all look to each other to build this kind of external family. So, when Darren decided to retire and move here, it was really kind of rebuilding who we are as a family and how we integrate. To me it was really important to finally, you know, put some roots down and get engrained into what's going on and what we're looking for as a family, as individuals. And then the greater community of Bend and the state of Oregon and it all moves out from there. The big impulse around creating and finding community was... although we've had an amazing one, it wasn't one that I could get my hands on or into for very long, and so when we got here I just hit the ground running (laughs). 

What is your view of the future and how do you instill hope? 

One of the things I always fall back on is that life really is beautiful. Just look at this classroom or just look outside. Look to our little town of Bend - how beautiful it is to be living here. We lose sight of that. And that's just a very external example. I look to the bright beauty of children. Being a mom is, to me, a privilege and I look at both my boys and I see unlimited potential. And so, for me, the drive and the impetus is to keep that accessible for them. And if I am constantly down in the dumps or This is terrible! - I mean we all have those moments, but I also think A) how we recover from them and B) how we talk about it with our children and with our friends and with our family and our extended circles. To me, that's the access. That's the access to how we make things better.

What motivates you? 

I draw a tremendous amount of inspiration from reminding people and showing people things that are beautiful. One of my great passions, especially here at the school, is creating community art. When you first start a project, things are messy and things aren't put together. You know, there are elements and there's the stress of bringing kids and parents and external beings in - whether it be friends, family, or people who are helping to support whatever the project is. And it's always messy. And it's always like, Oh, geez! Is this one gonna work (laughs) or not? And then there's always magic. There is some point where magic happens and it all comes together. And you stand back and you go, Wow! That is amazing! I was part of that. Here's my brushstroke. Here's my thread and needle. Here's my name. Here's how I contributed. To me, that's a really, really powerful experience. For everyone. We had an art opening last month. The kids all worked on their projects in the classroom and with their parents and with their teachers and then we presented them in a very professional atmosphere and environment and things were beautiful. And the kids walked in and they were like, Wow! This is amazing! You know? And they had created it. And in that moment they had access. A lot of it is subconscious, I think sometimes especially with younger children. But they had access to I did that. That was mine. And we did it with a lot of hands. And we did it with a lot of support. So, bringing beauty in some form or fashion into the world is truly what lights me up. 

What do we do about social injustice? What's your role in that?  

As an adult and certainly as a parent and as a role model, living in a way that meets that in such a way that it's not acceptable. I teach my boys all the time. That's not acceptable. That person did that and that is their choice and that is their path in life and it was a bad decision. But in my world and in my experience and in how I choose to communicate with people, that wouldn't be acceptable. I would have left the job. I would have called the lawyer. I would have taken the actions necessary to not allow that type of behavior or that type of modeling to be apparent. I think as human beings we all cross those bridges where it's easier to look the other way. But I think right now that's why we all have headaches (laughs) and are slumped over. Just in general. Because we are so weighed down with just so much negativity out there. It's funny. Just to look at people. We don't sit up straight anymore. We don't look people in the eye anymore. That's one of the interesting transformations I've noticed in Bend. You know, when we first moved here five years ago, walking down Wall or Bond or the riverwalk, people would meet you in the eyes and you would get a warm smile and a Hi! or a How's it going? And lately I've really noticed everyone's just got their head down and their earbuds in and, you know, you could be Frankenstein and they wouldn't even notice (laughs). I'm starting to see a little bit of a cultural shift. We really purport about how nice and friendly and kind and wonderful we are in this community, but I'm also noticing that we don't call each other out anymore around that. I think all we can ever do is just be the best human being we can possibly be in the moment. Sometimes we rise to that and sometimes we don't. And I think as long as we can own it when we don't and look at how we can maybe circle back around and do it better the next time... to me that's the spiral of how you evolve or move through life more powerfully. You know, we never do it right the first time. (Laughs) You know? It's like Ooooh, I didn't do that right? How could I do it better the next time? 

What do you wish for the future?

I wish for a slower future. I wish that we would learn to take deeper breaths and longer pauses. Longer walks (laughs). You know, just lengthen everything once again. People think that's funny because of technology and everything's going faster, faster, faster, faster. To me, that is the downfall of society. It really and truly is. Because we miss so much. We miss so much. If I could wave a wand and cast it out into the future, we'd all kind of just be stuck in slow motion. Because in that way and in that realm, we don't miss things. We have to take the time to cultivate things, to create things, to grow things, to nurture things. Which I think we're missing out on a whole lot of. 

Do you have any parting words?

Yeah. One of the first and most important acts of building community or connecting with somebody is to meet somebody with your eyes. It truly is like opening this beautiful, golden door to a relationship. And it doesn't have to be anything deep or intense or meaningful, but if I connect with you and you connect with me, then we both walk away with something. As opposed to completely missing out on each other. That's what I'm hopeful for a lot more of and something I really take on doing throughout the day. 

I reached my goal of making 50 stories this first year, so this interview with Erin marks the first of the next batch. I'm going to dig a bit deeper by asking more challenging questions in hopes of gaining more understanding about each of us.

Adam Weyer

I came to know Adam by way of another recommendation from Megan, who is turning out to be a tour de force for community connecting. I met Adam for the very first time as I stepped into his home. We got to know each other over his kitchen table, surrounded by plants and Adam's homemade mallets (you'll have to ask him about those) and other contraptions - he shared some homemade ginger ale that he serves out of a thrifted and converted antique clothing press. Adam's a no-nonsense guy with a big heart and a matching capacity for caring about his community.  We share a lot of the same concerns. And I'm finding more and more folks with them: working too hard for too little, not getting ahead, inflated rental prices, watching time fly by, designed obsolescence, greed, etc. What do we do about it? Coming together to talk about it is a great first step. Get to know your neighbors. Celebrate your new friendships. Understand your impact on your community. Spread love and encourage those around you. If you want some inspiration, I recommend you go visit Adam. 

Note: I began this project with the intention of making 50 stories. I'm proud to say that Adam's is the 50th. I have every intention to continue and I'm already working on the next. If you enjoy this project, please share it. If you have referrals, encouragement, ideas, or constructive criticisms, please reach out to me. Thank you.  

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How would you describe yourself? 

I like to laugh. I like to have fun. To describe yourself... I think I would be easy going. 

What matters to you? What motivates you?

I think it's very basic. My interests lie in, you know, eating, (laughs) sleeping. Beyond basic physical, it just depends on what - there's curiosity based things, like wanting to get the knowledge of how to do certain things or how to solve problems. And then there's things that bother me. And that could be from anything like the plant is in the wrong corner of the room and I'll have to move it. That's kind of what motivates me. I've already given this some thought, but I've found that things that irritate me motivate me the most. But I would like to switch it (laughs) so that I have more joy-based motivation. So, things that make me happy. Not to focus on the things that bother me. 

What does community mean to you?

I think, for me, community is resources. If you don't have the answer, then there's someone you know who might have the answer or can point you to that direction. Community is lifting each other up, being there to, you know, help and to teach. Because without that community or culture, then you're all alone. Then it can feel very alone. Community is just a social network of like-minded people. Or not like-minded. They're in your community (laughs) even if they don't think like you. Community's just everybody that you run into. I mean, some people you like. Some people you don't like. Some people will help you. Some people will not help you. (Laughs) You know? You've got to pick and choose. Community is a choice in more of a metropolitan town. I think in more rural, you don't have a choice. You have five neighbors and that's it. But you have to deal with that because that's your resources. But somewhere like Bend, you can pick who you want to be in your community at a large extent. 

Do you have any thoughts on the decline of values? 

Or, you know, building a second investment house in your postage stamp of a backyard that's just gonna crowd your neighborhood and overlook your neighbor's backyard type of thing? Yeah, I think that's greed. For sure. Bottom dollar is the motivator. I think that's the main reason we had our last economic collapse - people just flipping houses and not doing any work to make those values go up, really. Just, you know, they get their name on the title and then sell it for more. I don't think you can really base an economy on that because philosophically or karma wise, you have to work. I believe work is what really builds it up. It's hard to try to keep up or care to keep up. It just feels like all the cars on the road are new. All the houses are new. I work at a thrift store. I would never buy retail. All the things that come in... this one bag of clothes is like a thousand dollars, we're gonna sell it for ten or twenty, you know? I live in kind of a skewed economy because of that. If I didn't work at a thrift store, I'd still buy all my clothes at one. Or that kind of thing. Greed and so much waste that goes on. When I go home and see how my family's living and all the Dixie® cups and paper plates and this kind of thing that happens. I try to get 'em not to do it, but they're just in a totally different mindset. I think that they're closer to what most of America is like. So I don't know how to change that. I just try to lead by example. 

How do you feel about the way we spend our time?

There's just so many things to do. I'd say that my friends would probably be in the maker group where they'll make stuff and craft and take pride in little things. I think that a lot of people don't have time for that or don't make time for that. And that makes me a little bit sad. I don't really hang out with those people, but I know they are out there because every once in a while I run into them and they work, watch TV, and go to bed. That's it. They don't go out. Or people just play video games all the time... (laughs) Dude, I love video games and things like that but I have to... in small doses. I'd love to be playing rummy with Sarah right now, but we'll get to that eventually. It is getting more and more expensive so you have to work more and, I guess, we'll spend time making things cheaper for ourselves by making our own food. The time crunch is very real. I think you gotta put your phone down or make that list of things that you want to do and start crossing 'em off because if you don't do that then your whole week will just fly right by. Years will go by. I think it's important to do things that make you happy and just block out that time for those things. For me it would be playing music or even just reading a book. Well, I'm not gonna watch that 19th episode of that show on Netflix, I'm just gonna read. You know? You just gotta try and eek out a niche for things that you like to do. It's important to volunteer and do the community things like that just to feel like you're making a dent and helping other people. 'Cause that does make you feel good about yourself. If you don't, then it will kind of eat at you, I think. 

What do you wish for the future?

I'd like to see universal healthcare, I think, with vision and dental. And I'd like to get the big corporations out of our government. I think that's really putting the lockdown on the average Joe, whether he realizes it or not. When you go to Safeway and every product on the shelf is toxic (laughs) and it's the most expensive store... that's like irony to me. That's what I'd like to see - just clean food and water and air. That's the biggest thing. You don't want to poop where you eat. That's what we're doing to our planet. Talk about these trade deficits and things, I think we should stop importing plastic from China. All the garbage that we're creating... for what? Just so the plastic guy can make money? I'm sure he wants to sell as much plastic as he can. Plastic's gotta go. 

We would like to get out of the debt burden of renting and living in such an expensive place. We'd like to be more off-grid maybe with a permaculture-type situation and spend less time just running back and forth to work. At a certain point, you're working but you're just hovering just to pay the bills. All that time you spend working goes just for the roof over your head and the food and it's like if the roof and the food weren't so expensive, you could have more time to work on your own projects that you want to do.

Sarah Rajnus

I reached out to Sarah on Megan's recommendation. I had no idea who she was or what she did or how old she was or anything at all about her. I really love meeting people in that way... especially when the meeting goes as well as this one did. Sarah was hesitant to accept my invitation to participate here because she didn't think she was doing anything extraordinary. I assured her, as I have many others, that being extraordinary isn't what this about. But really, each of us is unique and offers something to this world in a way that only we can. We sat in Sarah's massage studio and chatted and chatted. Then, after the official interview, we chatted a bunch more. I am fond of talking with folks in general, but there is something extra nice about finding commonality with peers about all the ills that seem to be very present in this crazy age. Sarah's putting her best foot forward every day and serves as a great example for the rest of us. 

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How would you describe yourself? 

Automatically I would just have to jump to what I do. And I am a massage therapist. I also work with teenagers and ask them a lot how they would describe themselves (laughs), so now I feel like the table has been turned. I would describe myself as an Oregonian who really loves this state and can't really drag myself away from it. And I'm a sister, a daughter, a girlfriend, friend. 

What brought you here to Bend? 

I actually came here for massage school. I was looking at going to New Mexico or Arizona. I had been living in Eugene and Corvalis and I wanted to get out of the rain. And I had never really considered Bend because I thought Bend was just like Klamath Falls - I grew up near there. And so it was out of the question. No way, no how. And I was traveling through and decided to stop and realized maybe Bend was a different place than I had in mind for my adult life. I went into Silver Moon - this was probably like 10 years ago - and just liked the way the town felt. It seemed like there was good little things going on. And so came back, looked at it again, and then found out that there was a couple massage schools in town and COCC happened to work out for me and what I was looking for and decided to skip out on Arizona and New Mexico and just stay in Oregon. And I'm glad I did. 

What motivates you?

Self-improvement. Either learning new things and trying to improve myself or helping others learn new things, improve themselves, take better care of themselves, feel better. Also what motivates me is outside. Outdoors. And also taking care of the natural environment and Earth. Those things all motivate me. Getting outside. Sunshine motivates me. 

What does community mean to you? 

Community is connection and commitment to people you know around you - your neighbors - but also maybe strangers. Taking care of people. Caring about where you live and putting the extra effort into it. Because I don't necessarily think that community happens naturally - it does to some degree - but it's really about people putting the extra effort in to connect. 

Why do you think we should care?

Because what's the point if we don't (laughs)? Because it makes life better if you are intentional and are caring about what's going on and what you're doing with your days. Otherwise, I think time just passes and we look back and say Where'd all the time go? And if you care more about yourself, about the people around you, about your planet, then I think it just is a richer, better life. 

What do you appreciate most about this community?

Probably, ultimately, I appreciate the local food scene and movement because when I moved to Bend I had just returned from traveling abroad doing WWOOF-ing, which is Willing Workers On Organic Farms. And I think another thing when I was looking back at Bend and being like Oh, maybe I could live there, I saw that there was Locavore. I think it was actually Locavore then - it maybe was just WWOLF, which is Willing Workers On Local Farms. So, when I moved to Bend I immediately started volunteering with that. I appreciate that local food movement a lot just because I met a ton of friends through WWOLF and Locavore. Met a lot of amazing farmers and people that are working hard and making a difference and are just fun and interesting to be around. When I moved here, there was a couple farms and it's only continued to be more. You see more food at the farmers' market that's been grown in Central Oregon and I just think that's awesome that it's happening over here. 

What do you think about the idea of not having enough time?

For me personally, I have fallen such victim to that in the last few years. I know at one point I was just so sick of saying it. If I keep saying this that's all it's gonna be. I feel like there's just not enough. You're always kind of grasping and short of breath almost. I think it's unfortunate that so many of us are living that way. I think that since I kind of just decided that I'm gonna stop saying that as much - I don't know that I've necessarily freed up more of my time, but it feels like it. I don't know. I'd love to help pass that on to other people of somehow changing our mindset about even if we are busy and even if we are going going going - I mean either do the things because you want to do them and accept it or cut some things out. We're just all so over-obligated. Also I think people say it, but also sometimes I feel like it's almost you have to be proud of it. It's almost like a badge that is tempting to wear even though none of us want to be too busy. I would love if we could all just take a breath and make a little more time for things that we enjoy and be lazy from time to time. Be bored from time to time. We need more boredom in our lives (laughs). Technology is another part of the too busy piece. Because we waste little bits of time. I know I do. 

Some of it is our mindset, our culture. But then also some of it is necessity, of being able to survive. Either actually live a secure life where you do have food and things - I think that's a small piece of it. But it's like we're so obligated to live this secure life that it's really just about consumerism and that makes us be more busy and then we don't have the time. For a long time I had either been a student or worked not more than 40 hours a week. The last few years I've had a lot of 50/55 hour weeks and instead of being able to go to the thrift store and then another thrift store and then look for something or fix something... I found in the last couple of years, you know I'm just like, Oh well, I have more money now I'm just gonna go buy it. Because I don't have time to do it in these manners that actually help you connect with the world around you and be tactile and develop your skills. Instead, I'm just working to make the money to buy the thing because I take out the whole self-reliance piece. It's just normalized now. It's just the way life is. 

What do you wish for the future?

This goes off some of what we were talking about time and being too busy. Gosh, I don't know, maybe I'm just daisy-chaining off that or maybe I'm just romanticizing the past, too. That's possible (laughs). I would like my future to be slower. And to be living in a way that you're more connected to the natural cycles and nature in general. And kind of come back to some of the ways we've been living for however long and now we've changed forever and ever. I don't know. That's probably not going to happen. We're probably gonna go off into space or something... destroy ourselves.... but let's hope not. I think there's a better option out there. I don't know. I would like to see the world slow down. For little pockets of community and towns become more self-reliant. I love how Bend has all the makers and people bringing crafts back to actual functioning and being supportive. I would love it if we were just living in smaller groups of people. (Sighs) I don't know. I guess that's what I want for the future. 

Do you have anything else that you want to send out there to the world? 

I'm just gonna keep on going on the thread that kinda came up and just to take a deep breath in the morning - maybe when you're in the shower or something - and pay attention to where you're at and slow down a little bit and realize that you can get off the rat wheel. And just don't stress so much about things that don't matter and try to put more thought into the things that do matter to you. 

Charlie Thiel

Summer recommended Charlie to me. She offered these praises about him: "He's a photographer/ actor/ father/ husband. He's an unbelievably kind, passionate, and interesting human being. You'll love him." It took a few weeks to line up our schedules, but meeting Charlie was worth the wait. Refreshingly real and thoughtful, Charlie was a pleasure to speak with. In addition to a shared affinity for photography, we also seem to agree on matters of humanity and social justice. Charlie really seems like one helluva good guy. Keep an ear out for his latest project, which he hints at in the interview. 

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Who are you?

Who am I? Good Lord, that's always a good question. Well, I'll give you the short little thing that I usually post online and stuff - I am husband, father, best friend, snowboarder, writer, reader, photographer, film maker, general doer of things (laughs), and it all sort of blends together somehow to become me. 

Where do you come from and what brought you here to Bend? 

I was born and raised in the South. I was born and raised in South Carolina. It was interesting because it was always, even as a kid, it was never a good fit for me. I always felt like I didn't quite belong. It was like three years ago, so that would have been early 40s, when we started thinking about the possibility of a big move. And I started looking at stuff in the mountains. I was looking in Colorado, looking in mountain towns, and Oregon started showing up on that list. And Bend started showing up at the top of several lists. And it's funny, as soon as we moved out here, I was like, Oh, this is where I belong. This fits. This is a good fit now. Come from the South, but it never quite clicked. And moved here and it felt right right away. 

What motivates you?

I'd say my kids motivate me. My wife motivates me. Now that I've got this idea - this new philosophy, this new concept that I'm trying to flesh out and develop - that started as just a mental exercise to play with and now I'm getting more and more excited about it. And that is becoming its own motivation - to see if that can really... to see if I can do something with it. See if it'll take hold. See if I can maybe, you know, move the needle a little bit. Maybe improve the world a little bit. So I've not got grand motivations. I'm a fairly lo-key guy and I've got my family, I've got my wife, I've got my kids - that's pretty much made me very content and happy - but maybe I can do a little good in the world, too. We'll see. 

What does community mean to you?

I think it's got to be about... we cannot be completely consumed by ourselves. By just what we want in this life. If we're gonna become anything more than what we have achieved as humankind, we've got to come together. We have to find what connects us. And we start that with the people around us. We start that process by connecting with the people just physically around us, but now we have this amazing tool - the internet - where that connection can be world- wide. There's community at different levels. There is the community of people immediately around us. But I think more importantly, there's the community that we create by what we put out in the world - by the things we stand for, and by caring about people other than ourselves. And by caring about people other than just the ones that look like us. You know? We need to create a community of humanity. This organization, this philosophy that I'm developing is called The Community of Humankind. So that is what I am trying to do - which is help provide a philosophical basis, help provide a grounded basis by which we can look at each other - look at a person across the world, look at someone who looks and is nothing like us - and find that connection. And hopefully help that other person find the connection with you or with me or with us and we can begin to connect as a community. Not based on how we look or not based on the church we go to or not based on where we live, but based on values, based on caring about these other people, this other person as a human being. And connecting with people that share that belief - share the belief that people have value - have intrinsic value. Not because they look like us and talk like us, but just because they are human beings. And so what I think community means is hopefully... it's an aspirational definition to say I want community to mean all the people who believe in the value of human life - the intrinsic value of human life - and believe in the potential of each human being. That's what I want to create a community around.

What do you appreciate most about this community?

One of the things that impressed me about Bend when we first got here is that no one (well, I say no one - a lot of people that we have met and become friends with since we moved here) - they don't end up here just by chance. People make a conscious decision to move to Bend and they make their work life and they make their family life and all that work around the opportunity to live in this place. And, sure, it's partly about access to the lifestyle. But they value that thing where it's not just about work. A lot of people moved here from places where they were putting vast amounts of their day-to-day life into the work they do - either traveling to and from it or just doing their job. People here work really hard at their job, but they do it so that they can live the life they want to live with their kids and with their family and all that. That's why they've chosen to be here. Yeah, it's a really kind of self-motivated group of people that live here in Bend, I think. But it's also people that do that because they are passionate about the type of life they want to live. That is one of the things that I love about Bend and the type of people here and this type of community. People really care about the type of life they want to live and that's why they're here. 

What are your thoughts regarding Bend's growth?

Right. Well everybody comes here and they're like, Okay now that I'm here, let's stop (laughs). You know, there is a bit of that. And you have to sort of laugh at yourself when you find yourself thinking like, Okay now that I've found this place, let's shut the door. You know, you look back at Bend historically - you go back to after the mills closed - this down was dying. The mills were shut down and it was like a chained-off industrial wasteland. And the town was struggling. So I think the growth... they have done a very good job of marketing what Bend is now. Which is, it's a lifestyle. It's a lifestyle town. But they've done a really good job of not tailoring that just to retirees (laughs). You know, people come here for a lifestyle and they make it work with their career. That said, they've almost done that job a little too well. We are one of the fastest growing demographic areas. We're growing incredibly fast. So, the growth is part of the problem. I think the speed of that growth is what the real issue is at hand. It's not that people mind, really, more people coming to Bend. It's the fact that it's happened so quickly. And we live in a state where the urban growth boundary can't expand at the whim of the local community. It took, what, 10 years to get the latest expansion in place. So I think it's more the speed of the growth and our lack of ability to just sort of randomly push outward and throw up tons of new houses. 

I think, too, another factor at work is a lot of that growth is from people coming in from a market that is way higher priced. You know, a lot of Bay area and Silicon Valley stuff. So people see what looks like a high price to people in Bend is still a very reasonable price to people coming in from areas like Silicon Valley and the Bay area. You get bigger houses built. You get more expensive houses built. The construction fees that developers get charged are not variable. I think they're changing it now, but for the longest time it didn't matter if you were building a tiny, little starter home - the amount of fees you paid as the builder were still the same. So you're incentivized to build a more expensive house so that you can actually make money, or make more money, on that construction. So it's a mix of we live in a very desirable place, we've done a very good job of marketing Bend to the outside world, and we only have very limited tools to manage how that growth happens. So, yeah, it is a problem. And there is a real shortage of starter homes and a real shortage of lower-priced housing. But when the demand is so high and when you cannot geographically just blow outwards... there's only so much you can do. I get why people resent the growth because it has happened so fast. And it's starting to have a negative impact on people's day-to-day lives. But I think also we need to keep that in perspective of what a real crowded city looks like. And what traffic with air quotes - you know, people talk about Oh, the traffic's gotten so bad in Bend. It's more crowded - it's busier than it used to be - but it's still not a problem. It's definitely something to focus on, but I think we also need to maybe keep a little perspective as to what the alternative could have been - which is a town that just died. Most rural towns are on their way down, not on their way up. It's something to be thankful for but also not let it grow in a sort of rampant, uncontrolled way. It's a hard thing to juggle. 

How do you feel about how you spend your time?

(Laughs) I will say this. A lot of it comes down to how we manage our time for our family. So, my wife is a sculptor and painter and she also manages her business - her co-working business. Well, if she lets it happen, she never gets time to paint and sculpt. You know, it's always managing the business and managing stuff with our kids and everything else in life. The same goes for me in a sense, that it's really easy to get caught up - like last year our family was caught up in every afternoon... and it quickly got to a point where six days a week we were doing something for the kids or for us. And we were just fried. Like, we were maxed out (laughs). And now we've dialed all that back. Yeah, the kids are not doing the three different after-school activities they were doing last year but really, everybody's a lot happier. And it really comes down to saying no to things. Not doing stuff. It comes down to really asking yourself What is the stuff I really care about doing? What do I really want to do? Yeah, it'd be awesome to have our kids in like four different things and they're playing sports and they're taking music lessons and all that, but it's like then we're all maxed out every day of the week. So, what's really important? Just time with our kids. Time with each other. Time to follow our creative endeavors in addition to managing everything else. So for us it has been a matter of saying no to things and not signing ourselves up for different commitments, not signing our kids up for different commitments. We care about spending time - just spending timetogether as a family, not necessarily doing something. Just spending time together as a family: messing around in the backyard, going for a walk outside. Yeah, there are a lot of demands on our time. Work and family are kind of the way we've divided that. We try and get our work done in as efficient a manner as possible while still enjoying that process, so that they we have the time to be creative and spend time with our family. So yeah, time is tight. For us, the solution to that was eliminating the things that weren't really really important to us. We're trying now to stay focused on what really matters to us. And, for us, that's our work, our creativity, and our family. Everything else we just have to say no to. And that's stuff that we're interested in. There's a lot of stuff that we are interested in, but there's just not time to do it (laughs). Or if there is time to do it, it just becomes so much to try to do it all that it's not worth it. 

What do you wish for the future?

I instantly go to - I think about what my kids' lives are gonna be like. And I think there's a hell of a lot of exciting stuff happening. In what's happening in science and technology and the world around us and in society - everything is a massive ball of change right now (laughs). I simply want that change to move in a positive direction. Yeah, our kids are gonna be massively challenged with the world they're gonna inherit and the way the workforce is gonna happen and the way society is gonna change, but all of that is just exciting and challenging and it's a massive shift that's happening in our world. I just want that shift to happen in a positive direction. I think we as human beings tend to fluctuate between - it's this pendulum between the people that want us to go backwards and the people that want us to be smaller and the people that want us to be afraid and then we swing over to the people that see the potential and see the positives and, you know, that want to take us into space. You look at what is happening technologically in our world right now - it is mind-blowing and it is incredibly exciting. Our kids are gonna have technological advances that make our childhood and make our lives look archaic. I just want to see all that be in a positive fashion. I want to embrace that and I just want our kids to have a positive future. There are lots of negative - there have always been negative forces - but we have to focus on what it can be, what it should be, what it could be. That's what I want the future to be. I have no idea what it's gonna look like (laughs) because it's changing so quickly, but I just want it to be something uplifting, positive. 

Ryan Cleary

I met Ryan through the photography community here in Bend. We both shoot pictures for Bend Magazine and we ended up at the same party a few months ago. Somebody connected us there and we chatted for a bit. Both Ryan and his work partner, Adam, are super nice guys who didn’t try to engage in the typical surface-level conversations that often happen when photographers collide. I was really encouraged by that. And then I read a post that Ryan put out to the world that kind of solidified my opinion of his being a good dude, so I asked him to participate here. He agreed and admirably showed up to our interview after a restless night of being a new dad. I really appreciate his honesty and vulnerability and want to put it out there that the world needs more guys like him. 

(We interviewed on the porch at Crows Feet Commons, so please excuse the ambient noise behind our conversation. It is distracting, but the worst of it only lasts about four minutes. I've yet to learn much about audio editing, so bare with me.)

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Who are you?

That's kind of a broad question (laughs). Well, I'm Ryan Cleary. I'm a photographer/retoucher for a living. I'm a father, a husband. (Laughs) Where else do you want me to go with that? In general, I just like to think of myself as a creative person. I think it's been my entire life. 

Where do you come from and what brought you here to Bend? 

So I was born and raised in a town called Camarillo - it's in Ventura Country, California. I grew up there. It's actually probably a similar sized town to Bend. Maybe a similar vibe, just not the outdoorsy vibe, but kind of a similar pace of life, I guess. My uncle lives in Portland - he's lived there for 45 years. So we'd visit Oregon somewhat regularly as a family. He eventually got a place in Sunriver, as well. So we would visit this Central Oregon area. My parents moved up here about 11 years ago. And about three years ago, maybe three and half, my wife and I had kind of had it with - well, at that time we were living in Los Angeles - and it was not a good fit for me. It was kind of a place that made me miserable constantly. Way too fast moving of a pace of life for me. And I think my wife was somewhat happy there because she had two sisters really close by, but at the same time I think that she very much was on the same page as I was in terms of we definitely didn't want to raise a family there. 

So we were definitely looking to move to a place that we felt better about building a family. But we still wanted to be by family, hence Bend and my parents and you know kind of the perfect size town for us. We definitely liked being able to access outdoor activities easier than when we were living in LA. I mean it took us 25 minutes just to get from our house to the freeway and then from the freeway, however far you're going to get outdoors. It was just always a process that was so heavy like we just didn't even want to... you know half the time it was just so discouraging (laughs) to even motivate yourself to get out and do anything. At this point in my life the whole bar-coffee-social scene thing in LA was... I was just not interested in it at all. So I would just sit at home a lot, like working a lot more than I should have. Yeah, Bend was kind of just this great way to get a place that was, you know, made us happy and be close to my parents in a place that we felt like we could have a family and feel good about it. That's the long story. 

What motivates you?

I think people do. I kind of have this... I don't know what to call it. I'm not always motivated to get out and do... I'm not always dedicated enough to really go after the things that I want in life, you know, but I'm fascinated by other people's stories about doing just that. What some people might call fear of missing out or maybe even a competitive element to it, definitely does strike a chord with me. It definitely does motivate me. When my friends are all getting after it, I definitely feel lazy if I don't try and join in. So I definitely have a tendency to be lazy, right? But every time I push through that - whether I'm miserable or not - I definitely feel better in the end. I have a tendency to be lazy. I have a history of anxiety. And the things that solve that problem are continuously pushing through... (laughs) I'm trying to communicate this in a way that I'm feeling in my head, but it's not coming out right. Maybe it was just a long night. And a long with that, too, my daughter is a huge motivation to me. Because I'm terrified of being a bad example for her. I'm terrified of that. I really want her to grow up... setting an example of not being afraid of failure, of not being afraid of hard work, definitely not avoiding situations just because they seem uncomfortable or because they seem difficult or challenging. I want her to see her parents really going after things. And I want her to see us fail and see how we handle it. And see how we deal with it. That's a huge motivation. Like I said, I think it's very easy for me to fall into a pattern of Well, I don't have time for that or I don't think I'm capable of that, you know, and not even try. I definitely don't want to set that example. And I'm sure there's all kinds of flaws in there, you know. I'm sure there's all kinds of therapists or people that would say that's not necessarily the reason you should be motivating yourself - just for your daughter or for someone else. I'm sure there's all kinds of hidden meanings in that state of mind.

What does community mean to you?

Yeah, that's an interesting question for me. I've always been somewhat of an introverted person, especially growing up when I was younger. I was never really keen on getting out there and actively becoming part of the community. I can't exactly tell you why that is. It was just maybe a comfort level for me. So I tended to sort of have tight-knit friend groups - not really go too much outside of that. When I think of community, the first thing that pops into my head is the community center, like in the town that I grew up. Where they would have bingo or (laughs) small bands that like 10 old people would go to. Like things that I never wanted to do or that I always thought was not cool or whatever. That's sadly the first thing that comes to mind. I'm sure there are a million cliché answers about people coming together to make the world a better place, right? I never really think about the word community or the exact meaning. Off the top of my head I feel like there's kind of two ways to look at it: there's people coming together to make a positive change and then also people deciding We all have to live together - let's figure out how to not murder each other. (Laughs) You know? And I think both are valid. I guess that's sort of my thoughts on community. 

What do you think one's role should be as communities grow? 

I don't know how to answer that. Honestly. I think that everyone has a responsibility to care for our place that we're living in. You know, to treat people with respect. I think that question can go a lot of different ways. You know, you can get into a very political discussion about things like taxes and sort of forced community, you know. As an introverted person, that's a difficult place. I've definitely outgrown some of that to a certain extend, but I still have those tendencies. It's still somewhat of a struggle to be in those big social situations or take on a active role in the community, so to speak. Like I said earlier, at my core, I'm a creative person. I think that the reason that I've sort of developed that creativity is because of the fact that I have been so introverted. Growing up, I spent a lot of time - I'm an only child - so I spent a lot of time kind of by myself. The things that I would do was, you know, I'd play guitar by myself or I'd work on drawings or art projects. So I spent a lot of time just sort of creating ways to entertain myself - just developing that skill. I'd like that to be... you know, that's what I excel at, so at a certain point, there's got to be a way for that to contribute to community, right? I can't tell you exactly what that is (laughs) - exactly what my role is going to be. Just like you, I enjoy photography and I'm fascinated by people and their stories. I try to be a good person. I try to give people respect. I try to take a minute and think before I make assumptions about people. Of course, I fail at some of that sometimes. Beyond that, it's a little bit unclear. I don't have a specific role, a specific goal that I'm heading towards. I'm just trying to get my bearings on my family and being a good role model and we'll see where that takes me. 

How do you wish you were spending your time? Or are you satisfied with the way you spend your time?

Wow. Are you satisfied with how you spend your time. I don't think anyone's satisfied, you know? (Laughs) Everybody that I know - I mean it's just like you said - everybody wants more of it. I think there's always a better future in your mind as far as how you spend your time. I'm sure there's some people out there that have it dialed. For me, personally, being a freelance... I've been freelance for almost 10 years. And with that there's a whole lot of down time. There's slow periods where maybe a month or two goes by and work is almost non-existent. Then you have another couple months where it's just like pounding you down. (Laughs) It's like every client that you've ever worked for just decides to write you in one week and you're just overwhelmed. So that's always been tricky for me. Because in those down times it's very easy to get depressed somewhat. You feel like you're not working. It affects you. It really digs it's claws in and, if you let it, it can bring you down pretty hard. In those busy periods, it's stressful. It's definitely stressful, but it feels good. Not only do you feel like you're making a good living - you feel like you're doing good work. You feel satisfied in that aspect, but you also feel needed in a way. It's definitely an interesting place for me. Those down times - those are the times where I have to really dig in to personal projects. I have to really start pursuing things that I care about that are going to fill time, but don't have a paycheck attached but are still going to fill my time and make me feel good about what I'm doing and feel good about my abilities. 

From the first time you reached to me a few weeks ago, you got that response from me: My time is crazy right now. I'm crazy. I don't have an hour to sit down. So, right now, my mom suffered her second brain hemorrhage about six months ago and has been in a full-care home between Bend and Redmond - in a pretty rough state. So my time is spent visiting her, thinking about her, thinking about the future for her. And then, you know, my 14-month old daughter - trying to be a good father. Raising her well. Spending as much time with her as I can. Enjoying it. And then a mountain of work. And it's... I feel like it's the biggest sort of time dilemma that I've ever been in in my entire life. Without the work, bills start piling up, right. You start backing up in there. Like, I'm not the kind of guy that's gonna go move into a van. I could, but that's just not who I am. I certainly don't want to move my family into a van. So I definitely feel like work is a huge priority considering there's going to be months, probably in the beginning of the year, that are super slow. So when it comes to me, I almost feel this need to take it. But then I have these family obligations that are also incredibly important because I never want to get to that point in my life where I say Well I didn't spend enough time with my mom or with my daughter or with my wife because I was working too hard. Because that's not me either. So I'm in this spot where I'm overloaded with work. I have these huge sort of... this event with my mom and the beginning of my daughter's life and I'm just trying to juggle it all the best way that I can. You know, sometimes I flake on people because of that. Sometimes I'm that guy. It is what it is. That's just the way it's gonna be. Sure, I wish I had a couple more hours. I wish I could do everything. But those three things right now are just dominating everything. AndI don't feel bad about it. I think those three things are incredibly important. It's just what I gotta do. 

You got anything else you want to put out there? 

(Laughs) Probably (laughs). Like I said to you earlier, someone wants to interview me, I question it. Because I don't feel like I do anything extraordinary, you know, on a daily basis or in general. But I will say that I care deeply. I'm a very empathetic person. When I hear about people's stories that move me, generally it hits me pretty hard. I can definitely empathize with people. And, at a certain point, I'm gonna put that to good use. You know? I'm sure it's already been put to good use. You asked me earlier about contributing to community and I think in one way or another that's gonna come into play. Yeah (laughs). Other than that there's probably a lot of other things I could say, but they're not coming to mind right now. 

Erik Fossmo

The story of how I met is a little different from most in that I learned about who he was through a friend of a friend. Then I introduced myself to him and asked him to participate in this project. He immediately struck me as a wonderful human and every interaction I've had with him has confirmed that idea. Despite a very busy schedule, he invited me to his home and we chatted in his living room while his wife Heather tended to their two beautiful sons, Ole and Arlo. Listen carefully, and you'll hear each of them in the recording - sometimes even snacking on an apple. Among other things, Erik is working towards a dream of creating an intentional music listening space. I'm rooting for him. Take a peek at his project. 

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Who are you?

My name is Erik Fossmo. And I've been living in Bend for, I guess, four/four and a half years. Moved up here from Texas. Spent most of my life in Texas, but I was born in Minnesota. 

What brought you to Bend? 

What brought us to Bend. Or me, I say us because we came together - my wife Heather and I. We left Texas to just hit the road and live in a motorhome and play music. Before we left Texas we had this idea - my wife's a singer/songwriter, so with her stuff we really wanted to go on a tour with it before we started having kids and stuff like that. And before we got married - it's kind of a long story, but we were actually engaged twice. In between engagements, I lived in a van. We met in Austin, but I lived in a van up in Denton during the time that we were split up. While we were split up that was something that I thought was really amazing - was living in a van and hanging out in front of this coffee shop and making very little money but being able to just meet people and kind of share my story with people in front of coffee shops. Especially during that time whenever we were apart. I was going through a lot of hurt, but at the same time was experiencing a lot of joy that I couldn't figure out - well, I knew where it was coming from because during that time I was really pursuing the Lord. The only thing I can say is that he was giving me joy whenever I really felt like I was... it was a joy in suffering kind of deal. Just being able to not try to share that with people in front of coffee shops, but just like meet people. A lot of people were just curious about who I was because I was this kid that just showed up in a van and no one knew who I was and I biked everywhere and people called me the Biking Viking. People were just curious about me, so I just got to kind of meet people and share my story, but a lot of it was just like people just need someone to listen to them. So a lot of what I did was just listen - and it was awesome. And just kind of really connected with people and made a lot of friends. So, after we got married, we decided we really wanted to pursue this music and then at the same time I just wanted to go hang out in front of coffee shops and talk to people (laughs). So we decided to do both. We lived in a motorhome and traveled the whole country. We left from Texas and went up to Minnesota, then over to New York and up to... didn't make it to Maine... we went to Vermont and then down to South Beach, Miami, Florida. From there all the way over to California - started in San Diego and made our way up to here and then got stuck. In the best way and we haven't left. 

So the way we got here was once we hit California - it was like month 11 of that year - and our marriage was falling apart, our motorhome was falling apart (Heather laughs), we were running out of money. Or we ran out of money, really - we were living off of credit cards. One of the cool things that we experienced, I just have to say, while we were on the road, though, is we kind of had this idea of really serving people in any way possible and what we found is a lot of people ended up serving us, which we weren't really expecting. Financially and just giving us a place to stay or letting us take a shower. Because we didn't really have money to stay at RV parks. We lived off a tip jar and two free PBRs - pretty much that was every show we played was what we got. Just trying to figure out how we were gonna do this. We weren't sure how we were gonna make it or if we were gonna make it the full year or what we were gonna do, but people just got to know us just through one night or something like that. People just ended up really serving us almost as much as we did any serving at all while we were on the road. So that was really cool. The only reason we even came to Bend is because right before we left Texas, we met a couple that was gonna move up here and he was gonna be the foreman of this horse sporting ranch. He was like, Hey when you come up to Bend let me know and I'll give you some fair wages and give you a little work if you need some work while you're on the road. So, like I said, when we were in California we were falling apart. We were either gonna go back to Texas and work on our marriage and try to focus on that and being okay and just kind of recovering from the road or we were gonna make it to Bend and stay for a little while and work on this horse ranch. So we decided to push through to Bend. Then we did and then once we got here our friends - they actually didn't even work on that ranch anymore and they couldn't pay us anything. But they were able to get us a free place to park on that ranch that they used to work on. So that's kinda how it all started. We ended up on this ranch and thought we were gonna stay for maybe a week and then turned into a month and then it turned into I decided maybe I should look for a job. Everyone said it was so hard to find work here and I was one of those lucky people that found a job really quickly and Heather, too, found a job really quickly. And then winter was coming and we knew our motorhome that had been falling apart this whole time would not last a winter. Coming from Texas, we did have freezing rain and it would freeze sometimes, but we knew that snow would just destroy it (laughs) and so we decided to find a place to live. And that, too, we heard was impossible. We've never had doors open for us before like they did here in Bend and just kind of like sucked us in. We had this cozy little place to live that we could afford and a place to work. My first job here was at Backporch and I feel like I still owe Dave and Majell just so much. Because of them giving me a job but also they helped us buy our first car here 'cause all we had was a motorhome, so I was riding my bicycle 12 miles one way to work every morning. That was just one of the many things in Bend that just sucked us in. 

What does community mean to you?

It's really just like doing life together and people that you can rely on or enjoy easily with little to no effort. I don't know. People that just grow with you, you know, like in friendship and in any way. You just kind of grow with each other and benefit each other and encourage each other. That's community to me, I guess. 

What do you appreciate most about this community?

Oh, man. I think I said a lot with just how we got here (laughs). I appreciate - everyone is very friendly here, you know. I say that coming from Texas - I know a lot of people haven't been to Texas - but people are very friendly in the South. And then Minnesota - Minnesota Nice is like the slogan, I guess. And Bend is just right up there with all those places. Especially when we first got here, people really pursued building relationships with us, which we really appreciate, too. It's something we always long for - you know, I think anyone does - is just relationship and community. 

What are your thoughts regarding Bend's growth?

I don't think of it is as a negative thing at all. The only negativity, I think, is we have a little highway and 45mph.. you know... it's something I love about Bend. I feel like a lot of people here - that are from here, at least - haven't really experienced like traffic. We're starting to see a little bit of that, but that's why I just encourage people to ride your bike. You can get anywhere faster on a bike in Bend than you do in a car - except for during winter, of course. Especially this last one - it was, uh, interesting (laughs). The growth, I mean, I think it's beneficial for the economy. I know housing is a really big issue. That's something I can see both ways. A lot of people buying vacation homes and stuff like that. Or rentals. And not many people actually living in the home that they own, you know, I can see where that could be somewhat negative. I do think that's it definitely benefitting the economy and local businesses. More and more places are opening up. I'm one of those people that sees competition kind of as a good thing, you know? I don't see it as a bad thing. 

What do you wish for the future?

I guess I can answer it in a few different ways. For myself, I guess I wish to be able to support my family with one job at some point. Which I haven't figured that out yet (laughs). I also don't mind it - I mean, I love that we can live here and that my wife can stay home and we can raise our kids - we've got two boys. I definitely wish that. I wish that I can open my own listening room concert venue here in Bend. We're musicians, like I said. That's how we got up here was playing music and just really crave that type of venue and we knew that a lot of other people do, too - just that intimate atmosphere where people that come, they come to listen and a lot more story telling and freedom to tells stories between songs and stuff like that. I really want to create that here in Bend and hope to do that here in the near future. Also just that we can accept anybody with open arms, for sure, and continue to build our community. It's one of those things. It's always hard. It's like we know a lot of people, but just trying to really build relationships with people when just life is so busy. A lot of it's not other people - it's our life is just crazy right now. We always long for community and we definitely have some great community here already. For Bend I wish I really just hope it continues to thrive and is stable and there aren't any crashes like I've heard about it the past. We weren't here for, but it sounded really devastating. And just the art community and stuff like that continues to grow. (Looking to Heather) I don't know. I have a hard time answering that question. 

Then Heather chimes in...

I think what we've talked about is our hope is to live our best life and be able to enjoy everything and be able to provide a future for our boys in a way that we can still be creative and active in the community and serve people and all of that, you know. I would assume that our biggest hope for the future is the boys - for them to thrive no matter where we are. 

And Erik... 

Definitely. Definitely our family to thrive and to have more than we need so we can just continue to pour into the community. 

Heather again...

I feel like that's where it's been the hardest for us to be in this season is to come from the road and have been poured into more than we wanted because we wanted to be the ones pouring out, but needing to be poured into. And kind of still in a season of that 'cause we're not close to family - we're starting our new family with zero support. And we want to be able to support our family, but we also want to be able to pour into others, you know? So it gets hard for us. We're not used to receiving so much kindness from people, which we have, without being able to reciprocate. I know my hope would be that as a family we'd be able to pour out more than we are right now. 

And Erik...

And time goes by so fast, especially after kids (laughs). Oh, man. Like, I don't want to blink.

How do you wish you were spending your time?

For me, I guess, I wish we were just pursuing our dreams without having to worry about just covering our day-to-day life (laughs). I wish we could pursue our dreams full time. I wish that we could date each other more (laughs). I wish we could spend more time with other people. A lot of times I feel like we're just our little family and have a hard time getting out or spending time with other people unless we invite them over here. But getting out of the house is always interesting and takes a while. You know, you plan on going somewhere and it takes at least two hours to actually get ready to actually leave (laughs). But I know it's just a season and we definitely wouldn't change anything. 

Larry Kogovsek

I met Larry at a Community Conversations event I attended earlier this week. There was a room full of about 30 people gathered to talk through some of our hopes for this community as it grows. Larry spoke out several times regarding some issues of homelessness. I got the sense that he was the genuine article and would have some very interesting insights, so I reached out to him after the event. He didn't hesitate to participate. We chatted in an office that used to be a juvenile jail cell. Even though it was furnished and cozied up, it was bleak - hard to imagine spending any great amount of time in there, especially against one's will. Larry does really challenging work in that the resolutions are tough to come by, but he seems to genuinely find peace and joy in it. I've been down to my last dollar on several occasions in my life and have felt the difficulties of homelessness nipping at my ankles. Even being that close to it is so terrifying and uncomfortable, but I can't imagine what it's like to be totally there. I'm very glad to know there are people out there like Larry who show up fully for their work. If it suits you, I'll hope you will find some way to contribute to the causes Larry is working for. 

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Who are you?

Who am I? I don't know - just a person trying to make the world a little bit better, as I see it. And that is all a matter of perspective and certainly a matter of opinion as to why I am passionate about these various issues. But I am. So, I have become engaged in various communities. I attend a meditation group every Tuesday night. And I was there last night and we kind of talked about that. One of the questions that we talked about was What communities do we belong to and to what extent are we needed in them and to what extent do we need those communities? And I volunteer for Partners In Care hospice and have become literally, I think, a member of the community at Aspen Ridge Memory Care. Yesterday we spent the afternoon doing chair yoga - all the folks with dementia and myself - and I fit right in and I feel like a part of the community. And it was a lot of fun. It's a place where there's a lot of joy. We were laughing about some of the things - it was a video instructor for the chair yoga -  and it was sort of comical some of the things that she was having us do. So we were all laughing about it and stuff. So it's a community where people would think that things are kind of dire and stuff, but we had a lot of fun. And then with my volunteer activity with the homeless, I feel like I've actually become part of the homeless community. And that a lot of my friends are homeless. So that's a large part of who I am. In spirit, I have dementia. And in spirit, I'm homeless in part of those two communities. So that's how I would describe myself. 

Where do you come from and how did you end up here in Bend?

Well, I was born and raised in a town called Pueblo, Colorado. It's a very interesting town. Not something you'd expect to find in Colorado, but there was a steel mill there and so it was a steel town right out of Pennsylvania. In fact, I think it was the fourth largest steel mill in the country at one time behind the ones in Pittsburgh and Cleveland and those huge steel mills. Because there's mining and there's ore in the mountains of southern Colorado - and coal - and so when they got all that stuff, they just decided to put a steel mill close to where all the mines were. And so, as a result, it's a very ethnic town. It's very interesting. It's very similar in size now to the size of Bend. Bend's I guess 80,000 plus, approaching 100,000. Pueblo has been 100,000 people for a long, long time. It's just kind of frozen there. And so for a town of 100,000 people, we have one Catholic church here, basically. There were 15 Catholic churches in Pueblo - in the town that I grew up. Of course, I grew up Catholic. Eastern European, lot of ethnics in the town. Eastern Europeans, Slovenian in my case specifically, but there were a lot of Italians, a lot of people from Mexico, a lot of Irish, just a lot of Germans - a very ethnic town because that's where people migrated to - immigrated to - early in the century when they built the steel mill. From Eastern Europe - my grandmother came from what is now a country called Slovenia. At that time it was the Austrian-Hungarian Empire and subject to all of that strife that was the first World War. And so a very ethnic town. It's a big part of who I am - that ethnicity - and that Catholicism, too, that I was raised with. So, yeah, interesting town.

And how did you end up here in Bend? 

Well, I went to a Jesuit college - continuing with my Catholic heritage - I attended a Jesuit college called Regis in Denver. And then shortly after graduating there, I met my first wife and we ended up moving to San Diego. So we lived in San Diego actually for about 15 years, which was really great. I had a liberal arts degree and so, sort of typical of a liberal arts degree, I ended up being a chef. And worked as a chef in San Diego - and those we some pretty idyllic years. And lived on the beach for a while. And then we ended up rescuing goats - they had a goat rescue effort in San Diego, if you could imagine. There are these islands called the San Clemente Islands off the coast of Southern California. And the Spanish used to drop goats there on the island - the Spanish explorers - so that when they sailed around, they could go to the island and gather their goats and have some meat to eat rather than just the seafood all the time. And then when the Spanish stopped coming around, the goats started multiplying and dominating the island, and so they actually had to go in and evacuate the goats from the island because it was becoming overrun with that. So, we got involved with a goat rescue project and started raising goats. And then we ended up living out in the desert behind San Diego, raising goats and ducks and stuff like that - doing a sort of a hippie lifestyle, which was kind of neat. Very near the Mexican border - we could look across from where we lived and there was Tecate, Mexico - so we were right on the border at that time. And then, eventually, my wife decided that she wanted to move... her best friend had moved to Bend - actually had moved to La Pine - and my wife wanted to move up here for that reason. And so we did. I'm really glad - it was like coming home to Colorado because this area is very much like Colorado where I grew up. So that's how I ended up - that was the long migration to ending up in Bend. And then working as a chef, I was able to pretty easily find work at the Sunriver Resort and at Broken Top and at places like that. 

What does community mean to you?

I always think of it in terms of energy. You can talk in terms of shared values and stuff, so that's probably a reflection of it, but it is finding people that I'm comfortable being with and around. So, it doesn't necessarily mean for me that I agree with them politically or share the same religion or anything like that. And that's reflected in some of the work that I do with hospice because very often I'm assigned to people who are the extreme opposite of me. In fact, one of the best friends of my life - I consider to be a friend - was a gentleman that I was assigned to. His name was Gene Williams and he's passed away now some years ago. He was a Vietnam veteran and I was an antiwar protestor. And he was a very firm believer and I'm kind of agnostic. I shouldn't say agnostic - that's not an accurate description of me, but certainly I wasn't of the fundamentalist faith that Gene was. He was very conservative Republican and I'm a liberal Democrat - so we were about as different as you can possibly imagine and yet we were as close as two people could be, I think. We were very good friends. He was just a person that I liked being with and he felt that way about me. And we became very tight. And so, yeah, a lot of it is sort of coincidental or synchronistic about how you find the people that you're comfortable with. But it has to do with just having energy that you're comfortable around. And sometimes I'm around people that I'm not comfortable around their energy - which is no judgment on them or me, but that we should be probably in a different community because the energies just don't mesh. I don't know if that makes sense in terms of defining community, but that's sort of how I feel about it. And that's what I experience both, as I say, in my hospice work and in the homeless work. There's some people among the homeless that I'm just very, very comfortable around. And I feel like that's part of my community, again, because there are people that I just feel in sync with. 

What do you appreciate most about this community?

Well, I have a lot of good things to say about Bend. I think it's an amazing place. First of all, of course, it's a very beautiful place. And so people, generally I think, are pretty happy here. Beauty is a big thing for me. I think it contributes a lot to mental and emotional health. When you're surrounded by beauty and you participate in beauty... I listen to a lot of music. And I read a lot of poetry. I just enjoy the arts. I enjoy watching movies. What I call exercising my right brain. And I think that a lot of us get a lot exercise in our right brain in just living in Bend because it is such a beautiful place. Even when the winters can be harsh and stuff there's still a lot of beauty in the mountains and in the winter sports and the winter landscapes. So it's a very beautiful place and I think the behavior of the people in town reflects that. And I can speak from experience. I used to run the Family Kitchen - the homeless meal - that must have been about 10 years ago or plus. At the time, we were down to our last dollars. We were only doing it two nights a week and a sack lunch on Saturday. And we decided that there was a greater need than that, so we wanted to expand it - expand the number of days and the amount of service - even though we were down to very little money. But we just reached out to the community and appealed to the community for support and it's incredible how Bend responded. So now it's a very healthy program - Family Kitchen - six days a week and doing very well and in a very good financial position. For Bend, in general, I feel very good about it. There are more things to be done. And we are working on getting a camp. As I engage homeless people, they tell me they can get just about anything they need in Bend in terms of food and clothing and so forth - and camping equipment - but not a place to stay. So that's one additional thing we need to work on. We do have some shelters, but they're chronically full. So I'm working on getting a camp and so far the community has been very receptive. Everybody thinks that's a pretty good idea that we need to organize a chaotic situation that we have right now. With people camping everywhere, you know - in alleys, behind buildings, out on BLM land, out in Forest land - just a real chaotic situation that's causing a lot of stress for people. So if we can organize that I think it will be better. I expect that Bend as a community will respond very positively again, as we have before. I think it's a very remarkable community. 

What are your thoughts regarding Bend's growth?

Well, it was inevitable - a place being so beautiful. It's funny because I've never lived anywhere but places that are beautiful. So I came from Colorado. Pueblo is very near Colorado Springs - it's about 20 miles away, kind of like the way Redmond and Bend are. Colorado Springs, when I was a kid was only 30,000 people - it's almost identical to what Bend is experiencing now. I hope it's... I guess that it's not gonna be exactly identical because now Colorado Springs is like 500,000 people, which is an incredible amount of growth. And, in that situation, we had a lot of people moving from Texas. Here we have a lot of people moving from California. And so the natives - of which I was one - people would say, Well, we gotta claim being native and we gotta resist all these people moving here. And I never participated in that because I just realized that it's a beautiful place and people are free to live wherever they want to live. And so that's what's happening here. We can't be the last one in and shut the door behind ourselves. We have a beautiful place and people are going to want to move here. And they should be allowed to move here - it's a free country. But if we can work to keep the services and the infrastructure up so that the place remains livable, that would be important, too. So it's gonna be a challenge, that's for sure. It is inevitable and it would be selfish to try to shut it off. I lived in Boulder, Colorado, for a while, which is also a very beautiful place. And there were a lot of efforts to restrict growth there which drove the property prices sky high so that nobody working class or poor could live there in Boulder. Because of the growth restrictions, things got very expensive. And that's kind of what's happening to Bend, so we have to be careful about that. Even middle class people can't afford to live here. And certainly we need working class people, as well, to be a whole community. So we have to be careful about that - make sure we have that kind of housing. 

What do you wish for the future?

I really hope for a lessening of the division in the country. That we could experience what I experienced with Gene - that even though we were so far apart on so many issues that we could be close to each other in our humanity. So, just a lessening of the division. And see that our common humanity... we can participate in that beyond the smaller divisions that we have now. That's what I would hope for - for everybody. 

How would you spend your time if you had more of it?

As I said, participating in beauty. And I try to do that anyway. It's something that you can do all the time - listening to music, reading a lot of poetry, writing some poetry, spending time in nature. I like to ride my bike a lot out into the country - out east of town, I really like it out into the desert where there are a lot of juniper and sage. So just participating in beauty because there's so much of it in the world. And a lot of it manmade in terms of music and poetry and art. So, yeah, participating in beauty would be my answer, I think, to that. 

Do you have anything else you'd like to say?

I'm glad that I ended up in Bend. It's a really remarkable community, I think. We're in a place now where I think we can do a lot of things that would set the example for the rest of the country in terms of how to go about things - how to live together as a community - because we do have so many people that are happy to be here. We have so many skilled people - very highly intelligent people, very caring people - so we have an opportunity to build a community that takes on all the challenges that modern day presents and do it in a very, very loving and positive way. So that's the hope that I see for Bend - it's a remarkable place. 

And then Larry texted me this poem later:

The Penitent

He made his way across the cobblestones of the narthex, 

dominion of the catechumens,                                                                                                             

the contrite, the penitent,                                                                                                                     

while the Word was being read from the old scrolls,                                                                         

hymn of ancient anger,                                                                                                                         

relics and voodoo regalia providing scant comfort,                                                                           

ambulation difficult now he depends on the wheel and it's sacred movement,                               

the young priest insisting that Yahweh is not stone, is not fire, is not the wind,                               

none a part of his tomblike apartment,                                                                                               

a silence providing doomed comfort,                                                                                  

a hush violated by disembodied voices,                                                                                             

of his dead, didactic grandfather,                                                                                                       

of his estranged, addicted mother,                                                                                                     

of the devil himself,                                                                                                                             

denying the respite of sleep and sweet dreams,                                                                                 

riding the bus,                                                                                                                                       

feeling the benevolent breeze,                                                                                                             

the sun warming his limbs,                                                                                                               

Sunday his day to hear the Word sung loud,                                                                                       

echoing the voices explaining the nature of sin,                                                                                 

of his sin,                                                                                                                                               

suggesting demonic possession,                                                                                                         

forgiveness his last, desperate chance to silence the wastrel whispers,                                           

to take for granted the sacred cry of the wheels of his walker on the narthex cobblestones,         

wind and stone and sun providing tantric talisman,                                                                           

the rain drowning the voices if only for a time

Mark Montgomery

Dan Duggan seems to know some really wonderful people as he also recommended Mark to me. We met in a large, quiet room at Bend Community Healing where, among other things, Mark offers community acupuncture. We had a very intentional conversation before the interview began and that set the tone for a very intentional interview. I am sure you will notice as you read or listen that Mark spoke to me with deep thoughtfulness. And it's very obvious that he desires for more of that in this world. We got pretty real with each other during our time together and I left feeling some hope that we can all come together, but also very aware of the huge collaborative effort that it's going to take. I'm going to keep showing up. And I'm going to keep trying. I hope you'll join me.  

---

Who are you?

Name is Mark Montgomery.

Where do you come from and what brought you here to Bend?

Hmmm. Hard to answer where I come from. Born in Kentucky. Then lived in Wisconsin. Then lived in New York. Went to college in Philadelphia. Lived in Europe - Germany and France. Came back, lived in western Massachusetts. Went to acupuncture school in Maryland. Moved to Las Vegas to be with a woman I fell in love with. And then moved to southern Utah from Las Vegas and then moved to Bend from southern Utah. So, a little bit all over. 

What was it that ended up bringing you to Bend? 

My wife wanted to move here. And so we moved here. And, after three years, got divorced and she moved back to Las Vegas. 

What does community mean to you?

I like to make a distinction with what some of my teachers have called pseudo community. And I grew up with a lot of pseudo community. Pseudo community is, for me, being with other people in a way that doesn't have much in the way of authenticity or responsibility - where we're just going through the motions. Kind of engaging with each other out of habit rather than out of any depth or vulnerability or aliveness or reality. For me, real community is being with people who are committed to being alive with each other. There's an 11th century Chinese philosopher and alchemist named Ge Hong who wrote a book called The Master who Embraces Simplicity and one of the lines in Ge Hong has always stayed with me - Most humans are walking corpses. And I feel like I had a lot of experience a lot of my life with being a walking corpse. And I'm in the process of still recovering from that. I'm in a 12-step zombie recovery program (big smile). And it's tricky because it sounds really easy and really obvious, but I think that our culture puts us to sleep at a really early age - most of us. And then we sleepwalk through our lives and then we have countries that are made up of sleepwalkers that do massive amounts of damage to the world around us. Around them, around us. Because we're asleep. To where we're asleep to ourselves, we're asleep to our families, we're asleep to our towns, and our states, and asleep to our countries in the world. And somebody who's asleep at the wheel is gonna do a lot of damage. So, for me, real community is all about coming together with other people who want to wake up - other people who want to live fully, live alively, live responsibly, live in deep connection to our own core energies as well as to the energies of the people around us. Instead of living lives that are mediated by compensatory mechanisms - addictions or habits or just ways of staving off the discomfort of being a human being. 

Have you found real community here in Bend?

I have. Or I would say I am finding real community here in Bend. It's tricky for me, partly because of my own habits and my own asleepness and partly because it's a culture that's asleep - that is largely asleep. There are people here in Bend doing really, really good work and leading inspiring lives. But there's also a lot of entertainment: there's a lot of beer-drinking, there's a lot of interacting with the outdoors as a commodity rather than something to meet on its own terms. And I have nothing against drinking beer and I have nothing against having fun in the outdoors, but what really calls out to me in my life at this point is connecting with other people who really want to wake up - as individuals and want to live lives that support a waking up on a larger scale as well.  'Cause I think it's the only way we're gonna survive. So, this place is built out of a vision of creating a sanctuary, really, or an oasis where people can come and they can experience this kind of community where they're with other people who are moving in the same direction of wanting to heal, wanting to wake up, wanting to become more alive. And just through being here I've me a lot of people who are really interested in and focused on that same thing. And I have a lot of friends who aren't necessarily interested in that here in Bend, as well. But that's what I'm passionate about, so that's kind of the wavelength that I vibrate on. And that's what I'm looking for and that's what I tend to attract, as well. 

And I don't mean to badmouth Bend. I mean, I don't think Bend is any different from anywhere else in terms of there's good people here and there's people who are pretty asleep here. And we do attract things along the lines of the frequency that we're vibrating at, so somebody who says that they don't see a lot of awakeness in their environment - to me that's a sign that that person has some work to do on their own awakeness. So, as I say that, I'm clear that I'm kind of pointing a finger at myself, as well. So I guess what everything that I'm hearing myself say is indicating to me or is reminding me of is that community starts with my relationship to myself. 

What are your thoughts regarding Bend's growth?

So tricky. Because it's a classic example of the people who are already in wanting to slam the door on everybody else who wants to come here. And I can understand that. This week this parking lot has been massively crowded, you know. In the past there's always been plenty of parking for people to come in and park here. The last couple days this week it's actually hard to find a parking spot in front of our office, which is like outrageous by our standards, right? Of course, you come somewhere else like San Francisco or New York and that's absolutely the norm. But I can understand people being triggered, even if just on a symbolic level, by seeing that sort of development - that sort of growth. And then hearing stories about things getting stolen or even having things stolen oneself, there's a visceral reaction that happens to that that I feel and I think lots of other people feel that leads us to want to slam that door on other people. But I don't think that we can look at this in isolation from everything else. There's a lot of climate refugees coming from California now because California is changing with the changing climate. And coming from other places, as well. And that's gonna continue. There's no way to stop that. If we allow the climate to change in a way that makes some parts of the country where lots of people live undesirable to live in, they are going to go to the places that feel or seem more desirable. So we can't isolate ourselves from that. We can try to close the door, but the only solution is to do whatever we can to make all the other places just as beautiful and desirable, so that people want to stay where they live and enjoy what they've got there. We can't just say, I've got mine and screw everybody else. It's just not a workable solution anymore. Maybe if you're rich enough - you can buy an island for yourself - it is. But for those of us who aren't in the top one-tenth of one percent, it's just not a solution. We've gotta look at the bigger picture and be working on the bigger picture. Especially as things develop and the situation becomes more and more acute - it's just gonna become less and less workable. 

What do you wish for the future?

One thing that comes immediately to mind when I hear you ask that question is that there's these massive fracture lines in our country and in our world between people of different classes, people of different ethnicities, people of different genders, people of different subcultures. It's like all the fault lines have been exposed and some people are working really hard to create more division and to create more conflict and to drive us into a civil war. And it's not that hard to create a civil war. You just have to have enough people on both sides willing to demonize the other. And to want to win. And so I see that as a very real possibility - a civil war in this country. But I also see there being a possibility in this point in time to move through those divisions and those conflicts in a way that we've never really been able to before. And just one example of that is this incredible conflict that's cropping up in our country now between science and religion and people who are Christians more and more insisting that science is not valid and deprecating science and doing everything they can to undermine science. And I think that that comes out of fear. But I think we're actually in a point in time where science and religion can actually work together really, really well in illuminating different sides of the same coin. And so, I guess my hope is that with this evolutionary impulse that feels like it's muscling its way in right now that we can find a way to open to allow the honoring of all the different needs and all the different sides and open to and honor all the different insights that come from all the different sides. It's like there's a lot of trashing of political correctness right now, but I think that's all straw man arguments. I think that what needs to happen is we need to recognize the validity of each other's viewpoints. That even somebody that I can't stand, even somebody who's saying things that I hate, there's a need that that person is expressing. And to be able to go underneath the ideas that I can't stand and really be able to feel the other person's need and to want to support that person in getting their needs met. So for us to create a culture where we actually care about each other's needs and supporting each other in getting our needs met. That's what makes the most sense to me and what I think I want the most. And of course not just limiting it to human beings, but limiting it to the environment - what does the environment need? What do the oceans need? What do the forests need?

What would you do if you had more time?

Ah, there's always so much more to do! You know, I love that question because for me what shows up - what it points out - is the impulse that I think we as a culture have and I think I have as an individual to want more. So to put the focus on quantity. And I don't think it really is about quantity, I think it's about quality. What is my relationship to time? Because if I'm actually completely present with you right now time doesn't - I guess I'm repeating what the first person said - but it doesn't even exist. If I'm with you right now, yes, I may have to look at my watch to see that I've got something else I need to do or somewhere else I need to go, but time doesn't even exist. So there's a way that we meter time with our watches and our clocks and our calendars and commoditize time, but there's another way that everything that's valuable and worthwhile has the potential to bring us into a relationship where time doesn't exist - where we're not counting the minutes or we're not counting the hours - we're simply allowing ourselves to be with each other in a way that drops us down into an experience that's more valuable than anything than the measuring of time could give us. So just making sure that that's a bottom line value rather than wanting more time. Am I really inhabiting and filling the time that I've got right now? The way that gives it its full value or am I wasting it and wanting more? It's like what we do with our water. I read that like 50% of all the water that comes from water sources in the United States is lost in the pipes! Before it even gets to the places it's supposed to go to. And it's like time is the same way - we feel like we want more, but most of us are never even really fully inhabiting the time that we've already got. 

I worked on Wall Street before I went to acupuncture school and it was not uncommon for us to have 120-hour weeks. And there were even some days where we would arrive at the office at eight o'clock in the morning and work until five the next morning, go home and shower and be back by eight. It was total insanity. And it was a great education in the complete worthlessness of any resource that we don't have the means to process. Because I earned a shitload of money and I had no time (laughs) to spend it. And I got sick. And the people around me were all getting sick. And it was like insanity. Madness. Total madness. Divorce from life. 

Do you have anything else you want to put out there?  

I just really appreciate you doing what you're doing. I appreciate the sensitivity that you have. Your project feels like an expression of what I call the self-healing impulse of the world. It's like this evolutionary impulse moving through you in a way that opens other people. And in whatever way it can it moves all of us a little bit closer to where we need to go. Just wanting to express my appreciation.